Question:
How do I mention WLS to another MO person?
I have a family member who is MO. Knowing all the heck I'm going through, I often wonder how she feels about her weight...does she have any problems like me...does she wish too loose weight...has she tried and just can't...I want to mention WLS too her just to see if maybe she's been thinking about it or maybe wants some help loosing weight. I know I would feel terrible if someone just said "Hey your fat, why don't you do something about it" but I also know that if another MO mentioned to me something aobut WLS I might be inclined to listen. Any thoughts? — Renee B. (posted on June 5, 2003)
June 5, 2003
I don't know how close you are to this relative, but I brought it up to a
couple of members of my family-not implying they should have it, but just
telling them that I was having it. They asked a lot of questions and
eventually considered doing it themselves. Now, I'm approved, waiting for
a surgery date and they both have consultations scheduled for this summer.
And its great to have such support within the family-we all know what the
other two are going through at each different stage in the process. If you
can, just bring it up in conversation to get a feel for where she stands on
it.
— Jill M.
June 5, 2003
That is a really good question...I've often wondered how to bring up that
touchy subject, but, what I would do in a situation like that, would be to
start a general conversation, and then bring up how excited you are about
your upcoming WLS. Then if your family member ask any questions, start to
go into detail about what the surgery entails, and the benefits, and so on.
If that doesn't work, leave a book, or brochure about WLS around and see if
the family member takes interest.
This is not as subtle, but you can always anonymously send information to
the person. For example, the bariatric treatment centers send out
information, and you could always send him/her information, and see what
comes of it.
I hope that I might have been of help...
Good Luck :)
Dominique
— Dominique P.
June 5, 2003
Hi...I would be careful with this...and I say that only because I know how
defensive I used to be whenever someone said something about my weight or
suggested yet another "diet". This is what I've done...when the
person I think would benefit from knowing more about WLS is around,
hopefully in a group situation, I always have another friend ask me about
my surgery. That way, it opens the conversation, and it doesn't seem that
I'm pushing it on anyone. If they want to listen or ask questions, I'm all
ears and will give them as much information as they want. Sometimes, just
having them know that this is something that I've done is good enough,
because I have people that have been around me and heard me talk about it,
and then come back after a week or two and want to talk to me about it.
It's such a personal thing to make a decision about this surgery, and some
people are totally against it, while others are open to it. Anyway, that's
what I do...maybe it would work in your situation also...good luck!
— lily1968
June 5, 2003
Hi there!
Id she is your relative, doesn't she know that you had the surgery? Or at
least noticed that you lost a significant amount of weight? I am surprised
that she hasn't noticed, which could lead you into a discussion about your
surgery. If she doesn't see you regularly, send out family photos and see
if she asks. If she does not ask, or make comments about your weight loss,
that tells me that she does NOT want to discuss it because she is too
uncomfortable. Just my opinion.
— Michele B.
June 5, 2003
If she's a family member, she knows about your having WLS, right? If so, I
would wait until she asks for info...I wouldn't offer it. Just my humble
opinion. This is how I've handled things since my WLS...if asked, I'll
offer what I know. I don't go up to MO people (strangers) and tell them
about WLS. I just don't feel it's my place at all. People would have to
be living underground, without TV or radio, to not know WLS exists these
days. And people will go for info in their own time, IF they're
interested. I would be VERY careful, especially with family members, about
bringing up the subject of WLS without it being introduced first by that
family member. Again, this is my opinion.
— [Deactivated Member]
June 5, 2003
A stranger approached me in the Summer of 2001 to tell me that gastric
bypass had saved his life and he asked if I had ever considered it. I was
taken aback, but I thank God that this stranger felt strong enough about
his experience to plant that seed in my mind. It took me another year of
living in pain before I realized that WLS was the answer-- but, at least
b/c of that's stranger's boldness, I began to understand that I would
benefit from WLS. Approach it with some tact, but definitely broach the
subject with your MO relative.
— SteveColarossi
June 5, 2003
i would be very careful and approach it as some have mentioned "this
is what i have done im happy this is why" and leave it up to them to
take the info or not. if some came up to me (and they have in the past) and
gave me a card with herbalife or some other diet thing on it i would get
very angry. would you go up to an ugly big nosed person and tell them of a
plastic surgeon, or a handicapped person and tell them of a good rehab
center or a blind person and recomend a eye doctor? or a person with an old
beat up car and tell them of your neighors nice one for sell, or someone
obviously drunk and tell them of AA? because i am fat it does not give me
license to broach a subject with someone, relative or stranger. IMHO
— janetc00
June 5, 2003
I would use extreme caution with this touchy subject. I remember, several
years ago, when our newest high end mall/Saks 5th Avenue opened--there was
a big celebration/grand opening that my best friend and I attended. A
woman approached me with a flier but did not give one to my tall, thin
friend. The flier was for 'The Forgotton Woman' clothing boutique and the
employee was targeting fat women and giving them the coupon. I was only
19, totally embarrassed and my friend was furious that something like that
happened. I was offended and hurt that my obesity was so recognizable to
the world! I get mad now when people chit-chat with me about the Atkins
Plan and how great it is and how I should try it because they lost a whole
10 lbs! (giggle) It really depends on the person, though. When people
start talking to me about wanting to lose weight and all that blah, blah
conversation, I pull out my pre-op 400+ pictures and that pretty much shuts
them up right away! Use caution--the last thing an obese person wants to
hear about is how you (or any of us)lost weight--sometimes they just aren't
ready for drastic measures! You're heart is in the right place!
— jenn2002
June 5, 2003
Joy is right - wait until they approach you. My dear sister-in-law is
really big and would benefit greatly from surgery, and on top of it, her
mom and dad who live near by would be very supportive! She askes a lot of
questions whenever we talk to her, but no one can make that first step for
her - actually calling a surgeon's office. (My husband is her brother, and
he and have both had WLS.)
— koogy
June 5, 2003
Why not have a couple of t-shirts or buttons made up with your before pics
with a statement of "Ask me how!" Hey it worked for 7-11 -
remember their ask me (fill in the blank) buttons...
— [Deactivated Member]
June 5, 2003
Are you post op? One thing I'd say about this... <br><b>don't
do it</b> I feel so strongly about this. Its your decision and its a
private thing and you shouldn't approach someone about it. That said, if
someone asks you... give it all to them, with both guns. I do think,
however, you'll be in a much better position when you're half way to
goal... and you're living proof of the value of WLS, and they will ask --
so many people that I would have wanted to tell about the surgery have come
to me and asked. If this family member doesn't ask.. then you shouldn't
push them. YOu know weight and everything associated with it is very
touchy, very personal and can be very emotional... I can tell you, I would
NOT have listened... and I know you think you would.. but I think that's
because you've made your decision. Please tread carefully...
— Lisa C.
June 5, 2003
Hi Renee- What about the 6 degrees of separation approach? 1) I wish it
would stop raining. 2) Tomorrow's supposed to be sunny. 3) I heard the
weather this morning on the Today show. 4) By the way, have you noticed Al
Roker lately? 5)He had WLS. 6) How do you feel about WLS? Okay, I sound
like a robot LOL. This way, you can see how she feels about WLS without
offending her. Good Luck!
— Mea A.
June 5, 2003
I recently mentioned this to someone I didn't know. I was at my doctor's
office and one of the secretaries was helping me fill out a medical records
release form. I was all smiling and said "I'm going there to have
surgery!" She's like "you're excited?" "Yup, I'm have
gastric bypass!" She says she's always wondered about that, etc., and
I told her I got info at obesityhelp.com, that my profile was on there and
she was free to take a look! She said she would definitely do that.
Now I wouldn't have said anything if she didn't show interest, but since
she did I passed along the info.
— bethybb
June 6, 2003
I posted a similar question a long time ago, saying that I was so happy
with WLS, I felt like approaching strangers to tell them about what it
could do for them. Well, I got blasted by most, who said that my good
intentions would not be well received and I could end up hurting others
feelings especially if they were not ready to hear about it. True. In this
case, it is a relative, and I like the approach where you just mention that
you are having, or have had the surgery. A friend where I work who is MO
was talking about how she had to lose weight and how uncomfortable she was
and I mentioned had she considered WLS? I was just a few months post-op at
the time and she did not know this. She vehemently replied that she would
never consider it and that ended the conversation right there. Fast
forward a year, and she approached me the other day to remind me of our
conversation and asked if I had had the surgery since I looked so good. It
opened the door for a heart to heart and she is now ready to listen and
consider the surgery. So, perhaps just planting the seed in your relatives
mind, then step back and let her think about it may have the desired
results.
— Cindy R.
June 6, 2003
How about going to the AMOS store and buying a T-shirt or button to wear?
That might be an ice-breaker enough. I plan on having a yard sale this
summer and advertise my plus size clothes. Maybe make a small poster with a
before pic there and let those who are interested ask about WLS. I am
progressing towards my goal and have about 40-50# to lose. My co-workers
who are MO or have friends and spouses who are, are watching the progress
and they do ask questions. I think it is best to let people come to
you...when they are ready. You know you are being watched!
— Lisa D.
June 7, 2003
It's been my experience that people tend to be negative and gossip about
RNY before surgery occurs. Immediately post-op, they are still cynical.
But long term post-op, they are amazed. Once I'd lost the first 100
pounds, EVERYONE wanted to know about my RNY. Now that I've lost 125
pounds, they fall all over themselves asking me about it! Once the weight
starts to fall off and people see how good you feel, you won't have to
start conversations.... They'll be asking you!
— Kathy J.
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