Question:
I just got approved for WLS Surgery last week, and am having 2nd thoughts.
I have longed to be healthy and thinner all my life, and I got approved through Kaiser for WLS in 5 weeks time. I was so excited last week when I found out. Now, I am scared to death. So many restrictions with food, and I am such an emotional eater, and know that I can't turn to food when things are tough. Plus, all the complicatins are now scaring me. Anyone been there? Any encouragement to offer? — Janel B (posted on July 7, 2005)
July 6, 2005
Hi, your fears are quite normal, but yes, you have to be ready for this
life changing experience. You may want to get some counselling as you go.
Also the food restrictions are gradual and will change as you go through
your journey. Your body will be in charge and will tell you what it wants
and doesn't want. It's a change believe me! I never bothered to listen to
my body? ME?? We are here for you to answer your questions and to share
our experiences. You are not alone. Honestly, having a counseller handy
is always good. Depression can be one of the side affects as our bodies go
through these changes. No one will condemn you if you change your mind,
but really think about this, pros and cons. The pros are really good, huh?
HUUUGS Paula
— shoutjoy
July 7, 2005
There is nothing wrong with having second thoughts. This is definitly a
life altering expierence that should be considered well. My suggestion is
to weight the pros and cons, actually write it down on paper, abstract
thoughts and feelings becomes much more solid when you write them down.
Then go over them with your loved ones, support group, or counselor. It
will help! No one would fault you for deciding this was not the way for
you. No one would fault you for taking "one last stab" at a
weight control program. And no one would fault you for just doing it.
Understand this ia a personal decision and you are the only one that can
decide if it is right for you.... you are also the only one that you have
to answer to in the end. If you want to there are two really good books
that I suggest you try and read in the next few weeks (if you have not read
them already)... "Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding
Inside You" by Barbara Thompson & "Before and After: Living
and Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery" by Susan Maria Leach"
they are both excellent books!
— MagickalMom
July 7, 2005
I have to agree that this is a very personal decision. And I agree that no
one who has had wls would blame you for being afraid. Believe me we all
went through this. The only thing any of us can do is educate ourselves
about the surgery. Talk to people who've had it. Listen to the good and
the bad. Then decide. In my case I just decided I could not live at 426
pounds anymore and I did'nt want to take yet another gamble on whether or
not I could do it on my own and risk yo-yo dieting myself another 100
pounds or so. That scared me more than wls :-) Good luck
— Kathy D.
July 7, 2005
I understand why your scared but it's worth it. Would you rather be
unhealthy and unhappy for the rest of your life? I'm a emotional eater as
well but believe me your body changes especially with your urges for food.
You can e-mail if you would like.
— mamita093
July 7, 2005
Any one who tells you they weren't at least a little afraid prior to
surgery just isn't telling you the truth. Whether it's the unimaginable
changes in your relationship with food that scare you or the risk of
complications that motivate your fear factor, there are lots of issues that
cause anxiety as you await surgery. In working with hundreds of
pre-operative patients over the past few years leading support group
meetings, I can tell you that the one fear almost everyone shares is the
fear of failing-- after all, none of us would need gastric bypass if we had
been successful dieters.
You can conquer the fears by objectively evaluating the risks of surgery
and the concerns you have about severing your emotional ties with food with
the fears and concerns you have for your health long term. If the balance
doesn't tip in favor of surgery, then cancel your surgery date-- no one
would fault you for deciding what is best for you. You are forced after
surgery to make significant lifestyle changes;feeling forced into those
changes or coerced into having the surgery is a lousy way to start that
process that will last a lifetime. Any of us could recount the significant
health and mortality risks of remaining morbidly obese and the amazing
life-affirming experiences we've all enjoyed since surgery. But, all that
should matter to you (or any pre-operative patient for that matter) is what
you think your quality of life will be after surgery and if attaining that
quality is worth the risk.
Good luck in making this very personal decision-- don't be afraid to trust
your heart.
— SteveColarossi
July 7, 2005
Hey!
I went back and forth. Should I have surgery should I not? I finally
decided that I want to get healthy for myself and my family. If my heart
was damaged, I would have heart bypass surgery. Yes, there would be a
chance that something could go wrong but society says the risk or worht it.
Society has not caught up with technology when it comes to weight loss
surgery. Society tells us that we are being selfish and that we need to
diet. Medical Professionals know the facts. Get advise from them or
others who have gone through the surgery. Try not to listen to those who
are in the dark ages when it comes to medical proceedures. Best Wishes and
good luck!
Sincerely,Sonya Sumrall
— [Deactivated Member]
July 7, 2005
If you told me you had no fears I would be really worried about you going
into this surgery with out giveng it enough thought. The factthat you are
thinking about it fairly realistically is in your favor. If you read my
profile I have a lot of info about the good and the bad. I too am an
emotional eater and still struggle with it to this day. I had surgery in
9/2002. (2 years 10 months ago) Hit my current weight in about 15 months
and have held steady with in 5 pounds since. But there have definately been
struggles.
It is not always easy bit it is truely worth the effort. I am in therapy
now to deal with my issues with food and emotional eating. I have come thru
this and am physically healthier than I ever was. Now I am getting the
strength to deal with my emotional health too. I wish I had started
therapy much sooner. Fear prevented me, mainly fear of some thin little
therapist telling me I'm a wimp and should just push away from the table
etc. I was afraid of being judged by my obesity and not being supported in
my decisions. Now, If I get any idea that the therapist is not supportive I
will fire her and move on.... I am much stronger than before because I know
I don't have to take it anymore if someone is critical. (past bad therapist
really soured me, but I am a stronger more confident person now- thank you
Dr. Schlessinger for the WLS!)
— **willow**
July 7, 2005
I would suggest that you visit the ds forum / and learn about the ds
proceedure, ask the question , it is a user freindly operation, that maybe
a better choice for you.
— walter A.
July 7, 2005
I know exactly how you feel. I am having surgery 7/26 and I am petrified.
I know that I am blessed and that God will watch over me. If God approved
this surgery for you he wants you to be a healthier, thinner child of God
and you should try to look at it that way. May the force be with you. Try
not to worry about the actual surger think about the many benefits that
come with it.
Vette
— gem4life62
July 7, 2005
Hello Janel,I think everyone has 2nd thoughts about going under, the day of
my surgery I nearly backed out but I told myself I came to far to turn back
so I went on and had it done and boy am I glad I did this new lease on life
paid off, looking back on it if I had to lose weight without wls it would
have been impossiable, I tryed everything in the book and out there so girl
pray and do what you got to do and I'll send a few up for you you will be
okay and trust me in six months or so you will feel the same way being able
to shop for smaller size cloths and shoes will be worth the day you had the
surgery. Good Luck and may the Lord be with you. Brenda
— Brenda C.
July 7, 2005
We are all there with you. It is normal to have 2nd thoughts and question
yourself. I am in the same boat. I have my surgery on Monday the 11th. I
am also a stress eater. Some things that I am trying is writing in a
journel, walking, and picturing myself with 125lbs gone for ever. ***The
imporant thing is that you have to search yourself and make sure this
surgery is right for you and that you will be comfortable with your
decision. Realize that yes it will be hard and you will sacrifice but
which way will you be happy. The way you are today or the way you will be
in 6 months or a year.? Best of wishes with whatever choice you make
— Kristi M.
July 7, 2005
You live in CA. Kaiser in CA has been forced to pay for the DS almost
without exception in the recent past by the CA Dept. of Managed Health Care
-- you have to ask for it, you will get denied, and then you have to
exhaust your internal appeals, then ask for review by the DMHC. As Walter
said, you should check out the DS -- it is very easy to live with,
especially with regard to food and drink restrictions, IMHO.
— [Deactivated Member]
July 7, 2005
i saw a behavioral therapist for 6 months before surgery. sure helped me.
Best of luck to you..
— Kathy S.
July 7, 2005
I am pre-op, and am scheduled for the DS. (Biliopancreatic Diverson with
Duodenal Switch)
If you do choose to have DS (I would! I have honestly never wanted RnY...
I decided to wait over 2 years for DS (my insurance company at the time
only covered RnY) when I could have gotten RnY in no time at all.)
It is a personal decision, but you must be informed. Make sure that you
can live with your decision!
You are very lucky to be living in Calorfornia. You have one of THE BEST
DS surgeons in the coutry in the Bay Area!
This is a big change in your life, so it's normal to be scared.
If you do choose to have RnY, there are many sweet things that are sugar
free... So you don't have to ever feel like you are 'going without'.
ALso, after wls you *usually* aren't hungry, and when you are, a MUCH
smaller amount satisfies you than what it took pre-wls.
Either surgery you choose, I suggest you go to a counselor or behavioral
nutrisiconust to work on your emotional issues: Why do I eat when I'm not
hungry? What can I do to avoid eating when I don't need to?
Best wishes to you!
Amanda
— AmandaLeigh =)
July 7, 2005
I had WLS surgery 3 weeks ago today... I had NO problems, no complications
whatsoever. Granted everyone is different.. But I Too, was scared to death
right up to the hour before going in for surgery. But I would do it again
in a heartbeat.
— mzb2u
July 7, 2005
As everyone has said, second thoughts are not uncommon. I certainly had
them. I ate food for comfort, but let me tell you when I woke up from
surgery, it was like something happened and all that was gone. I had the
good fortune to be able to have any surgery I wanted, it was either the RNY
or the DS. I did lots and lots of research and went with the RNY. Do not
let anyone tell you one is better than the other because that is not the
case at all. You have to know which one will work best for you and your
life style. Remember they are both great procedures and people have great
success, I have lost 345 lbs. The surgery is a TOOL not a cure. Do not
have surgery until you are ready for a change - but remember it will be a
good one and you will get your life back!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 8, 2005
As you can see, all of us had second thoughts. Its fear of the unknown, and
as Steve said below, our failure rate has been high, after all, we have
always failed at losing weight before.... Any many of us, me too, were, and
still are to some extent emotional eaters. What I did pre-op was make a
list of the pro's and con's and without exception, the pro's far outweighed
the cons. Like living longer was a pro, dying an early death or having
adult diabetes or high blood pressure was a con. Shopping in something
other than Dress Barn Woman or from a catalog was a pro, etc, etc. With
very few exceptions, there are no food restrictions, just the amounts (with
RNY at least). Most of us eventually can eat almost everything we did
pre-op, however, our choices change. We look better, we tend to eat better,
and because we are carrying less weight, we can move more, illnesses and
aches and pains from obesity go away, we start to like ourselves more, we
are happier. I still emotionally eat from time to time, but now its a pile
of sunflower seeds or a few hersheys kisses rather than the entire bag of
kisses! I also spent alot of time looking at the photos on this site of
the before and after pics and reading profiles. I wanted to BE like them.
And now I am. As for complications, yes, there are some. But everything
in life is a risk and every time you get behind the wheel of a car you run
a risk of dying in an automobile accident, doesnt prevent you from getting
in that car. I had a post-op complication, see profile for more info, but
I would do it again in a heartbeat and I am over 3 years post-op. As for DS
vs RNY, both work however with the DS more of your intestines are bypassed
than with the RNY in most cases, which means that you run more of a risk of
malabsorption post-op...just research carefully before deciding which one
is better for you...Good luck.
— Cindy R.
July 8, 2005
You are so right to have doubts! I would be worried if you didn't! That
means you understand the seriousness of this surgery, and aren't just
looking at it as a "quick fix". I to was terrified! To tell you
the truth, when I was in the hallway of the hospital, laying on the gurnie
waiting to be wheeled into the surgery room, I was crying my eyes out. I
wanted to get up and run away. But something inside me knew that this
surgery was my only chance at a normal life, and that if I didn't go
through with it I would always wonder what would have been. So I just
stayed there and went through with it, and I am so glad I did. I am down
200 pounds in 1 1/2 years, had a beautiful baby boy a few months ago, and I
am enjoying wearing shorts this summer for the first time since I was a
kid. I too am an emotional eater, and that can be tough. But having had
this surgery I just know I can't eat like I used to, and I make better food
choices. So hang in there! You can do it!
— Rebecca Johnson
July 8, 2005
Janel, you wouldn't be human if you weren't giving this any second
thoughts. I have been thinking about gastric bypass for the past three
years and it wasn't until last November when I finally got the ball
rolling. In December of last year I met with the surgeon. In January I
took all my classes and got my psych eval. In February I met with the
surgeon again and was put on the waiting list. In April I met with the
surgeon again and received my surgery date. On June 6th I had surgery. It
was a very quick process for me that took only 6 months when originally I
was being told it would take about a year at the most before I would
receive a date for surgery. I had six months to really give this more
thought than before but there was that voice in my head that said this was
the right thing for me no matter what. I lived by the saying "If God
brings you to it, He will bring you through it" and he did just that.
If I was meant to have it it was going to happen and if I wasn't meant to
have it then it wouldn't have. What I am trying to say to you is this, I
understand your fears of being an emotional eater and being very limited
with food with this surgery. I won't lie to you and say it is very easy
because it is not. I have had many moments where I wondered why in the
world couldn't I have just had that self control and done it on my own and
not take the drastic way. But that just goes to show me how much food was
controlling my life. Thoughts of what I would give just to eat a whole
steak with a side order of fried potatoes within a matter of minutes would
pop up often and sometimes still do but I know for a fact that had I not
had this surgery I would have attempted yet another diet only to fail in
the end and beat myself up as I always do. I was 15 pounds away from 300
the day before my surgery and today I would have gained that 15 pounds and
would have topped off at 300 wondering why I backed out of the surgery and
wishing that I would have went through with it. I started out at 285 and
today (four weeks and 5 days later) I weigh 242 and so far I feel better
than I have in years as far as I can remember. I was deathly afraid of all
that could go wrong with the surgery and the thereafter but I prayed and
prayed and prayed and I had a huge support circle, with my hubby being the
top supporter. Without all of the prayers and the love I wouldn't have
gotten through this but most of all without the belief of God and all the
good that he provides and without God himself I would have not gotten
through this. Trust your heart and trust God. Your human and it's okay.
And it's important for you to know that if you really decide you don't want
to do this you don't have to. You can back out at anytime because it's not
what about what others think, it's about what your heart ultimately feels
in the end. If you move forward with this you have the support of myself
and all the others here at Obesityhelp and if you decide not to go through
with it you have our support as well. It's an individual choice and there
is a lot involved in this surgery but it is worth it in the end. Don't
give up until you truly know what you want. God bless you and I pray for
you that God will give you the strength to walk whatever path you decide to
choose. Your in my thoughts and prayers and your more then welcome to
email me at anytime! Regina
— PreciousGemz33
July 8, 2005
Hon, it is true, you would not be human if you did not have second
thoughts. I had second thoughts clear up to the morning of the surgery.
However, with that said, since you were and are an emotional eater, it
might do you some good to hook up with a counselor before surgery, and if
you didn't want to do it before, maybe you could do it after to help you
cope. There is no shame in having to go to one, it was a requirement for me
to see one before I had surgery because I suffer from anxiety and panic
disorder. Also, make sure you go to plenty of support groups and
obesityhelp.com is a good online one but you need one in your area as well.
I have had some problems dealing with having to do without or cut wayyyy
down on my foods, but you must realize with the stomach about the size of
an egg, you can't really overdo without it making you sick. Now over a
period of time, you can eventually stretch it out to hold more. Hon, this
is your decision and I am not a Dr. but I hope I was able to help with some
suggestions. Hugs and good luck!!!
— Angelfirewithwings
July 8, 2005
Hope this helps you -- I see surgery like crossing a train track with the
train coming. If the situation on the pre-surgery side is bad enough and
the other side looks good enough, you will jump across the
"track" even when the train is very, very close. So keep one eye
on the bad guy of fat behind, the other eye on the possiblities of the
future, and keep your healthy respect for the train and all will be well.
PS: I had my pre-surgery test yesterday and surgery is in 9 days -- my
current worry is something will show up in PAT tests and I can't have
surgery! :>
— Jenny X.
July 8, 2005
I just had the surgery 10 days ago, and I too had feelings of backing out
of it just before doing it. I was a emotional Suger eater. I thought how
could I live with all these restrictions on my life, but I realized that
with out any restrictions in my life I ended up in this position and if I
really want to LIVE my life i need to get rid of this weight. I paid cash
for my surgery due to the fact of being self employed and not being able
afford the cost of high risk health insurance( I was rate high risked only
because of the weight, no other issues!). I must add that I have been in
therapy for the last few years dealing with this weight issue and others
and I know that if I was still involved in therapy this would be a harder
journey to travel alone. So I say follow your heart but know that there is
no sane in getting help along the way. Good luck with your decision.
Janet
— jpcal
July 14, 2005
Janel, If you didn't have fears, you would be crazy. I am an emotional
eater. I love food, too. But I decided that I had to love myself more and
do something about it. I was always one to put everybody and everything
before myself. I jumped in head first and yes, I had some very serious
complications that could have cost me my life, but my lifestyle was already
going to cost me my life. I still struggle with watching others eat things
that I can not or should not eat. It doesn't make it any easier, but once
you choose your path, then make a solemn vow to go down it. I was afraid
and am still afraid of what may come down the road, but I am no longer
taking insulin and also been able to abandon most of my other meds. I
don't have to worry about just how numb my feet are going to be soon and I
don't have to worry about being blind and old and fat and not able to care
for myself. It doesn't not take away all of your problems and it does add
some of its own, but I am glad that I stuck with my decision and I am
working on making it the best thing that I have ever done for myself. Good
luck and keep moving forward. If the surgery didn't scare you, you would
need a shrink.
— imdebbie
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