Question:
Has anyone been told they have had personality changes after their surgery?
I am looking into having surgery and went to lunch with two friends who had family and a friend which had the surgery and negative personality changes. — smatney (posted on November 13, 2000)
November 13, 2000
I am one year post-op Lap proximal RNY. It would be interesting to hear
what they considered negative personality changes. I think we do change
after the surgery, I know I certainly have. I am more out going, happier
and have a new level of self confidence. Some of that may translate into
not putting up with things I previously would have. I personaly think
those are very positive changes. Folks are going to tell you all sorts of
things about the surgery (my mother told me I would be in diapers for the
rest of my life). Take it all with a grain of salt and do what you are
doing here - ask those of us that have been there. Best of luck to you
with your research and decision.
— Jilda H.
November 13, 2000
Yes... Yes... Yes... I am such a happier person now...
but now I don't let people walk all over me... I have
gotten my more accertive... and I think my parents can't
quite come to terms with this... so they think this personality change is
for the worse... so its a matter of perspective...
— Michele Z.
November 13, 2000
As someone posted, "negative" is a matter of perspective. I've
felt absolutely FABULOUS since my surgery, but I've no doubt my personality
has "changed" -- I'm MYSELF again, the myself I was BEFORE I
spent twenty-odd years being fat! I've got my sense of humor back, my
assertiveness, my clarity, my drive, my convictions, my energy, and my
sense of self. There are many people in my life who are threatened by that
-- I'm no longer the soft touch or the easy sell or the "oh, well,
she's fat and won't do anything about it" type. They'll adjust, or
they won't, and that's their problem, not mine. I'm FINALLY at a place
where I like me -- I REALLY LIKE ME -- and you can't get THAT out of a
Slimfast can!
— Cheryl Denomy
November 14, 2000
I very much mirror what the other posts have said. Society thinks that
"fat" people should take whatever they can get and be grateful
for it - that includes second best with relationships. People think that
as long as we're "fat" we can be controlled. When we do
something to better ourselves, then all of a sudden these same people
realize they don't have the same emotional hold on us they once had. They
become very insecure about themselves. Jealousy can be an issue. It means
they have to focus on their own problems and not our's. Your TRUE friends
will show concern and ask questions, but as long as you are making an
informed decision, they will support you. "Negative" personality
problems to one person may actually mean assertivesness and confidence to
you. And don't worry, if you go off the deep end, your TRUE friends will
understand where it's coming from and bring you back around in a good way.
The bottom line though is that this is your decision. Don't be concerned
about getting other's approval because they will probably not be informed
enough about WLS to give you an informed opinion. I am 6 months post op
and have lost at least 84 pounds. Prior to WLS I was an active and
confident person. A very close friend of mine who knew someone else who
had lost a lot of weight told me that there were changes coming that I
could not even anticipate. She was right, and they are all wonderful! Now
that I've had WLS, a part of my personality has emerged that I didn't even
know I had - even more confident than before! Good luck with your
decision!
— Paula G.
November 14, 2000
I'd add that some people sincerely want what is best for you--yet in the
absence of a true understanding of the surgery, they speak on any negatives
they've ever heard. This is a way, they believe, of protecting you for
possible harm. Take it with a grain of salt.
— Cindy H.
November 14, 2000
I believe there is a small minority of WLS patients who don't adjust well
to the major changes in their body and in their life, and you could say
these people have "negative personality changes". Hopefully,
those people will eventually adjust, and get on like normal. But, I have
heard of people losing a bunch of their weight and then becoming very
reckless and promiscuous in their sexual relationships. I have also run
into a few people who are so angry at the way they were treated as fat
people, (and the big change in how they are now treated as thin people)
that now, they cannot form good relationships with anyone. Another thing
that sometimes happens is divorces after WLS. Of course, in most cases,
there were problems in the marriage before WLS, but to outsiders, it may
appear that the massive weight loss by one person is what caused the
divorce. Overall, I would say most people become happier, more confident,
and more outgoing after their surgery. I wouldn't worry about this except
to save it in the back of your mind just-in-case. Then, you will know when
it is time to seek counseling or the advice of friends if you need it.
— Lynn K.
August 20, 2004
I don't really feel that people that lose a lot of weight have personality
changes. I think as obese people we tend to keep many of our thoughts and
opinions to ourselves and as we lose weight we gain self confidence that
allows us to feel more secure in sharing our thoughts. The people that
knew us better than others won't notice much of a change, but those that
didn't really know the true us will think this is a change. I also think
that while we are losing weight and are going through such drastic physical
changes people pay more attention to us, thus noticing our personality more
than they did before. It sort of puts us in the spotlight.
That is my opinion on the subject. I often see people talking about
friends who have had surgery and saying that their personality has changed.
I just don't see it, they act the same way now as they did before, just a
little more obviously!
— septembergirl73
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