Question:
New to Dating.......4 months post op....what to say, not say.....

I am divorced almost a year and 4 months post op WLS. I am not venturing out and starting to date. I am not sure what is the best way to handle things. Do i tell of the surgery early on? or wait until we know each other betteR? Hard part is that to me, it is quite noticable when going out to dinner that i eat Very very little. Once told, and once i said i was getting over a stomach flu :) both didn't feel right. Suggestions......45 and feel as unsure as 17 :) Heidi    — Hedy W. (posted on July 8, 2002)

July 8, 2002
good question! i am 2 months - today - post op rny - lost 52 pounds and almost ready to consider dating again! I am divorced (2 years - married for 16 years). the best way to build an honest relationship is by being honest. it is easier to remember the truth then the lies! on my first date - i am going to tell him that i had a bit of surgery, recently - make light of it - and i am just not very hungry, eventually - within a few dates - if it looks like there may be potential - i will tell him. you and i have to take special care of ourselves for life! honesty is truly the best policy! i wish you the best of luck!
   — Susan B.

July 8, 2002
WHY NOT AVOID GOING OUT TO DINNER THE FIRST FEW DATES? GO FOR COFFEE OR TEA, GO TO MOVIE, BETTER YET RENT A MOVIE AND STAY HOME. I WOULD NOT TELL A GUY WHO I DIDNT KNOW WELL ABOUT THE WLS, YES I WOULD WARN HIM BEFORE GOING OUT TO EAT THAT I DONT EAT MUCH AND PLEASE THIS IS JUST HOW I AM SO LETS NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! THEN WHEN I FIGURE OUT IF I REALLY WANT TO DATE HIM FOR A LONG TIME THEN I WOULD TELL HIM!
   — CYNDI B.

July 8, 2002
WHY NOT AVOID GOING OUT TO DINNER THE FIRST FEW DATES? GO FOR COFFEE OR TEA, GO TO MOVIE, BETTER YET RENT A MOVIE AND STAY HOME. I WOULD NOT TELL A GUY WHO I DIDNT KNOW WELL ABOUT THE WLS, YES I WOULD WARN HIM BEFORE GOING OUT TO EAT THAT I DONT EAT MUCH AND PLEASE THIS IS JUST HOW I AM SO LETS NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! THEN WHEN I FIGURE OUT IF I REALLY WANT TO DATE HIM FOR A LONG TIME THEN I WOULD TELL HIM!
   — CYNDI B.

July 8, 2002
I am 18 months out and single I started dating about 1 year out Life is Great I also didn't know what to say I go to dinner and usually order something small or a appitizer.. yes I explain about surgery there is no way we can just pick at our food I suggest sharing occasionally Hey either they are going to like me or not I like myself alot to heck with those that have a problem with WLS besides once your clothes come off there will be no hiding our weight loss no matter how much plastic surgery we have Kathy McAlister -120 11-1-00 open RNY distal a suggestion www.match.com this is a great site for finding singles I have had the nicest Dates what do you have to lose a few dollars and making some new friends I have not had one bad experience yet www.cupidjunction.com www.kiss.com www.date.com Hey we are Babes now I have never been told how beautiful I was before not I am told all the time I do not show my picture of before or mention the amount I lost that might over whelm them I just say I lost alot of weight this past year good luck I feel honesty is the best policy
   — Kathleen M.

July 8, 2002
I think you're making too big a deal out of it! If you just had a hysterectomy, you wouldn't bring that up on a date, would you? Who says you have to say anything about it? In my opinion, the time to tell is when you get engaged. Before that, it's none of their business. I also don't think you not eating much at dinner will be a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Just say something like "I just don't eat very much" and leave it like that.
   — Angie M.

July 8, 2002
I tell my dates generally at the first meeting (meeting most of my dates these days from online match services) Im 11 mths post op and heck--I don't have any shame about this surgery. They notice the food--or the lack there of, and the fact that I only drink still water--no bubbles anymore. Why not be up front. If the guy has some fat prejudice or other issues about people who have been fat I want to know sooner rather than later. I am currently dating a physician who has been wonderfully supportive of the surgery. He is very interested in the plastic surgery I am planning on having and has referred my to colleagues of his. I belief truth and openness are the better ways to go.
   — MrsBacchus

July 8, 2002
I haven't told anyone yet. I have told some that I had some abdominal surgery a few months ago and I don't eat as much as I did before. Most men don't want to get into a lot of details so they just say, "oh, really" and leave it at that. I figure when or if I find someone who I REALLY am interested in, then I will tell them. Right now, it really doesn't matter.
   — Patty H.

July 9, 2002
Do what you are comfortable with. I did not tell any guy that I dated a single thing about my surgery until I met "the one". There are plenty of things that you can do other than going out for food. For me the eating was the easy part, the afterward was what was difficut....gas coming from both ends. How embarrassing! So, whether or not you choose to share your experiences will come naturally. People are on a need to know basis. And unless you want they don't need to know. Whatever you do HAVE FUN and isn't dating great now!!
   — Erika B.

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