Question:
anyone else has a spouse thats nuts

Hi everyone, I just would like to tell you a story.My husband was against having surgery from the start.About 4 months after my surgery we went to see his folks in Tenn.Everyone was asking questions and paying alot of attention to me.He got angry and told me that I was acting like I was someone famous for having this surgery done.Now I was just answering the questions that was being asked of me,nothing more.Now 2 months later I find out he is telling all his friends and people he works with that I had this done and have lost alot of weight.When I asked him why,He told me that I lost so much he don't want people thinking that I'am sick and about to die. I think he is nuts,Can someone give me feedback on this? Robin -May 7th /264/169/140    — madbird (posted on November 18, 2003)

November 18, 2003
Robin ~ I think he's normal! He was probably afraid early on of what might happen to you in surgery. Then, with his family, he had seen you change, and saw a lot of people reacting positively to it all at the same time. That might have scared him into thinking you might leave him behind as other people begin to notice the thinner you. Now, he's probably telling people because he's proud of his "trophy wife"! If you're really worried about it, sit down and talk with him, but I think he's acting like the strong, silent type, and it will pass as he gets used to the new you. Remember that WLS has profound effects on those around us, too.
   — Vespa R.

November 18, 2003
Robin, Ok, here goes. This is what I am kind of getting out of therapy. I have not had my surgery yet, but my spouse was initially very much against it too. I think the reason that so many couples break up after one partner has wls is that so much of your personality revolves around your weight. When you are heavy you try to do anything you can to avoid other people's attention on you. As you start to lose weight you invite good comments because it makes you feel good. This is probably making your spouse feel really threatened because you are getting alot of attention and your self-esteem is improving. Sometimes people that love us keep us in a bad place, unintentionally, because it makes them somehow seem like a better person. Maybe the new slimmer you threatens him because it amplifies his own insecurities. Telling other people at work about your surgery looks like he is down playing your success--instead of crediting you with your improved look and health, it is easier to say that the surgery made you lose weight. I dont' think he is nuts. I think he is jealous and feeling a little insecure now that you are such a hottie. Congrats on your success.
   — Danyelle K.

November 18, 2003
Just one comment from me- a lot of people DID think I was sick and dying when they saw the pounds fly off. And I am surely not the only one who gets the, "Do you have cancer or something?"<br> Gotta say, your hubby sounds kind of normal. It will take some time. Maybe couples therapy to get you through?
   — kultgirl

November 18, 2003
I had people ask hows the chemo coming?:( He id the right thing, theres no hoiding your fast loss. Better to know the truth than have folks gossiping about your dying. I heard a story once about a secretary in a office who kept her WLS a secret. He co workers were applying for her job:( The entire company thought she was dying!!!!!
   — bob-haller

November 21, 2003
ALL men are retarded. Period.
   — Goldilauxx B.

November 25, 2003
Goldilauxx-I laughed super hard at your answer lol
   — fropunka

April 11, 2012
XXX lol I told my spouse so many times about the divorce rate of patients after losing so much weight. It scared me, and I spent so much time curled up in his arms, crying, and talking about it so many nights. He NEVER told me I was fat before the surgery, and he saw how hard I would push myself in daily work-outs with low carb, low fat meals. I always figured if I had to be fat, at least I had a pretty face. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has tried to find a redeeming quality through the pain of obesity. Surgery unearthed a lot. Suddenly I hit a weight that sent shock waves through him. He took me out to show me off. He dressed me in gorgeous dresses. If I wanted an ankle bracelet, he'd make sure he was the one clasping it on me. At a jewelry store, I couldn't decide what watch I wanted. He bought all 3. I never went out and looked at pretty dresses and jewelry for 14 years. I kept waiting for long strands of blonde hair to fall out, but it just kept getting longer. My hair is his first-loved quality. He's a hair guy. lol Then he got weird when I got the tummy tuck and large C cups. My lean muscles would start to show as weight left me. I agreed to his obsession and posed for many racy pics. It felt really good to have him so happy. I admitted to hiding down different aisles when he would run into a friend, so they wouldn't have to feel bad for his having a fat wife. Puzzled, he said he never saw me that way. I'm up to a size 10 (great for 5'9") and it's been 8 years since I had surgery. Now we watch for medical side effects, but his eye is still on me, and he wants the world to see me smile for reaching MY dream.
   — [Deactivated Member]

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