Question:
How to get your family to support you?

My name is Amy and I'm 27 yrs old.I have made the decsion to get gastric bypass surgery.My family though say I'm stupid and they will not support me or help me in any way.They say if I get sick or anything I have take care of myself.Please someone tell how to get them to support me in this.I love them very much and need them too.I just feel so alone please help me.    — Amy B. (posted on October 27, 2003)

October 27, 2003
Amy ~ Congratulations on your decision to seek weight loss surgery! It really is a miraculous tool. Hopefully your family will realize how important this is to you and their fears-turning-into-resentment will change. Barbara Thompson has a terrific letter on her website. I HIGHLY recommend you print it and share it with your family. I did! I shared it with my husband and it completely opened his eyes. I even heard him quoting the letter a few weeks later to friends who asked him how he felt about my decision to have weightloss surgery. The website is www.wlscenter.com Look for 'Letter to Significant Others'....it's excellent!!
   — chelle3081

October 27, 2003
I would highly recommend searching out a support group in your area. Having some personal time with some people who have been successful in your immediate area can work wonders!
   — kultgirl

October 27, 2003
Hi Amy, I too had to deal with something like you are going through. I researched gastric bypass for over a year before I even told my husband and parents. They were very discouraging and told me that I was making a mistake and they'd be no part of it. I found sites that were informative online and emailed them to my family daily. I even printed things for them to read and also wrote my own heart felt letter. When they realized that I was serious about this and got educated themselves about the surgery, they finally came around. Although they say they love me the way I am and would rather me NOT have surgery, they support my decision now and my father has even went to seminar's and support group meetings with me! So hang in there, your family loves you, they will except your choice when they become educated about the surgery. Take Care, Marissa
   — Marissa R.

October 27, 2003
that's a tough one. the problem is our families don't have to agree with our choices, the same way each person has to make up their own mind if they want to have gastric bypass or not. with that being said, it doesn't excuse their being rude. eventhou you love your family you will need to look for support elsewhere. i know that you want your family behind you all the way, but this is a choice for you alone and you will need support. alot of people try and educate their loved ones about the surgery. sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't...if they are being closed minded it doesn't work. if that is the case i would just keep all surgery info to myself. wait untill they come to you, but if they start being rude put an end to it right away. if you let someone start putting their foot in the door with rude comments they will just keep going. you are a grown woman and able to make your own choice, let them know this. best of luck to you
   — franbvan

October 28, 2003
Amy - I'm sorry to hear of your dilemma. I think it is unfortunately pretty darn common. Most people don't realize the horrible pain that we food addicts are in - and this surgery is a wonderful tool. If other types of addicts had this option, you can be sure that they would do it too! First of all, see if one family member is perhaps a little more receptive. Talk to your family members individually, not as a large group. In my family, if the "group" speaks, then individuals just cannot be heard. I would bet that there would be at least one person who is willing to at least hear of the information that you have found about the surgery. Then build from there. If no one is willing to there for you, PLEASE find friends who will be. I only told my husband and a couple of people at work about my surgery. I did not even give my family a chance to show me if they were supportive or not - I went and did my surgery and then 5 days later, terrible complications and I was back in the hospital for 3 weeks and then ended up staying with my mom and dad for over 3 months due to daily home health care and my inability to do much. CRAZY!! So....I really don't know what people's feelings were but they sure rallied when I needed them! Best of luck - keep reading, keep researching and make sure that your decision comes from you. Even with all of my complications, right now I've lost over 80 lbs and my 6mo anniversary is just around the corner.
   — Jodie P.

October 28, 2003
Hi Amy- While it's to be expected that some family members or friends may disagree with our surgery, it's not okay for them to say you're "stupid" and such. You didn't post that you were surprised by them disrespecting you so badly, so I'm assuming they've acted that way before??? Although you love them, you may never get their approval. Maybe a more relavant issue would be "Okay, how do I get thru this WLS WITHOUT my family's support?". Seek out your WLS support groups and some caring friends to help you thru. I have been pretty lucky to have my family and a few good friends to support me, but if anyone called me "stupid" about such a heartfelt, important decision as WLS, I don't think I would care whether or not they supported me. Good luck to you, Amy, maybe your family will come around if they learn more about it :o) Mea
   — Mea A.

November 6, 2003
If you are worried about after surgery care there is always the option of going to a nursing facility. That is an option for my surgeon and he recommends it if you have no one who will help you afterward. And you will need it for a few days afterward. As for your family, the only thing you can do is try to educate them. Preferably one at a time. My mother was my biggest opponent but after she went to one of the pre-op support groups at the hospital she started to understand. I gave her research I found on the internet. Then when Al Roker announced his surgery she really understood. She was still scared and would have preferred that I not do it but said she would be there for me. Give it a try that way. But go ahead with your life. When you lose the weight they will rally, you can bet on that. Good luck and don't give up.
   — Katherine B.

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