Question:
Would like to ask for help in dealing with feelings about being very apprehensive
about my upcoming surgery? Every day I seem to find myself crying & when asked what is wrong I really don't know what to say but part of it is related to the feelings I am having about surgery. I am afraid. The fears stem from thoughts of surgery itself & will I come through or not or will there be complications that have not been anticipated & if so will my insurance cover this. Another fear is will I be able to successfully win this battle after WLS. Right now I can not stand the idea of throwing up & if I do I always seem to get sicker from doing so. I have never liked milk and I hate powdered drinks like Slim Fast which is what I am afraid the protein is probably going to taste like. I believe in my heart that the surgery is the only option for me since I am at the point of almost not being able to get around & I will lose my job BUT I still have all these fears. I also am carrying around a huge amount of guilt since I know that I am the reason & the sole one that is reasonable for the my being in the shape I am in & now my family is having to carry much of this burden --financially since our insurance will not pay but also I am having to rely on them to do things for me because I am unable to do them myself. It makes me feel really sad so I find it hard to express to them why I am sad or crying. What if I go through this surgery & I am not able to do what is expected of me then I fail again so I guess this is still another fear. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. — [Anonymous] (posted on June 7, 2000)
June 7, 2000
You have cold feet, we all go through that a little prior to the big day.
You'll be fine. Get all the support you need from this site the folks here
are wonderful in that respect.
— ann A.
June 7, 2000
I know exactly how you feel!! I haven't even been approved yet
and I'm already nervous. What helps me is coming to this site
and reading all the encouraging words from everyone here.
I hope you come here often and read all the wonderful messages.
It's a life changing decision and I'm convinced it is the right
one. Just remember we're all here for you now and we'll be
here for you after your surgery! Good health to you and God Bless!Niki
— Niki G.
June 7, 2000
Hi! It sounds to me like you are questioning your decision. I believe if
you are seriously unsure about this maybe you should postpone your surgery.
If the thought of that makes you say "NO WAY!" then you need to
stop playing head games and focus on the positive side of this surgery. I
don't know if you believe in GOD or not but I do and somebody once told me
(when I was going thru a very difficult time emotionally) "If you pray
why worry... and if you worry why pray." This was very powerful for
me and I have used it over and over. And I have chosen prayer over worry
to ease my mind.
I have also found great comfort in reading the Q & A list on this site
under Emotional Issues. So far I have found that others have had the same
feelings as me and have been offered excellent ideas and support from
fellow wls people. BTW I am in the pre-surgery testing phase. hoping for
a date in August. Good Luck and God Bless.
— Becky H.
June 7, 2000
My surgery date is 2 weeks from tomorrow, and I too am concerned with the
down side of this surgery, what all can go wrong, how I might be
consciously choosing something that would put my family in a place where
they would have to take care of me, and all those other things you are
feeling. But deep in my heart I know that this is a choice I need to make
for ME. All my life, like so many women, I have nurtured others. It is a
hard decision to switch to nurturing myself. Perhaps the tears and sadness
are a bit of grief a long with last month jitters. Whatever it is, spend
some quiet time alone and list all the reasons to have this lifesaving
surgery, and then the reasons not to. This list may give you the assurance
you need. I went through almost 2 weeks of grieving the future loss of food
as comfort. It has been with me all my life, but now I am ready to give up
my "blanket" of food and face the world stronger, if a bit sadder
for a while. Write anytime. Jill
— Jill C.
June 7, 2000
Been there, done that, own the t-shirt concession. It's NORMAL to be
afraid; what kind of a lunatic would look FORWARD to being cut open? The
trick is not to focus on the negative ... on the complications, on the
possibility of vomiting, on the taste of the protein drinks, etc. See your
life as it will be AFTER your surgery ... no more getting winded tying your
shoes, getting off blood pressure and diabetes meds, shopping at
regular-size clothing stores, no longer planning your day around places
where your butt will fit into the furniture. I'm now 7-1/2 weeks post-op
and I have absolutely no regrets. I had fears before my surgery -- we ALL
do -- but those were nothing compared to the fears I had of not living to
see my sons grow up, of having a heart attack in my sleep, of always being
a spectator, rather than a participant, in my own life. These fears will
pass. Accept your feelings for what they are, and try always to keep
perspective. This site is testimony to the literally THOUSANDS of us who
have walked through the valley and come out on the other side. All good
thoughts with you always.
— Cheryl Denomy
June 8, 2000
I can't add anything much to the great advice already offered to you. I
agree we all face these questionings but it occurred to me that the
vomiting thing is not automatic for all and if you don't try to fit too
much in your pouch you won't have much problem with that. And you really
won't be as tempted as you think. You'll feel full very quickly. That's
the beauty of this surgery. One other thought would be to experiment ahead
of time with the protein drinks to find one you like. Then you won't have
to worry about it later when you have so many other things on your mind
getting well.
Good Luck! A positive attitude is your best asset going in.
— Carol M.
June 8, 2000
I think everyone feels apprehensive and a little scared before surgery, at
least I know I do. My date is set for June 20 and I don't think my heart
has been beating right since I found out yesterday! But, I beleive in the
good Lord and I truly believe that when your time on this Earth is done, it
doesn't matter where you are, or what you're doing. So, if my time is on
June 20, then it wouldn't matter if I'm having surgery or if I'm home
sleeping in my bed! And if it's not my time, then after surgery,
hopefully, I'll have a lot more years here and they will be much happier
ones as I'll be really living them, as a normal, healthy, active person! I
won't be just a bystander watching the world and life pass me by! So, be
strong and be brave and know that you are doing the right thing.... the
only thing ...... to make life better for yourself and your family! If you
need to talk, please email me and I will be happy to lend an ear or
support, whatever you need.
God Bless!
— Deborah M.
June 8, 2000
My surgery is scheduled for July 18th in Cleveland. Last
week I was SOO UNSURE. With the help of the people at this
website I have gotten past that feeling..at least for now!
I try to take it all "one day at a time" and I also remember
that I have a CHOICE each and everyday. The choices are, first
the road of FEAR. Second is the road of FAITH. Each day I have
to decide which road I will walk down just for THAT ONE DAY.
Doing that helps me a lot. When I start thinking about all
the negatives about the surgery, I end up a "basket case."
I know that this is what I want. I have prepared for surgery
by buying soups, Boost, Crystal Lite, etc...this keeps me
going forward not backwards. Pray about it. Meditate on it.
Listen to your inner voice. Then decide what is best for you.
I can not tell you what is best for you. Only YOU can make
that choice. If you choose surgery, then go w/ it. Don't look
back. Go FORWARD. Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do!
— kathy S.
June 8, 2000
Please hang in there. There are a number of issues you are dealing with,
and I think it would be helpful to think about and deal with each one
individually. Together, they are "ganging up on you" and making
you feel miserable. First of all, fear of the surgery is perfectly normal,
even to the extent that you cry about it. But if you have done your
research, you also know deep down that by not doing something, you are
putting yourself at far greater risk. No one can sugarcoat surgery. This
is a major procedure, but thousands of us have come through it with flying
colors, and you will too! If you feel that this anxiety is simply too much
to handle, ask yourself if you really want to go through with it. If
you're not ready, you're not ready. If you are still committed to it, then
talk to your doctor about getting a prescription to calm you down. This is
very commonly done. Second, you mentioned potential problems after WLS.
Everything you mentioned is very temporary and may not happen at all.
Throwing up is not somthing that always happens. I am 4 weeks post-op, and
I have to be honest with you and say that I have thrown up a few times.
But it has NOT been horrible, and it has happened because of my own doing -
I have tried to eat certain foods too fast and in too big of pieces. If
you really concentrate on what you're doing, this need not ever happen to
you. As far as not liking milk, many people don't like it. And there are
plenty of alternatives to milk. Slim Fast is a no no - too many calories
and carbs. As far as finding a protein drink you like, it is trial and
error. You will find many excellent suggestions on this site. I recently
found a liquid protein that tastes like kool-aid, and that has been my
answer. I also don't like the other protein powders I have tried thus far.
Dealing with the "mechanics" after surgery is a learning
experience - one that may frustrate you on occasion but one that you can
handle with no problem. I think your biggest, most destructive issue is
your guilt. You mentioned that you are "the reason and sole one that
is responsible for you being in the shape you are now". THIS IS NOT
TRUE!!!!!! YOU HAVE NOT FAILED YOURSELF OR YOUR FAMILY!!!!!! One of the
things we all come to grips with on this site is that obesity is a DISEASE.
Society and the medical community don't like to admit that, but we know
it's true. Our obesity causes us to feel ashamed, stupid, and undervalued
because the outside world believes it. Please do the research available on
this site and many other sources and know that obesity is a DISEASE that
needs a medical cure. Should a heart patient feel guilty about having
bypass surgery? Should a cancer patient feel bad about receiving
chemotherapy? Of course not!!!!!!!!!!! WLS is a medical response to a
medical problem. I won't pretend that you can't have emotional issues with
food that need to be addressed, but first and foremost you must recognize
your condition as a disease. None of us choose to be obese. You also
mentioned your family carrying around your burden. WLS can give you the
tool to change that - permanently. I understand your fear. I want to be
around to take care of my parents when they need me, and on my previous
unhealthy course, they were going to have to take care of me instead. My
surgery changed this. Financially I cannot tell you what is best for your
family. If you have to pay for it, there is no question that it will be
expensive. Are you absolutely sure you have exhausted ALL options of
getting your health insurance to cover it? I know from other people's
experiences that It can be a long road, but those battles are OFTEN won
with persistence and perseverance. This site offers a wealth of insurance
info. "Failing again" after surgery won't happen as long as you
reasonably do what your doctor tells you. Yes, there will be some
lifestyle changes (for the better, I might add), but everything you will be
asked to do is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DO-ABLE!!!!!! Please consider counseling if
you can. That will help you deal with your fears for the long term. If
you can't do that, find a WLS support group in your area. This is a
wonderful support system available to you free of charge. Please do not
give up on yourself. You can do it!!! We love you, and we are here to
support you. E-mail me anytime if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on!
[email protected] ****BIG HUGS**** :):):)
— Paula G.
Click Here to Return