Question:
I don't want my husband to know about my Lapband!
He will use this info. as a weapon on any upcoming agruments. He isn't the kind of person you can confide in and not have it come back up! Can I have a successful outcome without having to let him in on it? — dogbuzzer (posted on February 5, 2007)
February 5, 2007
I havent had WLS yet and I am just looking into it so I'm not very
qualified to answer but I would like to give you my thoughts on your
question. Its a pretty big financial burden it sounds like and an even
bigger emotional burden to carry alone. You may end up have to weigh what
you want most in your case. Maybe through couseling together he maybe able
to change the way he argues with you. I think other people who have had the
surgery will be of more help but I just want you to know I support you and
I hope you do whats right for you personally.
My mother is dead set against me having any WLS and I finally told her that
I have made up my mind and that I am doing it. We had a huge fight and I
havent been able to get her to ok it yet. The thing is I have been
overweight to varying degrees since I was in 2nd grade and I have been
laughed at, last picked, looked down on, and lost a lot of my life because
of it. I have tried every kinda diet I could and I have exercised and
always I loose weight and always it comes back plus some. No one else knows
what its like to fail over and over again and no one else has to live their
life outside the circle or at the back of the pack because of it. So the
way I look at it no one else gets to make this decision for me or push me
into a decision I dont want to live with. I wish it didnt have to be like
this and I wish my mother was on board for it but I guess I am going to
just have to put it on the complications/cons side of the column and weigh
the good against the bad and make my decision with that in mind. I hope you
will be able to do the same and make your choice based on your personal
opinion not anyone elses.
Anyway goodluck to you and I hope others on here will be able to give you
some concrete ideas for your problem.
28yrs old, 260lbs, 5'3
— julsfine
February 5, 2007
You definitely need your husband's support on this one! You cannot go
behind his back and do it. My husband didn't support this in the
beginning...turns out he was scared that I would die on the operating
table! I had him meet the doctor about a month before surgery and once he
did and the doctor explained everything, he felt much better and was very
supportive! He has been wonderful since especially not having a weight
problem ever he has been eating only low fat foods and bringing home lots
of things I can eat! He even started to eat yogurt! I strongly urge you
to get your husband on board before you proceed.
— Sheri A.
February 5, 2007
Kim--My first thought is probably not. It sounds like you have many other
issues to deal not excluding trust and honesty. My suggestion would be call
a counselor. I don't know about the lap band but I can tell you the RNY is
not a "walk in the park." Four years ago I needed the support
from family, friends and OH--and I continue to need that support today.
Best of Luck.
— MindyM152
February 5, 2007
You cannot do this alone! Don't even try. How would you cover it up
anyway? Talk to your husband.
— Jenn F.
February 5, 2007
I had weight loss surgery three weeks ago. There is no way you can cover
this up. One thing you will be in the hospital for 1 to 2 days. Then when
you go home you are going to be really score and the way you eat is going
to be totally different. You cant hide these things. You need to talk
with him. Also you are going to need some support. My first week was the
hardest.
— barfiep01
February 5, 2007
I had to have a psychiatric evaluation before my RNY and one of the
questions they asked over and over was about support of family and friends.
The psychologist had to clear me before my surgeon would even set up the
consultation appointment. I feel that if this same process occurs where
you are, that you would be denied acceptance on the psych eval. alone.
Family and friends are a very important tool following any surgery. I know
that there are those that don't have a support system, and they go ahead .
. . but they are not trying to hide anything soooo important from someone
they are going to be in contact with on a daily basis. I, too, do not know
how you will keep this a long-term secret. Please seek help through
counseling before you proceed with WLS.
— lovinit
February 5, 2007
Hi Kim, I have to agree with the other posters to your question and just
add that you need his support more than ever after this surgery. Believe
it or not he will be a big part of it all, you are going into this
together, it is a life long commitment. My husband helps me with food
choices and is very understandig with all of the side effects and there are
a few that you just can't hide!! I have been sick from eating too much or
food getting stuck and the surgery can make you alot more gassy than you
can even imagine.. that has become a joke in my family and we just laugh
it off... he has really been good about it. If you are serious about it,
you need to come together as a couple to make the decision. There is no
way you can hide this from him. Good luck, April
— April
February 6, 2007
Dear friend,
Know where your coming from.4 years ago this coming may I had my rny
surgery.My husband was against it. I still did it. He could have taken the
time off to stay with me.Could have taken vacation but refused.Almost 4
years out he hovers when we go out.Use to we would go out and leave me to
sit by myself all 265 lbs of me.Now weighing160 at 5'4" he has a
differant story still gripes about how I look or what I wear. I really just
ignore it. He did not want me to get any plastic surgery.Just got my Tummy
tuck done Tuesday of last week took 7.5lbs. off my tummy. Next fall Breast
Lift and augmentation. I am doing this for me he calls me selfish.I say
yes it is all about me(LOL). I do belive you need support.Mu hubby throws
things in my face also, I thicken my skin. I don't let his bull get to
me.Let him know, then when your ready go get it done. My family was
against it my hubby was against it .I was lucky to have a 16 yearold
daughter and 12 year old son.They wanted me to be happy.They were behind me
all the way even now a week out from my tummy tuck they do not hesitate to
help.Make sure you are doing this for you.There has to be someone that will
help you along.Like I said my husband took vacation weeks later and went
and stayed most of it with his mom did not help out at all.Has not helped
me with my TT. Don't go behind his back just do it for yourself. My kids
ask weekly why I have not left thier father after 22 years. I tell them he
has made me miserable for along time pay backs are (He**) I am happy with
me that is what counts. Find your help, Tell him, Get it done and get on
with your life. Only childish people keep throwing the past in your face.
Robin
— Robibob
February 6, 2007
I don't know how you could possibly hide it. He would notice you eating
DRASTICALLY different portions. ANd what if there are complications? And
you end up hospitalized. Beleive me he will be pissed if he finds out when
you are unconcscious in the ICU... not that that is likely to occur. He
needs to know for medical reasons. I am not trying to be judgemental....I
cna understand not telling your mom/siblings, etc and it being feasible
that they wouldn't know but your husband? He would know just by being
around you. Believe me this is a huge emotional ride and you need all the
support you cna get.
— SteffieBear15
February 6, 2007
i am so sorry for your lack of support. i agree with the other posts, you
NEED support through WLS. i have not had my surgery yet, waiting on
insurance approval, but the main focus through the program i have chosen
(UVA) is a good support system of some kind. there is no way you can have
the surgery without him knowing something d/t hospitalization, costs of the
procedure, recovery, and your diet changes. i think maybe you and your
husband need some counseling to help deal with the underlying issues. hope
this helps and good luck with your decision. holly
— RNlvnCARSON
February 6, 2007
My WLS (RNY) is scheduled for 2/15 - 8 days to go BABY! I could not of made
ANY part of my journey alone. Not by a long shot. Friends, Family,
Co-workers, Acquaintances, Support Groups, Medical Group requirements,
Insurance Requirements, and the list goes on. It's all emotional. It's all
personal for each person. It's all about you and your decision, but the
SUPPORT from EVERYONE is ESSENTIAL to your success! I am in the pre-op
stages now - 1,000 calorie-full liquid diet - I cannot even imagine not
telling my husband. But then, it seems we have a different relationship
than you do with yours. I say....do whatever is going to make you happy! Do
it for you and no one else. But you have to tell your husband. If nothing
else, for in the off chance you have complications or what have you - he is
going to need to know. Good luck with your decision and your journey.
— jammerz
February 7, 2007
Hi Kim. Your post concerns me. I can't understand having a lifetime
commitment with another human without feeling as though you can share a
life-saving decision. It really makes me question slightly your reasons
for choosing to be with this person. I have seen so many relationships
breaking up after wls, do you think yours can survive a life changing lie
like this? I am part of the lucky few, my relationship grew stronger, but
as I said I have seen so many fall apart... and these people were honest.
I don't see how you could possibly hide this. It was hard for me to hide
it from aquaintences, much less someone living with me. Please search your
soul and think about why you want to hide this from him. This is the rest
of YOUR life, make sure you make the best decisions.
Good Luck,
Amber
— septembergirl73
August 1, 2009
If you feel that anything you do will be a weapon for your husband to use
against you, sound like you need to do some soul searching on staying with
someone that works against you and not with you..... take care!!
— Libby R.
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