Question:
how do you deal with coworkers and a fiance who is not being supportive
My fiance has told he does not want me to have this operation because he thinks I can do by myself. I told him that I have tried but it doesn't work for me. I am having coworkers telling me that I don't need it and that it is a waste of time. I am getting very depressed and sad. I don't know how I should respond to these comments. I know this is my decision and I'm following through with the surgery. I just don't know how to deal with all the negative comments. Please help!!! — spring A. (posted on February 12, 2002)
February 12, 2002
I would tell your fiance if he loves you then to trust you. No one except
"us" know what process is taken when this decision is made. As
for co-workers the same goes. you made this decision just as you have in
the past ot diet. This is a permanent diet so to speak. Just tell them
that YOU made this decision to improve your life nad your health. No other
explanation is needed. They will understand 4-6 months down the rode!!!
Good luck and GOD BLESS!!!
— Katrina M.
February 12, 2002
Go to www.wishcenter.org and print the medical statistics of 96% of the
people who lose 100 pounds put it back on and 92% of RNY patients keep it
off. Also, I mentioned Oprah can't keep it off with a personal trainor,
cook ect. so why do they think I can. There's not much to say after that
but you'll probably still get offers from skinny people to diet with you.
Just be calm and firm that you have researched it
and you have decided it's right for you. They'll probably come around.
— Candace F.
February 12, 2002
You need to do this only for you!! My husband didn't want me to have the
surgery either. We argued about it and then I just didn't bring the subject
up very often. My family was really afraid of what mighr happen to me but
they supported me because they love me. The day of my surgery in the
holding room my husband kept telling me you don't have to do this we can go
home right now and I just laughed. Well let me tell you he was so
wonderfulafter and took such good care of me and still is I am 5 weeks post
op. He was just scared and your fiance is too. Noboby knows but you what is
the best for you. Good Luck and don't let anyone discourage you if this is
what you want.
— Bonnie S.
February 12, 2002
You asked, and here goes... I believe you need to do this for yourself.
Once you go through with it, you are going to find soooo many other
interests that you can do. If he is meant to be for you, then he needs to
let you make your own decisions for you. You are not married, and I
guarantee, you will have many many many other interested men in the future.
Noth that he will or should be replaced, but it is your life, don't keep
your self in the bondage of obesity for someone else just to keep that
other person happy. Do what you NEED to do.
I would get negative comments, all the time. I also studied and researched
prior to my weight loss and going through with the surgery. I asked
people when they had a comment, "which surgery are you talking
about?" they usually would say "you know stomach stapling"
I then would reply "stomach stapling, which surgery are you referring
to in your comment?" by then, they learn they are uneducated, because
they have NO CLUE how many surgeries there are, then I inform them they
best study and research and know what they are speaking about prior to ever
voicing their opinion to me. Following that i informed them, "people
with opinions and no knowledge are ignorant." Then offer them the
floor and that I was willing to listen to their opinions, suggestions, what
they think after they study and educate themselves. I hope I did not go on
a tangent and then a bunny trail. 1 year post op as of 02/08/02 Lap RNY
down 165 lbs 23BMI
— [Anonymous]
February 12, 2002
I noticed you referred to your co-workers as just that, not
"freinds". Bottom line is who cares what they think? You need
to do what is best for you. Your fiance loves you and is scared for you.
Tell him you want to spend the next 70 years with him, not only the next
20.
— Danielle M.
February 12, 2002
I go along with what "Anonymous" (2/12/02) wrote in that you need
to make this decision for YOUrself, not base it on anything any
ill-informed others have to say. Your fiance is NOT correct if you don't
feel you can do weight loss successfully on your own without surgery. He is
terribly misinformed about how dieting and weight loss for obese people are
tragically difficult and he is ignoring the basic fact that less than 5% of
diets are a complete success. WLS is a commitment YOU and only YOU can make
- FOR YOU. It means making your health and happiness your priority, using
WLS to become the "normal" weight you need to be to live longer
and better. It is tough when others around you don't understand and give
you the boost of support that you need. In spite of this, get tougher skin
than them and buckle up for what is right for YOU.
— Diahna M.
February 12, 2002
I totally agree w/ Bonnie and others do it for YOU!!!In my opinion, part of
loving someone is being there for support. Would he support you if you had
to have dialysis, chemo, or a transplant? I am lucky I had the support of
my husband, who loves me fat/normal weight, but his fear for me was that i
would die while having the surgery or have complications, neither of which
happened. Bottom line Do IT For YOU!!!!!!
— Cindee A.
February 12, 2002
I know how you feel I have friends at work telling me not to have surgery
too. My husband also thinks that I can do it by myself without the surgery.
I told both my co workers and my husband this is my body, my life, and my
choice.It will make ME happy. I told my co workers what they wanted or what
would make them happy was totally insugnificant. Kee your head up and know
that you are doing this for a healthier happier you and as long as you know
this surgery will get you to your goals then there is no need to listen to
anyone but your surgeon and God.
— dhogue
February 12, 2002
I would agree with what others are saying, but I understand your strong
need to have the support of the person closest to you. When I talked to my
husband about it I showed him my list of WL tries and failures. I really
got honest with him and myself and listed all the things I missed in my
life, because of my weight. This was emotional for me to talk about, but it
was the most honest conversation I have had with him (or anyone else) about
my weight. He realizes that this is the best decision I can make for
myself. If after you are open, vulnerable and honest with your beloved and
he still doesn't "get it" you may have to get open and honest
with yourself about the relationship.
As for you co-workers, I don't have much experience with that. I have
chosen not to tell them.
— Cheryl S.
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