Question:
I keep getting the scariest thoughts..how normal am I?

I know its normal to be frightened by the prospect of surgery, but my thoughts seem almost morbid. When I got my surgery date, I was very excited. But when I wrote it on the calendar I thought "what if I'm marking off the day I am going to die??" I keep imagine my children's reactions if I don't make it and things like this. Is this all pretty common? I tell myself it is, then I think "What if this isn't just fear, but a premonition of whats to come?" Rationally, I know the risks are there but small, but I'm really making myself crazy. Anyone will to share their pre-op torture stories?? Thanks for listening everyone. I can't express these feelings to anyone else. Just putting this all in words has me close to tears.    — Donna L. (posted on September 7, 2001)

September 6, 2001
Donna all i can tell you is I'm having surgery in two weeks and I'm having the same thoughts and I'm glad you posted this ques. i was starting to think it was just me I've decided to just to put it in gods hands and everything will be okay!
   — TRACY D.

September 6, 2001
Hi Donna, I too had scary thoughts before my surgery and I think it is perfectly normal and notice alot of people do. I was very excited when I got my date and then started to get things ready as if I was gonna die, and it was driving my family nuts. I was writing letters I wanted read at my funeral and stuff like that. Well, everything turned out wonderful, and I have had no complications, and I am sooooo glad I had this surgery. Just try and relax, and good luck with your surgery. I am down -138 pounds and it has almost been 6 months....I feel like a new person. Take Care!
   — Valerie D.

September 6, 2001
Donna,</p> You're not the only one.... I haven't even gotten my insurance approval yet, but I have those thoughts in weighing the pros and cons.. I have three young children, that make my world go around... I can't help but stop to think, what happens to them, if something happens to me.. </p> And I've thought of it all when it comes to the dying in surgery thing... From being alergic to the anesthesia to pulmonary embolisms and not being able to get enough oxygen post op (as it's been a problem previously) But with the way my life is now, it's a small risk to take... or at least I keep telling myself that.. That's why I keep coming back around this website.. For the encouragement and to know I'm not alone.... Good luck on your journey...
   — Elizabeth D.

September 7, 2001
Hi, I am still pre-consult, and see my surgeon for the first time on Sept. 19th. I too think of things like you are listing...wondering if I am taking a path that will ultimately lead to my demise! I'm still at the point where I can back out without looking 'too' foolish, but even as I go over all the reasons not to do this and all the what ifs, I keep thinking of all the reasons to do this, and what my life will continue to be like if I don't. Some times when my heart starts its stupid skipped beats (which sometimes last for several hours - I hope and pray will be alleviated by WLS) I think, well, is this where I will be found dead, and who will find me? That is pretty morbid, too. The thought of that kind of puts surgery in perspective for me! These scary thoughts are normal, I believe, and it is not weird at all to focus on the date and wonder what it holds for you. As you said, the risk is small, and I hope you can focus on what the chances are you will come though with flying colors, rather than the very small chance of major complications. Wishing you all the best! Sheila
   — VintageChick

September 7, 2001
Donna ... I know EXACTLY how you feel! Through a series of miraculous coincidences, I saw my surgeon for a consult and had my surgery (open VBG, April 17, 2000) less than three weeks later, so I hardly had time to feel scared. As of today, I'm 25 days away from my panni/abdominoplasty surgery (you could hide a small country under that flap of skin) and slowly going nuts, thinking those "oh, gee, what if I die for something as completely stupid and vain as a flat stomach?" thoughts. I think it's complicated by the fact that my father died in May from pancreatic cancer, and I'm still in the process of working that out. You're not nuts -- you're normal -- or at least that's the story I'm telling myself and I'm sticking to it. Every surgery carries risks, but so does living with morbid obesity -- and the risks of the latter are a lot bigger. Take courage that the vast, vast VAST majority of us have made it safely and sanely to the other side ... and that those who did not were still willing to take that risk, even in the face of serious pre-existing factors that significantly increased their chance of complications. Have faith in your surgeon, and in yourself ... warm supportive thoughts always,
   — Cheryl Denomy

September 7, 2001
Donna, it is such a relief to find someone else who feels the same way I do!! I even went so far as to ask my husband what he would do if I died from this surgery!! I find myself taking comfort in the knowledge that at one time, all doors were closed to me, and I couldn't find help anywhere. I couldn't even have this surgery due to out of pocket expenses. I hope I don't sound silly, but I honestly gave it up to God to help me, and suddenly, all doors were open, the surgery was completely paid for, and I know it is the right thing for me to do to become healthy. God wouldn't bring me this far just to take me home! There are risks, and you must know all the risks before you have the surgery, but I believe you have to have faith in yourself and your body that you will make it through the surgery. Our brains are powerful things that we don't all understand yet... and going into surgery with fear in your heart and mind wouldn't be a good thing. So, be sure you settle all your fears and worries before your surgery date, and go into this with 100% confidence that it is the right thing for you to do... and your mind and body will help you do the rest! I believe that!! Take care and my prayers are with you!!
   — Sharon H.

September 7, 2001
I too, am getting scared about dieing and leaving my kids behind, but hey, without surgery we're bound to die early anyway.
   — Cindee A.

September 7, 2001
Donna, you are definitely not alone. I had my Lap RNY in December 2000, and about three or four weeks before surgery, I started having thoughts about dying in the OR. I knew that this was the only way to keep myself from dying from all the medical problems I had. I figured, I've lived a pretty great life for the last 38 years, and if it was my time, I'd go whether I had the surgery or not. Either way, I figured my chances of dying during surgery were much less than dying of morbid obesity. I just decided to have a serious heart to heart with my hubby, talking about all the things that need to be talked about, "just in case." We even talked about funeral arrangements "just in case," where all the important papers were, who I wanted him to contact if something went wrong, etc., etc. I think this is fairly normal. Once I had this conversation and a few others, I was at peace, knowing that I was making the right choice and that I was prepared either way. I would suggest facing your fears head on, and deal with them the best you can. None of us knows when we will die, but we can try to put off the inevitable and this surgery is one way to do it. Good luck and please know many of us have been there.
   — Maria H.

September 8, 2001
You are so normal. In our cases, yes if we don't do something about the weight we will die anyway. But on the other hand you don't want to pick a date and go earlier than planned. I completely understand you. I thought the same thing. I also thought about postponing the surgery. You have up until the time they wheel you into the operating room to change your mind. If it doesn't feel right - you have that option. I worried so badly that I had the adivan handy just incase I thought I needed it. I also kept telling myself, how miserable I am now, how miserable my son is because of my weight, and how much better things will be when I can get around again. When I got to the hospital I was surprised at how calm I was about it. This may happen to you as well. I was ready. By the time your date gets here you will have done so much soul searching - you will just know if it is the right thing for you. When I got into pre-op I started to feel nervous and I asked for something to calm my nerves. After that - I was so calm I was making jokes on the way to the operating room. Infact, they had to tell me twice to go to sleep:-) What you are going through is something everyone goes through when they make a life changing decision. You'll do just fine.
   — K T.

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