Question:
How do you get rid of a clinging person.
I recently started going to Curves for Women. A friend of mine that is wanting to lose weight wanted to join too. now she says her doctor says she can't drive and would I take her. Bottome line, she is driving me crazy. She wants me to motivate her. I can barely motivate myself and now I find myself making excusses no to go because I don't want to go with her and if I go without her she gets upset. Just some advice please. She is a friend but a negative one when it comes to weight loss and I need positive reinforcement! — Oldsoul (posted on February 27, 2003)
February 26, 2003
Here are my thoughts.
would you feel comfortable telling this person about your own weight loss
struggles?
if you are ,then you should couch it in this type of conversation, letting
her know how very very important it is to you to have positive people
around you, peole working hard on thier weight loss , and supportign you in
your efforts, let her know its not that you dont like her, but, you
desperately NEED! these positive people around you right now, enforce that
its not permanant , but just for "right now" offer to post a note
for her at curves, that she needs a ride/exercise buddy. but apologize,
gently and firmly, that right now, it would do a disservice to her, and you
, for the two of you to continue to work out together
— bethlaf
February 26, 2003
Sometimes people have no sense of boundaries...your friend sounds like one
of them. It's tough but I would have to sit down and say something like,
"right now I need to concentrate on taking care of my own health, and
I am not able to take care of your needs in this way too. I can only work
on myself right now and can't be responsible for your weight loss and
exercise too." Maybe you can encourage her to widen her support
cirle. Please don't avoid going to the gym just to avoid the issue, you owe
to yourself to take your own needs seriously! Best of luck.
— Linda B.
February 26, 2003
Can you just tell her that you prefer working out alone? Also, tell her,
that with your crazy schedule you may not know in advance when you can get
to the gym, and that letting her know in advance is just not possible.
— Cindy R.
February 26, 2003
If you can tell her that you are a fulltime time job and that you need all
of your attention, perhaps there might be some quid pro quo? You can't do
it for her and she can't do it for you but maybe there are 2 or 3 things
you could each "exchange" motivationally speaking? It can't be
all one sided. Maybe there is something she can do to help you. If not,
you might just need to explain to her that you are all you can handle.
Good luck!
— susanje
February 26, 2003
How does she know when you go without her? Could you go to a different
location? I have two near me about 1/2 mile from eachother. I agree with
the previous posters that it's good to be honest, but if you have to switch
locations, it might help you get around hurting her feelings at least
temporarily. But just remember that her happiness is not your
responsibility! Good luck.
— Yolanda J.
February 26, 2003
Put yourself and your health first. "No" is a complete sentence.
Doesn't require any explanation. Just "No". Good luck and God
Bless!
— Kimberly L.
February 27, 2003
Is there a Curves in another area? If so, go there and don't let her know.
— Danmark
February 27, 2003
If she was truly your friend, I would think you would want to help her out.
Maybe she can't drive, and really does want to go exercise and this is her
only way. I don't see how driving her is necessarily motivating her...and
besides...what is wrong with motivating someone else? I think that is a
nice thing to do. If she wants to go to the gym, obviously she does want to
try and lose some weight. If you truly do not want to go with her then I
suggest you just tell her the true reasons why. If you are feeling you have
to make excuses and stuff...then you feel guilty for a reason. I am not
trying to be mean or anything, but I think people get into their little
selfish modes and its all about me, me, me. I am not saying you should go
with her every single time...but if you were really her friend you would
want to try to help her out as much as possible. IF she drives you crazy
and is negative..then maybe she isn't your friend...and it that case, then
you have every right to refuse. But, "how do you get rid of a clinging
person..." sure doesn't sound like friendship to me. Just my two
cents.
— Shawnie S.
February 27, 2003
Wow, this has a few different angles to come at. First, just taking her can
be a motivation. Sometimes it's much easier to "do it" with
another person. Maybe you could set up a schedule where you can drive her
on certain days. This way, you can still go by yourself and at your
convenience. So, maybe you can take her 2 or 3 times per week depending on
your schedule. You need to come first until you're strong enough to help
someone else. Now, helping someone isn't doing it all for them! When she
gets to curves it's her responsibilty and the staffs to meet her needs and
yours. Not together. Best wishes and good luck.
— Linda M.
February 27, 2003
Oh my... do I see varying opinions for this question.
I believe being 'selfish' sometimes is good. Putting others first is not
what's best in EVERY situation. You have a need that needs to be
fulfilled. It is not the need to be mother-hen or motivator. It is a need
to get yourself healthy.
Work-out buddies are great, but you don't generally see them doing it
together all of the time. It's called a healthy relationship.
I would consider giving her a ride IF guidelines were set up. Perhaps she
would be willing to be ready according to your schedule AND leave you alone
once at the gym.
I learned the hard way that working out with friends isn't always a real
workout. I have a sister that is very motivated and keeps her goal in
mind. I have another sister who would just as well go have fried food
after working out and the workout would be filled with laughter and joking
around.
In your situation, you need to do what is best for YOU. This is something
YOU are paying for.
— Diane S.
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