Question:
i am 6 mos. p/o and am thrilled with my wt. loss (65 lbs in 6 mo) .
However, when people ask me how I am losing the weight, I find myself hesitating and reluctant to tell them I had Bariatric Surgery. I feel embarrassed or maybe ashamed about not having had enough willpower/strength/resolve? to have lost the weight w/o resorting to such drastic measures. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you feel people have reacted negatively because you had the surgery? — Carmen S. (posted on January 12, 2004)
January 12, 2004
Maybe I will feel some of what you are feeling afterward, I don't know as I
am two days until surgery ... But, what I feel now is proud ... I'm proud
of myself and I am proud of every person who has taken the time to do all
of the research, get all of the tests, follow-up with all of the doctors,
and had the surgery knowing all of the potential risks ... This surgery
isn't the easy way out!! If it were the easy way, there wouldn't be any
complications and you would be able to lose what you wanted while eating
what you wanted ... You did what you needed to do for yourself, your
physical and mental health ... Maybe they will be uneducated and/or
ignorant ... Let them be, you know what it's all about and can hold your
head up high for having the surgery and being healthier and happier ...
— Amber W.
January 12, 2004
Hi Carmen
I have pondered this question myself. I am pre-op and have tried to
figure out what to say to people when they ask me how I have lost the
weight, and Have come up with just telling them that I have changed my
diet, I am eating much better and getting more excercise. Also, that I was
sick of being fat and something drastic was required, which is all true. I
am choosing only to tell close friends and family. I am not ashamed of
having this surgery, I just think that my health issues are private, and is
nobodys business. I would not feel obligated to tell everyone that I knew
that I had a breast removed if I had breast cancer, it is my business.
Well, good luck and stay strong!
— Tara J.
January 12, 2004
Taking the easy way out.... this is one of those things that puzzles me.
First, why is taking the "easy way out" considered to be a bad
thing? I'm sure if I had the stamina and capability that I could walk to
work on my hands every day. But I don't - I get in my car to get to work,
and so does everyone I work with - thereby taking the "easy way
out". Dozens of examples come to mind where we take the "easy
way out" every day and are applauded for our ingenuity and ability to
work smarter. Should we be ashamed because we have enough sense to
recognize a gift and to take it - to not struggle with the health issues
that will be inevitable because weight loss never comes or if it comes is
never permanent?
I just came back from a two day meeting in Atlanta. Out of the 500 people
there, I can promise you I was the only one who packed shakes, vitamins and
alternate food choices (was this easy? - no, but I knew I had to be
prepared for not having good choices available to me). I didn't eat any of
the sweet snacks and high carb meals offered. I didn't drink the alcohol
provided at the open bar. I got up before the 7 am meeting to exercise.
Does this sound like the "easy way out?" I am working my butt
off to avoid the cards I have been dealt genetically. I am not
complaining. I haven't asked anyone for sympathy or their support, but I
have certainly not taken the "easy way out."
I also do not share my experiences with everyone for this very reason.
It's my business. If I don't trust you, why would I give you the
opportunity to pass judgement on me based on your ignorance of my
experiences and my choice to save myself with this surgery. When people
ask me how I lost weight I simply tell them I'm on the Readers Digest Diet
- eat less, exercise more, drink water. It's the truth, and it's about all
I feel like telling them.
— Debra R.
January 12, 2004
I didn't tell many people before my surgery, about 2 weeks before I told my
friends. But now, I just tell people, people often say "oh you didn't
need to do that!" or "oh, you're already so pretty" (blah,
blah, blah, as pretty as one can be at 300 lbs!) but I just tell them,
hey, I have been overweight my entire life. People have really surprised
me and been very supportive, they ask a lot of questions about it because
they are curious and don't know that much about it, but no one at all has
been negative.
— Patricia T.
January 12, 2004
I chose to only tell close friends and family. Everyone's been supportive
so far. Just recently I began sharing about having surgery to more removed
relationships, because at 15 months post op, I am living how it is so NOT
the easy way out and it is all about my own willpower/strength/resolve.
It's all up to me now. I go to the gym 5 days a week for 45-60 minutes per
session, follow the food plan, drink my water and yet I am still considered
obese. But I've never been healthier so those Met Life charts can bite me
(sorry, feelin' sassy today)! I do have something in my head prepared in
case I run into a negative reaction - I'll just ask the person how much
they know about bariatric surgery and address those issues accordingly. I
know I've never been able to lose 130 pounds on my own. My best 2 pre-WLS
attempts resulted in losses of only 35 pounds over 9 months only to regain
50 back. Nah, the 'hard way' didn't agree with me.
— Yolanda J.
January 12, 2004
I told my family and close friends pre-op. Post-op, however, I told
EVERYONE. I have had very few negative reactions, but those are so
shadowed with the overwhelming amount of people that want info for
themselves but were to shy to talk about it. By me being as open as I am,
it gives others an avenue to ask questions and learn. I lived in a small
town when I had my surgery, and worked in an office of 200 women....I was
the talk of the town, believe me. But if I could help one person (and I
did) then it was all worth it for me. 2+ years out and I am still VERY
open about my experiences. And I am still getting phone calls from
strangers saying such n such gave me your number...can I ask a few
questions. I love it.
— RebeccaP
January 12, 2004
At 1 year post op, I now feel mixed on the "to tell or not to
tell" If someone who is MO asks, I tell them in a heartbeat. In fact
if I meet someone MO, I find a way to slip it into the conversation. I
would never belittle a MO person's struggle by lying and saying 'I eat less
and exercise more" That's just wrong. But, the skinny folks....what
to do with them???? I find I make my choice based on who's asking and why
they want to know. Often, if I don't like the way they ask, I give a flip
answer. I feel that it's really my choice. I never lie, I just give vague
non, committal answers to those that i don't feel deserve them. I will say
that I have been plesantly surprised at how happy and supportive people
have been for me, in general. I only every had one comment that was bad
along the lines of "Oh you had that horrible surgery that kills
people. They starve to death you know." And the answer of "When
you have some facts or get an actual clue as to what you're talking about
I'd be happy to have an intelligent discussion on the subject. Until then,
I'd appreciate it if you kept the science fiction to yourself" So, the
choice is yours, you have nothing to be ashamed about. When you DO tell
people, you'll find that even the uninformed, tend to make nice and mostly
supportive comments. Good luck to you.
— LMCLILLY
January 12, 2004
I've never been ashamed to tell I had WLS because I know for me it was
NEVER about will power. You see I did alot of fasting. Sometimes 3 days, 7
and 10 days. They say after 3 days your hunger goes away and fasting is
easy. That is BULL! I was stark raving hungry the whole time. So will power
was not my problem. So no, I'm not ashamed as I know I did everything I
could do to avoid wls and it did'nt work. That left only wls. If people
have their noses up in the air because I had wls... well I hope it rains
and they drown. Because I could care less about their opinion of me. I only
care about mine and the fact I did something to help myself. :)
— Danmark
January 12, 2004
Carmen, I tell ya, I would hollar it from the mountain top if I had to. WLS
has saved my life. and I'm not ashame to tell it to anyone who cares to
know how I loss it. I don't give ahoot about what their opinions are. Every
time I sweat or hit that road walking. Im giving all of me to make this
work. I am working very hard with my tool, to have the best results I can
have. It sure is not the easy way out. I work harder than most people who
are on a diet and just didn't have wls. I don't see them working so hard.
Blood, sweat and tears this is what I give. and I am not ashame of wls
helping me loss my wt.
400/225/-175 lbs
in 13 months
— Naes Wls J.
January 12, 2004
there is nothing to be ashamed or not ashamed of. this is not a trip to
weight watchers. the real question is do you want to share your medical
history with others. you medical history is so private your doctor can't
talk about it with others. do you feel ashamed that you don't talk about
going for your yearly GYN appointments and what happened there, or if you
were to have constipation?hahaha it's all up to you.
— franbvan
January 13, 2004
I told everyone that I am having weight loss surgery. My friend and my
father in law said that if I would just diet just a little while longer
they feel that I could loose the weight. I told them that I have been
dieting for 7 years and I am not going to waste anymore of my young life
going through this. I am proud that I am finally doing something about the
weight loss and my family and the people on my job are very supportive of
me in this endevour. If anyone negatively said to me that they thought I
was taking the easy way out just to be funny..I would tell them that they
are just jealous and they wish they could be like me. LOL!
— onepowerfullady
January 13, 2004
I tell everyone who asks. I'm not ashamed of this at all. Believe me, I
feel I paid my dues by suffering through almost 30 years of "dieting
hell." I have come to believe that it has nothing to do with resolve,
willpower, strength or lack of discipline. It is simply that I never was
on a diet where the amount of food I ate to lose weight satisfied my
hunger. And when you're hungry, you WILL eat until that hunger is
satisfied. Pretty plain and simple.
Some people have had negative reactions, but that is their problem. I
dealt with mine in the best way available, and thank the Lord for insurance
coverage. Lap RNY, 9/11/03, 254/195/???
— Carlita
January 13, 2004
It is your right not to share that info if you don't want to. Its a
personal decision. Some want to shout it from the rooftops, I'm like you.
While not ashamed at all, I prefer to keep my surgery to myself, my family
and close friends and those in the WLS community. When asked by those at
work and other acquaintenances how I lost the weight, I tell the truth. I
eat small, frequent meals, mostly protein based, lots of water and I
exercise 3-4 times a week. All true.
— Cindy R.
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