Question:
How do you deal with all the compliments?
Don't get me wrong I love all the compliments but especially at work I get comments like "you're melting away" called skinny etc all night long. It just seems a little akward. Saying thank-you just seem like enough and when people call me skinny or whatever it's awkward because at 190 pounds I know I am not skinny. Compared to 284 I look much better but no where near skinny. — sandy L. (posted on July 16, 2003)
July 16, 2003
Oh my gosh, I can so relate. I love compliments, too, but I wish people
wouldn't say things like "skinny" or "you're going to
disappear." Granted, I look way better, but NOT anywhere near skinny.
I've had people do this to me in front of other people who don't know me
and are probably looking at me and thinking "she's not skinny, are you
blind." It's actually quite embarassing!
— Kathy S.
July 16, 2003
WHen people come up to me and say "You are so thin" (I am 5'8
and 160) or somethong like I am melting away or I am loosing too much
weight, I smile and say, "I am healthy!" Somehow by saying
"I am healthy" I get the conversation focused back on my health.
I say I feel wonderful and I love being healthy. I hope this helps
— Sarah G.
July 16, 2003
I remember going through that very awkward time. I would just say thank you
and smile. What made it really awkward, though, was when people at work I
barely knew would ask me how much weight I lost. I remember one vivid
incident: a man who works in a different department and 11 floors above me
asked me while we were standing at the elevator (with other people standing
there waiting, as well), "How much weight have you lost?" I said,
"A lot." He said, "No--really--how much?" I again said,
"A lot." I then changed the subject. Darn it! I was so mad at
him. How dare he ask me such a personal question in earshot of other people
when I didn't even know him. I couldn't believe his
rudeness.<p>Anyway, I said all that to let you know you're not alone
in your experience, and eventually people will get used to it. Time passes,
your weight loss slows or stops and they forget that you were once M.O.
Thank God! It won't be long and the comments will go away. Just hang in
there. I wish you the very best and continued success.
— artistmama
July 16, 2003
Kathy S. you gave me a giggle. Never really thought about how others might
view these "compliments" we get, but you're likely right! I have
taken to just smiling at people when they make comments and I pray they get
over it soon!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 16, 2003
Just keep in mind that most people are giving you a compliment; they are
trying to be nice, not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It's their
way of being supportive and to acknowledge the changes in you. As long as
I hear the compliments in that light, I am not uncomfortable with them.
When someone says something like "you're melting away", or
"you're getting skinny" I just smile and say something like
"I'm not there yet, but I'm working at it!". That
acknowledgement of the compliment seems to satisfy the complimentor, and I
feel better about not pretending that I think I'm skinny, or anything near
it (yet!).
— Vespa R.
July 16, 2003
When I hear "Wow you look great" or such, I always say
"Thanks, I FEEL great" because it was no secret I had WLS. I
want people to know that I did it to feel better and to be healthy not just
to get skinny. When people are rude and ask how much I weigh, I ask them
to tell me how much they weigh first and that usually makes them back down.
I still have 21 more pounds to go but people say I need to stop but at 168
I'm still in the overweight range. I just say thanks but I'm working with
my docor and he and I know whats best and leave it at that. Just like when
you made up your mind to have WLS, make up your mind to do whats best NOW.
Just keep smiling and be proud of yourself. You are doing GREAT! ~Sidney~
Open RNY 10-23-02 down 100+ and counting
— Siddy I.
July 16, 2003
I am in the same boat. I have lost from 272 to 200 and I hear the exact
same comments you mentioned. Some people are actually telling me that I
don't need to lose any more weight. A few months ago, I was driven crazy
at work because literally the same people would make the same exact
comments three to four times a day and it drove me crazy. At first, I
thanked them for their compliments. Then after about the third time that
day (after getting the same complement from the same person) I eventually
ignored them. It really got on my nerves for the same person to say
something three to four times a day. It has calmed down now that I am six
months out from surgery. I still comments and it makes me feel good. (I
still perceive myself as being 272). It really makes me feel good when I
see someone I haven't seen in a while and they say something. :) If it
gets on your nerves too much, try talking to that person(s) and let them
know how much you appreciate the comments and feeback but you really don't
have to hear it every time you walk in the room. Good luck to you in your
journey! Daphine (open RNY 01/13/2003)
— Daphine C.
July 16, 2003
I get this constantly. I LOVE it! I am constantly being told that I am
melting away, etc. What I am starting to hear now is "you are skinner
than me!!" I just laugh and say.. "I know!!!" I don't let it
bother me at all. People ask me all the time how much I have lost and I
tell them proudly! .. Sarah.. -109 lbs since open RNY 2/3/03
— SarahC
July 16, 2003
I guess this one is universal. I also am getting tired of it but do remind
myself it's done to be nice. Kathy S's comment made me laugh too--I never
thought about that! I just know I'm nowhere near skinny yet, although I do
look thinner than 230. I've now had two men ask me out, and though neither
of them interested me (woulndcha know) it does give me hope for the future,
especially at my age of 55! I guess I'm no longer invisible. I'm going ot
have to remember to ask people what they weigh if they ask me; I like that
retort! Now if I could just think of a good line to use on the gal who
wants to monitor my food...I like her so don't want to be rude and I know
she only wants to help me succeed.
— Chris T.
July 16, 2003
Great question! I went to a garage sale the other day and as I was
approaching I heard "Wow! Are you melting away?!" I was
thrilled. Then I realized the guy who said it (a neighbor) was talking
with a man I had never seen before. I said to my neighbor "Well, I'm
working on it - thanks!" I looked at the other man and he was looking
at me up and down with a look of horror on his face and it was like I could
read his mind "she has lost weight? What a load!" I was so
embarrassed . . . I have gone from 304 to 228 and still have a lot to go -
but I will admit I am much better than before. What do we do in these
situations? I don't know. But, I think after the initial "rush"
of compliments that it will calm down for you at work. Try turning the
compliment around to them. Most people love talking about themselves
anyway. When they say that you are looking great. Say, ya know, speaking
of looking great, I've noticed your skin has been really glowing lately.
Have you changed moisturizers? Been going to a spa? Using a tanning
booth? Dermabrasion? Face lift? Tell me! What is your secret?! That
will get them off the trail . . . .
— Kim B
July 17, 2003
Oh this is SO funny! I have had people compliment me very often. Of
course, many people at work have to be watchful of the harrassment issues
so the higher ups are especially careful about how they phrase things.
My greatest compliment is having my sister tell me she's now seriously
considering WLS. That was one of my goals. We have serious co-morbidities
rampant within our family and it scares me to see her not do anything. I
keep my mouth shut but when she brings it up, I talk to her about what she
wants to know.
Just 2 days ago a male co-worker told me him & another guy were going
to try to get me once I started looking good. He's married but the other
guy isn't. Neither of them ever appealed to me and do so even less now
(after these comments). I was furious at his comments but politely told
him I was interested in dating anyone who thought I wasn't worth dating
pre-op. And that is how I feel.
Besides, I have a very dear friend who has been with me for years and
cherishes what the two of us share. He didn't want me to have surgery out
of fear for my well-being and since being post-op and the dramatic changes
it has had on my personality, he is very happy & proud for me. We have
an amazing relationship that has nothing at all to do with sex, but is
beyond friendship.
Best wishes to you!
— Diane S.
July 17, 2003
Wow, I feel so much better knowing that others are having this problem. I
personally find it annoying when the same people make the same comment
everyday all day!!!! I know they are trying to give me a compliment but
DAMN!!! i even have people telling me I can see your collar bones you are
going to be anorexic. Mind you I am 5'11 and weigh 215lbs. my starting
weight was 409 so granted I look much smaller but anorexic lets be real. I
have a co worker who constantly says don't you have a siser that works
here. ugh!!!! i have so many people giving me their uninvited opinions you
are going to look like a crack head etc etc. I just kindly tell them when i
was 409 lbs you had nothing to say please keep your comments to
yourself!!!!!!!
— tameaka S.
July 17, 2003
I'm on the same block with ya. I love the compliments but am so tired of
having to answer to them everytime I walk in the room. I have even had one
co-worker bragging to all our members. One of our big (300+) pastors who
is very interested in the surgery and has twice now worked my loss amounts
into his sermons. He announced my 90 pound loss (he was off by 3 pounds)
to all 700-800 people in attendance last night at church. Then there go
the compliments again. He hasn't announced about my having had surgery to
loose weight, just the amounts. Thank God we're all family. My favorite
line to counter the frequent "your're so getting skinny" is to
say "yea right, you'll hear my hollar when I really get there."
— jocelyn
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