Question:
My Perfect Life
I know that weight loss surgery is probably in NO way going to make my life perfect. But lately, I have been obsessing that it will be! I have been severely overweight since I was about five years old. Despite the fact that I am very smart with an above average IQ, very pretty, funny, etc. I have been constantly ignored and considered second best my whole life. I know the only reason for this has been my weight problem. I know girls who can't spell the word C-A-T and are butt ugly who can land a gorgeous man, a successful high paying career etc. Why? Because they are so skinny. I know I am not perfect,and could definitley use improvement, but I feel I have always had a lot to offer. But, because I weigh over 300lbs. no one cares to see what I have to offer. I feel like I have ruined my entire life so far. I am only 25 and have 4 children, married the wrong man by far, didn't finish college etc. Despite that I would have my children all over again and love them dearly, I feel as though I "settled" for less in my life just because I had too! Now, with this surgery approaching, I feel like at last I will have the chance to make it all right again. I will finish school, get a fantastic job, find a better husband, give my children everything they want! I know this is just a fantasy in reality. I know for most, that the weight loss doesn't change their life from being bad to perfect. But, have any of you had these same feelings while preop? Am I normal? Please don't bash me for not doing this for the "right" reasons. I AM doing this for my health as well! And do not bash for me for calling my life with my children bad. I DO LOVE THEM And would have them all over again!!!! I just want to know how to stop planning this unrealistic view of my future life as a postop. Thank you! — [Anonymous] (posted on December 16, 2001)
December 16, 2001
Remember, this is not a miracle surgery. It is just a tool!!! I don't
doubt that you love your children. The thing is, this surgery might not
change your life in the way you're thinking. Do this surgery for your
health and for your kids. You have to take care of "you" first.
Worry about Prince Charming later on. If it's meant to be, he'll show up
and sweep you and your kids off your feet. Just don't force that as a key
issue. If you do, you're only gonna set yourself up for failure. No one
has a "perfect" life. They just have a life where they focus on
the positives and live it day by day. And just because you're skinny
doesn't mean that you are entitled to a "perfect" life. We all
come across hardships that we need to overcome regardless of our size. You
say that you're a smart, funny, pretty woman. That's 3 +'s for you!
Honey, I know tons of skinny, stupid people. Looks will only get you so
far in this world. It's what's inside that will really take you where you
need to go. You say you want to do this for the "right" reasons.
Only you can decide which reasons are right for you. Email me if you want
to talk further. Good luck!
— tmrivas
December 16, 2001
Well, I don't think your fantasies are unrealistic in and of themselves.
What would *make* unrealistic would be if you didn't take steps to make
them happen. Perhaps the most practical thing you can do now is to turn
the fantasies into goals, and start listing the very real and attainable
steps you can take to make them realities. Don't try to do too much at
once - focus on the most important thing to you now, and once the wheels
are in motion for change in that area, you can start working on the next
item on your list. As you work through the items you'll find some things
won't work out as you'd hoped but that others will fall into place with
little effort. Never stop dreaming, just don't let the dreams become all
you have! Good luck!
— BlueGray
December 16, 2001
Hi I have that pretty much "perfect life" but as you can guess,
it's not that pefect!!!! I think all I need to do is loose my weight so I
can do the things all the other "active moms" do w/o the
embarassment of " boy, is she ever huge!!" silient comments. I
think it's going to improve my life so much, soically as well as
physically.
My hubby is a sweetheart who loves me as I am and has NEVER
in 12 years said anything about my weight. I am the one whois so self
consious. The WLS will help me in this area too. I think you going to
school, and having a career are
excellent goals and not fanstasy. Many people go to school
and have careers. Finding a new mate is also possible.
I think like the other poster suggests use these as goals
and you will be able to accomplish them. Good Luck!
— Cindee A.
December 16, 2001
I will always remember a quote form Susan Powter's book and it was
something like this: Your life will have the same stresses that it did
before weight loss, but you can DEAL with life better because you feel
better physically, mentally, and emotionally. That just about sums it up
and seems to be the realistic perspective. Carolyn, -87# in 9 months.
— Carolyn G.
December 16, 2001
Hi... I am 51 and pre-op but I can identify with where you are in life. I
married at 24, had first child just past 25 and lost several in between and
then had last at age 31. I have always been overweight but up until this
year it never seemed to get in my way of life, I thought. But at 39 I had
a major mid-life crisis. I wanted the perfect life, the perfect
relationship, the perfect job and a couple of years later ended a 17 yr
marriage in search of me. I had always been someone's wife, mother,
daughter, worker and had no idea who I was. I found me through a lot of
hard work but something was still missing and probably in reality the part
of me that was broken was not being thin in a thin world. I am now 51 and
approaching surgery to stay alive longer and for health reasons. While
looking better will be a perk, my empetus was health. My thoughts are that
you are having a personal awakening of sorts and that the first goal in
your travels that you can accomplish is losing the weight. Perhaps you see
yourself at 25 years young with 4 children already, probably do not have a
job you love, relationship might be suffering and you are wondering what
you might have missed out on. They say when you make a major life change
to give yourself 1-2 years after that change before you make any major
decisions. So a suggestion might be to make this your first goal to have
the surgery and do this for you, lose weight, feel better, have more energy
and then take other steps slowly and one at a time. But do everything in
baby steps so you don't look back one day in regret. At 51 I learned
something else too.....everyone's green grass has weeds. So for now, you
are making a great decision for you and you are doing this for you. What
happens later you can worry about then. Best wishes to you.
— AJC750
December 16, 2001
You sound like I used to!!! You don't have to wait to lose weight to be
like this! Tomorrow you wake up,look at the sun out the window and say
"what can I do today to that will improve my life in 5 years?"
You can start by Hugging your children and telling them what wonderful kids
they are. Then you can tell yourself how wonderful you are. Once you can
see your own smile others will take notice.
First things first, make an appointment with a financial aide advisor and
find out what you need to do, to get things in order to return to college.
You can keep your current husband (for finacial stability) until you can
manage on your own. This preparation may take you 6 months, maybe a year,
but you will know in your mind that you have a plan. There are men out
there who are caring that are attracted to a womans inner beauty, but you
have to let your inner beauty radiate towards the outside. Don't keep it
inside. Take control of YOU. In time the pieces will start falling into
place and you will be a new person with energy and love for LIFE. Take it
and run with it.
— elifritz
December 16, 2001
Nothing in your past has been a mistake. You made the best decisions for
you at the time. Now you expect better and that is a good place to be. Go
see a therapist. I did and it helped me define what I need and want in
life. What has helped me has been reading meaningful books, writing in a
journal, listening to others stories, and talking about my own battles,
questions, and triumphs. I agree, call those dreams goals. Figure out what
is in your power to change and take those steps!
— Carolynn J.
December 17, 2001
I wouldn't say that WLS will fix you life...BUT - here's how I looked at
it. This was an opportunity to REINVENT MYSELF from the inside out. In
other words, the WLS was going to help fix the outside, now I wanted to
work on the inside - which is all those things I've wanted to do and
didn't. I went back to school before my WLS and now and one year away from
getting my bachelor's. I've changed the way I deal with people (becoming a
more honest person with integrity). I'm trying to improve and move up at
work and while I'm doing this I'm losing weight. Now this feels great to
me, but may be overwhelming to some people. But I think what you're really
feeling isn't that WLS will be the answer to everything, but that this is
the beginning of a change in your life. Sometimes it can make us see all
that does need chaning and give you inspiration. Just be careful to think
everything through careful and maybe go to counselor to help ensure you're
not making hasty decisions. But if you're ready to change, do it. Just do
it with care.
— [Deactivated Member]
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