Question:
Unhappy with my appearance
March 15th will be 8 years since I had WLS and I have become quite dissatisfied with the way that I look. Although I feel quite comfortable with my clothes on, undressed or with less clothing is purely UGLY and a sore site. The loose skin and the dimples beneath the skin is simply unbearable. I am recently separated from my soon to be ex husband and whenever we would argue he would reinforce that no one would want me with all of that saggy loose skin and that they may like me with my clothes on, however, that I a total mess with my sagging boobs, flapping arms and dimpled skin on my thighs. I can't afford plastic surgery and as bad as I feel, I would be willing to be taken on as a "PRO BONO" test case and possibly risk my life just so that I could enjoy the skin that I am in. I find myself wearing long sleeves in during the summer and keeping my arms close to my sides because of my "wings". I am often told how "pretty" I am but how can feel pretty when I am living in fear of anyone seeing me without clothes or even with short sleeves on? Does anyone have any suggestions. I am really depressed and bothered by this. I would love to get a body lift, however, as a single mom that is impossible unless I win the lottery. Thanks Signed, Not Loving the Extra Skin I am In — Mae P. (posted on March 14, 2010)
March 14, 2010
I don't have an answer for you, I'm only 3 months out. But it broke my
heart because my x husband used to tell me I was too fat to find anyone
(proved him wrong) But I have thought about these things with the skin and
dimples myself because I am seeing some of that now. It bothers me to
think I will never look good naked or in a bathing suit until I have
plastic surgery. Till then I have to love myself and pat myself on the
back for making the choice to have surgery for a healthier me. Look at it
this way... you probably didn't look that great naked before AND on top of
that being heavy you probably didn't look really great with clothes on.
NOW you are lookin smokin hot with your clothes on!!!
There are a lot of plastic surgeons that extend credit, I have a friend
that lost a bunch of weight and financed the whole thing.
Friend me I have almost no friends!
— Fogg1958
March 14, 2010
I am so sorry that you're feeling so bad about yourself. I don't know how
old you are, but I'm 56 and feeling (most days) as if I am 30. I've been
morbidly obese since I was about 23 years old, and in September of 2008 I
finally decided to do something about it. I don't know what my TOP weight
was, because I quit getting on the scale when it hit 312. When I went in
for my first consultation with Dr. Snyder, his PA weighed and measured me,
and I was in for a shock. As far as I knew, I was 5'9", but she
pegged me at 5'7 1/2". I'm thinking that's because I have severe
lumbar spinal stenosis, which causes me to lean sharply to the right (in an
attempt to avoid the pain that straightening up causes). At any rate, I
have two grown daughters, both of whom were very large babies, and back
when I had them, no one told me about vitamin E oil or lanolin to help
prevent stretch marks, so my stomach looks like a washboard. And after I
had my last baby, even though I only weighed something like 180 right after
her birth, I still had what the trainer in the gym called a "fat
apron". I guess now it's called a pannis. Anyway, my husband was
obese, too, and so he really couldn't say anything about MY weight. And
gaining all that weight had some real psychological reasons behind it. One
of them was that I didn't WANT to be attractive to my husband. I didn't
love him and the last thing I wanted was to be intimate with him. There
were other huge reasons, too... but here's the deal: once I left my
husband and finally (after several years) found a therapist who got me to
face and deal with the other reasons, it was only a short while until I was
able to "love" myself again. And then, I was able to begin
trying to lose the weight. Unfortunately, I would lose 50 or 60 pounds,
keep it off for a few months, then gain it all back again due to the bad
habits I'd developed in 30-some years of being fat. BUT, during one of
those "not-so-fat" periods, I found a lover who told me that
regardless of what I looked like nude, it was my spirit and my soul that
mattered. So WHAT if I had loose skin on my arms?? So WHAT if I had a
saggy belly?? So WHAT if I had dimpled thighs?? None of that mattered,
especially in the bedroom, which was usually dark. What mattered was my
laughter, my joy, the sparkle in my eyes, my compassion, my intelligence,
and best of all, my new-found confidence in my sexuality - which had been
severely inhibited by my early religious upbringing and then worsened by
crude comments about my size (from my own family, no less). That
relationship ended, but that person had given me back myself. Since then,
even prior to WLS, I've had 3 other relationships, and NONE of them were
about how I LOOKED, either dressed or undressed. And since I made the
decision to get the surgery, I've been taking photos of myself in my
underwear at regular intervals. And you know what? I don't look HALF
BAD!! I thought I'd have a HUGE pannis, but after a loss of 140 pounds,
it's a LOT smaller than I thought. Yes, I have the infamous
"batwings"...but what bugs me worse is the little pad of extra
skin just below my armpit that WILL NOT be stuffed into my bra. There is
no way I can afford plastic surgery, but I've found that getting a
professionally fitted bra had made a HUGE amount of difference. And I've
also found these panties called "Flexees" at Costco - they come
in a package of 3 for $12.99...and they're the best thing since sliced
bread. They're like panty girdles, and they hold my saggy belly quite
tightly - so it doesn't jiggle or hang down, even a little bit. You should
be so PROUD of yourself! You've added years to your life and set a
wonderful example for your children. You are like a Goddess to them...
they don't see your batwings, or your saggy skin... they only see the Mom
they cherish and love. And when you find a new partner, that person will
love you just the way you are, or they aren't worth a second look. Your
skin - saggy though it might be - is your badge of courage and proof that
you have what it takes to do the most difficult things in life, like having
children, raising them as a single parent, and going through WLS to become
healthy so you'll be around for them when they get older and make you a
grandmother. I honor you, and I hope that you will take a look in the
mirror and see the beautiful person looking back at you, loose skin and
all. As a matter of fact, learning how to do a self-blessing might really
help you to accept and make a bridge between how you look and who you are.
If you're interested in learning... you can email me privately, and I'll
tell you how. Blessings to you,
— Erica Alikchihoo
March 14, 2010
Hello My Name is KAren I have not had the surgery yet but hoping to have
the gastric sleeve done in the future. I am so sorry for how you feel about
your situation I know you feel even I feel this way even before the surgery
& I probably will feel this way afterwards. Maybe here is some options
for you that you can reearch online and talk to your family Physician for
further medical advice. I did here ther is Optional ways payments plans to
get the skin removal done at the hospitals where they perform the gastric
Procedures Care Credit card is accepted by some Hospitals & you can
make low monthly payments till the bill is paid off. I also years ago was
watching Tv about a woman who had the same circunstances as you the loose
skin after surgery. On the show I am not which one but it was telling
patients to get with their Physicians to help them to Look into this But
There are Hospitals through out the Country that will do Skin removal for
patients who have had the bypass surgery The hospitals that will do it is
Usually Skin Removal For harvesting for Burn Victims the Burn Victims gets
to use your skin to HEal and repair thei bodies while freeing yourself from
the excess skin that has oppressed you. Some doctors have not heard of this
so you have to do research and get others to help find the hospitals that
have Professional Credientals of Plastic Surgeons who do Skin Harvesting
from Patients with loose skin for Burn Victims & I heard that the
Hospital pays for the Procedures. It has been several years since i had
this show but I hope *& cannot see why this need would not still be
available for you and the burn victims. I hope this information has been
helpful. Please do not giveup hope & please do not sacrifice your body
to be Happy Prayerfully things will work out for you. Sincerely Karen
McCollam
— kdlady38
March 15, 2010
Hi Mae. I am 32 and had the RNY on 7/22/09. I started at 364 and now I am
239 as of this morning. So you can amagine how much extra skin I have. But
in my clothes you would never know it cause my body has taken a whole
different shape. Everyone says I have a coke bottle shape.And I do in
clothes. But beneath the 7seven Jeans and the long sleeve fitted top. I am
a HOT MESS! I look so good with clothes on that I feel like I am lying
about who I am .Because I have been open with people about having the
surgery,I let everyone know that under the clothes I look bad. But I have a
husband that doesnt care about it. He will take the extra skin over the
girl I used to be.
I have always been pretty,but at almost 400lbs I didnt do alot. There were
so many things that I worried about. Like could I fit in a seat when we
went out,or am I gonna break the lawn chair when we went to someones BBQ.I
even bought my own $70 chair to take with me cause it had a weight limit of
400lbs and I took it with me everywhere I went.My arms were so big that
Icould never sow them ,but it was hard to hide them cause they couldnt fit
in many sleeves.And only being able to shop at old lady fat shops.And I
took along time getting dressed and putting on make-up,cause I had to look
as good as I could to make up for the fact that I was huge!
Now I can live a regular life without being worried about being the
biggest person everywhere I go that the skin doesnt really bother me. I do
plan to get my arms ,boobs, and tummy tuck. But I am so excited about my
new life that I cant worry about that now. You will find a man that will
not care about the sagging skin. Cause he will understand that it is a part
of the package. But you need to know that how you see yourself is the way
that you perject yourself to others. Dont let your ex take the joy of
ovrecomeing obesity from you. Thank God for the gift of good health and
enjoy this part of your life.And he will bless you with the tools to fix
the rest.But if this is really bothering you. I would call up T.V shows and
tell them your story. Like "The Doctors", Dr.Oz,or the surgical
make over shows. I hope this hels some. TIA
— tiawillb
March 15, 2010
Mae....I just did a search on "Live-Donor skin donations" as a
possible answer to your wish to have cost-free excess skin removal.
Unfortunately, it looks like although this IS done, the patient is either
asked or volunteers to DONATE the skin, and it doesn't look as though this
has any effect on the cost of the surgery. In other words, it looks as
though you still pay what you would normally pay to have a thigh or arm
lift, or tummy tuck, you just allow the skin to be used for donor grafting
instead of having them dispose of it. I hadn't even THOUGHT about the
possibility, and it sounded really good to me... but there's the info I was
able to come up with. Sorry (for all of us who want the surgeries and
can't afford it)!
— Erica Alikchihoo
March 17, 2010
Mae,
Your husband has done a real number on you. He is trying to make you feel
bad. So, before you go running off to get skin removed, you need to go see
a pyscholist (sp) to discuss this first. Fix what is broken in your heart,
then your body. I feel real bad for you. My husband said that once to me
during an argument. It is hurtful, but it can be fixed. Your surgeon can
also deem it medically necessary to have the extra skin removed, as it too,
is a health risk. You can have infections under the flaps of skin, back
problems, etc. Go see a PhD first, then go speak to your surgeon, not your
primary, but the person who performed your wls. They seem to have more
influence over the insurance companies when it comes to "body
lifts". Hope you find this helpful. Best wishes. Don't let your
husband step on your self esteem any longer. Don't give up, keep fighting
to get this done.
— Kristy
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