Question:
Surgery date May 7th and now terrified!!!!!!

I just tortured myself by reading the memorial page. How on earth do we not second guess ourselves? I am SOOOO scared I don't know if I can do this. Please share your thoughts and how you each got through this. My BMI is only 40 with a few co's. I feel I am being selfish and greedy by wanting this surgery and now something bad will happen. Please share thoughts...stories and experiences to ease my mind...Thank you all in advance! Tracy    — Tracy T. (posted on April 26, 2002)

April 26, 2002
Tracy, My surgery is May 2nd. I too have visited the memorial page, but you have to remember that death happens everyday. There are definately risks, but the risk of carrying the extra weight is far more dangerous than the surgery. It's kinda like an airplane crash. Thousands of planes fly everyday, and a lot crash, but we only hear about the bad crashes. I know this is the right thing for me and I hope you can feel that it is the right thing for you too. God Bless and good luck...
   — candymom64

April 26, 2002
Hi there, my surgery was May 29th and I just cancelled it. I don't have a very high BMI either and really no comorbids. I'm also only 20 (21 in a few days) and I have been in agony the past month from anxiety. I'm not saying don't go through with it... but make sure you really feel this is your last resort. I thought it was for me... and maybe it will be later, but it isn't yet. I haven't posted in my profile yet why I made my desicion, but it was in large part because of the people who have died or gotten terribly sick after surgery. I am not willing to risk what I have now. With my relative health, I think the surgery would do more harm than good right now. I'm not trying to be a scare-monger... when I was really set on surgery it irked me too. Just be sure you're being totally honest with yourself and are willing to face what comes, good or bad. Best of luck in whatever you decide :)
   — [Deactivated Member]

April 26, 2002
I agree with the post below, almost everyone goes through what you are going through now. I am 19 days Post Op, and during my pre-op days leading up to surgery I also spent a lot of time on the memorial page. It drove me crazy to think that I would not make it, and leave my baby mother-less. I am also young, 24, and my BMI was 47 with no co's. I thought that I was healthy (other than my weight!) and I was afraid that I was taking the easy way out. Here is my advice, stop reading the memorial page for now, and check out the success stories and the Before and After pictures. If you are still not sure, talk with your doctor. He will be able to tell the risks invloved, and he might be able to calm your fears. Don't be afraid to ask questions, he/she is there to help.
   — Shannon P.

April 26, 2002
I feel the same way you do. i read the memorial page and scare myself to death. It doesn't say how old you are and what your co-morbs are. I am only 22, and have nothing seriously wrong except for shortness of breath, knee problems, etc. and BMI is 45. I think to myself all the time if i am doing the right thing. But i remember reading somewhere, that for a person who is young who has no co-morbs, the risk of dying is the same as going to get surgery for gallbladder removal or something of that sort, and you don't worry about dying then. I also think, "DID I REALLY DO ENOUGH?" but honestly, i know i am personally just kidding myself. I have been on an upscale weight gain of over 140 pounds in the past 6 years, i know this is the only way for me now. A great majority of the people who die from this have HIGH BMI's some in the 80's etc. and have an extreme amount of health problems. But even when you read the memorial sites, some of the family members do say that although that person died, they knew the risks and don't blame the surgery, b/c their health was so bad anyway. But only you can make the decision. trust your gut instinct! goodluck, and be well with whatever decision you make!
   — Lezlie Y.

April 26, 2002
I JUST DID THE SAME THING! I couldn't sleep the other night and did as I always do- log on here. I clicked on a little angel to see what it was and boy, was that a mistake. I scrolled down to see all of those names and though I did not want to read them, I felt I owed it to those people to learn about each one. Well, I weeped and weeped and weeped some more.......I have to say tho' that I was somewhat relieved that many of those who had passed were from either waiting on the surgery or other reasons having nothing to do with WLS.....After thinking about it all for way too long, I had the same feelings as you. I have two children, one being just a toddler and man, did I feel massive guilt. I went as far as to write letter to my two boys and my husband in the event that I have complications from my WLS...And even for a few moments I contimplated backing out, but when the sun rose that morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and still longed to see the real me. I know in my heart that I will never reach my goals if I don't have this surgery and I want so much more than where I am- in this body, in this shell. Am I scared? Definitely. But I am more afraid of life as "the fat girl" for the next 30 years...BEST WISHES TO YOU!
   — karmiausnic

April 26, 2002
Thank you to all the wonderful people who took time to reply to my post! For those that asked, I am 35, married with a 4 year old and 11mth twins. I have had open heart surgery at age 7 to correct an ASD and was born with 1 kidney (no problems at all). My co's are nothing significant. I completely agree that when it is your time death can happen anywhere but I also believe that sometimes we can tempt fate and was just hoping this wouldn't be one of those times. I did see a few girls on the page who seemed about my age with a smaller BMI. That is scary for me, especially with young children at home. Again, thank you SO much for repsonding, you all helped me alot. Best of luck for those who are having surgery soon! : )
   — Tracy T.

April 26, 2002
Tracy, you are going to be fine. Do you trust your surgeon? Have you checked out his credentials? I take it you have researched his reputation/track record. So relax and put it in God's hands. He will take care of you. He knows you have work to do here on earth. I was scared out of my mind while laying on the surgery table. But I knew I couldn't go on the way it was. I put my trust in God and asked Him to be with me. I had prayer warriors all over this site praying for me. I was fine. No complications. I'd do it again. Unfortunately, it's the toughest part of the journey, yet one we have to face. Post on your surgery page that you covet the prayers of your AMOS family, and you WILL receive our support. God will be with you.
   — blank first name B.

April 27, 2002
Hi Tracy--I'm having surgery on the same day you are, and I will tell you that the closer the date comes, the more excited I'm getting! I read the memorial page a few weeks ago, but honestly, it didn't really scare me that much. I'm not cold-hearted or anything--I really feel for those people who died. But most of them had other serious health problems or very high BMIs. My surgeon told us that for people like that, ANY abdominal surgery would carry the same risks. He also told us that for those of us who are pretty young, who have lower BMIs, and who do not have serious co-morbidities, our chances of dying are no greater than if we had any other kind of major abdominal surgery. You might want to ask your surgeon what his "death rate" is. My surgeon told us that he has lost 4 patients out of over 2000 and that those 4 people had other serious health problems. I also figure that something like 80,000 people (I think) are members of this website, and a small handful are listed on the memorial page. Like another poster said, the odds are like those in a plane crash. One more thing: You said that you feel "selfish and greedy by wanting this surgery." I honestly don't understand that, but I do think that many morbidly obese people feel the same way you do. I think they feel like they don't DESERVE to be thin and that by having surgery, they are tempting God or something. But why is it selfish and greedy to want to be normal-sized and healthy? Everybody in the world wants that--are they all selfish and greedy? No. We just happen to be morbidly obese individuals who need surgery to be normal-sized and healthy. And since surgery is proven to be the only way for us to attain that, I say go for it! Good luck, and I'll try to send positive thoughts your direction while we're both experiencing the same life-altering event!
   — Kristie B.

April 27, 2002
Hi Tracy I guess it is normal to felt like this I was terrified as well, I use to read all the memorial but I stoped because everybody situation is diferent of course there are risks but if you have just few co's you got a great chance that everything will be ok, I had surgery 5 days ago and I was as concern as you are now. What i did was I tryed to read as many succesfull stories as I could and ask question to people that had surgery before. Good luck everything is going to be all right.
   — Mayra H.

April 27, 2002
Hi Tracy. I was concerned about the risks as well but every since I can remember (even in childhood), my prayer has always been for God to provide me with a way out of my obesity and I can feel it all the way down in my gut that this is my way out. This is a very personal decision and I wish you the very best in whatever you decide.
   — lturman

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