Question:
How do I deal with the negative comments?
I am having surgery on Oct 7th and I am receiving very negative comments from people when they learn of my surgery plans. They tell me all the horror stories and stuff like why Don't you just keep dieting? Does anyone have any special ways they dealt with this? Or am I the only one? I don't tell many people for these reasons. I feel confident that this surgery will work for me why can't others be happy for me? — kelly M. (posted on September 24, 2002)
September 24, 2002
Kelly, I had the same problem. Even my boss tried to talk me out of it. I
tried to ignore it, but I know that's hard. What helped for me is just
remembering that I was the one doing all the research and talking with
people who had the surgery...not them. Their opinion is usually ignorant
because they never bothered to look into it. And many times the negative
comments I got were from thin people who have no idea what its like to live
with obesity. Now that I am 3 months out and down 60 pounds....they have
all "changed their tune!" Please dont let them discourage you.
They're just not educated on the subject.
— emilyfink
September 24, 2002
I know just what you mean. My sons father even went in to detail about one
of his friends who almost died 10 years ago right in front of my 8 year old
son. I just inform people that this is what I want and they can not know
how I am feeling unless they were carrying an extra 200 pounds like I am.
I could not contain myself so I have told just about everyone around me.
There where a few negative comments and I decided that some people are
going to feel like that and I can't help them. So I try to talk about it
with the people who are positive and leave the negative out of my progress.
If you feel this is what you want then just ignore them and have a
wonderful time enjoying your new life. Good luck. Lap RNY Oct 8th. I
can't wait.
— Tricia A.
September 24, 2002
This was the reason why I did not share my plans of surgery with many
people. I told a select few - ones who I knew would be supportive. (I
didn't even tell my family!) Just keep a positive, upbeat attitude about
the whole thing. Many people are negative and that's the way they choose
to live. You be happy with yourself and your decision to better your
life. That's what matters. As for dealing with negative comments, who
cares what the naysayers think?! You're going to be one healthy, hot mama!
;o)
— Jennifer A.
September 24, 2002
Its funny the responses you get. My dads neighbor just seen me a few days
ago and she was just in awe over how I looked and she told me I looked so
healthy and fit. Then she asked me how I did it. I told her about the
gastric bypass and her whole tone changed and she proceeded to ask me how I
was feeling. I told her she answered that question herself when she didn't
know that I had surgery. She said I guess your right. And thats what I
want. the reaction of people not even figuring that I had surgery because
I have that healthy fit look. But I don't tell everyone and the ones I do
tell i also tell them how much exercise I do and how often I do it. And
what my meals consist of and having to really be dedicated to the new
lifestyle we have to live post op. So keep your head up and remember they
are not in you looking out so they don't know how it feels and how people
react. Good luck on your journey.
— Chris9672
September 24, 2002
I had a lot of negative comments before my surgery too. Especially from my
own family. I am now 4 months post op. I have lost 90 pounds, gone from a
size 24 to a size 8, and eliminated diabetes. I feel like a teenager
again. The people with the negative comments now think it was the best
thing I ever did. The funny thing is two of the people that had the
comments are now trying to get on waiting lists to have the surgery
themselves.
— Linda A.
September 24, 2002
"Thank you for your concern" (said with totally straight face, or
"thank you for your encouragement". There's always "thank
you for sharing". Why get "into it" with some tactless
ignoramus?
— Marti R.
September 24, 2002
You've had lots of good answers here and I'm sure you don't really need
another one, but, what the heck, I'll throw in my 2 cents, too. I was
worried about the comments I would get, also. You know, everyone's an
expert. So basically, when I told people I was doing this, I also added
the comment that I had done over 6 months of intensive research and pretty
much knew every thing a lay person could know about this surgery, good and
bad. And until they did that much research, I would prefer not hearing any
comments. That did the trick. Like a previous poster said, they are
ignorant. Just remember that and be assertive. Let them know you really
don't care to hear their opinion, unless you ask for it.
— Kathy S.
September 24, 2002
I told people - I just kept it to the people that I know respected me
enough not to give me any negative feedback or horror stories. My family
(outside my wife and kids) knew that I was looking into it, but I didn't
tell them when I had my surgery because, frankly, I didn't want them
visiting me in the hospital (we're not close). They don't want anything
to do with me 364 days a year (we get together ever Xmas Eve - except I
found an excuse last year and have one this year - being in Walt Disney
World), so why should I give them the satisfaction of being the
supposedly-sympathizing sibling? JR, open RNY 07/17, down 84 pounds
— John Rushton
September 24, 2002
My best friend since the 70s tried to save me from surgery. Said I needed
mental help for even considering surgery and meant it. He now advocates
surgery for his MO daughter.. What a difference 130 pounds make...
— bob-haller
September 24, 2002
Hi...I've had a lot of negative comments, some from family members, some
from friends. I sent them a link to ObesityHelp.com and once they read all
the success stories are amazed. Keep your chin up.
— J. W.
September 24, 2002
No matter who you tell somebody knows somebody that has died from this
surgery. I can't even tell you how many times I heard that when I started
telling people what I was doing. Some of my friends that were very
unsupportive of me are now the ones telling me what a great job i've done
and how wonderful i look. you are doing this for YOU and you alone. Keep
your chin up and as long as you feel positive, it will be positive...good
luck...
— candymom64
September 24, 2002
My advice: Don't tell.<p>I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family
and it spared me all the negative crapola. The last thing you need right
now is negative stuff being fed into your spirit before surgery. All it
does is build fear, and fear can cause harm. The Bible says to "guard
your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life." I take that to
mean be careful what you listen to and take to heart. <p>Furthermore,
you may want to consider not telling anyone even AFTER your WLS until you
are about one year post-op and have successfully lost the weight. The
reason being, a lot of people will act supportive to your face, but
secretly they are just waiting for you to fail. I am just now starting to
tell people the truth of my weight loss and I'm one year out. Because of
my success, I have not heard one negative comment (to my face). LOL! It's
really hard to dis the surgery with someone who had it and is healthy and
slim, energetic and happy!
— artistmama
September 24, 2002
Stand Strong! I have had many negative comments...my decision...is to keep
it low key until afterwards and then all the naysayers can see how well it
worked and how great I will feel! Good luck!
— Amy S.
September 24, 2002
Kelly, I just wanted to wish you good luck and tell you that I will be
thinking of you that day, since that is also my surgery date! Aren't you
excited!......
— D S.
September 24, 2002
Congrats on the date (that's my birthday!!) I'm planning on not telling
most people until afterward - i don't need ignorant comments from the
peanut gallery.
— Toni C.
September 24, 2002
I have no intentions of telling anyone. I told my mother I was considering
it, and she went ballistic!! Started with all the usual crap........you
can do the diet thing, etc.... I won't tell her or anyone in my family
unless I ABSOLUTELY have to. I'm trying to work it out where my oldest can
come with my hubby to help with the baby, and I can farm my 16 and 12 year
olds out to friends. :-)
— gyverbabe
September 24, 2002
I haven't told my parents or friends of my plans because I saw what my two
siblings went through before their surgery. They were the topic of
conversation for months and I don't want to be talked about or judged. My
husband and child know and only those siblings who know my struggle. If
after surgery people ask what I'm doing I can honestly tell them that I
changed my eating habits and exercise. Mabey I'll tell my folks and close
friends the closer to my surgery date but right now it seems not the right
time.
Laura
— Laura B.
September 25, 2002
My answer is somewhat different than everyone else's, simply because I tell
everyone. (I am still pre-op). I'm so excited I can't keep it to myself.
And boy, do I hear some of those negative comments. But you know what?
I'm an ADULT. I have carried around these 125 extra pounds my entire life.
The negative commenter has not. They don't know what I've gone through,
and in fact, usually don't know anything about the surgery. So I've gotten
to be pretty good at witty retorts -- i.e., when someone says "isn't
this the easy way out?" I generally say either "Well, yeah, and
aren't I a genius for taking it!" or "Of COURSE its the easy way
out. What could be easier than having your stomach transsected, having
your intestines re-routed, having 8 rows of surgical staples placed in your
body AND learning all over how to eat again! Wooeee, that sounds easy to
me!" That usually shuts them up. Sometimes I feel like just telling
em to stick it -- but I know that my job here is to educate. We are so
lucky to live at a time where there is an actual solution for us...don't
let negativity get you down. Best of luck!
— Tamara K.
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