Question:
Have any of you had your surgery done in complete secrecy?
I am a wife and a mother of 3 kids under age 5. I live in a fairly small city. I have decided to keep my surgery a secret (only my hubby knows). Has anyone done this> Is it hard? How do you explain the weight loss? — April S. (posted on February 25, 2003)
February 24, 2003
My only suggestion is don't tell your kids -- they are notorious at their
ages for telling everything to everyone!
— [Deactivated Member]
February 24, 2003
I have done my best to keep my surgery a secret and now that I've lost 75
pounds, people are really starting to ask how I've done it. My answer:
high protein, low carb diet. It's the truth. As for my explanation for what
type of surgery I had done? Preventative surgery and gall bladder removal
(I had gb removed at the same time). Good luck!
— Yolanda J.
February 24, 2003
I told my husband, my grown kids (who may or may not have told their
girlfriends/friends), my 9 year old who is old enough to know to be
discreet, and my best friend (who also had the surgery). Other than that I
haven't told anyone. Because I am at 7 weeks (today!) my weight loss isn't
really showing yet (I'm a slow loser). However, my weight has always
yo-yo'd and I don't typically invite nor appreciate comments on my weight
gains/losses so I don't know if anyone who knows me well enough will
comment.
— susanje
February 24, 2003
I told only my mother. After surgery, I told the rest of the family. Now
I don't care who knows. My reason for not telling was that I didn't want
to listen to people who wanted to talk me out of surgery or tell me
negative things. For people who ask me about my weight lost now, who don't
know about the surgery, I just say "if I don't eat much, I lose
weight". Some people have asked me if I'm sick, I just say no.
— barbara A.
February 24, 2003
I didn't tell. Had good reasons not to, as I'm sure you do too. Here's
the secret... NEVER tell how much weight you've lost. It's hard for people
to tell how much a MO person weighs, and it takes awhile before the loss
shows up. When asked how much weight I've lost, I just say
"Alot" or in the beginning "not enough". If some
family member pushes it, and I HAVE to come up with a number, I under
estimate by at least 1/3. If they ask how long it took, I include the 6
months prior to surgery that I was on Meridia (and only lost a couple of
pounds) but I include this in the amount of time I've been
"dieting". When asked how I did it, I tell them the truth...
high protein, no sugar or white flour, lots of exercise.
— mom2jtx3
February 24, 2003
I've not yet had my surgery...scheduled March 31st. However, I've been
very secretive about my surgery. Just as one of the below posters, I don't
want any negativity. I've only told my husband, my mother, grandmother,
& aunt. I've been debating on whether or not I should go into detail
about my surgery with my In-laws. I want to, but am afraid that it will
get out (through the grapevine) to the people I work with. I don't want
this...some have already made comments about someone they knew having
gastric bypass surgery and how it's awful and makes you look old. Right
then and there I decided there was no way I would discuss my decision to
have it with them. I don't need that. I'm not doing it specifically to
lose weight (added benifit though)...I want to be healthy. I want to do
things with my son and my husband without getting tired so quickly. This
surgery is very personal in so many ways, that I don't feel I owe anybody
and explanation. I've told them that I'm having surgery on my stomach that
will reconstruct my stomach so that acid will no longer come up into my
esophagus (reflux) as well as fixing my hiatal hernia. Not lies, just not
the whole story. Anyway, good luck to you! (smiles)
— Renee B.
February 24, 2003
Funny you should ask that! I was just thinking the same thing. My surgery
is March 4th and the only relative that knows is my husband. We live in
Texas and the rest of our families live in California and Arizona, so it's
not like we'll bump into them all the time. I just didn't want the worries
(my mom), the criticism (my MO brother), or the questions (everyone else).
I have two grown children who I would tell, but I just figure this is a
personal choice so I'm keeping it personal. They'll all notice sooner or
later (hopefully sooner) that I've lost weight. Frankly, that won't
impress them because I've lost weight before. And like most of us, I've
always gained it back, plus more. The difference is that this time I'm
committed to keeping it off. That's what the others will notice, and by
the time they do, I'll probably feel more comfortable with sharing how I
did it. Good Luck!
— Barbara C.
February 24, 2003
My surgery is Mar. 14th. I've been very selective about who I tell.A
co-worker was in my office day before yesterday.Out of courtesy I told her
I would be out on medical leave.She asked what kind of surgery I was
having. (We're not that close). I told her corrective surgery on my stomach
from a previous surgery.(Sounded good, didn't it?) Anyway, she looked at me
and said, "admit it, you're having your stomach stapled".I could
have fell out of my seat.I told her no (because it's none of her
business).She went on to tell me how awful and dangerous it is.It's people
like her that I don't want to deal with.
— Debbie W.
February 24, 2003
HI there, April! I completely understand about wanting to keep it private.
I only told my hubby, niece (we are raising her), my Mom, one( of my 5 )
brothers and best friend. To date, these are still the only ones who know.
Before surgery, a majority of the time I was cooped up in the house, I had
other health problems that kept me indoors, when others finally saw me, I
had already lost 60 lbs. When asked what I was doing, I simply told them
that the doctor had me start on a diet similar to Atkins and start
exercising. Which is true. Protein first, mainly protein. I saw 2 of my
other brothers recently and these 2 I am not close with at all, their wives
have got the biggest mouths women could ever have, so I KNOW I don't want
them knowing, so when they saw me, they asked what had happened, I told
them it was too long and complicated to get into and that I had a "BIG
STOMACH" problem ( which it was very BIG) , my doctor felt that I
needed an operation for it, (which he did!), and now things are working
fine. I tell them the same thing, I do something similiar to Atkins and
exercise. Work around the truth. Do I feel guilty, NO, would I do it
again, yes. Your life is just that, yours. You want to keep it private,
by all means, do so. Hope it helps. Vi. open RNY 9/23/02 down 109 lbs.
— Vi F.
February 25, 2003
I chose not to tell co-workers that I had the surgery. I did not want folks
asking me every other day how much weight I lost, nor did I want them to
scrutinize every morsel I put in my mouth. I know of others who told people
they were having gall-bladder surgery. You explain the weight loss as a new
resolution to eat healthy after the gall-bladder surgery.
— Wanda R.
February 25, 2003
I told no one and I'm glad I didn't. It's no one's business, and it's not
my responsibility to educate the world.
— Angie M.
February 25, 2003
My husband and my mother are the only two people that know. I needed help
with my small children, or I probably would not have told my mother either.
These 2 people have kept this totally secret and I am over 2 years post op.
I told my twin 4 year olds that I was going on a trip. I NEVER mentioned
dieting or my "funny" food issues post op and they never noticed.
I never showed them my incision or mentioned anything about being sore or
hurting. My children knew nothing because I have to agree with the other
poster, children will innocently say something. I also didn't want them to
feel secretive or feel as if they had to "cover-up" for mom. So,
they never knew what was happening. I too answer the How much lost question
with "a lot". No one will press with a follow-up. The truthful
amount lost will seem impossible to others to lose without some kind of
"intervention" so be sure to not answer them. The only visitor I
had in the hospital was my husband and that was just for a couple hours. I
wanted him home taking care of the kids and keeping their lives as normal
as possible. I really wasn't lonely and actually enjoyed the peace and
quiet. You will need help with lifting afterward if your children are that
small. Teach the youngest to climb in and out of the car seat, high chair,
stroller NOW (of course with supervision!!). You will not be able to join
any support groups (other than this one). If these are things that you can
handle then I say go for it. I have totally enjoyed being private and I,
too, do not feel like I need to educate the world. It is not my
responsibility-especially now that this surgery has become much more
common-place. Good luck!! Shelley
— Shelley.
February 25, 2003
It can be done :) My husband and I both had surgery last Thursday. We did
tell his mom cuz we flew her out from OK to help with our 12 year old
daughter. We decided to tell our daughter, but we could easily have not
told her and in 20/20 hindsight - wish we hadn't to save her the worry. We
also have a teenage son and daughter that we did not tell. Just told them
we were having some surgery and it was nothing to worry about. They were
satisfied with that info.
I just talked to my mom about my weight today. She was saying how she was
concerned about my health. I told her not to worry and that we were losing
weight and were watching our diet, walking and taking vitamins.
If the subject of surgery comes up with other people (or our daughter wants
to talk about it), we tell them we had abdominal surgery - which can cover
a myriad of ailments. If they press further we can just say 'it's
personal'. People (yes, even family) shouldn't be so nosy.
Good luck - when the weight loss questions come we will tell people the
same thing that we told my mom. Some day we may want to be spokespersons
for wls, but this is what's right for us, at this time.
— jnc
February 25, 2003
April, like the others I did not want to have to answer questions about
"how much I have lost" and have people watch what I put in my
mouth so I told only a select few relatives and very close friends. Yes,
they noticed at work and when asked, "how?", I told the
truth-small frequent meals, high protein, lo carbs/sugar, lots of water and
exercise. I also agree with the poster that when people ask, "how
much" you have lost, to not tell. Losing 100 or more pounds and with
all the publicity of weight loss surgery out there, it may lead people to
speculate. I would just answer "alot" and if pressed, just
repeat"alot". They'll get the hint that you don't want to tell
the exact amount.
— Cindy R.
February 25, 2003
hi, my surgery is March 26, 2003, and there is some people I wished I
hadn't told. My brother is really against the surgery. But my husband and
teenage boys are for it. So I have decided that they are my family now,
And as long as I have there support that is all I need. I don't think you
should feel quilty, I am also from a small town, just moved here a year and
a half ago. But I don't want the people from my home town to no. app. 600
people, I have told a few of my close friends, But there is some poeple I
don't want them to no my business. Just let them no that you are doing
life style changes. And you don't owe them an explanation. You are married
to your hubby not them. Good luck,
— Wendy T.
February 25, 2003
I am pre-op and I have only told my husband and my sister, my son I thinnk
I a bit to young to really understand it and beyond my sister mine and my
husbands family is VERY judgmental and I don't need the negativity beofre
the surgery. The caveat is that I work in healthcare and it is hard to tell
supervisior without just clinical curiosity getting in the way....so not
sure what I will tell my superiors at work. I may or may not tell other
family members after it is all over....for now...mum is the word.
— Sarah S.
February 25, 2003
Well I can understand not telling before your surgery. But its impossible
to hide a 100 pound loss. People will suspect you have cancer AIDS or other
dreaded disease. Besides the news of your surgery might filter to someone
else saving their life too. THERES NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED OF WLS! It saves
lives just like cancer surgery.
— bob-haller
February 25, 2003
i only told my husband and my mother. i feel it is my choice and one i had
to make on my own. i also feel that it is a private choice. i didn't tell
anyone when i had female surgery...and i feel it's not their bussiness
either. just tell them if they ask that you are on a diet and working with
a doctor. or tell them nothing at all. what i find so strange is that if
someone is loosing weight people who don't even know you will ask you if
you have lost weight.but not many people comment on if you have gained alot
of weight..weird huh? and some people get freaked out because you are
eating a certian way (ohhhhhhh that is not enough, that's not healthy). but
they didn't say anything when we were stuffing our faces with all kinds of
junk. don't feel like you owe anyone an answer because you don't. and if
you do tell people don't expect them to all agree with you and cheer you
on. just as it is your right to think the surgery is a good thing, it is
also their right to think it is a bad thing. there is a reason there is
patient-doctor Privilege...it's nobody's bussiness but your own.
— k K.
February 26, 2003
I told everyone I had my gall bladder out. When they asked me months later
about my weight loss I just said once I started losing from not feeling
well I just kept going and decided to put myself on a strict diet. (TRUE)
— M P.
February 27, 2003
I wish I had kept it secret, I am so tired of the f-ing food police and the
questions about my weight loss, the "innocent" but do people
loose weight TOO fast? Are you really eating That? or really cute... are
you going to reverse it after you loose the weight since you will have
learned better habits? OR you look sooooooo much better (was I really that
ugly before?) to jealousy & catty remarks from those who need to loose
30 or 40 or so # about how unfair it is that they can't have the surgery.
or you need to go eat something. (thank you for your input but I will
decide what and when I will eat.) Do I sound bitter? pms-ing big time and
frustrated.
— **willow**
February 27, 2003
April, I can totally relate. I am having surgery on 03/24/03. I have told
my four children, ages 6 thru 16, my sister and one brother. I will tell
others after the surgery. But it was tough decision to make in the first
place and I just don't need unwanted advice from so called experts who
never had the surgery but their beauticians cousins husbands nieces friend
did and the outome wasn't good. You know what I mean. I just don't need
that. My husband and those who I have mentioned are the ones who will
support me right now and that is all I need. Good Luk and GOD BLESS us
both!
— Steph P.
February 27, 2003
April, I can totally relate. I am having surgery on 03/24/03. I have told
my four children, ages 6 thru 16, my sister and one brother. I will tell
others after the surgery. But it was a tough decision to make in the first
place and I just don't need unwanted advice from so called experts who
never had the surgery but their beauticians cousins husbands nieces friend
did and the outcome wasn't good. You know what I mean. I just don't need
that. My husband and those who I have mentioned are the ones who will
support me right now and that is all I need. Good Luck and GOD BLESS us
both!
— Steph P.
February 28, 2003
I had my surgery done w/ only the knowledge of my husband and doctor. As
my name suggests, I do highly regard my privcy as well as others. My
weight loss has never had to be "explained"--it has been gradual
enough to reflect a good diet and excercise. Only now at almost 4 months
out do I share my story--and really only to those who ask who struggle as I
did. I did NOT wish to discuss this pre-op and be fodder for the
"break room", or engage in endless discussion and debate of my
very PERSONAL decision. I needed to put the energy towards educating and
preparing myself for this HUGE step I was taking--and did not needed it
reduced to a tabloid event. Additionally, with all the false starts of
weight loss we have all seen I just wanted to be a little more on
"terra firma" with this one. Good Luck to you--I'm glad I kept
my mouth shut until I was comfortable. Feel free to contact me.
— Wannabe A.
February 28, 2003
Every person has to make their own decision of who to tell and not tell. I
considered very carefully who I would share the information with regarding
having the surgery. In the end I decided to be honest with everyone even
if I was going to be critized for my decision. As it turned out I only
received support from everyone, family, friends and co-workers. I answer
any questions they ask me and now there is someone in my office considering
the surgery and she has been able to see my ups and downs. I do not regret
my decision.
— Cathy N.
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