Question:
Did I open a can of worms?

Oh my...I think my question opened a big can of worms. I do love my husband dearly and in no way am I looking for anything outside my marriage. I do value my husband's feelings and would in no way hurt him. My husband has co-workers who are female that he takes to lunch(they work for him) on their job anniversaries. They come to our house w/ their spouses for cookouts, 4wheeler rides(which he takes them on) and I am very secure in the fact that he considers them friends and comes home to me. He even goes out of town and goes to dinner with a mixture of men and women, but I know he is coming home to me. I just think that I should be able to have a conversation with a man w/o feeling like he is watching over my shoulder waiting for me to slip up or blow something out of proportion that is not there. We have had alot of problems in the past, but that is what it is, the past and he knows that I am not going anywhere(if I wanted to I would have been gone along time ago). So am I not allowed the trust that I give him when he goes out to lunch and out of town?    — dixieb (posted on June 13, 2003)

June 13, 2003
Did I miss something? Is this WLS related?
   — Kimberly L.

June 13, 2003
Dottie, maybe you couls show him your posts from people who do believe you can be friends with a man.
   — Delores S.

June 13, 2003
Well interpersonal realtionships of WLS patients sure belongs here. I have been very busy lately. But I have some lifetime female friends and Jen doesnt object. One is jokingly called my other wife. We dated in high school a little. She cares for our girls puddle and suzie when were away. Decoratred our hall for our wedding. I help her with stuff for her inner city puppet minestries. Right now I am rehabbing the trailer she uses for hauling her show stuff. Theres ONE old girlfriend who is getting WLS jen doesnt care for. Says she wants me:( I am NOT interested in anything like that. I guess I am lucky I have a understanding trusting spouse.
   — bob-haller

June 13, 2003
Kimberly, actually this is a continuation of question #113 on the 300 questions list. If you had been following along you would see it's about the insecurities, low self-esteem, and jealousy that can be involved with WLS when one (or maybe both partners) starts "transforming." Some of us feel the emotional issues are just as important as the medical and nutritional issues. Shouldn't ANY questions asked by a MORBIDLY OBESE or FORMALLY MORBIDLY OBESE person be valid? We wouldn't be here or even reading these questions if "us" or "our lives" were perfect. That's just my two cents. kim
   — Kim K.

June 13, 2003
You cannot live a life without finding other people that you are attracted to and sometimes love. However; when you have made a commitment to someone then that relationship should be the one you concentrate on and hold dear through good times and bad. If your relationship is strong then the people you love along the way may become your best friend. I have two men in my life that I love dearly besides my husband and he knows my feelings...he also knows that he is my life and I love him above all others. Some people make the mistake of following their feeling for others when things are tough in their current relationship. The grass can seem greener on the other side of the fence but it is your responsiblity to know your own boundaries. Married 24 years to a man the adores me and I him....The secret to a good relationship....commitment. Blessings...
   — Oldsoul

June 13, 2003
Dottie- You did open a can of worms. Thank you. Losing weight is so much more than a physical process--- questions like yours force us all to consider how our plan for continued health will effect those we love. I think that if I had considered how my actions affected those I loved more frequently, I would not have been in denial about my obesity for so long. So please, don't think for a second that a question like yours doesn't help all of us. I didn't think that, in all the years that have passed since puberty, I could enjoy a changing body as much--- but, much like happened when I was 13, I'm finding that there are as many changes in my head as there are in my body. Fortunately, I was blessed with a wonderful wife and loving friends and family with whom to share these changes.
   — SteveColarossi

June 13, 2003
To answer your question, YES you deserve the same respect as you give him. You may want to remind him of that fact! I'd say if he can't get past his insecurities and you've shown NO inclination to 'stray' then, he needs some counseling or couples counseling. You shouldn't have to pick and choose your friends based on his irrational feelings on what he THINKS could happen.
   — Kris T.

June 13, 2003
After reading your reponse to our responses from yesterday I wanted to change my mind <girls can do this ya know> LOL-- I agree if he has female friends who he does things with and talks to on a regular basis (lunches, 4-wheeler rides, etc) then you deserve the same respect and trust you are giving him. I myself would remind him of the trust you are giving him when he does these things and that you deserve the same. It may take him some time to understand this but I think you shouldn't give up. What's good for the gander is good for the goose ya know?
   — Mindy R.

June 13, 2003
Kim & Bob. Nope, I don't read all the questions all the time. My response below was basically asking if this was a continuation. Those who read more into it and took it negatively did so on their own. God bless!
   — Kimberly L.

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