Question:
how do you respond to comlements?
I'm doing a bandacise class at the gym and most of the women don't know that I've had WLS. The other day they were all going on about how thin I was looking and how great I was doing losing weight. (with the thought that our class was really helping me do that I'm sure) Exercise is helping me lose the weight but mostly, WLS is the main factor. When people compliment me, and don't know about WLS, I just say thank you or smile but I don't feel that I'm deserving of the compliment because I feel that WLS is doing all the work. If I'm complimented one on one, I usually will say that I've had this surgery and that's why I'm loosing. Am I crazy?? This is driving me crazy because I don't feel like I'm doing any of the work to lose and that WLS is the only reason I'm losing. All comments are appreciated! 9mo post-op, 140#'s lost. — Kim J. (posted on January 23, 2004)
January 23, 2004
Kim, how can you say that you don't feel like you're doing any of the work
to lose and that WLS is the only reason you're losing. WLS is A LOT of
HARD work! You are losing the weight and that is what's important. I am a
member of a Curves and one day, I was getting weighed. The worked was
amazed at how much weight I had dropped in just two weeks and looked at me
funny. I am very proud of my decision to have this surgery, and I said to
her "I'm a gastric bypass patient." She looked back at me, very
disgusted and said "Oh, then you have help." I smiled and said
that while I do have some altered organs because of medical necessity, I
still have to work really hard to lose every pound. Every time I put a
bite of food into my mouth or everytime I work out, it is a choice. My
choice. Your weight loss is great. 140 pounds lost in 9 months! That is
so awesome. I can only wish that I was losing at that fast of a rate.
But, you didn't lose that weight simply by having the surgery. You lost
that weight by making better food choices and choosing to exercise. Please
pat yourself on the back and feel proud of your accomplishments. The
surgery is just a tool, not a magic wand, so it is not completely
responsible - your actions are. Keep up the great work! ~Kristy (lap rny
9/18/03 - 320/250/168)
— kristynush
January 23, 2004
Hi Kim.
I know what you mean. I was thinking the same way for a while. Then I got
to thinking about how hard it is to get up at 4:30 mon.-fri and work my
butt off at the gym. I remind myself how disciplined I am to pass on sweets
and junk food. Those things are all my doing. I could be eat what I wanted
and not workout and then I would feel like the WLS is doing all the work,
but the truth is I put just as much effort and restrain into my program as
I did when I was doing the yo-you diet thing. Only differene now is instead
of buying every magic pill on the market, I have a built in tool that is
guaranteed to work, but only if I work it. We deserve praise for that. Dont
forget. WLS does not make you workout or make wise food choices, that is
all you love. Be proud. You deserve those compliments.
— Regina J.
January 23, 2004
My first reaction is to tell you "what the hell, THIS **IS**
WORK!" but I'm not intending to holler at you. That isn't nice. But
really, what I would like you to do is to shake your head and slap yourself
a few times!! THIS IS WORK THIS IS HARD! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD! Don't
minimize your accomplishment! Holy cow you went through a major surgery,
have had to give up something you've enjoyed (eating!), have had to
re-learn how to eat, you have started your life anew, renewed, without the
protection of your weight to keep you safe from the world, and without the
"but I can't because . . . " excuse. MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!
When people compliment you, give them a BIG SMILE and say thank you. Not
everyone has to know you had surgery. If you were losing weight with a
pill would you introduce yourself to new people and say "Hi I"m
so-and-so and I'm losing weight using ____ so I really can't take the
credit." Do people who have surgery to fix blocked arteries tell
everyone the details of their medical history? This is your personal info,
the world doesn't *have* to know it. You aren't lying, you aren't taking
credit you aren't due. You earned it. You earned it. You are doing the
work. Every day, I have to take a minimum of 2 children's chewables, 4
calcium pills and two servings of milk or yogurt, 4 iron pills, a B12. I
have to drink 64 oz of water. 60g of protein. Somewhere in there I haev
to get in a V8, a prune joice or prunes, a high-fiber food, 5 fruits and
veggies. And I have to avoid fatty/sweet foods. Oh, and exercise. NOW
tell me if that isn't work. Heck just re-learning how to eat so I don't
get sick is work. Don't short yourself. I wonder if you short yourself in
other areas??? Be happy be proud hold your head up high. Not everyone has
the courage to make such a big change in their lives. I know for me,
without my excuse (but who would want to date me anyway I'm oerweight) that
jsut the thought of some guy I don't know trying to pick me up scares the
hell out of me, and it might happen now, and I can't just hide. GOOD
LUCK!!!!
— Calleigh Q.
January 23, 2004
Well, I kept my surgery from almost everyone, except for some immediate
family members and a friend.
When people compliment me or ask what I'm doing, I simply tell them the
truth ... I stopped eating as much, I'm eating the right foods and I'm
excerising more. Because that is the truth, and it's no one's business but
my own. :)
— Ann B.
January 23, 2004
I am exactly like Ann B. When complimented for losing weight just say
thank you and leave it at that. I see this often, where post-ops spent so
many years obese and feeling that they didn't deserve attention and treated
badly, that now that they receive positive attention, they are looking for
reasons why they couldn't possibly deserve it. The others are right, this
is hard work. Its true the surgery does much of the work in the very
beginning but the further out you get, the more the work becomes you-your
food choices and amounts, your regular exercise regime, your daily vitamins
and supplements. By the time you get to maintenance, its all your work,
trust me! Congrats on the weight loss-you deserve a pat on the back!
— Cindy R.
January 23, 2004
This is work. If it wasn't there wouldn't be a failure rate. IT (being WLS)
would work and no one would fail. I tell people diet and excerise and i am
NOT lying. I eat differnetly and I excerise (sometimes :o) It is no one's
business. Don't let the WLS rob you of your due.
— Rebecca K.
January 23, 2004
so what you are saying is that you don't take any credit for your new way
of eating, working out and deep emotional changes. those things really
aren't any big deal?? they are major and it is something only you can
do...and you are doing and will have to do for the rest of your life. take
pride and credit for ALL the changes you have made and will make in the
future.
— franbvan
January 23, 2004
The surgery only makes you feel full sooner. You decide what to put in
your mouth. You exercise. It is you.
— mrsmyranow
January 23, 2004
I also thinkk that you should take credit for your weight loss, at least in
your mind. It didn't just happen. But also I have a strong disagreement
with those of you who remain silent about the surgery, especially
afterwards. I think that you are missing a great opportunity to educate the
public about WLS. There are many of us who are being denied this procedure
because of ignorance and prejuidice, please help by educating those around
you. Silence is not golden in this case. Public education may be the key to
helping so many of us who need and who deserve this surgery.
— Havi S.
January 24, 2004
It's all up to you how you handle the compliments. I tend to tell people
how I did it just cause alot of controversy surrounds this procedure,
sometimes. And since more and more people are looking into it I like to
think of myself as a success story.
— Kelly T.
January 24, 2004
Original poster here...thank you all for your comments. They have been very
helpful!
— Kim J.
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