Question:
What's your reply when others ask "How are you losing all that weight?"
I had RNY back in December 2007 and am doing wonderful. I have lost 82 lbs. People have definitely noticed. So here is my problem. . . I absolutely hate it when people ask "How are you losing all that weight?" I really don't like telling them that I had RNY. I guess I am concerned about what they will say next. I have had a few people snub their noses when they found out as if this is the easy way to lose weight. Short of telling them it's none of your business, what would you suggest? — Breathin4him (posted on May 26, 2008)
May 26, 2008
Atleast people are asking you how you lost all the weight. I have people
asking me if I am feeling well, some even asked me if I had cancer because
I had dropped over 70lbs since I saw them last and that person was a family
member. I just tell people that ask me other than family members that I
have been following Atkins and Weight Watchers diets and staying away from
soda, breads, pastas and other high carb foods.
— Karen M.
May 26, 2008
You can say you are watching what you eat and exercising. Isn't that the
truth?
— DianeMarie
May 26, 2008
Gosh...I tell people flat out that I had gastric bypass surgery. I am proud
of my surgery and my success. We know that it's not the easy way out and
most of us have been through hell and back so why hide it?! I've got the
battle scars and I am proud of them too. However, I've been greeted by
nothing but positive responses so I don't know what it's like to be snubbed
but I wouldn't let it get me down. I would hold my head high and keep
singing mine and my surgeon's praises...lol. Stay strong and keep doing
great.
— Mary G.
May 26, 2008
Why is it so many of you are afraid to tell the truth and maybe help
someone else that has tried and trid to lose weight and just failed like we
did all our lives.
I tell the truth, that I studied many surgeries for many years, and that
RNY WLS or Gastric Bypass saved my life, and I no lonjger have diabities
and I no longer have high blood pressure and I no longer have high
colestroal, and I have adapded a healthly life style of excersize and
healthy foods. I no longer drink, softdrinks or beer, and perfer bottled
water. I tell them if they are no overweight by knows someone that is, to
talk to them about attending a free seminar at a sergeon near them to find
out the options, and if they want to talk to some one that has gone through
it give them my numbr. I tell them I love my doctor for saving my life and
the time he and his staff put into helping me and all the great people that
had surgery before me that help me. After all they are smart enought to
know that adkins diet and every other diet I tried failed, so they are
nosey, but why hide the secret to what is saving your life and adding years
to it? Shame on all of you that take that attitidue! sorry, but a lot of
people helped you and most of you had help from your insurance company and
a very supportative spouse. You need to be proud, not ashame. Now think
about it and if you don't agree write me, as I have more that I would like
to say back to those who think they are protecting their self image and the
hell with the doctors and nuses who fought to give you a tool for sucess!
— William (Bill) wmil
May 26, 2008
Without lying, you can tell them the other things you are doing to help
with the weight, which is eating healthier choices and exercising. they
dont need to know that in addition to that you had RNY. You doing great,
dont let those snobby people get you down!!
— Jess4me
May 26, 2008
Hi, Theresa. My first thought was to just come back with a quick reply of
"a lot of hard work." But, I know that would not satisfy some
people. And you are not here to satisfy them, of course. I like the replies
about watching your diet and exercising that others have advised. I would
say, however, that I am not necessarily in agreement with Bill. I don't
think he meant to figuratively point fingers and accuse you and others with
shame. I have never read anything of Bill's that was that judgmental and
accusatory, so I don't think he meant it that way. Obviously, he feels
strongly about the topic and it is advice given freely just like the rest.
What I might offer is that, for me, it depends on the person who is asking.
Context is a consideration for most everything is our lives. I think there
are few absolutes. No one asked you to be the poster child for WLS and you
don't have to be, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Most people who
ask me are sincere and genuine in their curiosity and are pleased that I am
now taking better care of myself. However, some who ask do not necessarily
have the best of intentions when asking. Those will likely get remarks that
will deflect further curiosity. If some are worried that I have cancer or
leukemia (and that hasn't happened to me), I think I would gently remind
them that I am just taking better care of myself and, good grief, no, I am
not sick. Instead I am working out regularly and feel better than I have
felt in more years than I can remember. (Personally, I think only those who
know you extremely well might ask such a thing and that is something you,
again, would decide if you want to talk about. If people who don't know you
well ask? Well, in my mind I would probably classify them as those without
good intentions.) Best wishes!
dana
— jujuprof
May 26, 2008
I agree totally with Bill and plan to tell them like it is. But if it
bothers you, look them straight in the eye and ask "why do you want to
know?" They will realize how nosy they are and back off?
Bill's way is my way...I'd tell the pet poodle next door if he barked a
question to me.
— SkinnyLynni2B
May 26, 2008
I take the question as an opportunity to educate people about the HEALTH
BENEFITS of weight loss surgery. I suffer from diabetes and I explain to
people how within THREE WEEKS of the surgery I was able to drop ALL of my
diabetes medications! This is a COMMON side effect of weight loss surgery
and SOME doctors are now beginning to think that it may be a CURE for
diabetes. Not ALL of the medical profession agree with them though so it
is going to take quite a bit of time for Weight Loss Surgery to become a
PRESCRIBED CURE for DIABETES. Weight Loss Surgery has also DRASTICALLY
reduced my arthritis pain and my chronic diarrhea. It has seemed to
completely eliminate my spastic colon problems. It has greatly reduced my
FibroMyalgia pain, Migraines, and Chronic Fatigue but not altogether
eliminated them. Perhaps that will come with more weight loss. When the
doctor pulled my stomach out (I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy--the
doctor removed about 85% of my stomach as part of my operation) it was
about the size of a sheet of printing paper FLAT (About twice the SURFACE
AREA of a normal stomach) . This means that the stomach when it contained
FOOD and NOT when it was STRETCHED to it's limits was about THREE TIMES the
VOLUME of a NORMAL STOMACH for a man my size! There was NO WAY that I was
ABLE to stick with a DIET! The portion of the stomach that created the
HORMONE for HUNGER was TWICE THE SIZE of a NORMAL PERSON! I would awake at
3 AM so RAVENOUS that I could not go back to SLEEP until I had eaten TWO
BOWLS OF CEREAL! With MY surgery, the doctor removed the portion of my
stomach that CREATES the hormone for hunger. I still have a LITTLE bit of
hunger, but NOWHERE NEAR the amount that I had before. The WORST that my
hunger has gotten was when I had not eaten solid food for TWO WEEKS after
surgery. I had been on clear liquids for that whole length of time and had
not even eaten JELLO. The best way to describe my worst hunger is to say
that it was as if I was working along and concentrating on the job and
someone suddenly said, "I am going to Taco Bell. Anyone want
anything?" I would then stop, think about it for a minute and think
to myself, "Am I hungry?" I would decide that I could use a bite
to eat and reply, "Yea, get me a burrito or something while you are
out, please." This was after TWO WEEKS ON A CLEAR LIQUID DIET! I had
BEEN on a clear liquid diet BEFORE the weight loss surgery. The first DAY
on the liquid diet I had wanted to chew my ARM off! Of course after all of
THIS, you are not likely to find people snubbing their noses at you. You
are more likely to have the same experience that I have. There are
occasions where I find that some folks are GLAD to see me leave! LOL ;-)
The trick is to find the happy middle ground where you can educate without
boring them with the details.
Hope this helps,
Hugh
— hubarlow
May 26, 2008
I always tell them the truth. When they say that I have taken the easy way
out, which is something that I heard often, I simply smile and let them
imagine whatever it is that they are imagining. Stand confidently in who
you are becoming and NEVER apologize for the choice you made. "none
of your business" tells them that you are not comfortable with your
decision. Good Luck.
— bariatricdivalatina
May 26, 2008
It is your choice to tell or not to tell. If you choose not to tell, then
just tell them you are eating less, following a protein diet, less carbs
and exercising more. That is the truth isn't it?
— NeedToLooseWeight
May 26, 2008
I understand that sometimes we just don't want to get into the details. For
me it would depend on whom it was. I would have no problem with teaching
someone about the process. On the flip side..... You could say. Thanks for
noticing, I've been working very hard at it with my Dr. and nutritionist
and lots of exersize. Hope that helps. Michele
— helpmelord
May 26, 2008
— rina_mo
May 26, 2008
i'm honest with ppl -- i tell them "surgery!! love it!!! would do it
all over again in a heartbeat!" that way i'll never have to cover up a
lie
— RCassety
May 26, 2008
I'm sticking to a medically supervised program????
But truly you shouldn't be embarrassed about how you are doing it. It's
not cheating...for some of us it is the only way. Do we look upon
diabetics with disdain because they need insulin or oral meds? Think,
truly think about how you feel about the surgery. Maybe that's where you
have to start with this...I know I did the right thing for me! Allee
— AlleeM
May 26, 2008
I think Bypass is like a tattoo. If your going to get one, dont hide it.
Because you shouldnt be ashamed of something you did. Who cares what people
say. You did it for your health and well being. And I did it for that
reason too. People will say "you took the easy way out" No we
didnt. Absolutely not. This is a life changing, LIFE that means the rest of
your life, that you will deal with eberyday. I have no problem telling
people. Just like before the surgery, you need a good support system then
and after. Good luck
— Joanc
May 26, 2008
If you truly do NOT want to tell them about the surgery (which you will
have to come to terms with eventually), then you could try a comeback such
as this: "Wow, do you want to know my age and shoe size too??"
and just walk away. Another one is "what do YOU weigh?". Weight
is such a personal thing that people are usually too embarassed to talk
about it. Since you are losing all this weight and they can see a big
difference in you, I would encourage you to tell the truth, simply that you
tried many diets and supplements and that nothing worked until you were
lucky enough to be able to get gastric bypass surgery and you are really
pleased with the results you are getting.
I wish you luck.
— anitak
May 26, 2008
I have to say I'm 100% honest as well ... but sometimes I feel like they
don't want the long version, heh. For those people, I say, "I'm under
a doctor's care" -- which is what I ALSO say to the people who say
gosh, aren't you losing weight much too quickly? Usually, by the time
these people are saying something to you, they've already got their
opinion. :)
— crydecker
May 26, 2008
Hi, I had my surgery Oct. 2007 I myself didn't tell anyone other than my
husband and children. I have lost a total of 85lbs. my goal and when
someone sees me I just say I am on a diet watching what I eat I walk and I
am under Dr.'s care which none of the above is a lie, I also didn't feel it
was anybody's business of what I do or did. It is working for me so
far.Good Luck to you!
— campnwego
May 26, 2008
Well, I am going to echo what many have said, on both sides. I work in a
service industry, I am a photographer. For me, I was upfront with my
clients about what I was going to and subsquently had done. I had a mixed
bag of responses, mostly positive, but I didn't have a few who thought or
implied I was taking the easy way out. After watching me with my ups and
downs, I think they all now understand that the surgery was NOT the easy
way out, indeed, for me, it has been the hardest thing I have ever done (am
still doing).
With that said, yes, I cringed when people made that face... you know the
one... but ultimately, I have had to realize that they are just uneducated
and perhaps by just know someone that has had the surgery, the attitudes
about obesity will somehow be changed for the positive. As a result of my
surgery, I have had 5 friends who have gone on and had the surgery
themselves. The all have told me that they were scared to think about it,
but once they knew someone who had actually had the RNY, it gave them the
impetus to explore that for themselves. I did NOT talk anyone in to doing
it...
The choice to tell is yours, but it is not anything to be ashamed of, in
fact, be proud that you had the courage to take ahold of your life and its
direction. Just something to think about though, remember Star Jones? She
would not admit that the had surgery and in the end was "found
out" anyway. I think she looked more foolish having someone
"out" her than if she had just been candid.
Do what is in your comfort zone, but be proud of what you did...
— Jeanne Aldrich
May 26, 2008
Except for a few close friends and family members, I simply say I am eating
healthy foods and exercising more. I feel no need to satisfy others'
curiosity. This may sound cynical. But after years of hearing people slice
and dice others' weight struggles, often with negative judgments, I feel no
need fuel petty gossip. Years ago, when losing weight through a
conventional program, the director suggested this response to the same
question: "I'd love to tell you about it, but it will take several
hours. When would you like to schedule time?" 99.9% of people never
follow up -- so how genuine and supportive can their interest be? If
someone does make the time, then go for it.
— Cathy 1.
May 27, 2008
I found this an interesting topic to see at this particular time in my
life. Personally, I have NO shame or embarassment in telling anyone that
I've had gastric surgery, but I just had the surgery 5-22-08 and feel so
excited that I am not hungry and the pounds are dropping. Like Bill, I am
proud and very thankful for my doctor and how her team will help lead me on
to a healthy, happy and much more rewarding life than I have had the
pleasure to experience in many recent years. Right now, I am at peace and
content and I pray that continues. Perhaps as I lose more significant
amounts of weight, the problem could surface for me about being approached
by others regarding my appearance. Honestly, I think by the time that
comes, everyone near to me will already know the truth, so I won't need to
worry about that. This surgery has given me a 2nd chance at life and I
want to enjoy it to the fullest.
— myra_mcm
May 27, 2008
I think you can probably tell people who are genuinely interested (and
perhaps wants to lose weight themselves) and ones who might be
"haters" or make some unwanted comment after you tell them. I'd
take the genuine ones aside and tell them the truth. The jerks... well,
I'd tell them I had a tapeworm or something. ;o)
— opheliafl
May 27, 2008
My surgery is not until June 26th. I have been very open with everyone
about my upcoming surgery, and I have had mixed responses. I have had the
blessings of many. I have had many tell me that they know someone who
knows someone's cousin/sister/aunt/uncle..... who died from the surgery (in
these cases, it was usually that they were very high risk for some reason,
or that had not followed Drs. orders to prevent blood clots or other
complications. I even had a situation where my Mom's small group leader,
at her Church, had her talk to this woman who's husband died (Blood Clot),
and told her to talk me out of it. Now my Mom is Very Frightened that
something like that will happen to me. I have also had people be Very
Supportive, and understanding, asking lots of questions about the surgery,
and praying for me. You know, before I shared my decision to have this
Surgery, I found myself judging a woman at my Church who had told me about
her surgery, and asked me to not tell anyone else. Of course I have
respected her wishes, but, I always felt like she was wrong, and that she
was not honoring God by not being honest. I've since, realized the
consequence's of telling others, and now understand that, if you choose to
share, you have to be prepared for anything, because most people will tell
you EXACTLY how they feel. I have to admit, I now respect her decision to
not tell, and even more, I understand it. As for me....I wouldn't have
done it any other way. These people have not lived in my body for 47
years, and most of them have NO IDEA what it's like to carry around over
300lbs every day. In the end, I'd say, do what's best for you. It's YOUR
choice. Oh, and I also need to mention, when I got my Tattoo a few months
ago (bracelet), I was raising my hands, Praising God, in Church, and a
woman that was sitting behind me grabbed my hand and told me that I was
wearing "The Mark Of The Beast"! My response? I laughed and
kept on singing!
— Jrsmomi
May 27, 2008
I'm proud of my RNY and at first I was afraid I might gain my weight back
and didn't really want people to know, just in case I failed. After a
while...I realized Iw as a success...Going on 4 1/2 years and still
maintaining! If you really want to keep it a secret, that's absolutely
your choice...and when someone would ask me that I didn';t want to explain
it all to, I would say "I had stomach surgery for health reasons and
really don't want to talk about it if you don't mind" and they often
just respected that.
— .Anita R.
May 27, 2008
Teresa,
Some people still have problems accepting people who have had weight loss
surgery thinking it's the easy way out, etc. We all know that nothing could
be further from the truth. Education is the key. Be proud of the fact that
you took the initiative to make a permanent lifestyle change! It took me
awhile to keep that from bothering me too but now I'm proud to say that
I've had a LapBand 1 1/2 years and have lost 135 lbs. I would do it all
over again if I had to.
Mary
— mec566
May 27, 2008
I would say "WITH HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION". Isn't that the
truth????? Some see surgery as an "easy way out"--it isn't. If
you knew HALF of the complications I have had, I definitely have NOT had it
easy at all! (Read profile for more info...) So it doesn't matter to
anyone else, but yourself, how you achieved where you are at. If you want
to tell someone the whole story, that is fine too, but if you don't want to
tell them, then just use the line above. That's all they need to know!
— ALafferty
May 27, 2008
My dad always said the truth is the best answer. Down the line it always
comes out. I'm proud I had the courage to have the surgery and would not
hesitate to tell anyone who asked. I've been blessed not to have any
discouraging remarks made about me and the bypass surgery I had (that I've
heard anyway) and wouldn't care. I know what I did was to turn my life
around and get healthy. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Don't let
anyone discourage you. You've joined a special group of people who have
taken back their life and you should be proud of that fact.
— SLittle1
May 27, 2008
After losing 200 pounds when people ask where did all of you go I am happy
to shout weight loss surgery. Then I begin to tell them why I had it done,
how I'm doing, and where I want to get too. Now people say how much more do
you want to lose and I tell them the doctor wants me to lose about 26
pounds more they say oh you don't want to do that you'll be too little. I
usually answer no I'll be healthier and at the weight I need to be at like
I orginally wanted to be. As the person said before seeing a success story
before their eyes may help someone who is searching for an answer to their
weight problems know what to do. My doctor told me when I first was
introduced to gastric bypass to research, go to seminar's, meet doctor's
and then talk to actual patients. I did all he said and 14 months later I
am 200 pounds lighter, healthier, and happier than I have been in 23 years
since I first gained all that weight. Be proud of what you have done and
realize someone may need your help and by seeing you as a good example
their life may be saved!
— TrevaDeck150
May 27, 2008
Most people won't ask someone why they are gaining weight, or why they are
fat, so why do people think its ok to ask about weight loss? Either way is
rude, if you ask me.
With that said, if you don't want people to know how you've lost weight,
then tell them it's none of your business. If you're going to answer their
question, be truthful.
Do you think surgery is an easy way to lose weight? NO! Could you have
done this with diet and exercise alone? NO! I'm guessing that it took a
long time to get insurance approval for surgery, if you were able to get it
at all. That's pretty common!!! WHY? Because there is this crazy idea
that diets work... and if diets work, then why pay for surgery? PLEASE.
Speak up.. share your experience.. educate and inform. If you aren't
comfortable sharing that you've had weight loss surgery, then tell people
to butt out... pretending that you lost 82lbs through diet and exercise
alone is a lie and it helps perpetuate the myth that a diet, exercise, and
will power are all a person needs to lose and keep off weight.
— mrsidknee
May 27, 2008
The truth has always worked for me. I welcome the question and tell it
like it is. When asked if I would recommend the surgery, I always answer
that I felt well informed and made my own decision and I would recommend
that they do the same. But I am almost three months post op, I feel great
and the weight is coming off. I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!! It's
working for me. Tell the truth. It's easier than making up stories. Good
Luck on your journey.
— sagarmy
May 28, 2008
I've not had anyone be that direct. If you are uncomfortable advertising
your surgery, you can just say you have been eating healthier, eating small
portions and exercising.
— gonnadoit
May 28, 2008
"I'm eating less and exercising more" would be the best answer
and truthful. Everyone I know is aware of my surgery because I tend to
blab everything. LOL
— VickiJ
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