Question:
How to deal with Ignorant Co-Workers?
The people I work with are so IGNORANT that it is UNREAL. The closer I get to my surgery date the more and MORE ignorant my supervisor is getting. She is down to not speaking to me hardly at all now and I know it is because of my upcoming surgery. There was another person here at the company I work for that had WLS and my supervisor and the other woman I work with talked about that man so BAD that it was ridiculous. Now they are on my case. How do I handle this short of telling them a "thing or two" and quitting my job? — Eleanore Davis (posted on July 17, 2003)
July 17, 2003
Eleanore, first - this is a type of discrimination. It also qualifies as a
'hostil' work environment...talk to your human resources department.
Explain to them what you've heard them say about this other man who had the
surgery and how you are being treated, and tell them you want it
documented. If you have a good human resource department, this should take
care of the bad treatment you are receiving! Good Luck! Missy
— Missy L.
July 17, 2003
Sweetie, after seeing how they treated the other guy why oh why did you
tell them?! Well, too late now. Others probably havebetter ideas but I'd
politely but firmly tell them that is what I'VE decided is right for ME. I
read your profile. With all your problems, perhaps you can get your doctor
to let you go out on disability until surgery; if not for the arthritis,
perhaps for stress and/or depression. That job is dangerous for you right
now! Re the gallbladder scan, I've never heard of that being done preop.
During surgery the surgeon feels your GB and can tell if it has stones.
Your preop tests sound fine except if you snore you should have a sleep
study. I never had friends at work either, and I'm white! LOL When we are
chronically depressed and our self-esteem is in the toilet, we don't
realize how much negativity we project, and it's awfully hard for people to
be around us. When I returned to work I noticed people were much nicer to
me even though my weight loss was not yet very noticeable. I was so much
happier that I became much more approachable. It's been over a year now and
things continue to improve in all areas. My knees are in pretty good shape
too! So take heart, things WILL get better, I promise!!
— Chris T.
July 17, 2003
How could I possibly be out for surgery and NOT tell them why? I had to
tell my supervisor. My supervisor and her side kick are the two women in
this company who talk about EVERYONE!! And they tell everyone's
business... and we have ONE person who is our human resource director and
he is DEFINITELY friends with the two of them. I HATE my job but I have to
live.
— Eleanore Davis
July 17, 2003
first, I'd start looking for another job, if you haven't already...but I
also know that with the economy the way it is that isn't always easy.
Secondly, IF they do make comments directly to you, I'd ask them politely
where they got their medical degree and that you along with your DOCTORS
have decided what is best for you! Other than that, just ignore their crap
until something better comes along. I DO wish you the absolute best of
luck. Amazing how many "medical" people there are working in
other fields!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 17, 2003
This world is FULL of ignorant people. Don't even trouble yourself with
these kind of people. This procedure is a personal decision and you don't
have to explain. When I had my surgeries I just told my supervisor it was
something personal and private and I rather not discuss it unless it's
absolutely necessary, and it was left as that. I didn't have to explain
all I had to do is make sure someone was trained to cover my work when I
was absent.
I have a lady in my office that loves to bring other coworkers down in
order to make herself look good. SHe befriends all the ladies in the
office then she uses her information to "tattle" so that we may
get in trouble and she sets back on the sideline getting pat on the back
for bringing the information to someones attention. YES, she's she
Corporate Bitch!!
Now, I'm a very private person in the office and I ignore her. She
continues to "tattle" on others and she accusses me of never
involving her in "after work" activities. For example, I had a
surprise birthday gathering after work and I informed the person throwing
this gathering that this particular lady better not be invited because if
she was I would not show up!! SO, everyone but her was invited!! And the
Corporate Bitch wonders why I don't include her ......duhhhhh!
— Jeanette D.
July 17, 2003
I have to agree with the first person who posted, Missy. I work for a law
firm and know a thing or two about our rights. It sounds like your
supervisor is creating a hostile work environment and discriminating
against you. Any negative behavior or "talking about you behind your
back" can be considered retaliation. These are all very serious
"no-no's" in the work place and you might want to call your local
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission to file a complaint and find out
exactly what your rights are. Their number can be found in the
governmental pages of your local phone book. Good luck.
— Dawn P.
July 17, 2003
I work with a woman who has told me everything from I'm going to Hell for
having this surgery to because I'm white and only white girls care about
weight issues. Some of the crap that comes out of her month floors me. It
really bothered me at first but now I just sit there and smile at her but
not say a word back. Others in my department see just how stupid she looks
and sounds that no one even listens to her any more. The comments have
slowed to a trickle so I hope they will stop all together soon. Remember
WHY you made up your mind to have WLS and dont let those people get to you.
Be the better person. Good luck and best wishes to you. ~Sidney~ Open RNY
10-23-02 down 100+ and counting
— Siddy I.
July 17, 2003
Unfortunately, that sounds typical. I am pre-op, and have only told a
select few that I will be having WLS. I have heard it all at this point.
lol I have gotten every comment from "that's too drastic!",
"you just need to go on a diet," "you are intentionally
making your children orphans," You are a fatty looking for a cop
out," to a 500 pound friend of mine telling me that I "just
lacked willpower like he had." LOL! Just keep in mind that jealousy is
a very powerful emotion. ;)
Best wishes to you!
— AnneK.
July 17, 2003
I agree with the earlier response from Dawn. I too work for a law firm and
am very familiar with employment/labor law issues. The supervisor is
definitely creating a hostile work environment (and discriminatory as well)
and should be reported to her immediate supervisor. If nothing is done
about the harassment, then you file a complaint with the EEOC. Once your
complaint is filed then they are required to conduct an investigation into
the hostile environment AND regarding the discrimination. In addition,
your surgery is a private matter that should not have been discussed with
anyone else but the supervisor. She is WAY out of line!.
— Dimple Donna
July 17, 2003
You questioned how you couldn't tell them at work. I had surgery early
this year and have yet to tell anyone at the office. It is not necessary
to tell everyone if you do not want to. I'm with the other poster, if you
knew they talked about this other man, you probably should have saved
yourself some grief and not said anything. However now that it is done,
file a complaint with HR. Believe me the Direct of HR is smart enough to
know even if they are friends with the ladies that their head will role if
you file a discrimination lawsuit.
— D L.
July 17, 2003
This is the toughest question there is. I have had to deal with this one
and swallow my pride. 99% of everyone that I work with has been very
supprtive over the past year with my surgery. However, when the Al Roker
special hit last year my immediate manager said "So that surgery costs
$50,000 and our insurance paid for it? I guess that everyone's premiums
will go up because some people want to go on a $50,000 diet" I wanted
to rip him to pieces but also knew his personality and knew that it
wouldn't get me anywhere. I am much more confident and educated now and
would never take anything like that again. My best advice is arm yourself
with knowledge, and don't take an opinion from anyone that has not done as
much research as you have. You can start with my profile I have a lot of
research there as well as links to do your own research. I hope this
helps.
— Linda A.
July 17, 2003
I love the formal complaint idea. I believe that you will have to document
incidents of harrassment, so start keeping a diary, noting date, time,
person, and comment. Am I right, law firm ladies?
— Chris T.
July 17, 2003
Hi Eleanore- Sorry that your workplace is so miserable right now. It
sounds like your supervisor and her flunkie are nasty in general, not just
about the WLS. I think they would find bad things to say about all of their
co workers no matter what. As people on this site have said, living well is
the best revenge. Try to bear with them until the surgery, then with all
your new energy and physical fitness, maybe some new opportunities will
come your way :o)Good Luck, Mea P.S. If ever another surgery comes up and
you wish to keep it private, you can have your surgeon write a letter to
your HR dept, not disclosing the type of surgery but telling them you need
XX weeks off for surgery.
— Mea A.
July 17, 2003
CYA, girl. Document this hostility like crazy... write down every little
thing. And call a couple of lawyers on your free time, on your own phone.
You obviously have a witness in the other person who has had WLS at work.
Quitting now could jeopardize your insurance and might not help your legal
situation. I agree - once HR knows you are considering legal action, no
matter who is friends with who, heads will roll. No internal company
loyalties matter when an entire corporation can be sued for fostering a
hostile environment! Keep going up the chain until you get the results you
need. Everyone has a boss, and eventually someone with a clearer head will
prevail about these witches.
Hang in there - you are so close.
— kultgirl
July 17, 2003
Hi Eleanore,
Those idiots still acting foolish? I know it is hard to deal with, but try
to ignore -you'll get your revenge. You know what I mean - they'll be
eating their words when they see how you drop the weight right before their
eyes. And trust me all eyes will be on you. This is for Chris, the profile
analyst, it is called a GALLBLADDER SONOGRAM, (quite common procedure) and
it is much safer to have that done prior to surgery, than to allow the
surgeon to poke around your insides for longer than is necessary.
— Cupcake B.
July 17, 2003
I agree with Shelly, Chris, Donna and any others who said document,
confront, etc. They may be trying to get you to quit so you lose your
benefits! Wishing you all the best.
— Postop_nurse
July 17, 2003
Hi- this question is for poster CHRIS TABOR. When someone brought up the
issue of gallbladder sonogram, I went back and read your post pertaining to
that. Could you please clarify what you meant by 'I never had any friends
at work either and I'm white!' as I had missed that the first time I read
it? I'm not meaning to start an arguement or controversy, I'm just not
understanding that statement the way I'm reading it. Did I miss something?
Thanks, Mea :o)
— Mea A.
July 17, 2003
No prob Mea. In her profile Eleanore wonders if people at work dislike her
because she's black.
— Chris T.
July 17, 2003
Thanks for all your support on this issue! Luckily enough I do NOT get my
health insurance from work. It comes from my husband... he is a disabled
veteran and I have government insurance. I just work in a miserable place
with MISERABLE PEOPLE and of course misery LOVES company. Sigh!
— Eleanore Davis
July 18, 2003
Got it! Thanks, CHRIS TABOR :o)
— Mea A.
July 18, 2003
A gall bladder ultrasound is very common pre-op test before WLS surgery. My
husband had one and my doc's office does it also if the patient has not had
their gall bladder taken out prior to WLS. I think your co-workers are
jealous of you and it sounds like they want to control other ppls lives.
And because they are not controlling your life they are doing the next best
thing to that, talking bad behind your back. I would (if it were me) just
act the exact opposite to them the way they are acting to you, make them
think that the way they are acting does not bother you in the least. That
is one way to get back at them, it will really pi*s them off. Jerks. Just
remember, what goes around comes around, they will get theirs in the end.
— ChristineB
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