Question:
Why is it that My friend does not want to talk to about my weight loss! Why?

We had surgery a few days apart and she no longer wants to talk to me because I have been losing weight alot faster that her!! I lost -107lbs in 5 months shes lost like -58lbs in 5 months! I feel like I did something wrong!    — balefran (posted on August 13, 2005)

August 13, 2005
Was she a lightweight? She should not compare herself to anyone else. Just try laying off of how much you have lost for a while and let her talk about herself when she wants to. It sounds like she might be a little jealous right now.
   — ChristineB

August 13, 2005
You're a reminder of what she considers another weight loss failure. However, if she started out weighing less than you then she might be on target.
   — SJP

August 13, 2005
Hello your doing great. Is she sticking to the plan as you are with no cheating? And is she exercising as much as you are? All of our bodys seem the same but our bodies all react differently. Keep up your good program!
   — Michael Eak

August 13, 2005
Everyone is different. I had surgery 2 months ago and I've only lost 34 lbs, but I've lost a lot of inches. I've gone down 4 sizes in clothes. She could be jealous that you have lost more weight than her, but she just needs to know that everyone is different.
   — mzb2u

August 14, 2005
Barbara, you have done nothing wrong. Tell your friend how you feel. This is her hang up, not yours, the best you can do is tell her how you feel. Rebecca
   — RebeccaP

August 14, 2005
Barbara, Of course you haven't done anything wrong. (I'm assuming you haven't rubbed it in.) She's just having a hard time because she is feeling like it's not working as well for her. She's jealous. I hope she gets over it eventually. Did you have the same amount of weight to lose in the first place? I think you should try to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Maybe for a while, you can have a pact that you won't talk about weight loss but enjoy other aspects of your friendship.
   — Beatrice C.

August 15, 2005
DON'T FEEL BAD, EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT, AND LOSING WEIGHT IS ALSO A MIND THING, REAL FRIENDS ARE SUPPORTIVE AND THEY ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER, ON THEIR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY, SHE NEED TO BE FIND HER OWN METHOD AND WATCH WHAT SHE CAN EAT, SOMETIMES WE PICK BAD CHOICES, BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT LEARN HOW TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES, TRY TO HELP HER, AND ASK HER WHAT SHE IS EATING, MAYBE IT MIGHT BE SUGAR, OR SALT, IF SHE IS DOING THE RIGHT THING AND NOT LOSING THE WEIGHT THEN SHE NEED TO TALK TO HER DOCTOR. TELL HER TO HAVE FAITH, IT WILL COME OFF
   — DIXIEANN F.

August 19, 2005
You know friends are funny creatures. When I had surgery one of my friends (heavy set) actually got mad at me because I was doing it, and didn't talk to me for two months afterwards. Didn't come see me in the hospital or nothing. :) Now she's come around again and asked forgivness so it's all cool. The thing is, of course you haven't done anything wrong (unless you've chided her about it). You must know this and let her know that you know this. It's just an issue of, another person who is heavy, whether they've had surgery or not, might see your relationship as having like an upspoken rule about weightloss. That being - the fat folks stick together. Well you loosing faster than her, has violated that rule. She feels left behind, and though she probably doesn't mean to or want to (or maybe she does), she views this as a competition between you. And well...in the aspect of pure numbers, she's not winning. The problem then is not with you, but with her. She's got an issue of comparing herself to others, esp. you, which is something that really isn't good for her mental health. Of course, I've never met a single WLS person who didn't do this to one degree or another. We all step on the scale, talk to others and find out what the 'average' person looses after WLS, so we'll know how we're doing. But most people don't take it to such extremes to where they stop being friends with you. So my advice to you is to try and talk to her, let her know she's doing fine, that people's bodies are different and she shouldn't be comparing the two of you because this isn't about a race to see who will get skinny fastest. It should be about friendship and support. If she isn't ready to give you that (and vise versa), then let her go for awhile. My experience with my friends (a couple of them) has been that they come back around eventually, once they resolve their own issues. If they do, great. If they don't, they weren't really your friends to begin with. Take care, and hope it gets better.
   — Vicki B.

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