Question:
Old eating-when-depressed issues
I now realize that most of my weight is a result of what I call "emotional eating". I am almost 9 weeks post-op RNY and down 54 pounds, but I hit a "brick wall" a few days ago and I feel like I am back at square one. I am 24 and I had to put my beloved dog to sleep on Friday (I've had her since I was 10). I am broken hearted and I don't even feel like going outside. The thing is...it's like I NEED food now more than ever. I long for food to numb me, and it's making me even more depressed that I don't have that "outlet" anymore to deal with sadness. It's like I am faced with this depression and for the first time in my life, I have to DEAL with it head on. It makes me sick to think that this is how I will deal with sadness for the rest of my life. I lost track of my eating habits and I skipped my vitamins for a few days, too. I'm just so sad....it's like I don't even care about the damn surgery anymore. I know I need to get back on track. My weight loss has slowed ALOT lately (2 pounds or so a week, if I'm lucky). I don't get my protein in, I joined the YMCA for nothing and haven't even gone yet, and the only thing I seem to do right is the water. Am I in a RUT or what?? I'm in a deep depression, and I think the loss of my dog just topped it off and sent everything into a tail-spin. Has anyone else gotten so depressed and forgot about everything...even stopped caring? I think it's time for a shrink :( God bless. (and thanks for letting me vent and moan) — Kelly C. (posted on August 5, 2002)
August 4, 2002
Hi Kelly,
I too was a depression eater. I am also a boredom eater. These are things
that lots of people have a hard time dealing with post op. As you said,
instead of dealing with your depression by burying it in food, you now have
to face it and deal with it. Lots of people have regrets about the surgery
because of this change. They no longer have "their best friend".
Not that it was a good relationship, but at least it was a way for some to
deal with the depression. Guess what, that is part of the disease of
obesity. LEarning to face your fears, depression and anxiety is part of
this surgery and becoming a healthier person. I know it is hard. And lots
of people require help with that part of the healing process. BUt you can
do it. Get help if you need to. Remember WHY you are having this
surgery..to be healthier. Good Luck.
— Vicki L.
August 4, 2002
Hi Kelly,
I am sorry to hear about your dog. I know how it is to lose an animal that
you dearly love.
I have also been in your shoes. Just recently infact. After searching and
searching for a bigger trailor that we could afford we found none. Not
without paying around 850 bucks a month and here in WV that is alot of
money. So we decided to buy another used Single Wide trailor and hook it
on to ours making our own DoubleWide. Well we did that. My life was a bed
of roses for a couple of weeks, it look like all four of my children were
going to have their own rooms. Well after finishing one completley.
Having everything done, and a lot of money tied up in it. We had a small
tornado come through ( yeah I know in WV, never thought it could happen
here) and it ripped that bedroom off of my trailor along with mine, One
is a complete loss and the other is not far from it. I have to tell you.
I got so depressed that I didn't care if I even ate, or if I even breathed.
I thougt what is the point? All that money and all that work for nothing.
Then I happened to be by myself one day down in the trailors cleaning out
the debri. And I thought, now Tonya you and your husband and all four
children were in that trailor when they trees fell on it. You all escaped
without so much as a scratch. Just emotionally scratched. God intended
for this to be a wake up call for me. So now, I try and look at the flip
side of things, 1. Everything happens for a reason. 2. God will put no
more on me than I can handle. 3. Their is always tomorrow. And Kelly
honey, if your dog was that old, it could be possible she was suffering. I
know I had a German Sheppard that couldn't even walk, she literally dragged
her body around for 3 days before I finally said ok, Mom go ahead and take
her to the VET. That dog was in so much pain, that she layed around and
moaned for days. She could barely hold up her head. That has been only a
couple of years ago. I know, I am 27 years old and my mom still has to
tell me what is best!!!!!!!!! Maybe you oughta stop by your doctors office
and see if they can put you on some Anti Depressant pills. Those would
probally help you out. For along time after I had my surgery and lost lots
of weight I kept saying. I don't need those pills anymore. Although I
changed on the outside. My mind still has trouble dealing with issues, so I
know I need my medicine. Go a head and see your doctor. Try increasing
your protein. That is probally some of the reason that you don't feel
well. Your body needs it to survive. Remember that life does go on. You
will make it through this. Everyday will get easier. Just eat and drink
to survive, even if it is the last thing you wanna do. Do it anyhow. You
dont' want to get sick on top of everything else. Well good luck and god
bless. OPEN RNY -112 lbs 10/4/01 BTC of OH.
— TONYA B.
August 4, 2002
I am a dog lover. When ever I had to put a dog down it seemed like the end
of the world. The only thing which helps (me) is to go out and get a pup.
Someone who loves and needs you. I'm very sorry to hear about your dog
— Robert L.
August 4, 2002
Kelly, I am so truly sorry you lost your beloved pet who meant so much to
you. Any death of someone so close to you is indeed a sad and mournful
time. Your sadness will slowly be lessened, but if it doesn't, please find
someone to help you learn new ways to deal with such sadness :(
<p>
Believe it or not, there's always a silver lining to every sad story told.
Something everyone say "Thank God" even under such circumstances.
For instance, Tonya's story was indeed a very tragic story. All her
family's hopes and dreams were put into the new home, only to be taken away
in minutes. The silver lining is, of course, that Tonya's family is
physically unharmed. She didn't lose a child or even the family pet to
that storm and so she can rebuild in time. Yes, money is tight and Yes it
won't happen overnight, but in time, things can be repaired or replaced.
Her family is indeed a very lucky family. Many haven't been so lucky as
they today mourn the loss of a child that such a storm took away from them
at one time.
<p>
Kelly honey, your silver lining is harder to see as it is still the death
of a loved one and nothing in this world is sadder than that. It's there
though, deep down. With every death, there is a new life waiting to begin.
Perhaps that new life is your own as you continue on your amazing journey
in weight loss surgery. Perhaps it is a new neice or nephew or child even.
The loss of a loved one gives us all a moment to sit and think "Who
is still with me today?" and there are many. Parents and/or siblings.
Grandparents and even best friends. People whose support has meant so
much to you over the years and will continue to be there for you now at
this very sad time in your life when you need them most.
<p>
All of us who read your story wonder how we'd do under such circumstances
and for an instant thank God our loved ones (two-legged and four-legged),
for this moment, are still with us today, which is quite a gift. You have
a new life waiting for you now Kelly. You've been given an amazing tool
that many are today struggling for. Use your surgery as a tool toward a
better and healthier you. If you also need new methods for learning to
cope, please get that help. And remember, The new you is your best silver
lining of all. Please take care.
— thumpiez
August 4, 2002
I just lost my 13 year old dog last year. It was hard on me but it really
pushed my husband over the edge. He had been depressed already and it was
just the last straw. I don't think it would be a bad idea for you to see a
psychiatrist. If you are in a depression that doesn't lift after a couple
of weeks that is the BEST time to get help BEFORE you fall into that hole
that seems impossible to get out of. I had to MAKE my husband go to the
hospital. He insisted that it was all pointless and that nothing anyone
could do would help. ESPECIALLY if you live alone do not put it off. It
could be dangerous. When all this stuff hit last year I was about 3 months
post op and unable to use food as a crutch and comforter. I used yard work
instead. I had a bunch of mulch delivered and shovelled, shovelled,
shovelled. Hey, it was better than eating for beating stress. I was tired
at night and slept like a baby.<p>Our YMCA gives 4 free sessions with
a personal trainer. Maybe you could sign up for that. If you can set some
goals and see a little progress it may help a little and give you an outlet
for your stress other than food. Can't hurt, right?<p>I am so sorry
for the loss of your pet. I know it's hard but please do take care of
yourself. It's no shame to see a psychiatrist. It can help. If it wasn't
for the one my husband has I would be divorced now!
— ctyst
August 5, 2002
Hi. I am so sorry for the pain you feel. I have suffered from depression
for a very long time. I ususally control it pretty well, but when I hurt I
to, just don't care. I wanted to tell you a little thing my Momma use to
tell me. She is gone now, but this has helped me many times. You can't
always control your feelings, but you can always control how you act on
them. You sometimes have to get up and walk even when you feel numb. You
have to survive, when you want to give up. Then the most wonderful thing
happens. Your feelings submit to your actions. Don't give up on yourself.
— Pam G.
August 5, 2002
hi i am so so sorry for your loss when i lost my beloved cat i thought id
die it was terrible i too am an emotional eater and still struggle with
this im so greatful for this surgery its really working! but i find myself
missing being able to indulge to make myself feel better when im emotional
i guess this is a great time to be working on those issues im glad i cant
do that anymore because i realize the emotional eating plays a big part in
why i needed surgery in the first place i had a really bads night at work a
while ago and the first thing i wanted to do is pop something in my mouth
but i controlled it its an ongoing struggle but this surgery has helped me
with this quite a bit thankfully now when i find myself bummed i go
shooping lol once again im so sorry for your loss just know that your dog
knows how much he or she was loved and yes animals do go to heaven and
youll be together again i suggeast that you read any book by george
anderson he helps with people who have lost loved ones and their beloved
pets as well i have found all of his books to be very helpful and
insperational god bless and good luck to you :)
— carrie M.
August 5, 2002
I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. I know what it's like. My two
"kids" are now 9 years old. I got them from the pound after my
other "baby" died. That was a horrible time for me then as my
mother was just diagnosed with breat cancer the week before he died. It
seemed everything bad that could happen did happen. I was heartbroken and
depressed. The one thing (or 2 things) that helped me were going to the
pound and picking out the best they had to offer. They both needed homes
and the one had been horribly abused before we got her. After 9 years,
they live the VERY good life and I wouldn't know what to do without them.
Your not really replacing one dog for another because that can never
happen. Your just trying to fill a void that was left once he died. The
new dog would be a good source of diverting your attention away from food,
helping you get over your loss and giving a dog who needs a home, a good
one. Good luck to you.
— Patty H.
August 5, 2002
Kelly, it is not unusual for many post-ops to suffer depression at about
the 2 month mark. Its partially caused by the release of hormones due to
rapid weight loss. And for those of us who used food as a comfort when
feeling emotions, that crutch is no longer the same option. One trick that
has helped me when I'm feeling an emotion and needing to eat-try lite
popcorn. You can slowly eat a kernel at a time and can munch for a little
while-a cup or so. Sometimes that helps! Also, sometimes going for a
long walk helps too. You may also want to go to your doctor and place
yourself on an anti-depressant for the short term. It will help...now, the
rest of it is up to you. Think back about why you had this surgery and
the good it is doing for you. Rededicate yourself to getting back on
track, because if you don't your going to make yourself sick and that
doesn't help anyone. Your weight loss has slowed because you have stopped
following the rules-protein, protein, protein, vitamins..
I know losing a pet is hard. I lost my beloved cockatiel, Pookie a few
years ago-she lived with me for 17 years, long before I met hubby. Pookie
and I traveled together, in the car (her sitting on my shoulder) or in a
plane and even lived in foreign countries while I did service for the
military. The point is, we were a team, and then she was gone. She died
cuddled up to me for comfort..phew!! Tears again, and its been over 2
years. But I have 2 new cockatiels, and while I don't forget the Pooks,
Susu can whistle a mean theme to the Andy Griffith show, and Ummie loves to
snuggle and get head rubbies from Mommy. So, life does go on, and it will
for you too.
— Cindy R.
August 5, 2002
Sweetie, I SO can relate with what you're going through. About 6 months
after my RNY, I had a severe MS attack that left me completely blind in my
left eye. I was so depressed! I just wished I could EAT and EAT and EAT
(this is what I would have done pre-op). Fortunately for me, I was FORCED
to get a new coping mechanism. Nowadays, when I'm feeling depressed, I
either exercise, drink a full glass of iced tea, take a walk around the
block, go shopping, visit a friend, call my mom or write about it. Also, I
have really learned to rely on the amazing people on this site for
day-to-day support. I have several friends who contact me nearly every
single day. Don't worry - you'll make it, and you'll be a stronger person
for the experience. Sorry for your loss--
— Terissa R.
August 5, 2002
I too am sorry for your loss...It's hard when you have to take that kind of
action...Pets are just like our family...I completely understand. I know
you are in a rut but you have to worry about you...I truly think that you
should see some one. My doctor told me that one of his other patients was
an emotional eater and she is now seeing a Psychiatrist to work through it.
I would really hate to see someone come so far and then set themself back.
You can get through this...Please make sure you take care of yourself!!!!
Remember, we are here to give you all kinds of support, but you do need to
work out your emotional eating issue...
— Morna B.
August 6, 2002
I am so so sorry for your loss. I have a dog and he is like my child. I
have suffered from depression too and it is really scary. I too know what
it is like to want to use food to numb the pain but I can no longer do so.
My RNY was 5-7-02. All I can say is to please hang in there. This too
shall pass. God loves you and He will never abandon you.
— Mary A.
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