Question:
I'm not sure how to deal with my boyfriend's reactions to my weightloss.
I broke up with my boyfriend last summer and have not seen him much since then. Recently we started seeing each other again. I had surgery in the fall, and have lost around 80 pounds and he does not like it. He makes comments about my breasts shrinking often and tries to get me to overeat or eat things that are not good for me. He is not overweight himself and I don't think he understands my issues, but he IS an admirer of bigger women. We had serious problems in the past due to his temper but so far so good in that dept. I just don't know if it's worth it to try to work this out and continue our relationship. Maybe it's low self esteem causing me to stay in this mess. Any suggestions? — [Anonymous] (posted on January 16, 2002)
January 16, 2002
I think you need to be patient and wait for a guy who will love you for who
you are and not what you look like, or what you eat or how big your breasts
are or aren't. Be willing to wait for the man you truly deserve and who
truly deserves YOU. Low self esteem or not, you are worth so much more than
what you are settling for. Also, speaking from experience, temper issues
don't go away easily...they'll resurface eventually.
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
Why would you stay with a guy who is trying to sabotage your new healthier
life??? And if he is a fan of large women there are plenty out there for
him to chose from rather than discourage your from losing weight. The
answer to your dilemma seems pretty clear to me -- get rid of him.
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
Simple, lose him, OR, your self worth.
— Marie A.
January 16, 2002
Ditto, ditto, and ditto!!!! Kick him to the curb!!! There will be plenty
of nicer guys to choose from soon!!! I started at 243 and am down to 178
as of this morning. I have recently had guys flirting with me and giving
me second looks. I am happily married tho, and my hubby is so very, very
supportive of me. I think every woman should have a wonderful hubby like I
have, don't stop looking until you find one! This guy is NOT for you!!!
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
I was in the same situation... Just remember HE WAS A EX FOR A REASON... My
ex became very insecure and was unsupportive of the exciting changes I was
making in my life... I was in DRIVE he was in PARK... I told him I could
not have self-esteem for the both of us... and I broke it off...
permanently... That was over a year ago... I took time for me for a
change.. and when I wasn't looking... a knight in shining armor came into
my life... I am glad I didn't hang onto the 'ex-cess' baggage... It left me
free to love me and my new, and secure, man :-) Love yourself first...
determine what you will and will not put up with... and ask yourself... if
I could marry this man tomorrow... would I? If not... in your heart you
know the answer to that... follow your heart.... I wish you the best...
that is what you deserve...
— California J.
January 16, 2002
Sounds like you need to get rid of him. If he really cared about you, he
would be happy for you and your weight loss, rather then ridicule you. If
he likes bigger women then, he needs to go find one, you had this surgery
for a reason, don't let some person that you aren't even married to
sabotage it for you, he just isn't worth it. I'm in kinda the same
situation, but I'm married to mine.
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
He makes comments about your breasts shrinking? And you are even
CONSIDERING keeping him around?????? Do you like verbal abuse? Get some
self-respect and dump his a$$ !
— Angie M.
January 16, 2002
And another thing! Maybe the reason he likes "big women" is
because we're usually the only ones with low enough self-esteem that will
put up with that type of garbage!
— Angie M.
January 16, 2002
Girl, ditto, ditto, ditto. He is an EX and I am sure that was not for
nothing. Don't go back in life. Move ==> FORWARD ==> If he can't
be happy for you and your new found HEALTH, then he has to go! Have you
ever thought that maybe you are so pretty that he wants you to be BIG so
noone else looks at you and he can have you for himself. It's called
S-E-L-F-I-S-H. Dump that ZERO and get yourself a real man who appreciates
and supports YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— ALLYSON D.
January 16, 2002
Well, here's my .02! You said he 'admires' larger women; does he like the
fat or the person? Losing weight should not interfere with feelings. Ask
yourself this, are you really happy with him? is he worth it? is this
what you really want? are your feeling being hurt? Love does not hurt.
— jenn2002
January 16, 2002
WHY WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY YOU
LOOK????????????
— Diane E.
January 16, 2002
Some me, in my experience, like to feel as if they are doing the world a
favor by being with an overweight woman. They like to make jokes around
others that put you down. I don't know if this is happening, but it truely
sounds as if you need to get away from him... YESTERDAY! If he doesn't
care enough to respect your feelings about yourself, then get away while
you can. It will only get harder later on. GOod Luck.
— Sharon H.
January 16, 2002
I feel for you. I had been with a man for 4 years when I had surgery. He
wasn't very supportive when I decided to have surgery in the first place,
but he didn't put me down for it either. he was sortof indifferent to the
whole thing. 6 weeks after coming home from the hospital, he dumped me.
It was a terrible time for me, because I really loved him. however, after
pulling myself together, I realized that I am much more deserving than what
he had to offer me. I too, had an extremely low self esteem. He actually
left me for his X wife who was bigger than I was when I first had surgery.
It was difficult for me to deal with. I dated around a bit, and then found
a fantastic man, who appreciates me for me!! He knows about my surgery,
and thinks it is the best thing I have ever did for myself. I have known
him as friends for 7 years so he has known me fat, and now thin. When we
are intimate, he worships my body like a temple. And believe me, I am not
something great to look at. Hanging skin, tiny breasts that sag horribly,
etc, etc. I say dump this ZERO and wait for someone who truly appreciates
you. i must say that the time I spent alone did wonders for me even though
it was the hardest thing I ever did (read my profile and/or website for
more on this). Maybe you need to do that to rediscover YOU. You are a
fabulous person that deserves so much more. This guy sounds like a loser.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
— enjo4
January 17, 2002
I was in a similar relationship but i'm just waiting for my surgery date .
the bottom line is you are very beutiful and you don't need a man who can't
support your dreams and your decisions in life to be a loser and be proud
of it . Let him go sometimes we trick ourselves into believing that we are
not worth anything better than what we have and we are worth a kings ransom
.We need to be treated like it and you will find someone who loves you for
the woman you are and not for what they want you to be .
I had to tell myself that exact same thing and it's hard to be in the
situation and have feelings for the person who puts you down but if you
think about that's emotional abuse and we just dont deserve that .no one
does so do your self a favor love your self more and put you first for
change and let him go ,your prince charming will come along when you least
expect it .if you ever want to talk email me or go to my profile .jan g
— JAN B.
January 28, 2002
Anyone who is wiling to put you down for willing to do something that you
really wanted to do and would make yourself happy is not worth being with.
— Christie D.
February 7, 2002
Find a new boyfriend! You deserve better than this!
— catherine K.
February 7, 2002
Now's the time to concentrate on you and discovering who that is. I know
for myself being overweight, I sort of lost my identity as well as my self
esteem. But your surgery is the first step in gaining those things back.
A man should be an asset to your life at this point, not a liability. If
he's not supportive now and your are just beginning to lose the weight and
gain some confidence, then I predict he will only get worse. Some guys
only like to be with women whos self esteem is lower than theirs to make
them seem like they 're alright. But as soon the woman start to gain some
confidence, then they see it as a threat. Think about it, pray about it
and God will guide you.
— felicia W.
October 8, 2002
My advice to you is RUN!!! Don't even consider putting up with that kind
of crap!
— tinkerbellsw
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