Question:
I have seen and read here, where some people prepare letters

to give to their loved ones before they go into WLS. I don't think that I am going to be able to do this. If I have to write good-bye letters to my husband and my kids I am sure that I will talk myself out of having my surgery ... AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!! My family is well aware of the reasons that I have chosen this surgery ... Telling them about it was bad enough ... I just don't think I could write good-bye letters ... Has anyone else not written letters? Do I sound like I am being selfish? ANY SUGGESTIONS?    — Donna H. (posted on October 4, 2000)

October 3, 2000
I HAD MY SURGERY LAST TUESDAY. AND I DIDNT WRITE ANY GOOD-BYE LETTERS OR SAY ANYTHING THAT MIGHT INDICATE I FELT LIKE SOMETHING BAD COULD HAPPEN. OF COURSE, I DID THINK ABOUT IT BUT DECIDED AGAINST IT BECAUSE I KNEW THIS WAS THE RIGHT THING FOR ME AND I WAS VERY SURE IN MY DECISION. I ALSO WOULDNT WANT MY FAMILY TO HEAR MY FEAR ABOUT IT. THEY KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM. BUT I JUST CHOSE NOT TO WRITE LETTERS.
   — MICHELLE D.

October 3, 2000
I had my surgery in May 2000. I did not write any letters to anyone. I feel that if you are writing to say "goodbye" you are in the wrong frame of mind to start with. So, don't feel like you need to write letters. It is a personal thing with each of us, some feel the need--others don't. My family knows how I feel about them and if something would happen to me they know they were loved. I feel I have a greater chance of beeing killed in an auto accident than I did from surgery. Best of luck and a speedy recovery. Donna WV
   — Donna A.

October 3, 2000
The only letter I wrote was asking my ex-husband to relinquish custody of our children to my mother should I not survive the surgery. As it were, he never saw the letter. Even if I left instructions not to open unless something bad happened, there would have been the possibility of my family reading such a 'goodbye' letter while I was under anesthesia. Being two hours away from home for my surgery, I hate to think what would have played in my mom's mind! A hug and an "I love you" can speak volumes.
   — Allie B.

October 4, 2000
Donna, you're not being selfish at all. I did not write any good-bye letters. I did however, make sure my papers and bills were in order. It's a persoanl choice, and you should prepare for the surgery in a way that is comfortable and best for you. Some do more than others, and for some it's the actual prepapration of these things that is therapeutic, not necessarily the end result of it. For example, prior to surgery I kept myself very very busy with reorganizing my house and getting my bills organized. It was just my way of coping with the waiting, and it worked. I was nearly anxiety-free going into the surgery. Do what's best for you! Best of luck to you. :)
   — Paula G.

October 4, 2000
Donna, I started out intending to write letters to my hubby and kids, not necessarily "goodbye" but more of "I love you"- something they could take out and read and understand me better over the years in case something DID happen to me. However, as I sat and started to write, I had a peace come over me and I felt like it was totally unnecessary to continue. So, believing this peace was from God, who, by the way, orchestrated everything leading up to my surgery, I decided I didn't need to write to my family. Bottom line, do what is "peaceful" for you!! Good Luck and God Bless- MB 8 1/2 months postop down 100 lbs.
   — M B.

October 4, 2000
good-morning! I am having surgury monday, and I can't bring myself to the point of writing letters! My Mom knows what I want done,just in case. The only thing I am worried about is getting my house sqweeky clen before monday! Also I am being real nice to everybody...LOL!
   — Cindy B.

October 4, 2000
Good Morning Donna, I have never heard of such a negitive thing to do. What about an I love you letter. What is wrong with some people, this is a gift from God, new life, and and a new chance to help others, why would you want to make it a negitive exsperience? I had my surgery 21/2 years ago, and trusted in God, to bring me through it all, I was 56 at the time, so, I really needed to lean totally on Him, and guess what, my family also leaned on Him to bring me throuh. Do, you have a relationship with the Lord? If not this is a good time to think about it all. I am now from 400lbs. to 140lbs. and livinig to help others take a good positive look at life as it is, and how it can be, so, take a good time to reflect what you want from surgery. God has honored all the desires of my heart. And I will pray he will yours too. Love to You and all of your family, Linda
   — Linda H.

October 4, 2000
I lost my husband in a car accident on Christmas Eve in 1998. Although we did tell one another we loved each other that morning, there were so many things left unsaid. I now have letters for our children in the even of my death, no matter what the cause. I'm not trying to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, just share my perspective. Best wishes.
   — [Deactivated Member]

October 4, 2000
Donna, I thought long and hard about writing letters. I had planned on it, and was not going to give them to my family members, but was going to give them to a dear friend who I knew would return them unopened to me after surgery. Well, I never got around to writing letters, but I did make sure to talk with a few people before hand. Basically I told them that I didn't want the opportunity to go by without telling them how important they were to me and how much I valued them. I found surgery a great "excuse" to tell people the things you should anyway, but the timing just never seems right, you know? I don't think you need to leave letters that tell your loved ones WHY you had the surgery, but if you WANT to, make them a remembrance of you, even if it's only a few special words to each person. Tell your child you have always been proud of him and give him and example WHY. Tell your husband that he fills your heart. Give the people you love a little "love vacine".
   — BethVBG

October 4, 2000
I do not know if I can do this either. I wish that I could - and hope that I can. I am still waiting for an appointment though. But I feel that if I do not do this - my son and the rest of my family will be left wondoring. Oh they know I love them with all my heart - but I guess this letter would make THEM feel better.
   — Anita I.

January 18, 2004
I was on this website a few months ago and read something about writing goodbye letters and that scared me to death. In fact I decided not to have the surgery. NOw that I have done all the research I feel confident going through the surgery although I just might use the surgery as an 'excuse' to tell my loved ones just how much they mean to me. God Bless You All ~ Best Wishes
   — Jennifer H.

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