Question:
Anybody else scared of wedding night?
Help. I'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the world..He knew me prior to 185lb weight loss, but I doubt if he realizes the affect surgery had on my body. So scared of him seeing my body when we get married that I can't enjoy the engagement. I'm still overweight, and thats obvious....but the droopy, excess skinned body is not really noticable in clothes. I don't know how to bring it up...or if I even should. I know he will love me anyway. I'm panicking....and reconstructive surgery is only a dream right now with no insurance. Comments? — Christy B. (posted on May 13, 2003)
May 13, 2003
IMHO, you should talk to him, then SHOW him, then let him FEEL the loose
skin. If he loves you, it may shock him, but he will make any necessary
mental adjustments. If it scares him away, better now then after the
wedding. I think he will be glad the skin is loose than filled with fat as
he once saw.
— [Deactivated Member]
May 13, 2003
I agree, I would bring it up and talk about it. Talk about a shock on the
wedding night! Even if you are 'waiting' you could still show him your
stomach area and explain your concerns and let him know that you don't want
him to be disappointed come the the wedding night. You are going to have
to show it and talk about it sooner or later...might as well be now.
— eaamc
May 13, 2003
I am 37 and recently started dating for the first time in over 10 years and
had these very same concerns. I've been seeing someone fairly seriously
now for about 2 months. I'd lost from 300 to about 180 when we first
started dating, and am now around 156, so I did tell him about my surgery
on our first date, and how large I used to be. We recently spent our first
night together, and the skin didn't even phase him, at least as far as I
could tell. I discussed how to handle this issue with many other single
post-ops who started dating after losing most of their weight, and every
single one of them said with the right man who loves you, it is like they
do not even notice it, and it seems to be true. I think it looks far worse
to us than it does to them as well. Talk to him about it if you think you
must, but I don't htink you need to worry about it!
— Melissa F.
May 13, 2003
How sweet - I take it you havent slept with him and I think that is rare
and nice this day in age.
FIRST let me say he 'knew' you before you lost weight! He loved you then;
and Im sure he loves you now..
BUT this issue bothers you... so discuss it with him. I started dating
after loosing; and mentioned it to a prosective person once.. and they
LEFT! I was heart broken, but I had been honest and THANK god he left!
Because that pave the road to my now husband! I told him I looked like a
sharpei! and I did.. He didnt care; he said he loved me no matter what. AT
that time I hadnt had any PS but wante too he told me what ever I wanted
was find with him... he belived in PS if that is what I needed. We have
been happily married 1 year now... and I only just got my TT.
So I dont think its going to be an issue with him; but still talk to him
cause it bothers you... I think you both will be just fine....
— star .
May 13, 2003
Christy, like the previous poster said, I just saw this and thought it was
great. Truly wonderful that you're waiting till your wedding night. Sorry,
I know that's not the issue, but thought it was great! I think you care
more about how you look with your skin and your scars, etc than he will. He
loves you for you, and that is why you're getting married. I can honestly
tell you that I have been intimate since my WLS and it was not an issue. I
blabbed it out and was all ashamed and scared, and he simply said
"don't be ashamed like that, it is truly more of an issue to you
obviously than it is to me." And that settled my fears. And this is
not a guy I'm going to marry, so I can imagine your fiancee would be even
greater about it. Have a wonderful wedding night, enjoy it and don't fret
about your body- goodluck to you :-)
— Lezlie Y.
May 13, 2003
Ok, this takes a little practice, but it works! Any time I'm out with a
man, especially when getting "intimate" I remind myself that I AM
HOT AND HE IS LUCKY TO BE WITH ME!
Say this until you believe it! Then LET LOOSE! Seriously, this WORKS! Guys
are much less critical of our bodies than we are.
— Angie M.
May 13, 2003
If he knows what he's doing, he won't be going for your stomach!! Turn the
lights out and get jiggy with it!! lol
— msmaryk
May 13, 2003
I'd say that if your wedding night is your "first night," you'll
have enough to be nervous about. I suggest that some time before then you
discuss it with him and show him whatever your modesty will allow. (Maybe
you could go to some place with a pool or hot tub and let him see you in a
swimming suit.) You just need to get that part over with so that it can be
out of your head by the time your big day comes around.
— Amber L.
May 14, 2003
I know what you are going through... I have been dating for a while. I
lost 100# and have saggy skin.. But one night I thought I could go out and
have a drink and it wouldnt effect me. Well anyways, I ended up at a party
in a hot tub with some people and to make this short, the younger guys said
they seen nothing wrong with the way I looked and I know the skin is saggy
and I have this jello thing going on when I walk. But apparently guys dont
notice it like we do. So just try to relax and if he loves you EVERYTHING
will be fine...
— Lisa J.
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