Question:
Help me! I have been worrying my self sick!
I am 1 week out. I am having the post op blues everyone said I would have but...I am now worried about long term effects. I did tons of research before hand and was 100% sure but now I am worried about what will happen 10 - 20 years from now? Will I need re surgery? Will something rip? Tear? When I am 50 or 60? I know tons of people have had this surgery done so I need some words of comfort. My family is putting doubts in my mind! Please help me — Heather K. (posted on September 18, 2000)
September 18, 2000
Heather ... relax. Ray's right -- in 10 or 20 years you WILL be a ton
lighter and you WILL be a lot healthier. Heck, in ten or twenty WEEKS that
will have started to happen already! You're in the "omigod what have
I done?" post-op phase that (I'd venture) nearly ALL of us went
through. That's all it is -- a phase -- and this, too, shall pass. Remind
your family (politely, of course) that if they can't say anything nice,
don't say anything at all -- and that you'd appreciate them keeping their
negativity to themselves; you need positive energy in order to heal. If
you know that your surgery was right for you, and you still believe that,
you were right. Just go with it. Warm thoughts always --
— Cheryl Denomy
September 18, 2000
Hang in there, Heather. It gets better I promise! You've passed the first
big hurtle - having the surgery. As for your family, let them know in no
uncertain terms that if they can't be helpful or supportive to go elsewhere
with their opinions. You don't need their nonsense. Some people have the
expectation that you're going to wake up in recovery looking like a
supermodel. It doesn't work that way. When the weight starts coming off,
they will notice. But don't be upset if they don't notice as quickly as
you do. People are used to seeing us big, and even when we lose 20-30
pounds, we are still big. But you will see almost immediately how your
clothes fit, how well you move, and how you feel. My mom was reasonably
supportive but kept making comments like "but can you tell you've lost
weight?". Eventually I told her not to make those comments to me
anymore and that she should be more patient and less critical of the
process. Now I am 4 montsh post op and have lost 76 pounds. I feel great,
look great, and feel so much healthier (got totally off 2 of my meds and my
CPAP machine). People at church come up to me every week now and
compliment me not just on how I look but for taking control of my life and
doing something about my health. And they are not just being nice - I look
much lighter and have much more energy to do all the activities I like to
do. One woman even told me I was "glowing"! One tip I will give
you - once you start to lose enough weight that your clothes are really
starting to hang, try to get some new wardrobe items. I know we don't want
to spend a lot of money on clothes we may only be wearing for a few months
(before we need another wardrobe change), but getting at least a few items
will do several things. First, it helps your self-estemm tremendously. It
feels so wonderful to put something back on the rack because it was too
big! Not something I ever had to deal with before. Better fitting clothes
also show your weight loss better and you'll see more people noticing it
than if you wear really big, draping clothes. I cleaned out my closets
this weekend. I am a pack rat, and it was always hard for me to part with
clothes that I "may" wear some day. Well that some day has
arrived, and even some of the smaller sized clothing was too big for me!!!
Wonderful! I gave 3 bags of my clothes to a women's shelter I volunteer
for regularly, and it felt great. Now I have a lot of space in my closet
for new things that look good on me. I hit a bunch of sales over Labor
day, so I was able to get quite a few items for very little money. Garage
sales and flea markets are also good sources. Many times you can get stuff
that someone has never worn. Hang tough, Heather. Don't worry about what
will happen in 50-60 years. None of us can. Do what you can to make today
and tomorrow better, and you will see your quality of life improve
dramatically. If you really take this to heart, I think you'll find that
your blues and anxiety will go away. Enjoy your new life - you have a lot
ahead of you! :):):)
— Paula G.
September 18, 2000
Hi! I have been where you are. I had several complications. I knew at the
time that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by having surgery. As
what would have happened 10-20 years down the road, I would have been dead
from the chronic pancreatitis that the surgery cured. I still questioned
the surgery for at leased 3 months. I had major depression, that medication
mildly eased. I'm still having a hard time of it. I am 5 months post-op.
And my incision has just closed this week. I've reached my goal weight
(140#), and no longer take insulin, or cholesteral meds. I have a new lease
on life. Please try not to worry about things you have no control over. It
is going to be a major change in your life, and in the lives of your
family. I wish you all the best, and if I can be of any assistance, please
let me know. God Bless you -
— CohenHeart
September 18, 2000
Yup, Heather, you're pretty much right on schedule. (Well, the same
schedule I was on! HA!) At about 1 1/2 weeks post-op I thought WHAT HAVE
I DONE!!!!! I was really angry watching other people eat....seeing food
and restaurant commercials, heck, even the grocery store ads! It didn't
last too long, however, and time has a way of healing that particular
wound. I'm now almost 14 months post-op and I've lost 120 pounds. What a
blessing! When you start to doubt this decision, try and think back to the
process you went through leading up to your decision to have WLS. Remember
all the feelings you had, the health problems and concerns, the way people
dealt with you based on your weight, and the joy you felt when you
discovered that this COULD be changed, that life COULD be different. Try
and be patient while the change takes place. Be good to yourself, be in
touch with the changes happening in your body and your mind and your
spirit. When your friends/family/whomever feel they need to comment on
your surgery, be patient when they become negative. They do it out of
ignorance, after all, they don't know what it's like to be YOU. Try and
respond with kindness, whenever possible, so they can be educated on the
plight of the obese and how WLS can change a life. Be patient, things will
look better to you soon. I promise! Good luck and God bless. Jaye Carl,
RN, open proximal RNY (divided) 7-29-99, starting weight 300, currently
180. I look like my Mother now.....LOL! Or maybe I just look like me???
— Jaye C.
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