Question:
Has anyone had family member not speak to you because of WLS?
Me and my sister have always been extra close. My sister was sopose to stay with me at the hospital when i had my surgery. She didnt come for my surgery. My husband had to take off work to stay with me which we couldnt afford him taking off. We had already plan on my sister staying with me and helping me out for a while with my little girl. She stays at home and her husband works. He dont have insurance so she couldnt have this surgery. She wanted and needs it bad. When it got closer to me having surgery she wouldnt even talk to me. She said she has never been jelous of me but she is now and that she needs to be with her husband. She wont talk to me. She didnt even call to see how my surgery went. She has hurt me so much. I dont understand it because we have always been close and always been there for one another. Why is she not happy for me? I went to see her and she wouldnt even open her door and told me to leave. My little girl and her little girl were in tears because they have growed up like sister and they dont understand why they cant see each other. Her little girl was screaming she wanted to see her sissy (thats what she calls my little girl). I dont know what i can do. Does she not understand i done this where i could keep on living. Does anyone know of anything i can do? Please give me some advise because my heart is broken. — sheri shelby (posted on April 27, 2005)
April 27, 2005
I did not have such a severe case but I did have something similar happen
to me and my baby sister. We have had long talks on the phone about this
and she finally admitted that she was jealous and that it was really hard
for her to hear my progress as she continued to gain. Plus she had an added
stress of my other telling her that she had better not even consider
surgery and that she was mad at me for getting it. (Which she never told me
or even alluded to...) Come to find out that my mother's friend has a
daughter who had the surgery several years ago and she died do to post-op
complications. So that is why my mother had been pressuring my sister not
to get it, and why she was mad at me. So anyways, after many more
conversations on the matter my sister has finally decided to come down and
visit me in May. :-) I am so excited! It took us time but we finally worked
it out. So keep trying girl... she will eventually come around. Perhaps
once you break the ice you can offer to teach her how to eat like a
bariatric patient, exercise together, and help her to losse weight without
the surgery OR try and find the resources (public assistance) to get her
approved! :-) I HTH! Sisterly HUGS~
— MagickalMom
April 27, 2005
Be patient. She is hurting, I think. Just let her know that you are there
for her. Write her a letter if she want talk to you. Help your heart
heal, by taking care of yourself and family and letting her know you are
there. Help her explore options of getting surgery. State help, medicaid,
etc.
Best of luck
— Kristi M.
April 27, 2005
My thoughts would be for your daughter as well as hers. Don't take her back
there until you know your sister will let you in. I would suggest moving
on. She'll either come around on not. My guess is that she didn't feel as
close to you as you did to her. Any "sister" that would do what
she has isn't worth the effort...
— SJP
April 27, 2005
The situation is sad, but I have some practical advice. Perhaps you can
look into what it would take for her to get medicaid, or MediCal. I live
in California and was approved with MediCal. If this is not an option,
perhaps between the two of you, you could buy her private insurance (be
sure you check the exclusions before purchasing). If she won't answer the
phone or telephone, write her a letter telling her you understand and want
to help. She is obviously unhappy. Do the best you can, but then you must
concentrate on your health and happiness. Using this tool that we are so
fortunate to have been given takes dedication and work. My best to you and
your sister.
— lindarodham6
April 27, 2005
First let me give you a hug (((((:-))))), I know your heart is hurting.
Whenever me and one of my sisters aren't getting along it kills me. Me and
my one sister have both had the surgery, our mom wanted me to have it done,
but didn't want her to have it done. It was weird. Now when we started
out, I outweighed my sister by 54lbs. I had my surgery in 10/03 and she had
hers 1/04. I lost incredibly fast...I don't know why I was so lucky, I was
just very diligent. She was a little more relaxed with her eating. Also
she has pcos and was type 2 diabetic. I didn't have these comorbs, but I
had plenty of others. Anyway, I have lost 171lbs and she has lost about
85lbs. She, I know is not happy about it and was a little resentful towards
me. I didn't want it to ruin our relationship, so when I talked to her I
would tell her about things we could do together, how we could tackle our
problems together. I also did research on wls and pcos and have made some
suggestions to her about what to talk to her doc about because it
definitely affects your weightloss. I would never think that anyone of my 4
sisters or my brother were not worth the effort to keep our relationship
going.
I think that if you let her know that you care (write or call her), that
you want to help her find a way to have the surgery done, and that you want
your daughters to still be able to be close that she will eventually
overcome the hurt and pain that she is feeling (its not your fault). I pray
that everything works out for you two. I can feel your pain.
Lisa lap/rny 10-23-03 340/169/??? -171 lbs
— Lisa H.
April 27, 2005
I would never give up on a family member, however, imagine if the roles
were reversed. If you knew you desparately needed the thing YOUR sister
got... and she kept coming along, thinner, healthier, saying, "What's
Wrong?" !!!!!!<br>
That has to be incredibly painful for her, and I can't imagine she'll come
around fast. But from her standpoint, she might think you're rubbing her
nose in it - you wouldn't even have to talk about the WLS and she'd feel
bad, I bet. She probably sees you leaving her behind. <br>
There is nothing you can do to change HER feelings.... and she is entitled
to them, just as you are entitled to feel the pain of the temporary loss of
your sister. Give her time, just let her know you love her no matter what;
hopefully she'll come around. <br>
There is no way we can predict how others will react to us after surgery -
I am glad I didn't bet on how any of my relationships would change. But you
just need to lower your expectations for other people, and concentrate on
your health AND your little girl's health.
— kultgirl
April 28, 2005
You are a caring sister, but unfortunately, you can't force someone else to
grow up. Yes, she's in pain and jealous, but how she reacts to this is up
to her. You can keep the lines of communication open; tell her you love
her and you want to be a part of her and her daughter's lives, and leave it
at that. She will come around. Congrats to you for reclaiming your life!
— Jeanie
April 28, 2005
I am so sorry that your own flesh-and-blood is acting like this. Siblings
are supposed to be PROUD and EXCITED for each other, NOT jealous. I think
the problems between the two of you must go deeper than just WLS and
perhaps you should seek some counseling to gain further insight.
— Lisa M.
April 28, 2005
God,that's so sad.I'm so sorry, 'cos it's a time when you need your love
ones support, and i think that unfortunately, there isn't really much you
can do, but to give her time to process her feelings, and hope that she
will eventually come around and be the good sister you say she is. It must
be hard for her to see you and wanting to be you, knowing that for the time
being she cannot do that, no matter how bad she wants it. Give her time and
be patient, focus yourself in your recovery and weight loss process. Wish
you the best =)*Pilar*
— iaheel
April 29, 2005
Sheri dear; You are doing nothing wrong but instead are trying to help
yourself.Now your sister would be happy for you except her own feelings are
in the way. I agree with the others who say to write a letter to your
sister. First,you put your feelings down on paper and you read them to
yourself.That in itself can be very healing plus if you want to improve
what you've said you have that opportunity.Second,a letter is non
threatening.People will read them because they are alone with their
thoughts and can process them without the interuptions of anything
else.Tell her how much you love her and value your relationship with
her.Tell her how proud you are to have her daughter as a neice and as a
"sister" to her neice. Remind her of all you've been through
together and you are not about to abandon her now. We all need to be loved
and the bonds you share with her are more precious than silver or gold.
Sisters are special.Yes, take care of your needs right now but keep her in
your prayers.Time will do the rest. Keep moving forward and God bless you.
~sue~
— Sue M.
April 30, 2005
I know that it's hard but she will come around. Just let her deal with her
issue of not being able to have the surgery. Now is the time for you to
consentrate on healing. It's difficult to start the healing process when
you're under so much stress. If she needs be with her husband then let her.
And, if he's a good man he'll sending her back to you. It all takes time
just use yours wisely.
— rochelle C.
Click Here to Return