Question:
Any other gay people having WLS besides me?
Hi -- I'm a 43-yr-old lesbian waiting for RNY in a few months. I'm just wondering if there are any more of us on this board. Everyone here seems quite friendly, but it would be nice to have that 'other' connection with someone going through this process. My partner is also having the surgery, at a different hospital, a few months after me. Ironically, she doesn't like to talk about it as much as I do! I'm obsessed! So I love these online support groups.I live on Cape Cod (near P-Town!). — Veronica D. (posted on December 7, 2000)
December 7, 2000
Lordy, mercy, Veronica! What difference could being gay possibly make? The
darn fat cells seem to be equal opportunity! And, yes, there are some gay
folk here, some where, now where did they go???? (I'm straight, but not
narrow. Not yet, anyway!) Feel free to talk about whatever...this is a
pretty good group that seems to favor diversity...
— merri B.
December 7, 2000
Yeah (hahaha) ... does it make any difference if we're straight? We can be
fun and great to talk to also, or do gays have their own language? I like
your openness ... obviously you're not afraid.
— Betty Todd
December 7, 2000
Nope, sorry not a lesbian, but...I'm friendly, easygoing, fun to talk to,
and just had open bpd/ds almost 8 weeks ago now. I love to talk about my
surgery, surgeon, journey before and after..so feel free to email...also,
good luck to you and your partner and more importantly God bless~ Terri
— Terri G.
December 7, 2000
I am not gay but I understand that there ARE issues that directly relate to
different cultures and lifestyles. I too will say that if ever you need to
talk e-mail me. I will listen.
— Courtrina Amur W.
December 7, 2000
Since you asked, I'm straight but I'm comfortable with that and haven't any
issues with someone else's sexual orientation. I'm not sure how much being
a lesbian affects your WLS issues but I would be happy to listen and share.
Have the two of you asked about necessary paperwork to ensure that you are
each able to function as the others next-of-kin in the event of problems
occurring during surgery. I know that this can be a special problem for gay
and lesbian couples, especially if their birth families are not comfortable
with the natural of your relationship.
— Nanette T.
December 7, 2000
Hi there Veronica! Well, I'm gay and thought I was the only one here.
NOT! I'm 53 and had WLS about nine months ago. Being a lesbian hasn't
stopped me from joining in here and making a few close friendships. We all
seem to be in the same boat, but come from different backgrounds and stuff.
People here have limped a mile in my shoes. However, I do know that
sharing my experiences, fears and whatever with another gay person has been
a great comfort to me ... just cause they know exactly where I'm coming
from and probably know about the added isolation I've suffered along the
way too. So, please feel free to email me or whatever and I'd be happy to
talk with you! :)
— Martha O.
December 7, 2000
Veronica ... straight, but also 43, and nearly 8 months post-op from an
open VBG, 115 pounds gone forever. The best part of this website is that
sexual orientation, or even sex (as in gender) for that matter, doesn't
really figure into the equation. As someone else pointed out, fat cells
are pretty much equal opportunity. If you need to talk, I'll listen, too
... one of the few things I've kept from my time in OA about ten years ago
is you can't keep it if you don't give it away, so I'm always up for
sharing. Good luck and warm skinny thoughts ...
— Cheryl Denomy
December 8, 2000
I have a notion that this thread will be deleted later today, but let's
first remember that this is a <b>SUPPORT GROUP</b>. Last week
I wrote to an AMOS member who was also widowed and had wls. I'm sorry, but
that extra connection to someone is important, because they have walked a
mile in your shoes, and know your situation based on their own personal
experience.<br><br>Let's leave the moderating to the Moderators
and remember that "if we can't say something nice, don't say anything
at all."
— [Deactivated Member]
December 8, 2000
I sure didn't see anything attacking "happily married heterosexual
couples" in this post, perhaps I need glasses. We all need support
regardless of lifestyles. I don't agree with some people's
lifestyle, but I am sure there are people who don't agree with mine.
I DO agree with supporting each other in our struggles with
weight loss! We all go through changes, even lifestyle affecting
changes, and should be able to talk about them without affecting others.
If the lesbian lifestyle offends you, why read the post? If I
started a post "Christian mother of 2 who homeschools".... some
may be offended by MY choice of lifestyle and choose not to
read it- but I may get support from soneone who does understand my
unique fit into this world. Veronica deserves the same support from
the people who want to give it (lesbian or not!)
— M B.
December 8, 2000
Hi Veronica.. though I'm not gay, yes, there are many gay people having
wls.. There is a mailing list on eGroups called <a
href="http://www.egroups.com/group/OSSG-Lesbian-and-Gay">OSSG-Lesbian-and-Gay</a>
that you may be interested in. There are over 150 different
"speciality" mailing lists having to do with WLS. There may be
others there too having to do with gay issues. Here's the list you can
wade through <a
href="http://www.egroups.com/search?query=weight+loss+surgery&sc=0&sg=0">Mailing
Lists</a>. Good luck in your search for support!~~
— [Deactivated Member]
December 8, 2000
Veronica, perhaps you could tell us what the "connection" that
you are looking for is. I guess a few of us don't really understand what
the difference would be whether we are straight or gay concerning this
surgery and it's aftermath. We are all strong women (okay and men too,
sorry) and all have alot of the same concerns healthwise as well as
psychologically wise. You are first off, a woman like me, and as such, I
am sure that your concerns and worries are basically the same as mine
whether you are straight or gay. I have so many gay friends and yet, their
sexuality comes into play very very little in our friendship. They are
first and foremost, my friends and I love them the same as I love anyone
else. I just can't see what the difference might be concerning this
surgery, but then again, I am not in your shoes. Might you tell us what
your concerns might be? What the diffences are for gay women and men? I
would be curious to know and it would help all of us understand you just
alittle bit more maybe. I wish you and your partner nothing but success
and happiness and lots of lost pounds. You will do great because we can
all see that you are a strong person with a great heart.
Barbara
— Barbara H.
December 8, 2000
Hi, this is Veronica again. Thank you to those who answered my question...
but I did not intend to raise a furor just by asking if there are other
people like me on the board. I certainly DO NOT intend to insult the
straight people here. You are all very nice. I am not trying to exclude
anyone. I just wondered if I had an additional thing in common with other
WLS people. And yes, since a few of you asked, there is a difference, for
me, about being gay on a 'seemingly' all-straight board. Consider how you
might feel if every single person you ever encountered on a WLS support
group online were GAY, and you're not. There are tons of things you'd have
in common, regarding the surgery, but wouldn't you want to relate, once in
a while, to someone who like yourself, maybe suburban heterosexual, raising
children, etc? And if you did throw out that question - hey, anybody here
straight? -- how would you feel if you were attacked by "what's the
difference?!!" Please, believe me that there is a difference, however
small and insignificant, and NO, gay people don't have a 'secret language.'
For goodness' sake, what did I do to deserve THAT sarcasm?? If I were
black, or Brazilian, or Japanese, and looking for someone with my
background just for a little 'connection,' would you all carry on like you
have?? I urge you to examine your own defensiveness about this. Why has my
question upset you, really? If it's because it seems like I am excluding
straight people from my support system, I assure you I'm not. And by the
way, welcome to the world of feeling excluded -- which is what most, if not
all, gay people have experienced for years. Which is exactly why I asked if
there were other gay people on the board!!!! Maybe only another gay person
knows what I mean! But thank you again to the people who just answered
nicely.
— Veronica D.
December 8, 2000
Veronica, at first reading your question, I thought whats the difference if
you talk to a gay person or not. But then I read your responce and got to
thinking.....isn't that why we are here? Because we are Obese and we were
and are excluded and we want someone we can relate to and someone to talk
about our problems with. Does a lifelong thin person know what we are going
through? Does a heterosexual know what a homosexual is going through? The
answer to both is NO. Its ashame that a group of people that have
experienced so much prejudice and humiliation can inflict it on another
member of the group, whether intentional or not. I hope you find what you
are looking for....good luck Veronica!
— imano1momy
December 9, 2000
Veronica, I lived for a time in a community that was VERY repressive toward
lesbians and gay men. It was essential that these folks not live openly as
who they were because of the biases and reprecussions they would experience
if outted. But within that community we had a network of friends and
colleagues both gay and straight who supported the gays and lesbians. Those
of us who were straight could not fully understand what our friends were
experiencing but we could still care for them openly as the people they
are.
— Nanette T.
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