Question:
18 months PO still having body image problems!
I had my Distal RNY on Aug. 3, 2004..I am below my goal weight. I am 5'7 and I weigh 135 pounds, and am 2 months post tummy-tuck surgery. My problem is when I look in the mirror all I see is fat. I have been using diet aids and watching what I eat. I would like to lose another 15 pounds, but wondering if I would even be happy then. Anyone else having this problem or have suggestions...other than seeking mental help? — Jadyn (posted on January 28, 2005)
January 27, 2005
I can totally relate! I am 2 yrs out. I am 5'7" - 133 pounds.
Unlike you though, I have not had any plastics done. I would LOVE to...and
will ask about it at my appointment next week. I'm just afraid that what I
have isn't bad enough to warrant insurance covering it. The hard thing is
that even though I am in a size 4, when I look in the mirror all I see is
fat! I just hate all of the wiggly, jiggly, jello-y, flabby skin hanging
from my body! I keep thinking that if I had plastic surgery, somehow, it
would change things...so, it's kind of discouraging to hear that it hasn't
helped much for you. I keep telling myself that if it weren't for all of
the flab that I would probably weigh under 130 and be within a few pounds
of my goal of 125...but in the mean time, I keep thinking that if I could
get down there without plastics...that, again, it would somehow chagne how
I feel about myself. I guess it all comes down to learning to accept
ourselves for who, or should I say what, we are...now even more so than
when we were heavy. For most of us, being obese is only a symptom of a
greater underlying issue and, unfortunately, surgery doesn't remedy that.
I'm thinking about looking into some counseling...after all, I didn't come
this far to spend the rest of my life miserable...only in a thin body. I'm
healty now, maybe it's time to get help and be happy too!
Good luck to you!
By the way, you do look great, even if you don't see it youself.
— eaamc
January 27, 2005
You wouldn't be happy, and it will put your body below a healthy BMI which
looks like it's currently at 19 according to your profile. This can be
just as bad as being obese. There's a name for what you're experiencing, I
believe it's body dysmorphic disorder? You should definitely talk to
someone about it. What you're seeing in the mirror is not what others are
seeing.
— mom2jtx3
January 27, 2005
I think this is so true for most of us! Being 5'7" myself, weighing
134, my goal is to get to 125! Although I continue to hear how thin I am,
and people telling me not to loose anymore weight, I feel like I look so
fat still! Knowing I wear size 2/4 which are not big, I still feel that
way. I am curious to know if the mind ever catches up with the body! by
the way, I have not had plastics, it would be nice but my little bit of
hanging skin would never qualify me for it! In need of a breast lift and
reduction, and something done to my thighs and butt! My tummy is ok but as
always, there is enough there for a tummy tuck!
Stay healthy!
— sunkissed kid
January 28, 2005
The best word of advise, dont look at yourself naked in the mirror, instead
put on your cutes outfit, tight jeans cute blouse and then look and tell
yourself outloud "damn I look Good" The more ou tell yourself
this outloud the sooner you will believe it. Have someone take a full pose
picture of you with someone you think is your size, you will be amazed at
how small you are. I had the same problems, and I still see wrinkles and
ugly skin hanging, but in clothes and photos beforewls and now after
plastics, I finally like the new me. You dont want to look like a bag of
bones, guant and unhealthy, listen to what others say to you and try and
convince your self and be happy with how far you have come. Its mind over
matter, the more you say it outloud the more you will convince yourself,
like now your telling your self your too fat and your believing it. Good
luck.
— wizz40
January 28, 2005
Please be extremely cautious of becoming anorexic. 5'7 and 135 lbs is
quite small to begin with, but 5'7 and 120 lbs is likely to look very
unhealthy. I personally would consider counseling to work on your self
image, rather than try to lose more weight. You have to come to love and
accept yourself, otherwise no weight will be low enough. JMO
— zoedogcbr
January 28, 2005
I am close to your size, at 5'7" and between 127 and 130 pounds. I am
also almost 2 years post op distal RNY and 6 months post op tummy tuck. I
also see the imperfections in my body all the time. I could use at least 3
more PS procedures and even then I don't know if I'd be happy. I am
interested in maintaining my weight where it is, realizing that further
loss would not help matters, and that I can not afford mor PS. I look at
the skin under my arms, above the bra line and get nuts about it. I see
where my skin has continued to stretched a bit after my TT and my thyighs
are just yuk. Funny thing is, I don't mind my saggy chest all that much.
I agree with what one of the other posters said. I do see that I look
pretty darn good in my clothes, and still have "thin" outfits
that I wear when I want to look my best. I have another odd thing----I
hold up my clothes and they look so little, then I put them on, nowhere
near being tight, but I see myself as chunky when I put them on. I am
resigned to be as I am, because of financial limitations, and keep up my
exercise at the gym. I also keep some before pictures around to see how
far I have come. I am educated enough to know my weight is fine, but truly
understand how you feel. I wonder when we will accept ourselves. Good
luck!!!
— Fixnmyself
January 29, 2005
Jadyn - I looked at your profile and pics. You are what we in Jamaica call
"maga" - too thin. If you are seeing a fat person in the mirror,
I really suggest that you talk to a professional about your body image
issues. I have suffered from this my whole life, so I understand that what
you see in the mirror doesn't seem to match what you see when you look at
how little your clothes are. I honestly don't believe that another 15
pounds or another 2 pounds or another 20 pounds is going to make any
difference. This surgery doesn't change you - it changes what you're
stomach can do. Learning to be happy with yourself is a long process and
doesn't change because of what's on the outside. if you go to Amazn dot com
and type in "Body Dysmorphic" you'll find lots of books and
workbooks on the subject. Maybe something like that could help.
— Jenny B.
January 29, 2005
Geez, you would probaly think I'm a fat pig at 5'7", 155 lbs. But I
consider my self at goal. Anorexia nervousa is a psychological problem
where young women and men (who are mostly at normal weght to begin with)
see themselves as "fat". Once they convince themselves of that,
they begin dieting or extreme exercising, usually a combo of both. Honey,
no matter what the number on the scales say, you will never be able to see
yourself in a true light without some kind of professional help. You may
think I'm being "mean" or just flaming you, but I'm really not.
You know what you need to do - it's right there at the end of your question
- seek mental help, otherwise you will eventually have to seek medical
help.
— Ali M
January 29, 2005
One of the problems we all face when we lose a lot of weight is forging a
new identity in our smaller size. Face it, Americans are obsessed with
'thin being in' for many reasons besides the health of the individual. So
if you're constantly thinking you're fat when you're at the goal that's
right for you, it may be time to explore why you can't be satisfied with
how you are now. Ask yourself these questions. Why did you have the
tummy tuck? Why did you do this in the first place? It may be time to
work through these issues with a professional if your answers are like 'I
have to be smaller because I'm fat'. Maybe it's time to find out what
end-goal you truly want. Good luck on your search.
— Cathy S.
January 29, 2005
I had surgery 18 months ago also... same as you.... distal lap RNY. I am
5'7" tall and I am 188 lbs... and I guess you know I really feel like
a failure... and I am because I don't do all the things that I should do
for myself. I am such a failure that I am not even going to my 18 month
appointment with my surgery... too ashamed. Be thankful for your
achievements! You did good! God Bless!
— pennix122
January 30, 2005
I looked at your pictures, and I don't see fat. Bear in mind you are only
two months post-TT, which means there is still swelling going on and will
be for some time yet. That may account for a higher number than you like
to see on the scale. I see you were in the 120's at one time, are you
wanting that back and then some just to see a number in the 120's? Why is
that more important than how you look or how you feel? Those are the big
questions.<P>Or, are you just afraid to "park" and
"live" at a particular weight, without an elusive weight goal to
chase? Is life without a diet goal so overwhelming? I think it may be for
many of us, maybe for you too. If so, that's a head issue. Do you go see
the dentist when you've broken a toe? Don't blow off mental help if that's
what you need, and considering how very well you've done up until now, I'd
consider it a very wise investment to consider some counseling. If you've
made it through WLS *and* a TT, you can bang that out, no problem, *if* you
want to.
— Suzy C.
January 30, 2005
I'm 10+ yrs out and at goal since 1 yr. I look in the mirror and see...
flaws. I can't say "fat", but flaws. This could be tighter, can
I afford to have THAT pulled/tucked/lifted? According to the scale, I am
right. According to the look in my husband's eyes, I am right. According
to my PCP, a few more lbs UP would be dandy. BUt what I see is........
something that still needs fixing. I can eyeball my clothes now (new in
the last year) and have a feel for how much space I take up. But that
doesn't make me ok. Ahhhhhh, to be raised in a society in which no matter
how good we get, it'll never be good enough. I did feel fat for awhile,
but looking back, it wasn't fat, so much as, "This can't be right. I
can't be done."
— vitalady
January 31, 2005
Oh so perfectly normal. I saw my same body for about two years, even though
I was buying smaller and smaller clothes.
One day I was shopping and I caught a glimps of a thin woman in the window
out of the corner of my eye. I turned around and for the first time
realised it was ME!
I almost started crying.
I still see some areas I would like to fix but I am thin and looking
good....yahoooo
— Cindy P.
January 31, 2005
I didn't feel "normal" until about 2 years post-op and after my
tt, lipo on my upper arms and modified brachioplasty. One thing that I
found helped was by looking in the mirror starting at your feet and look up
and down your body but only to your neck. It looks like your looking at a
stranger because your not seeing your face and you TRULY get an idea of
what everyone else sees!!
— Patty H.
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