Question:
Is there anyone else out there grieving food?
I'm 6 weeks out and God I miss my food! I've lost 37 lbs. You'd think I'd be thrilled but all I can think of is the hamburger and pizza I can't have. I'm finding that food was my life. Now I have to fill it w/ other things. There is a Big Void. I feel depressed when I take a look at my lonely little life that was filled w/ food. Eat and sleep and eat and sleep, how empty. I was 284 lbs. and now 247 lbs. but 247 is still huge. I know I sound terribly ungrateful. I think this is what alcoholics go through when they're on the wagon. Any suggestions? — Deanna H. (posted on September 5, 2003)
September 5, 2003
Deanna, Everyone is different but at 6 weeks I was eating the toppings off
pizza, no crust but that was okay. Now at 7 months I will take a few bites
of the crust but I'm fine with that. I also started eating cheeseburgers
at about 2 months PO. I just order without a bun and get mushrooms and
onions on it and it tastes wonderful.
<p>Your progression may be a little slower but it will come. I
started on food at 7 days PO so that is why I had progressed to some of
those things. All I had to do was chew my heart out and go about it slow.
I also get about 3 meals out of a restaurant 8 oz cheeseburger. While I
chose not to eat high sugar foods any more and I do not crave them I do eat
some sugar in things like no sugar added ice cream bars and a up to 5 gummy
lifesavers. That is my highest concentration of sugars that I ever get. I
will eat a small bite or two of someones dessert if it something that just
looks really good. As far as other foods the only things I do not eat are
things I do not tolerate for the most part. I also eat very little refined
carbs but I do not miss them. Find a few things that are easier on the
pouch and would taste really good and enjoy them. Watermelon can be pretty
tasty as well as the lite diced peaches in a snack can. I can tolerate any
kind of protein except thick dense fish. But that's okay because I wasn't
a huge fish eater pre-op. I do eat quite a bit of shrimp now though.
<p>37 lbs in 6 weeks is great. Over the next few months things will
start getting back to normal in the sense that you variety will increase
and you will enjoy many of the things you used to, just in much smaller
quantities. Hang in there, relief is coming!
— zoedogcbr
September 5, 2003
Hi Deanna, what you are feeling is normal. I am mourning pepsi the most,
but I am like you, I have realized how much my life revolved around eating,
and how much I was a "quantity eater", I don't just want a bowl
of cereal, I want a BIG bowl of cereal! And yes, you have to mourn the
loss of food. The other night my hubby had a burger for dinner (I told him
too, he's barely eating out of guilt!) and it was a big
thousand-island-burger from the local tavern, and it literally brought
tears to my eyes, I had to go take a shower so I didn't have to watch him
take every last delicious bite. I am 3 1/2 weeks out, and I miss pizza,
burgers, tacos, and candy bars. But I know in the future, with the
exception of the candy, I will still be able to eat the things I like, just
alot less, but the good part is I will WANT alot less, instead of like
dieting where you eat less but still want more. Just hang in there, we're
all in the same boat at some time or another, and I think it does get
easier. Go ahead and mourn food, cry if you have to, it's a mental process
as well as a physical process.
— beeda
September 5, 2003
I hate to be a bad influence, but I do eat hamburger and Pizza , the only
food I really miss is my full sugar & full caffeine Coke. I hate the
diet stuff and won't drink it. I am working at developing new hobbies to
keep my hands too busy to graze.
— **willow**
September 5, 2003
I think the hardest thing for me is the liquids you can't consume with
food. I was a big drinker. Lots of diet pop. I mean I really miss it. In
fact I can't even tolerate pop by itself. It is also really hard seeing
others eat plate fulls and I only can handle a few bites. Yes, you might
say I am sad about the loss of food. Janie
— Janie I.
September 5, 2003
I still miss certain foods too, but good foods, like pizza and hamburger
are still possible. It was those huge QUANTITIES that were so horrible to
me. My doc let me have a "cheeseburger" a 8 weeks. I take a
small quantity of lean ground beef, brown it, put it in the blender (or
small grinder like for onions, spices) while hot, toss in a little grated
cheese while still warm. Delish!
— Margaret G.
September 5, 2003
Yes. I am just 10 days post op and can't look at TV commercials that
advertise food. But I think about how I got to be morbidly obese in the
first place, and I come back to reality. I have told myself that those
gooey, ooey foods are poison to me, and that has helped.
— Mary P.
September 5, 2003
I am 9 weeks out and I morn food too. Over Labor day weekend I think it
was the hardest. Before on the weekends I would be home alone and eat
cake, pie and Ben & Jerry's. This weekend it finally dawned on me that
I will never be able to have these things again and I felt kind of sad.
Yesterday I was mad at my husband and went to the GNC. On the way there I
passed a grocery store and thought, out of habit, I will stop and buy some
Ben & Jerry's. Then I remembered that I cannot eat that anymore. I
have to learn to deal with my problems some other way besides food. But,
it will be worth it. So far I have lost 42 pounds and feel better that I
have in years.
— Stacie B.
September 5, 2003
Hi there. I'm 5 months out from lap RNY, and I've had some, but not a lot,
days where I felt really cranky and sad that I can't eat like I used to. A
few weeks ago something hit me, as I was waiting in the car for my husband
and brother to come out of the ice cream parlor with their goodies, and
there was nothing for me. (the shop didn't have any no-sugar added stuff) I
realized that when I think "gee, all this food I can't have" I
feel sad and deprived , but when I think "I CHOOSE not to eat that
____ (fill in the blank) I feel strong, and kinda proud of myself. Because
the truth is you can have that pizza, but chances are it will make you feel
like crap in some way, either getting stuck, being greasy and making you
queasy, or it will increase your food cravings.
Are you supplementing with shakes? I found that at 6 weeks it was a
full time job timing my vitamins, shakes, water, and meals. It is
frustrating in the beginning, but you will get into a groove when you
accept the new way you CHOOSE to do things. Best wishes for you!
— Judy M.
September 5, 2003
It sounds like you're not just missing favorite foods (because you will be
able to eat them again), but that you miss the ACTIVITY of eating, and the
companionship of food. You need to find some other ways to fill that void.
Become involved in something. Exercise will help fill those hours
previously spent eating. Join the YMCA, take dancing lessons, go to local
park district events. Do something social: take a craft class, volunteer
for a non-profit or a school. Get a part time job. You need to find
substitutes for the time spent with food. There is so much more to life
than food, and it's waiting for you: go out there and find it.
— Vespa R.
September 5, 2003
Deanna- Like so many of us, you are grieving the loss of a great source of
comfort and support, the absence of a trusted coping mechanism and (in many
instances) a friend who was there to help you through the bad times and
celebrate the good ones. If you are mourning, then you realize that the
relationship you once had with food is over. That's great, because it
means that you are well on your way to developing a more utilitarian
relationship with this jealous mistress we have all courted. It takes time
(for me, the feelings lasted about 2 months), and I still struggle with old
instinctive grazing habits, but by giving myself some time to grieve my
loss, I was better able to learn to cope without relying upon food. Good
luck.
— SteveColarossi
September 5, 2003
Call me ignorant, but at first I thought I would never be able to eat
normally again. I must not have been paying attention to my surgeon. I
went home after my open RNY (10 mos ago) and thought I would only be able
to eat 3 oz per meal of liquids and soft foods for the rest of my life. I
SO mourned my food. I lusted over the pizza commercials. I watched my
husband chow down with such regret. That all totally passed. I am now
able to eat just about anything I want and the things I can't eat, I
magically don't want. It is SO cool! So far, I have lost 191 lbs. About
50 more to go. Woohoo!
— Ginger M.
September 5, 2003
Deanna, I could have written this question. I am about the same amt. of
time post-op, but a few lbs. less in loss. I am still having a lot of
problems tolerating foods and I crave forbidden foods constantly. I was so
naive before the surgery to believe that if I did not have the physical
sensation of hunger that I wouldn't want junk food. But, boy do I want
it!!! I am just trying to stay busy w/ work and ride this out. Good luck
to you!!!
— Wendy T.
September 5, 2003
Yes, I do grieve it a bit. I'm only 2 weeks post-op and as soon as I got
home I saw a bag of potato chips and wanted some. I live with my parents
still and it's hard. They were apologetic when it came to eating stuff in
front of me at first but I told them I need to get used to it. It's funny
because my parents spent a lot of time with me at the hospital and my dad
felt so guilty about eating in front of me that he got a salad. The other
day they got food from KFC and I just looked inside the bag and smelled
it!!! But, I am getting used to it. I do need to move out though because
it's really not going to help my eating habits later on.
— Morna B.
September 5, 2003
Awww, don't beat yourself up 'cause you feel bad looking at your messed up
relationship with food. Good for you that you're letting yourself evaluate
it in a brutally honest way. The good thing is, now you see your
relationship with food for what it was (which was, ultimately, NOT
satisfying). Because of the surgery, you can't have that same relationship
right now, which means you're *forced* to make some changes. That's all
good! And loads of us went through that, and are still going through
it.<P>The thing is, though, eventually you will be able to eat just
about anything that you can't eat or may not want yet right now, and most
people -- though not all -- will re-experience cravings for those things,
too. The "honeymoon" period of not being able to eat it, or not
wanting to eat it, does not last forever. Seize this opportunity to face
up to the ways that food failed you before, so that you can figure out what
to do with yourself once you are able to eat more, in a few months' time.
Resolve to re-train your eating habits; learn to like better foods, and
more types of foods (especially protein); develop some new habits that get
you out of the house during those hours you used to spend with food. Make
good use of this time, when your pouch doesn't let you eat much, so that
you'll be stronger when it DOES let you eat more later.
— Suzy C.
September 5, 2003
We all go through it and you are completely normal. Just remember that
this too shall pass.
— joeandteri
September 5, 2003
Deanna, yes, I too am griving food....I am 5 weeks post op and down 31 lbs.
Anyway, I am starting to OA meetings this week to help cope.....good luck.
— D. A.
September 6, 2003
I think we all go through this, to some extent or another. I know right
after surgery, it seemed like every other commercial on the TV had
something to do with Pizza Hut and a cheese stuffed crust pizza. It drove
me crazy! I would like to make a suggestion to you though. There will come
a time when you most likely will be able to eat all the old favorites
again, just not as much. I would suggest that before this time comes, you
find something else to fill the time when you feel like eating. Exercise or
a hobby that you have always wanted to pursue are both good options. When
you feel the need to eat, work on your hobby or exercise. For me, I started
playing my drums again, and riding my mountain bike. I just decided that
for me, long term success meant replacing old unhealthy habits with new
healthy habits. Your mileage may vary, but just my 2 cents worth.
— Greg P.
September 7, 2003
Deanna!!!
I am almost 18 months post op and i ahve lost a totla of 202lbs. At first
boy oh boy I missed food. I too would just love to smell it or even touch
it. You are doing wonderful. Just think those pounds rollin off will change
your mindset on food. TOme th ekey to success is CHANGE. We have to learn
early on to eat to live and not live to eat. Just remember nothing tastes
as good as being healthy. cheers
— tameaka S.
September 8, 2003
You'll find as you get further out, you CAN have those foods - just not as
much of them as you had before. I'm almost 2 years post-op and I eat
EVERYTHING I ate before sugery. Just now in moderation.
— Patty H.
September 8, 2003
I can relate. One of the things that helped me in the first few months was
to religiously maintain a schedule. Three meals a day, no snacking
between. (I remember the Hamburger Commercials on TV that made me cry.)
Then in the meantime, get some other things to do. I took up botanical
sketching and expanded my photography interest. I took my camera with me
when I went for a walk and took the time to get some beautiful shots of
squirrels, flowers, bugs and anything that interested me. By taking the
emphasis off of food through a regimented schedule, I gradually learned the
difference between head hunger and actual physical hunger and now I eat
everything I did before, just in little tiny meals and it's not such a big
deal any more. Hang in there. It gets better.
— Cathy S.
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