Question:
Just curious, when did you become obese?
I have noticed a lot of people on the site that are pleading for help because they have not been obese for the year or five that insurance companies require. Yet they are accepted right into the group. I on the other had have been obese my entire life and am singled out because my BMI is not very high. It is hard, because there are many people on this site who have never experienced going through childhood being obese, so I would like to ask everyone when did you become obese, and if it was recently were you one of the ones that liked to pick on or stare at obese people before you became obese? Maybe I am sounding kind of mean but I turned to this site for help, and am getting critizied just as much here about not being obese enough, as I do in the real world about being to fat. — Mini Gadget (posted on June 2, 2003)
June 2, 2003
I've been obese just about my entire life. I was 427 pounds (BMI 73.4)
when I had my surgery and now, 10 1/2 months and 177 pounds later, I am 250
pounds with a BMI of 43 - which is still higher than your BMI of 34.4 that
is on your profile.
<p>
I am sorry for your situation - yes, you have been obese. But you are not
currently MORBIDLY OBESE and by the NIH guidelines, you don't qualify for
this surgery even with co-morbidities. So I can see where you may be open
to criticism by others. There are people out there who have lost lots of
weight like I have and STILL are heavier than you are. So you are going
to have to learn to grow a thicker skin...JR
— John Rushton
June 2, 2003
I am one that has not been overweight my whole life. Infact I have always
been very small (size 2). I gained weight during my pregnancy 9 years ago.
Since then, I became hypothyroid and have been diagnosed with two sleep
disorders. The weight over the years just kept piling on know matter what
diet I tried or how much I exercised. I became VERY frustrated! Now, I am
considered a lightweight to most. I have a BMI of 35 and I weight 178lbs (I
am 4'11" tall). Now it is kinda weird. I weight less then some
people's goal here and I havent had my surgery yet, but I must do what is
right for ME. 178 lbs very big for ME and that is all that is important. I
have people all the time tell me I am too small for such a drastic
proceedure. Well they can kiss my (insert word). They aren't the ones that
have to live with my body.....I do! They aren't the ones that have to think
about the potential to become diabetic or suffer from heart
disease......do!! Remember, no matter what people say, you have to do what
is right for you!
By the way, I didnt pick on kids for being overweight when I was a child. I
was picked on by most kids because I was poor, lived in a shack and didnt
have nice clothes. Childhood sucks and kids are cruel. Just because I was
skinny back then, life wasnt perfect.
((((((HUGZ))))))))
— S A.
June 2, 2003
How long have you been obese and what is your BMI? I had to loose 120lbs
and still have almost half to go. But when I was in the hospital with this
surgery almost every nurse kept saying I do not know why you are having
this surgery you are small compared to most. Well HELLO! I am fat and just
because I do not have as much weight to loose I still face health problems
if the weight does not come off. I had a friend due to some health problems
had the surgery for only 80lbs. Same hospital same comments..What I am
trying to say is to each there own. I have been battling the weight thing
for about my whole life but the last half of the gain came after my
children were born..so the last 10 years. I had a BMI of 43 at time of
surgery. Weight is just to difficult to control no matter how much you have
to loose. Sorry for rambling and good luck..
— Linda R.
June 2, 2003
I don't think that people are pleading for help because they have only been
obese for a few years. I think it has to do with new insurance approval
guidelines that state they have to have been on a doctor-appoved diet for
2-5 years, which is virtually impossible. I disagree with you in one
point....most people who are obese are not obese just in the past few
years. We are in the same shoes as you are. No one should critize you for
not being heavy enough! Good for you! Unfortunately, there are idiots
everywhere in the world, and being critical to others is their way of
avoiding dealing with their own issues. But you should realize that this
surgery is not for everyone. It is only for the morbidly obese, or those
with severe co-morbidities. Good luck, and hang in there.
— Tyrone T.
June 2, 2003
I usually post on the stop smoking posts that I gained all my weight
(became obese) when I quit smoking 5 years ago. No, I was never one to
make fun of people because I do have some kind of body image disorder where
I never felt good about my body no matter how thin I was (and I was very
thin but didn't realize it until I became very fat). However, even at 40
BMI I was told I was "small" (by other WLS pts) and wasn't large
enough to get it done (by nonWLS people who wanted to talk me out of it).
In some respects, how large you are is all a matter of perspective EXCEPT
when you are dealing with hardcore numerical REQUIREMENTS like the surgeons
and insurance companies have. The experience of those here is that few (if
any) docs will operate on a person under 35 BMI and few will do it under 40
unless you have very significant comorbidities. Perhaps what you are
hearing as criticism is just the experience of those who know on here. If
your BMI is below 35 you can want surgery with your whole heart but chance
are, you're not going to qualify. That's an objective, not a subjective,
standard. Saying you're too fat or not fat enough is a subjective standard
that doesn't really mean much of anything in the long run.
— susanje
June 2, 2003
I understand how you feel. When I first started my wls "journey"
my BMI was 38 (43 when I had wls), and you would not believe the amount of
people that would tell me that I would NOT qualify for surgery !! They had
NO CLUE whether I had co morbs or anything, they just ASSUMED that because
my BMI was not as high as theirs, that I was not suffering. I have been
overweight since I was a small child. I was 75 lbs. when I was 5, and by
the time I was 15 I had hit the 200 mark!! Because I'm tall (5'9"),
people still act as if I wasn't "entitled" to have wls, it just
KILLS ME!!! I would just ignore the negativity that you get from people,
they just have nothing better to do than make others feel bad, probably
because they feel so crappy about theirselves!! And another thing, fat
peopple can be a**holes too!!
— Cat S.
June 2, 2003
Oops!! In the line about my height, I meant to say that because of my
height, I carried my weight well, and therefore did not look like I was
nearly 300 lbs.!!
— Cat S.
June 2, 2003
I also have been overweight since I was 9, usually stay between 200 and 250
lbs. Most times I have not had enough bmi to be considered for wls, but
have failed at countless diets. I recently have been diagnosed with high
blood pressure, knee and back problems, and I am pretty sure I have sleep
apnea. Now I have my first appt. with a surgeon on June 17. I wish I could
have been considered earlier, since this has been a lifelong problem. I am
now 52 and regret the years I have been overweight, and not able to enjoy
my family as I would have liked to. I have an 11 year daughter, born when I
was 41, she deserves a healthy mom who can go on field trips and all that
having children entails. I think the amount of years overweight should
carry more impact in wls decision. I hate being overweight, if I could have
conquered it, I think I would have done so by now. Good luck, my thoughts
are with you.
— heyjude51
June 2, 2003
I was thin and chubby growing up, I gained and lost all throughout my
childhood, but was never a obese child or really heavy, but it was very
obvious I had the tendancies to become obese and I did. I gained the weight
when I was around 18/19 years old went from 130ish to almost 200lbs in less
than a year and then by the time I turned 21 I was around 220. Everyone
thinks it's b/c I had 3 kids in a row, but I gained the weight just before
then and when I hit 27 July 2002 I was 240's and the day of surgery
Sept.2002 I was 267. I tried everything to lose weight and it did'nt work,
so I decided to have the surgery and I was approved right away b/c I have
struggled for 8/9 years and was starting to have minor medical problems and
I had a long list of programs and pills I have tried to help myself and it
did'nt work. I know a girl who has 5 family members that had it done and
she is almost 400lbs and can not get approved for nothing, I feel bad for
her. They keep telling her she has not tried enough on her own and does not
have any medical reasons to need it. Well I'm sorry for those who can't get
approved, but that does'nt mean I should'nt have got it done b/c I was'nt
obese for 27 years! I do wish you luck and I hope things turn out for you
:o)
— Sandy M.
June 2, 2003
Look at all these nice responses from all these nice people. I'm glad they
posted, because I was kind of annoyed to see a question that presumed that,
if somebody wasn't sympathetic to your plight, maybe it's because they were
skinny and mean as a kid. C'mon, now. ;~) Insurance companies and docs
have to draw a line somewhere with this surgery. The problem is that there
aren't good obesity treatments to help folks who aren't M.O. yet. I hope
something short of surgery will be available, especially with all those
obese children who are currently going through the tough times you're still
dwelling on.
— Suzy C.
June 2, 2003
I was not an obese child and gained all of my weight in my 20's and
struggled thru my thirties with one diet after another, losing and gaining
over and over again. I can't recall ever being mean or picking on a fat
kid (I tended to be sensitive to everyone) but I know how cruel kids can be
and my heart goes out to overweight kids. I blame some of it on parents
that have bad eating habits and foods in the home, indulge too much in fast
foods, let their kids play computer games instead of sport and outdoor
activities, and the schools for serving such crappy full of fat lunches.
The percent of obese kids in this country as well as adults grows and
grows. Unfortunately there is not much out there other than WLS. There is
not one of us who has had WLS who does not wish we could have succeeded
another way. As Suzy C said, the insurance companies have to draw the line
somewhere and they currently follow NIH guidelines which approve this
surgery for those with BMIs over 40 or those with BMIs over 35 and
co-morbidities. When you are criticized here it may just be that you are
criticized for not being MORBIDLY obese instead of just obese, the criteria
that most of us had to meet before being approved. I know its not what you
want to hear as you are unhappy with your current weight.
— Cindy R.
June 2, 2003
I was skinny until I reached the age of 6. Then I got my tonsils and
adenoids and started to be able to eat. Then I went to school and we ate at
fast food rest every night. From then on it was all downhill. It is unfair
for insurance companies to change. I am sorry you were treated badly or
harshly though. BMI was never a factor in my insurance companies decision.
It was you had to be 100 lbs overweight and have some co morbids. You
probably do have some-back pain things like that. Don't worry your time may
come.
— snicklefritz
June 2, 2003
I was always slim. (Very athletic). I was 123 in high school! I started
gaining at about 19 or 20 years old. So thankfully I was always able to
enjoy sports as a kid. I was made fun of because I was shy (and religious
THEN). But never for my weight. I was crapped on enough for the other two
reasons, and sure could'nt imagine the horror of being made sport of
because of weight. As far as being critized here or else where,
unfortunately that is life. I don't know why people THINK they have a right
to be mean, but they are. Someday they will have a taste of it and I hope
they enjoy it. ;)
— Danmark
June 2, 2003
I remember being put on my first diet by my pediatrician when I was
probably about 7 years old. I remember thinking I was "bad"
somehow, and was being punished. I think that was probably the beginning
of the downhill slide of my self-esteem! You are obese, by BMI standards,
not morbidly obese. Perhaps you might be accepted into the group more if
ou posted your story on your profile. I think there is more going on with
you than just weight issues. When people are struggling to get surgery
approved and have a BMI of 40+, remember that those same people would be
happy to be where you are. You obviously have some sort of self control!
I don't want to come across as mean or critical, but you are like that
skinny friend who is always complaining about needing to lose 5 lbs!
Please tell us more about where you are in your journey! By the way, I
give you some really high marks for NOT lying about your BMI, and saying
it's really higher!
— koogy
June 2, 2003
What a great theraputic question! First let me apologize for anyone who
would be unsympathetic simply because someone hasn't experienced a lifetime
of obesity or isn't big enough. I wonder if cancer patients would belittle
someone who'd only had cancer a little while. This is a disease - nothing
more, nothing less and only being a "little obese" is like saying
someone is a "little bit pregnant". Ridiculous! (Climbing down
from soapbox.....) I was chubby forever. I was put on a diet when I was 10
and told to lose 10 pounds. The diet was horrible and my sweet and well
meaning mom didn't help. She didn't mean to be insensitive but they would
eat desert in front of me and tell me that it was in my best interest for
me not to have any. They promised me a Barbie if I lost the 10 pounds. I
only lost 9. To her credit my mom bought me a Malibu PJ who was Barbie's
best friend at the time. I'm the kid who really does remember being the
last one to be picked at recess when we played kickball. I went to senior
prom with a friend because I didn't have a boyfriend. Oh I did have trim
moments during growing up but just when I'd begin to feel good about myself
someone would just blurt out "you need to lose a pound or two" so
I'd go on an eating binge and gain twenty pounds instead. The absolute
worst thing about your experience in this forum where we should feel safe
and welcome and accepted is that someone acted badly and hurt you. Most of
have spent our entire lives nursing one emotional wound only to have 2 more
crop up to take their place. I've been obese forever - well - I'm not
anymore but the wounds will take a lifetime to completely heal - if not
forever. Chin up honey - you're in a safe place and we all know how you
feel. Whoever was insensitive toward you probably didn't mean it. This
site is a haven and the vast majority of us work hard to make sure it stays
that way. I wish you the best!
— ronascott
June 2, 2003
I became morbidly obese about 5 years ago, before that I was just ordinary
"obese" for most of my life. I'm sorry you have felt slighted by
some people here. Best of luck!
— lizinPA
June 2, 2003
I wasn't thin as a child, I guess a little chunky. I remember wearing a
size 9-11 in high school 24 years ago. I put on the weight after my first
pregnancy at 20 years old. I went steadily uphil for the last 20 years.
My body thinks it is supposed to weigh 270 because it never gets any higher
or lower, lol.
— lindadougherty
June 2, 2003
Bridget, sorry to hear what you're dealing with. COuld you ever imagine not
being fat enough? I understand what you meant by your last lines and you're
right, you're kind of stuck in the middle. I'll be honest, I was one of
those people who've only been morbidly obese for a few years. I was
incredibly lucky to be average weight in gradeschool and elem. school (and
believe me if you knew me, I knew how lucky i was even when I was younger)
B/c I knew that obesity was in the bag for me. I tried hard to fight it for
17 years of my life. But low and behold, I gained over 130lbs. in a few
years. And I was going down a bad tunnel. Anyone who can gain that much
weight that fast is not headed in the right direction. I was 120 at age 16,
and by 22 I was 250- by age 30, I knew I would've been well over 300. And I
looked at my parents who are both obese, one morbidly, and other members in
my family and realized I didn't want to be like this, and if I had any
help, I could try and put a halt to the genetic side of this (if thats
possible). SO although I haven't been obese since chidlhood, it was always
on mind. I wish you the best of luck- hang in there, I'm sure something
will come through for you~
— Lezlie Y.
June 2, 2003
I was 6, as was my mom, her mom and my kids.. when weight became an issue.
My story is very similar to Rona's. My bribe was when I was 15, a hair
piece (very popular in 60's). I scored, but I literally starved to get
there. Told freinds at school I ate at home and vice versa. You know, I
was only chubby when I started dieting. And just before I was morbid, I
was obese. Now, I ask you, what's the difference? The date on the
calendar? The number of organs that have begun to fail? If you have the
chance to stop your gain at 80# over, then GO FOR IT. It isn't like you're
talking about whining cuz you're a size 5 vs a size 3 here. I knew a lady
who had WLS at 205. Her heart, lungs, pancreas & kidneys were all done
suporting that weight. Did she qualify? She wasn't in my BMI 50 league, but
she was going to be just as dead without surgery as I was. The insurance
companies who hold out for another 42 days of obesity or 3 more lbs are
just playing with us. If we're sick, we're sick. What does it matter HOW
sick?
— vitalady
June 2, 2003
Bridget - I am sorry you feel that you are being criticized and singled out
by people from this site. I am surprised to hear this. Is it possible that
you are reading into the members here the wrong way? Are you trying to find
a group that has suffered as long as you have? If you are, you are at the
right place BUT you are also going to find people that desperately need
this surgery, and have different circumstances than you. Whether a person
has been obese all their life or for only several years, pain is pain. From
what I have learned here, the consensus seems to be that WLS is performed
to save our lives. Don't get me wrong, I do understand what you are saying
and can relate to how you are feeling. However, all of us must meet the NIH
guidelines to qualify for this surgery and maybe some members are simply
pointing out that your BMI of 34.4 doesn't appear to meet those
requirements - it's just insurance issue and doesn't mean members here are
discounting your feelings or that your journey is impossible. If anything,
you will find comrades here that will HEAR you, relate to you and walk with
you throughout your journey. Example; I'm here for you! <i>(LAP/RNY -
June 17th, 2003 - 15 days and a wake up)</i> <i> <font
color=FF0033> P.S. I have been obese all of my life and have never
picked on or stared at obese people....if anything, I picked on myself.
</font> </i> >^,,^<
— Kim W.
June 2, 2003
I'm curious - did a doctor or your insurance company tell you that you
don't qualify? All of us here have our own opinions and experiences - but
we don't get to decide if someone can have surgery.
BTW - I've been obese since I was two.
— JoSyrNY
June 2, 2003
I have been obese since I was a little girl. The doctor told my mother when
I was four that I was going to have problems with my weight. I didn't start
really gaining weight until I was about eight. I remember being put on
diet after diet. It was so hard being overweight. But most of the kids
never made fun of me and I was usually accepted. I started facing problems
as I got older. It was very hard for me to find a teaching job b/c the
first thing you saw was my body. No one would see me for what I could bring
to the position. I love teaching but it is very hard when the kids call me
fat. I was supposed to have surgery July 3rd. I was approved my by
medical insurance but denied by bc/bs my hospital insurance. They want me
to diet for 6 months before I can stay in the hospital. Who would have ever
thought that would happen.
— Lisa N.
June 2, 2003
I WAS BORN AT 9LB 9OZ SO I SAY MY WEIGHT PROBLEMS STARTED AT BIRTH.I HAVE
BEEN OBESE MY WHOLE LIFE EXCEPT FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS WHEN I WAS 16 I WAS A
SIZE 12. OTHERWISE I HAVE BEEN OBESE. NOW AT 38 I AM HAVE A BMI OF ABOUT
50 WHICH I HAVE HAD FOR ABOUT 18 YEARS NOW. LUCKLY I HAVE NO HIGH BLOOD
PRESSURE OR DIABETES OR HEART PROBLEMS JUST CHRONIC BACK AND LOWER
EXTREMITY PAIN. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GROWING UP BEING TEASED. BUT
OBESE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TEASED NO MATTER HOW EARLY OR HOW LATE IN LIFE THEY
BECOME OBESE. I LIKE TO THINK THIS SUPPORT GROUP WOULD SUPPORT EVERYBODY
THAT IS IN THE SAME BOAT. WHETHER YOUR BMI IS ON THE LOW SIDE OR HIGH SIDE
OF OBESE.
— ANGELA H.
June 2, 2003
I cannot recall a conscious memory where I wasn't fat. In third grade, my
pediatrician prescribed amphetamines for me. I was an 8 yr old zombie for
several months. 9 years old and begging the teacher not to weigh me in
front of everyone else on "health day" (145lbs). My sixth grade
teacher (whom I thought the world of) holding me back after school one day
to have a 'conversation' with me about my weight (11 yrs old, 5'6",
205lbs). 17 years old, senior in high school, 270ish, having to make-do and
improvise so I can wear a marching band uniform. 24 years old, 350 lbs,
doing Nutri-Systems so that I can be accepted into seminary (they had a
weight restriction, which I was well over). 25 years old, accepted into
seminary, 275 lbs. 26 yrs old, 305 lbs, told not to return to seminary
until I can get my weight into the "acceptable" category. 27
years old, 365 lbs, starting Opti-Fast. Did 2 fasts within a 12-month
period. Lost down to 222 lbs. Gained it all back by the time I got married
at age 35. Turned 40 and almost died due to medical malpractice. Lost down
to 280lbs. Today, almost 44, back up to my highest weight 370lbs. Fighting
like hell to get thru all the processes to have the surgery so I can answer
the question "when did you become thin?" <smile>
— Jolinda C.
June 2, 2003
I was born obese. I realized I was fat at age 4. There's a loss of
innocence! I was morbidly obese by the time I was 14 or so.
The people who tell you your BMI is too low are no different than the
people in life who say you need to lose weight. They are criticising you
without knowing you.
Truth is you are probably not overweight enough to have the surgery, but
you are here exploring ways to become healthier and you should be commended
for that, not insulted.
— mrsmyranow
June 2, 2003
Hi, Bridget. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't overweight.
But it's only been in the last couple of years that I became MO. I was
like you, kind of hovering around the 80 pounds overweight area. And the
only reason I did that was because of my dieting efforts. I've done it
all, many times over - WW, drugs, liquid diets, etc. Each time I ended
one, I continued to gain more weight. Another thing that helped me was my
commitment to exercise. Until recently, I was always pretty active - I
walked, did aerobics, swam, played racquetball at one time, golfed, lots of
things to try to up my activity levels. That is over now, too, because of
extreme knee, feet and back pain. I still try to walk a little, but it's
not enough to get the weight down. So I've arrived here, at age 45, and
planning for surgery in September.<p>I'm sorry that you feel you've
been put-down here, and I will agree with you that there are some pretty
harsh posts that get made. But those are in the great minority. Most of
the time I've found that people are supportive and helpful here. I hope
that you'll stick around, and get what you can from being here. There are
always lots of good tips about diet plans, exercise, etc.<p>Another
thing - I don't know how much research you've been doing, but I believe
there are some docs who will do this surgery if your BMI is at 35. Some of
the literature from my own surgeon's office says that they would consider
you if you were 80 pounds overweight, with co-morbidities. Best wishes to
you.
— Carlita
June 3, 2003
Sixth grade was when I started to really put on the pounds. 200 by sweet
16. 300+ now at 33 years old.
— bethybb
June 6, 2003
After reading all of the responses to this one particular question, I can
say that I am not feeling the love from some folks here! We are all here to
support one another, regardless of a person's BMI or whatever. We all are
going through the same problems with self esteem and being accepted in the
outside world, so one should not have to fear reprisal here from peers who
know what they are going through.
Now, having said that. I have been technically overweight since I was 7,
and I went on my first diet when I was 9 years old. I was too young at that
time to realize that that was probably the first step down the road of
endless dieting and endless self torment over not being able to be thin and
pretty, like what most women wish to be. I was teased all throughout my
childhood and teenaged years for being big. Now, at this current time, my
BMI is 81+ and probably still going up while I wait for my surgery.
I learned from an early age not to make fun of others because of how they
look or how they may act. Because everyone feels pain and rejection just in
just as a palpable way as everyone else. So I never was one to judge people
by what they look like and such.
All I can tell you is to hang in there, and keep your chin up here and in
the outside world. I know it is hard sometimes, but one of these days, we
all will be thin, happy, and confident in our skins. And I wouldn't worry
about what others say here if they hurt your feelings. It is easy to
misconstrue a person's intent and what they say over this medium. Everyone,
keep fighting the good fight, God bless, and have a great day! *<|:0)
— Lisa S.
June 6, 2003
Many times people find it easy to criticize other people. We all feel that
we do the best thing possible and must be right, therefore, someone else's
approach must be wrong. I often see people on this site tell another that
they didn't do something correctly. Usually it is about the consumption of
carbohydrates. It is a shame. I know that what works for one does not work
for all. With regard to childhood obesity, I was not overweight as a
child, but my mother was overweight. I did not like comments directed at
her and would not direct them at others. I must admit, I often looked at
it as a sign of weakness: How wrong I was. I got to look at the issue from
both sides by becoming morbidly obese as an adult: What a wonderful gift to
be given. It is hard to look at things from another's perspective. Give
people time and if they don't come around, chock it up to human fraility.
Good luck on your journey
— Rhonda V.
June 6, 2003
Hello, I hope things work out for you. I just wanted to add my comments to
your question. I don't remember ever being anywhere close to skinny. I
have a picture of myself at Disney World at age 3 in a bikini with a huge
pot belly poking out. When I was 5 years old I went to a program at
Georgetown University Hospital Center for obese children. I was always
picked on but I wasn't the most picked on. I have to be honest though. I
am ashamed to say this but I did pick on other kids. I'm not sure if I did
it for my self-esteem or because if I picked on others with the cool kids
then maybe they wouldn't notice how fat I was. I was 210 in sixth grade
and 270 in high school. Regardless, here I am still waiting for approval
after a year of trying. My highest was 350 and I'm now down to 338. Now,
I am so much more compassionate towards people that are different. I do
know what it feels like and it doesn't feel good.
— Morna B.
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