Question:
A question for all you fat and formerly fat chicks out there with hubbys...
boyfriends, significant others...How did it happen for you? I mean no disrespect with this question, but sometimes I get so depressed, thinking that I am destined to lead a lonely, loveless, sexless life, and I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me, besides the excess weight...I am pre-op, surgery soon, 250 lbs. I'm not under the illusion that men will come knocking once I'm thin, just curious how you all found love at (no offense) some really large weights...and please don't feed me the tripe about "It'll come when you least expect it..." I haven't been expecting it for years, and it still ain't come...thanks. — rebeccamayhew (posted on March 23, 2002)
March 23, 2002
Rebecca ~ Just want to say I hear you 100%.
— PaulaM
March 23, 2002
It affects guys too, and I was one. I met Jen on one lonely snowey night,
and would of never asked her out if it hadnt been for the hugh snowstorm
that kinda arranged our meeting. We had talked briefly before a singles
movie night, but afterwards no one else showed up at the restaurant and we
talked for hours. Jen being so much younger 13 years and pretty I nearly
didnt ask her out. But at the last momnent I quietly asked and 6 months
later we got engaged at Walt Disney Worlds magic kingdom castle
restaurant. Married one year later. <P>YOUR choices are about to
expand dramatically! Guys that never noticed you will suddenly be friendly!
Flirting will be come a hobby. Just try to make good choices. Commonly
loosing tons of weight turns folks on. So lots of fun there. Look at this
as the begining of your new life. You cant change the past, but can sure
enjoy the future! Please use protection there are lots of bad diseases out
there. POST OP IS THE PLACE TO BE!
— bob-haller
March 23, 2002
First off, don't despair. Love happens. Your perspective of yourself will
filter out to others. If you feel you aren't worthy of love then others
(men, friends, etc) will pick up on that. I met my husband at work. he was
my boss and I weighed about 215 pounds. He was attracted to my laughing
personality, my confidence in myself, and my forwardness. If you feel good
about yourself, men will find that attractive. If you lose weight and still
feel bad about yourself, it won't make men magically appear. My sister is
450+ pounds and found herself a nice man who is "into" big
ladies. He finds she is the most beautiful woman. My point is, is that if
you feel better about yourself, others will find you attractive too.
— Renee V.
March 23, 2002
You say you don't want to hear the "it'll happe when you least expect
it"...so how bout this...it's all a matter of fate. Two people being
at the same place at the same time and happen to meet-fate. I had a part
time job at a hotel as a PBX operator and I happened to walk out to the
front desk o leave a message for someone and BAM! into the lobby walked a
man who I thought was yummy. Turned out he was a friend of the Manager and
came by to say hi. It was at that time I asked the Mgr to introduce me
(all 270lbs) to him. Yada yada yada...3 years later we're still together
(living together for 2 yrs) and plan on getting married when money isn't so
funny. That's just 1 story of how fate rules love and meeting someone. If
I hadn't walked out to the front desk that night, I probably wouldn't have
met him. Everyone has a story like that...you can't look for love, it finds
you...and "it'll happen when you least expect it" hee hee :>
— Vicki B.
March 23, 2002
I don't believe that thing about "Don't look, or you'll never find
someone, it will just happen, etc." It's BS. My friends told me that
and I listened and stayed completely single for like 2 years. Then I
decided I don't like feeling lonely and went out looking. It may not be
the best idea, but I went to a lot of clubs and social things. I also
ended up intoxicated much of the time which gave me false confidence.
Hehe. I'm not telling you to get drunk, but I do believe it was the fact
that I felt more confident and my inhibitions were down that bagged me a
man. I just went up and started talking to guys I thought were cute, and
you know, for a fat girl I got about 5 numbers a night! You would be
surprised at how you do when you are friendly and confident. And although
a lot of guys are jerks and only want one thing, I did find my current
boyfriend- it will be 3 years on March 27. Hope this helps a little. Just
don't be afraid to go up and talk to people and be your friendly, charming
self. =)
— Jennifer Y.
March 23, 2002
I was over 400 lbs. before my surgery, so I was a VERY fat chick!! LOL I
actually found the love of my life a very untraditional way. I joined a
penpal club! Weird, I know. It wasn't even one of those romance clubs.
It was just meant to find friends and write to people with similar
interests. Their computer systems match you up. So anyway, I get a letter
one day from this sweet guy named Jeff. He shares a ton of mutual
interests and seems very sweet. I was very self-conscious about my weight,
so I didn't tell him I was heavy for a very, very long time. We wrote
faithfully for nearly a year before we finally trusted each other enough to
disclose phone numbers. Then we talked one day on the phone and got
totally addicted! I still hadn't disclosed my weight problem. He kept
pushing to meet me, but I was so humiliated by my appearance. He was
patient with me and continued to call almost everyday for an entire year.
Finally, one day, he asked me what I was worried about and why I wouldn't
agree to meet him. I finally admitted that I had a weight problem and was
embarrassed about it. Almost laughing, he said, "Is that
all?!!!" He flew out to meet me the next week. We will have been
married five years in April. He is the love of my life, and I didn't have
to "settle" for any less than I deserved. Jeff is a stable,
responsible, even-tempered man with many talents and interests. He loves
me unconditionally, and he has stood by my side fat and skinny. I love
him, and I only wish I had trusted that not all men are a$$holes. There
are many men out there who care more about what's inside than what's
outside. Good luck to you.
— Terissa R.
March 23, 2002
I have been married now for almost 15 years. We actually new each other in
High School, but we didnt start going out unitl after school. We were
married in Nmovember after we graduated. I went through a bunch of
complications after the surgery and he is a god send. I couldnt have
picked a better hubby. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN
DESTINY. Open RNY 04/12/01. -142lbs.
— lynbaby B.
March 23, 2002
Hi. I hope that something I say helps you feel better. I have been a fat
chick all my life and have always managed to get men interested in me. Ive
been proposed to several times and am currently married now for almost 3
long years :) I say that to let you know that honestly, weight isn't the
issue. Most men prefer women with meat, BUT that woman has to know who she
is...what do I mean? First, you are more than FAT, second, YOU ARE WORTH
HAVING and Third, How could they not want you? It's all in your attitude.
I have always made it a point to look good, smell good and exude
confidence. FAT women sometimes let themselves go because they aren't
happy with their weight. Noone wants an unkept woman regardless of her
size. Start feeling better about yourself. When is the last time you had
a hair cut and color, new makeup (if you aren't wearing any, start by
taking care of your skin--Im a beauty consultant by the way). When is the
last time you bought yourself a new outfit that FIT? I also used to work
retail in Lane Bryant and Cathrines and I would see FAT chicks coming in
all the time buying clothes two and three sizes too big. In their minds,
they think they are disguising the weight, but it only makes them look
bigger. Buy clothes that compliment your shape and leave the patterns
alone (advice to every Fat chick :)
So, again, its all about perception. Men feed off how you feel or don't
feel about yourself.
By the way, I think I'm falling in love with the term fat chick. Oh, one
more thing--loosing weight isn't going to do the trick because its all
about self worth.....
— Tara C.
March 23, 2002
Well girlie, it's all about attitude. Some people actually
think that just because a women is big, guys don't find her
attractive. WRONG! Some men do like heavy girls. Granted-
there are MANY men who won't even think about dating a fat
girl, but there are wonderful men out there that don't care.
I am 200 pounds over my ideal weight and have
a great (and very fit and cute) man who loves me for me. A friend showed
me a picture of James and said he was single. I was like, no
way that cutie is going to give me a chance. But I spoke to
him on the phone and we met a week later and we fell in love.
And I know many heavy girls who have great guys. And James
wasn't my first boyfriend. I just happen to know that a man
will think of you the same way you think of yourself. If you
know your a wonderful person, at ease with your looks, he
will be too. And the bonus: he'll fall in love with your
confidence! My man isn't real pleased with the idea of my
surgery, but knows my health depends on it. Don't get down
about being single, there are millions of men out there.
Good Luck!
— Sarah K.
March 23, 2002
I am crying as I read some of your answers...I really want to believe it
will happen, but as someone who hasn't had a date (or even spark of
interest from a man) since the early 90s, it's hard...anyway, thanks for
all your insights...
— rebeccamayhew
March 23, 2002
For me, it was a matter of cleaning house - that is, dealing with some
serious problems that I put off for years. I went completely dateless for
nearly a decade while my weight went up and up. I just stayed at home and
drank a lot and felt sorry for myself. I had a friend for a while in a man
who was much younger than me, but he was totally disinterested in anything
beyond basic friendship with me, so eventually I told him I didn't want to
see him at all. Two years after I did this I began having serious
migraines, which led to my diagnosis of sleep apnea and forced me to stop
drinking. And having been forced to stop drinking I was forced to examine
my entire life. I got the wheels in motion to have this surgery. Last
spring, while I was waiting for approval, my younger friend contacted me
out of the blue. We got together and not only did he not mind that I had
gained 100+ lbs since he'd last seen me, he now wanted that relationship
he'd balked from several years before. A year later, we're still going
strong ...
— BlueGray
March 23, 2002
Hi...It is about attitude, how you carry yourself physically and
emotionally, its about being positive. The cliche about looking at life as
a glass half empty or half full. I am 331# and remarried 2 years ago and
weight was never an issue in our relationship then (at 280 or now). I was
married before and weight was never an issue and divorcing had nothing to
do with my weight. Between marriages I dated a lot. Some of course
harbored on the weight but most got to like the person. Being fun,
laughing in life, being positive about where you are and where your going
is key. As you go through this surgery, take time to get to know yourself
and who you are inside. My ex husband who still is a terrific friend made
me make him a promise...that even though I have the surgery I will work
through counseling on the inside part of what got me to this point and he's
right. Surgery doesn't fix the mind, the esteem, the hurts or the pains of
our past but it gives you good boosters while you're getting there. So I
suggest to you to have your surgery and look at it as a positive starting
over point for you, but have counseling along with it as the new or perhaps
the real you emerges. Make no major decisions for a year until you get to
know you and you'll be amazed at what lies ahead. My rebirthday is in 9
days and even at 51, I'm looking forward to who I will be when I grow up.
I wish you the best.
— AJC750
March 23, 2002
Rebecca, I too believe in fate. I just don't believe that it's in our
hands completely. I was 280 pounds and going through depression. Went to a
depression chat room to find out more info. My now, hubby, was in there
"lurking" because many years ago he had depression and was just
looking around. I asked a question, he answered it, we talked, and talked
and...well talked. After a year of talking online, he finally said he
wanted to come meet me. He was in Maryland and me in MS. We never
exchanged pictures because that just didn't seem important to either one of
us. A year later, we were married and have been together for four
beautiful, wonderful, happy years. He met me large, supported me during
surgery, and now supports me with the problems afterward. He has never
said whether he thinks I look better large or small because he says it
doesn't matter...he just loves me and thinks I am beautiful no matter what.
(have to buy him glasses soon I think). I don't have any great words of
wisdom but I really believe everything happens in it's own time. I know
you don't want to hear that but I sincerely think it's true. Good luck to
you and as Bob said, just be careful with yourself and your self esteem
after surgery. You are worth loving right now and will also be then.
— Barbara H.
March 23, 2002
I always, for years, wondered how to meet someone when I was not a bed
hopper, drinker, not in school, not into smoking. I was at a loss on how
to meet someone. I had to get out and try. I met my husband through a
singles group in my religion. It was a mixer at someone's house, the guys
were to bring wine or soda and the gals bring finger food. I was looking
for someone just to talk to because I was new here in Vermont and didn't
know anyone.. Well, I met him, we talked and he asked for my phone number.
I got home at 11:30 pm and at 12:20 am he called. the rest is history. I
was around 300 lbs at the time. He didn't care about the weight, his
concern for me (after we got engaged) was my health. He is obese but will
do something for himself when he is ready. I guess my answer is you have
to put yourself out there, go to singles groups, take adult classes at
local colleges. Good luck Rita in vermont rny 3/31/94 463/now 190ish
— vt_rita
March 23, 2002
Rebecca, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I did not date or have sex for a
decade before I was married. I remember praying to God asking why I
couldn't find someone who would love me and want me. I remember being in
despair that ugly skinny girls and uglier fat girls had guys but I did not.
My husband and I knew each other from work. He had been married and was
divorced with two boys. He started coming by my office more and more about
three years after his divorce. Anyway, we actually dated only 13 days
before he proposed although I had known him for 8 years. We have been
married for over 4 years. He is not the perfect man but he is the perfect
man for me. He actually likes larger women but he is very supportive of my
weight loss surgery. He wants me to be around for years to come.
Keep your spirits up. Pray for you and your soulmate to find each other.
Don't be afraid to look at who you know now. Before my husband proposed to
me, I had a fortune cookie that said "What you are looking for, you
already have." I am sure you will find the love you want but in the
meantime, enjoy being single! There are advantages to the single life!
— Susan H.
March 23, 2002
Please do not despair! It happens when YOU feel good enough about yourself
to make it happen. I worked for a great man way back in the early 80's.
We were both married, so it was strictly friends only. We went to lunch
together, talked about everything, got along very well, but again, it was
just friends and employer-employee. One day he walked in and said his wife
had left him, and thats when I realized I loved him. My marriage had been
in trouble for a long time but I was trying to hold it together so I did
nothing. My heart was in my throat most of time and I found it hard not to
tell him how I felt about him. (sometimes the thing we need and want the
most is the thing we let slip away) Years later I saw his parents at the
mall and I asked about him. They said he had remarried but that his life
was miserable and he had not been in touch with them for almost a year and
they did not know where he was. I freaked out, this was not a man who loses
contact with his parents. I hired a private investigator to find him,
called him at his work and left a message to call me. We had not seen each
other or spoken to one another for 11 years. I gathered my courage (I was
about 50 pounds heavier than when we saw each other last) and asked him if
he loved his wife, he said no, then I asked him if he would like to try it
with me. He immediately said yes! He moved out from her 3 weeks later and
I moved from Georgia to Tampa to live with him, we had never even had a
date! We married 11 mos later, as soon as his divorce was final, and have
been blissfully happy for 7 years now. He is a wonderful person and I
couldnt let him get away again! If you hold your head up and think of
yourself as the wonderous human being you are, and not be afraid to go for
what you want, Love will come. Please rent the movie BABYCAKES starring
Ricki Lake, and you will understand much better. Soryy such a long answer!
Love Donna
— donnalawbabe
March 23, 2002
Rebecca, sometimes you already have LOVE and don't even realize it. Or you
feel you don't deserve it.
My Husband and I met when I was 13yrs old. He was on a mission for his
church. I lived in Kentucky at the time. We kept in contact kind of like
pen pals after his mission was over and he went home to California. When I
was 14 my Mom informed us we were moving to California. Well John and I
went to Disneyland and we were friends. He treated me great.
I don't know what it was, if I was scared or felt I didn't deserve to be
treated that nice, but we were engaged three times before we got married.
And I was the one who ran. I have been married 4 yrs now and my Husband
loves me and my son unconditionally. By the way my son isn't his.
— Emile N.
March 23, 2002
Attitude, it is all in your attitude. I am 36 and have had a steady b/f
since I was 18. I have always been MO. I am not a postitive person , so it
wasnt because I was postitive and happy. But I had an attitude that said
either take me the way i am or shove off. I met my ex-husband at a red
light one night when i was getting off of work, he looked over and waved ,
I waved back and when the light turned green we raced a couple of blocks. I
saw him later that night at a gas station and 6 months later we were
married. Okay he was dork but he loved me the way I was. My next boyfriend
I met over the Cb Radio. Oh my was I in love with the guy. we were together
for 3 years before going our separate ways. My soon to be husband ( we are
getting Married in October) and I met over the internet and have been
together for 7 years. I met him when i weighed over 400 pounds. None of the
men i have been with were obese or abusers. I have met men in the grocery
store, laundry mat. Talk to everyone and let it happen. You can meet
anyone, anywhere if you have an open attitude.
— C. L.
March 23, 2002
I want to add I have ALWAYS been attracted to heavy ladies with big
chests:) I have klooked at the before and after and sometimes think the
befores are preetier. I am sad to see my wife Jen shrinking, but OH SO
HAPPY to see her healthy! Lots of guys like Big ladies!
— bob-haller
March 24, 2002
I read your question - and the responses - yesterday, and I haven't been
able to stop thinking about them. I feel exactly the same way you do. I've
been told by so many people through the years how I'm attactive, even with
the extra weight, and how I have a great personality. Yet, not one man has
given me the time of day. I've also questioned what I'm doing wrong, since
I've seen so many women who are larger than me dating men of all shapes and
sizes. I even went to a web site dating service for BBW's (God - I've
always hated that term), but all the ads seemed to be from guys who had
weird sexual fat fetishes. Online, I've met men in chat rooms who I've had
great conversations with, but as soon as they hear I'm not thin...boom!
They were out the door so fast, it wasn't able to hit them in their butts.
I met one man years ago, who I mislead about my weight (sent him a
"thin" picture). We conversed for years, and I truly believed we
had both found love. That was until I came clean and sent him a
"fat" picture. His entire attitude changed towards me. We
finally did meet, and within weeks, we stopped conversing all together (not
my choice, believe me). Another time, I met someone online, and told him
right from the beginning I was "fat" and sent him pictures. He
told me that it didn't matter, that beauty was on the inside. We
eventually did meet, and while online, he was flirtatous and made all kinds
of sexual innuendos, in person, it couldn't be more platonic. Four dates,
and this man never once touched me (not even holding my hand). I finally
got a peck of a kiss, only after I brought up the issue of us being just
friends or more (he told me - "Much more. I really think we have a
future"). I would leave from a date with him, feeling like I repulsed
him. I don't know the answer to your question. If it truly is
"attitude", then I need to find a class to learn this, since I
have no idea what I'm doing wrong. What I have been doing, is going about
my life, and taking the attitude "You can't find love...love will find
you". Of course, it won't find me in my living room, and I'm starting
to feel ready to go "out there", to be seen more. Good luck...to
both of us.
— Cyndie K.
March 24, 2002
I agree that there are men out there who like us Big Girls. (I'm 300+) I
think the problem isn't getting attention. Its getting the right kind of
attention! There's a big diff between getting laid and finding real love.
I think for everyone, big or small that's the tricky part. Write me direct
if you want to talk about more specifics. I can totally relate with you
but would rather not embarrass myself in a public forum.
— Shelly S.
March 26, 2002
You know, I was about 230-250 lbs when I finally met my first husband. We
were divorced at ten months, seperated for five of those months. He was
about 200 lbs when I met him. He wanted a woman he could control, so he
thought I was a "fat woman" who would do anything to marry a man.
This all came out about four weeks into our marriage and it went downhill
from there. NEVER marry a guy who makes jokes about fat people. I dated
one, and he told a fat woman joke in front of me (I weighed 180 at the
time), and my sister, and I was so hurt. My sister saw that, and blasted
the guy for it. I couldn't have, because I wanted someone to love me for ME
so bad... I was willing to accept anyone. Talk about low self esteem!!
I broke up with that guy the next day, but it made me sad. I always told
my parents that if there was a jerk within a hundred miles of me, I'd find
them. So... what's REALLY funny, is my soul-mate, the love of my life, the
man I will protect and sacrafice my life for if necessary (and he feels the
same way), I met on the internet eleven years ago. This was before it
became so popular that lots and lots of freaky people got on their and
started stalking people. We met (on line) on June 6, 1991; Met face to
face two weeks later, and he proposed on June 30th. We were married
December 28th 1991. That's the short sweet version, but that's how it
happened to me. (At 5'6" I weighed about 250 at that time. He is 6
foot and weighed the same as me).
I don't know what to tell you do to to attract the right man... it was
hard enough for me! I didn't get married until my mid-20's and everyone was
wondering if I would every find a good guy!! Email me... we can talk about
this more and figure out what you can do. :) [email protected]
— Sharon H.
March 26, 2002
I saw your post and just had to respond because I feel exactly the same
way. I am 28 years old and have been told for as long as I remember
"you have such a pretty face". Not to sound egotistical or
anything, but I know that I am not bad looking, have a nice personality,
get along with everyone, but I just can't seem to find anyone. So many
women who are overweight say that they have never had a problem finding
someone, and I just don't understand what it is I am doing or not doing. I
am not one to be aggressive, so I don't approach anyone. Maybe that's the
problem, but just can't change that. I don't know where people meet
nowadays, but I wish they'd share it with me. I don't even think that
having someone set me up on a blind date is an option, and I know the only
reason for that is my weight. I just wish that people would look beyond
that and see the real me and see what I am like and just like me for who I
am, not what I look like. But I also know that in today's world and the
society we live in "thin is in" and that's just the way that it
is. There is nothing that I can do to change that, except of course, lose
the weight...and let's face it, if I could have done that and it was as
easy to say as it is to do, I would not be on this site right now
responding to your post :-) So anyway, just wanted to know your not the
only one out there that feels the way that you do...there are so many of us
out there, you were just brave enough to bring it up. But if you do find
out any info on where we can meet some nice guys, please do fill me in.
I'd love to know about it. You can email me at [email protected] if
you'd like.
— Giovanna G.
March 27, 2002
Just a quick note to thank all of you who took the time to answer (and even
e-mail me personally!) in such a compassionate and forthright manner...I
really appreciated hearing about your experiences and am glad to know I am
not alone. Maybe love will happen, maybe it won't, but at least I know
people care about me here. Thanks again, and God bless you all...
— rebeccamayhew
March 28, 2002
Well Rebecca, it's true...it does come when you least expect it!
I was @ a local coffee house playing pool w/ my friend Holly.
Shannon (who is now my husband) had just moved to that area of town (the
"artsy section") with his girlfriend. He and his friend Jim
started playing pool after we were done, and we sat there drinking coffee
and watching them. All the while Shannon ignored us.
Suddenly I looked @ Jim and said, "You look really familiar!" He
said, "So do you!" and we stood there trying to figure out how we
knew each other. It turned out I had met him one time 3 years before when
he came into my old job w/ 2 friends of mine.(I also remembered he was
gay..lol)
We hugged and became instant friends. :) Well Jim and my friends started
hanging out and Shannon (known as Stan) tagged along and after awhile and
we started to become friends. After about a month or so we were dating. 9
months later we got married. We've been married almost 2 years now and
things are great. :D
Believe me,true love will find you...but if it's taking too long, go out
and find it ;) {{{hugs}}}
~*~Dana~*~
— Dana R.
March 28, 2002
Just wanted to share something funny with you. My husband and I have been
married for twenty-seven years and every time I have tried to loose weight,
he acts weird. I was around 270 when we met and he's never seen me lower
than the 230 that I went to when our first son was born. (We have two
handsome young men, ages 22 and 24.) At this time I am 273. (highest known
- 333) Finally I said, "Honey, why do you act like this when I try to
loose weight?" He said that I wouldn't stay with him if I lost weight.
(He has been 135 since I met him although he has gained about 25 pounds
recently, which is great.) I told him he had nothing to worry about and he
said, "If you loose weight you'll want to do things I don't want to
do!" So I told him, "I want to do things NOW that you don't want
to do, but I'm still here!" I thought that was so funny. He also says
if he had wanted a little woman, he would have found one! But he is
supportive, (tentatively) of my decision to have WLS if I can find a doctor
and get insurance approval. Healthwise, he knows it's best. But there are
men out there who prefer BBWs. Your time will come, but do not sit around
with your life on hold until you loose weight. Have fun, beginning now! I
know how miserable you are, because I have felt like that ALL my life, as
far back as I can remember. But I know I shouldn't feel so bad. Life is too
short to put it on hold. ROCK!
— Kathy L. H.
May 13, 2002
Well....let's see.....I weigh about 280 lbs. and I am 5'5" tall. My
husband is 6'6" and weighs about 240 lbs. I have been around 260-280
the whole time I have known him. He loves me for me, not for how big I am.
Even though we do make a strange looking pair. ;) He works out for about
3 hours a day (jogging, weight lifting, etc...) and has a gorgeous body. I
on the other hand diet all the time and still look like the Pilsbury
DoughBoy. But anyway...he loves me and that's all that matters, really.
— leigh49137
May 13, 2002
Hi Rebecca. This will be a long one, so hold on. :) When I was 16, I met
my first long-term boyfriend. He was 6'3" and 120lbs, and I was about
a size 14/16. About six months after we met, I gained a lot of weight. We
broke up almost 3 years later. Well, he dumped me. His goodbye letter
stated something about how he never thought he would get involved with
someone as big as me, yadda yadda yadda. I kept steadily gaining weight.
In June of 2000, I put up a personal ad on Yahoo. A lot of jerks answered
looking for hook-ups, but I could get that at school, believe it or not!
Chris answered, but we couldn't meet until I went back to school in
September. We officially started dating on 9/10/00. Yeah, we've had a few
problems. He thinks I am beautiful, and I think he is lying, so that
causes fights. One thing that helps was that he is 6'1" and maybe 160
when we met. He had been much larger but had dropped a lot of weight b/c
of some stomach problems. He dropped even more weight until he looked
positively ill, but gained more weight so he is about 195 now. I think he
looks and looked great, but he definitely looks more healthy now.
At first, he was against the surgery because he thought I was taking the
easy way out. My mom finally yelled at him and turned him around. I think
it was also because he realizes that I WANT to do things with him, but
don't feel secure enough to do so. I don't want to spend my days sitting
around inside when I can be rollerblading or swimming or biking. I
complain all of the time now about joint and back pain. I think he is
waiting for me to do something about my weight. He is worried about me
losing my boobs! I say I'll get implants, cuz I like em too. However, I
never want to be skinny. I want to be curvy, but thinner. There's nothing
wrong with having hips!
I wish you the best of luck. I know I was lucky finding somebody early in
life (I'm 22), and I do consider myself lucky.
— Maggie C.
May 13, 2002
First, I am widowed. My husband loved me at 139 and at 339. He was killed
in a car wreck on Christmas Eve 1998. We were married nearly 10 years with
two children and were jr. high school sweethearts. I was devastated.
Didn't even want to THINK of dating for nearly two years. I pursued weight
loss surgery for my health...well, men will come knocking once you are
thin. When I was ready to date, I did. I dated many different guys from
July to December last year. The attention was WONDERFUL. But the
relationships were empty. I was going through the same motions with
different people. I wanted something substantial and someone who was real
and didn't play games. I created a profile on Yahoo Personals. Went out
with a few guys, dumped the ones I wasn't interested in, and one day got
from their service what they call a "Dream Date Alert". It does
a database search that matches mutual interests. We emailed, chatted on
instant messenger, talked on the telephone, then 3 weeks later had our
first date. That was 6 months ago, and we chose my engagement ring at
lunch today! I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Our
relationship is wonderful. If you want something, you have to go for it.
Just be logical and careful along the way. There are people out there who
are out for only themselves and will take advantage of you. Good luck, and
I wish you as much happiness as I have found!
— [Deactivated Member]
May 13, 2002
Rebecca, I met my boyfriend on line in a Yahoo! BBW chatroom. Sure there
were plenty of men in there looking to get laid but that's not my style. I
chatted with many people in this room for about a year and one day I
started talking to him and the rest is history. We've been living together
for over 2 years now and we're very happy.
My advice is to hang in there and keep an open mind. Eventually, he will
find you.
Take care, Jennifer :o)
— Jennifer A.
May 30, 2002
Hi there! My husband and I started dating when I was regaining all of my
weight. So I guess you could say that he fell in love with my skinnier
side. But now that I am a whopping 278, he loves it. He has really been
diving in to me lately with the questions of why I want to have the
surgery. He is really making a point to let me know that he thinks I am
more beautiful now then when we got married 6 years ago. I was 180 then.
So, the guys are out there. I will also add this - I am happily married but
I have been approached on numerous occasions to be with other people. So I
think attitude has a lot to do with it as well. :-)
— Shelly D.
May 30, 2002
HEY!I MET MY HUSBAND WHEN I WAS 16. I'M NOW 31 AND WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER EVER
SINCE. I WEIGHED ABOUT 120 - 130 THEN. DURING BOTH OF MY PREGNANCIES I
GAINED SOOO MUCH WEIGHT!!! HE STUCK BY ME THE WHOLE WAY!!! I DON'T EVEN
KNOW HOW I WOULD GO ABOUT TRYING TO MEET SOMEONE NOW. I FEEL MISERABLE AND
SELF-CONSCIOUS ALL THE TIME. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY "PUT OUT THE
VIBE" LIKE THIS? YOU NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF TO BE ABLE TO GO
OUT AND MEET SOMEONE THT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. DON'T EVEN THINK THAT YOU HAVE
TO SETTLE!!! EVEN IF YOU NEVER LOST ALL OF THE WEIGHT , YOU HAVE TO LEARN
TO LOVE YOURSELF. THAT'S SOMETHING THAT I'M REALLY STRUGGLING WITH. GOOD
LUCK WITH YOUR JOURNEY!!!
— nikki R.
August 20, 2002
I met my fiance' over two years ago through an AOL personal that my friend
deared me to put up...I was at about 300lbs. then...when I met him I
thought there is no way this guy is going to like me (he is tall, dark
& handsome!). Well here we are still together...he has stood by me
through this whole surgery thing and has told me he didn't care about my
weight (right before surgery I was at my heaviest ever at 352)...I am down
40lbs.+..but I know this man loves me for who I am...I consider myself
lucky..though even as a heavy woman, I never had any problems meeting &
dating me..just luck I guess.
— Trish R.
August 20, 2002
Hi, I can totally relate to this question! I met my husband (of all things)
through my mother. People laugh when I say "My mother picked him out
for me". Actually we met when I was 21 yrs old - never really had a
real steady boyfriend. I was one of the crowd but never thought I would
find someone I loved and who loved me when I was around 250lbs.(He is 6'0
and 240 now at the time we met he was 185.) My mother came home from work
one day and said there is this nice young man at work I want you to meet.
The first thought in my mind was - If my mother likes him, he must be a
real nerd! Anyway, my mother kept asking me to go out with him and I kept
putting her off. Then around Thanksgiving she came and said "His
family lives far away and he won't be able to go home for the holidays, so
I invited him to have thanksgiving with us." Well she went on and on
about how sweet, handsome and nice he was - I was sick of hearing about
him. To make a long story short, he was nice, handsome and sweet just like
my mother had said, but I was so stubborn - I would not admit it. Even
after we had went out for a while (like a year!) My mother would say you
are going to marry that nice boy aren't you? I would always say "no,
It is like this when you are dreaming and saving for a trip around the
world - you still take little side trips in the meantime. that is what he
is a side trip until my dream man comes." Needless to say I still get
teased about that because we have been married 10 yrs now and have 2
wonderful children. He has stuck by me from 250 -350 and loved me every
step of the way. He encouraged and cared for me throughout the surgery and
postop. He is my biggest fan about weight loss now (10 weeks postop and
down 49lbs). He was my dream man - I just had to open my eyes and my heart
to him. Love may not always come in the form you think it will - open your
eyes and don't autimatically write someone off like I almost did. And just
for my mother, this proves mothers do know best!
— Pam W.
August 20, 2002
I just got married 2 years ago for the 2nd time and obviously am still fat
(Lap RNY 9/16/02). I had gotten divorced after 20 years of marriage and
thought my love life was over. I figured no one in their right mind would
ever love me and there was no way I could let someone else see me like this
sans clothing!!! Why, the thought just made me nervous. So there I was,
going about my Father's business, attending church, getting involved in the
singles ministry but not for the reason of searching for a man, there
really were no candidates in the group, just great friends. I was devoting
my life to God and feeling glad that at least I was able to do that fully
for the first time in my life. Then, out of the blue, one of those
non-candidates asked me out and bam! It was all over. I never would have
dreamed of him since he is Mr. Athlete personified and I'm just so not!
But he LOVED me (and for the record, HE kissed me first --- we argue over
that one!) and restored my faith in men and love. The bad guys will always
find fault with you, whether it's your weight, your hair color, the shape
of your nose. The good guys will always find the inner you where the true
beauty lies. And we always need to work on that inner beauty and find
acceptance of our physical, pre or post op. And I believe that if you are
following God, and we know He knows your future, then He knows where your
mate is and so you better keep following Him (that's Pastor Tony Evans, I
think his name is). Great luck in love and romance!
P.S. My ex-husband? He left me for another full-sized woman. And now
that I've worked on forgiveness for the past 3-1/2 years, except for what
she did to me (still working on that one, I guess), she does appear to have
inner beauty.
— Nell C.
August 20, 2002
On the internet. I posted an ad on one of the BBW sites, he responded. We
emailed back and forth for a bit, then moved on to phone calls - a couple
of hours a night! Met a month later (on Valentine's Day), we already knew
each other so well it seemed like we'd been together forever. Got engaged
2 months later and married almost 6 months to the day from when we met.
Just celebrated our 4th anniversary. I weighed 325 then, have gained
during the last 4 years, and now am losing! I was almost engaged right
before I met my husband to another man who I also met online. Ditched him
when I met my husband - we were simply "meant to be"!
— jen41766
August 20, 2002
Hi. Some people actually think that there isn't any men who like big women.
There are many men who like big women. I've always had boyfriends (most who
where of average weight and good looking). I asked my last boyfriend why he
was dating me when he could have a slim girl. He said that he was attracted
to me just the way I am. Don't get down on yourself. In this day in age,
good men are hard to come by. That's true no matter what you look like.
Don't get me wrong, most men do seem to prefer slim women, but your well on
your way. The man of your dreams is out there. Trust God to bring you to
him, he invented Love.
— Sarah K.
August 20, 2002
My beautiful, intelligent, thin sister did not find her husband until she
was 36+. So, I don't nescessarily think it has anything to do with your
weight (other than it may keep you home) but rather your personality. You
need to ask yourself: Do I put off a "I'm happy " or a "I 'm
miserable" vibe. I personally think it was because (I feel) as my
single sister got older and older, she put off a "I expect a lot from
you" vibe and she did get set in the mode. She IS high maintenanced!
and some people do have high expectations (more power to them). I mean
everyone should have some sort of expectations, but still- she was very,
very picky and had her "way" of doing things! She certainly was
attractive enough and thin enough- so why no men? Or, why no men that she
approved of? Well- she never was "out" looking often, and she
spent most of her late twenties going back to school for a college degree
(older than most students) she lived in a short-term resident high-turnover
resort area that was more prone to single 'party' dudes, who just were
there to ski- not looking for a wife, especially not a wife who wouldn't
tolerate the 'slacker life' of just making enough for rent and the next
years lift ticket. I truly think she was always in the wrong place at the
wrong time. Finally, she found her husband. I think God (insert your
higher power here)just found someone who was exactly perfect for her, as
her husband has all the same values, and expectations. Know what I mean? He
is kind of high maintenanced too! For a long time she just assumed she
would never find love. Much like you are doing. I hate to say it but it
will happen when it happens!
— Karen R.
May 3, 2004
I have to agree with some of the other posts on here. There are men out
there that like overweight women. I think they are even coming out of the
closet. I joined this BBW dating site and met a wonderful man. He not only
loves big women he is a definite hottie who used to model. I told him I was
interested in losing weight and he pretty much told me even though he loves
big women what ever I wanted to do was ok with him because he loves me for
me. So there are men out there for us chubsters.
— Laura G.
August 29, 2004
i know this might sound sort of cliche` and i know when i tell people who i
just met how i met my boyfriend i get the total eye rolling thing from
them.
but i met my Boyfriend Tim online, and we started "net dating"
when i was 16, it's kind of an odd story,being the "fat chick" i
didnt have many friends so i spent alot of time online, when i was about 14
i was in a chat room and this guy started talking to me, he sent me his
picture and i kind of ignored him because he wasnt too talkative.
well two yrs go by and im talking on the phone with a friend of mine who
lives in canada and she's talking about this guy named Tim that calls her,
and mentions that he's from the same state as me and she thinks he's weird,
well i don't know why but she had me add him to my MSN Messenger and he did
the same to me, 6 months go by and i see him online plenty of times and
neither of us talk to the other, well one night i think he got desperate
and msged me, we started talking and found out we both love road trips, we
talked all night about how' were going to go on one someday and and such,
then the next week he asked to call me, i was scared...like seriously
scared, i don't know why because i've talked to guy's from online on the
phone before, well he called and we talked for 8 hours that night, at the
time he lived in my state but it was still long distance so we had to use
calling cards, i think after 2 days of talking to him on the phone i told
him something i had never told anyone else online, the picture i'd been
sending people of "me" for the past two yrs was a fake, i dont
know why i told him but i just felt i needed to be honest with him for some
reason, and he wasnt mad or anything, and he never pressured me to send him
a picture, he ended up moving closer to my so it wasnt long distance
anymore, we spent forever it seemed like on the phone...we still do... i
was 16 (almost 17) when we started going out and he was 20 i told him i
would meet him when i turned 18...because i wanted to lose some weight, i
kept thinking about how skinny i would be in a yr and i'd be happy....oh
boy did that not happy, when my birthday rolled around i was still the same
weight about 390 i think, i finally confessed and told him why i didnt want
to and he laughed so hard, he said he didnt care about things like that and
that he loved me and he wish i would have told him sooner so we could have
met sooner, i met him on july 17th about 3 weeks after my birthday, and i
remember i took my mom with, because she had to drive me...i was so scared,
he opened the door and i didnt look him in the eye, i have a problem with
that, i spent the next hour standing in his kitchen with my back to him,
cause i was so scared if i turned around this all wouldnt be real, i
finally let my mom leave, then i spent 10 mins looking down at the counter,
and he asked why i wouldnt look at him and i told him i was scared, so he
ran in his bedroom and got one of those masks where its just black mesh and
put it on and made me feel 100% better.
i know it sounds like such a rip off to say it happens when you least
expect it...but it always does
the best times i've ever had in my life are with him, we love cuddling, and
the other night i asked him if he thinks we'd ever get sick of it, and he
said of course not.
which is fine by me, i don't get to see him everyday because i live with my
parents and he lives with his and neither of us has our license yet, so
when i do see him every couple of weeks i just stare at him, and he's
always like "why are you staring at me?" and i give him the
simple truth "im making memories"
you know it's really love when you can't imagine making memories with
anyone else
— Krystle W.
August 29, 2004
Anyone can find love, no matter what weight they are. Fortunately for me,
the man in my life loved me pre-op and loves me post-op. I think it all
gets down to being good to yourself, not putting up with any crap off
anyone, and giving the best of yourself unconditionally to the other person
without selfishness. Personally I always get into trouble with
relationships with I fall into a period of extreme selfishness. Love is
about giving. Unfortunately there are a lot of 'takers' out there, so you
have to be cautious before you give unselfishly. But when you do fine that
person and you do give unselfishly--you get back more in return than you
can possibly ever give. Best wishes to you!
— Cathy S.
January 26, 2009
Let me tell you my story .....you may think I'm bsing but its the honest
truth .......I was feeling very down and depressed that night because my
boyfriend had stood me up . So my mother told me to go out and have fun
that night well I did go out just for her but I was NOT in the mood to Meet
anyone ....I had NO make up on and all I wore was a white tshirt , jeans
and boots ... Belive me NOT dressed to Impress! Well I was at this club and
well needless to day I was drinking and driving and of course I got pulled
over buy this Most handsome Cop ever .......I mean he was HOT ! Well he was
going to give me a DWI and take me to jail ......yeah right .....I went
towards him and layed one big juicy kiss and well it has been 14 years
going on 15 with 3 kids and I would NEVER have had it any other way
........He is my Husband !
— MamaCaballero40
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