Question:
Does anyone else want out of the relationship?
I moved in with my boyfriend last Aug. And now I really want out. I feel bad, but I am just not attracted to him. Was I just settling, because I was unhappy with me. Am I wrong to feel this way????? — sonjasales (posted on May 29, 2002)
May 29, 2002
Hello there - I think you've already answered your own question - I believe
a lot of times we settle for things. As we grow from the inside as our
outside shrinks, it can change all sorts of things - especially our
feelings. I wouldn't try to over-analyze things...either your meant to be,
or your not. I wouldn't look back with regret, remorse or too much
heartache - there is absolutely reasons why he was in your life during the
time period that he was. Take what good you've found from this
relationship and take that leap into the void to see what you can create
next ~ I say go for it. () : ) Good luck to you
— Lisa J.
May 29, 2002
I've settled my whole life because I didn't think I was worth anything,
partly because I was fat and partly because of being molested as a child.
I'm 48 now, getting ready for surgery and just now discovering I don't need
to settle. If you do not love him, do him a favor and get out of the
relationship. Get on with your life, and enjoy it. Beleave me you deserve
every good thing that happens to you.
— Linda B.
May 29, 2002
Yeah you probably did settle. Get out, move on, stay true to yourself and
don't settle anymore. I haven't been in a relationship for a long because
I refuse to settle. When the right one comes along, I'll know it. Until
then, being single is fine with me. I refuse to be used ever again.
— Annie H.
May 29, 2002
I think with the weight loss comes self confidence. You also realize that
you can do better and don't have to settle with someone that your not
attracted to or have nothing in common with. I've found that I don't put
up with the BS that men would try to dish out. I just walk away. I KNOW I
can do better and I'm not going to be with someone just to say I have
someone. I'd rather be alone and happy then with someone who I don't want
to be with and be unhappy. If you feel like you settled for him because
you couldn't do any better, then leave. There's no point in stringing him
along letting him think everything is fine, when it's not.
— Patty H.
May 29, 2002
When we're unhappy with ourselves, we tend to settle for other people in
our lives who don't make us happy. Definitely. I fortunately never
settled (at least in the man I chose to marry), so even after losing 180
lbs., I still feel attracted to him and lucky to have found him. My
opinion? Dump your current boyfriend and find someone who makes you feel
LUCKY to be with HIM. Good luck.
— Terissa R.
May 30, 2002
I agree with most of what was said.. Don't settle. Don't stay in a
relationship for the wrong reasons. "But, he loves me, I don't want to
hurt him" is not the right reason. Eventually the hurt will be much
worse, for you and for him. What I don't agree with {from the previous
posters} is that you should find someone who can make you happy. The only
one that can make your happiness, or break your happiness for that matter,
is you. You need to be happy as a single person before you can be happy as
a partner. Get in touch with yourself. Don't jump too quickly into what
looks like a good thing. If some one comes along and you think he may fit
the bill.. step back and wait. If he is the right one, he will still be
there when you are one with yourself... <p>Thanks...
— Angela G.
May 30, 2002
Well, I will probably get flamed, but from the male point of view....
Sorry if I sound harsh, but did this guy support you in your WLS efforts?
Did he bring you meals, help you in and out of bed, help you shower, get
dressed? In short, did he support you? Or did he just leave you to suffer
through it alone?
I guess what you really need to ask youself is, "Is he making the
journey with me, or is he extra baggage". A travel partner is always
good, extra baggage can be bad, but only you can judge which he is.
My wife has been my faithful travel partner for 13 years now, and I
wouldn't trade her for all the supermodels in the world. No way, no how. It
is rare to find someone who truely supports you. If you have that, take a
moment to reflect before doing anything rash. If you don't, go find a
travel companion :)
— Greg P.
May 30, 2002
When my husband of 20 years left me, I read a really great book called,
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I was so afraid that I too would
"settle" for someone wrong with me as I'd heard all the horror
stories of 2nd marriages/relationships and did not want that for me. Even
though I'm larger than I want to be (hence upcoming surgery), I knew my
worth as a person. Boost your self-esteem, read that book and make
decisions in your life that are right for you. In reading that book, you
will also discover about giving bits of your heart away (as you've done
with this man and perhaps others) and possibly have allowed him to grow
attached to you and be of help to you when you maybe shouldn't have. I
agree with the gentleman poster right before me. Bottom line is hindsight
being 20/20, make your decision, be kind to your boyfriend and decide
what's right for you. God Bless!
— Nell C.
May 30, 2002
I noticed you just had surgery in April. I just want to say I went through
a HUGE emotional/hormonal rollercoaster after surgery- and what I felt
before surgery, and what I feel now (2 years out this August)- was NO WAY
close to what I felt just after surgery about my mate. I am very lucky I
made no rash, hasty decisions about our relationship & marriage or do
anything to jepoardize it. True to form, he was the same loving man,
before, during and after- and while I had my ups & downs, he sat
patiently by my side. I am forever grateful. On the other hand, I made
marriage vows. You have not. You are still free to come and go if you
choose, just know that what you are feeling right now about your
relationship is not how you may feel in a year.
— Karen R.
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