Question:
Please help me...
I had my surgery in early April. My mother died this past Sunday, and I am really hurting. My question is two-fold: 1. I am concerned that I won't be able to do what I need to maintain my health (I subsisted on LU cookies for a couple of days right after, and haven't been able to eat much since) and wonder if you have any tips to do things simply, and 2. If any one knows of a good on-line grief support group. I WILL make it to goal and I WILL do so healthfully, but right now I just need a little support from the WLS community. God's blessings to you all... — rebeccamayhew (posted on May 24, 2002)
May 23, 2002
(((((((((((((( big hugs ))))))))))))))) I am really sorry . I have lost
both my mother and my father and it is really hard. My prayers are with
u at this time . Have faith ok and trust in God . I am sure Mom is there
watching over you . she will always be there for u just reach inside your
self and u will feel her there pushing you on to better things. Good
luck on your journey :-)
— sallie P.
May 23, 2002
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. If there is anything I/we can do
don't hesitate to ask. I can't answer your question about support groups,
but I am sure someone here can. Also take time for yourself. I would
suggest getting some pre-made shakes like Atkin's. They are quick, easy,
and don't taste too bad. But above all, take care of yourself.
— Kendra A.
May 23, 2002
Hi, Rebecca. I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My
mom passed almost two years ago, so I know what you are going through. My
mom was sick (Alzheimer's) for a long time, so we had the opportunity to
say good-bye. I hope you did, too. God was good to us, He allowed my mom
to remember all of us; she never forgot any of her family. I know right
now your life probably feels like it has been turned upside down and things
will never be the same. In a lot of ways, they won't. But once you get
back into your normal routine, things will seem a little better and you may
be able to eat again. As far as grief counseling, a lot of hospitals and
groups like hospice offer free grief counseling. They may be able to help
in that area, or tell you of a good online group. Once again, my deepest
sympathies. I will pray for you and your family to experience God's peace
"that passes all understanding" during this difficult time. God
Bless.
— KRISTI K.
May 24, 2002
My condolences to you! That's too bad. As far as your question regarding
how to keep things simple so you can concentrate on grieving, you may want
to try some liquid nutritional options like protein drinks, sugar-free
carnation breakfasts, etc. The most important thing is to keep yourself
hydrated. Food isn't nearly as important as water. So take your vitamins,
drink a lot of water and don't worry so much about three meals a day. Eat
what you can and ignore the rest.
— Terissa R.
May 24, 2002
Rebecca- I am so sorry for your loss. My best friend just lost her mother
so I know what she's going through. I am still pre-op but in the past when
I have had hard depressing times and did not feel like eating, I relied on
the drinks like carnation. I really didn't have any taste and just wanted
to eat for the sake of getting some nutrition. The shakes were easy and I
really didn't care about the taste or lack of solids anyway. Good luck to
you and God bless.
Also, I think you have a very good attitude about recognizing the problem.
That's great to hear.
— emilyfink
May 24, 2002
I am sorry to hear about your mother. I can't imagine how hard it is to
lose someone that dear to you. I am sure your mom is watching over you. I
know she would hate to see you not take care of yourself because she is
gone. Be strong for her and her memory. Make a pledge to her that now you
will do even more to be strong and healthy and do it as a tribute to her
and her memory. She will be so proud of you. I'll say a prayer for you
and your family to give you the strength you need to get through this.
— Cindy M.
May 24, 2002
I too lost my Mom 5 years ago and it seems like yesterday. Just keep all
her memories close in your heart and talk about her often. She did not
leave you she is within you and always will be. Talk to her she will hear.
She will give you the strength to go on with your life. God Bless and my
deepedt sympathy....
— Leah S.
May 24, 2002
Ah, my deepest condolences, Rebecca. Isn't the silence awful? When my Mom
died, I was begging to hear her voice, just once more. Don't worry about
your eating now. I didn't eat much for about a week after Mom died last
Labor Day either. It didn't help that Dad died 5 days later. I ate when I
was hungry and didn't pay it much attention and after about two weeks, my
appetite returned even though my emotional state still has days when it is
reeling (although those days are down to minutes now.) I don't know of an
online grief support group, but I went to the local Unity church that had
one and I know our area hospital has one. The live human contact was
really helpful. You may want to call the spiritual counseling office of
your nearest hospital. They can tell you what is available in your area.
Just be gentle with yourself now. Remember that EVERYTHING you feel right
now is perfectly ok...grief sucks, death sucks. It is however the most
fair thing in the world because both will hit all of us sooner or later.
Email me if you want, Rebecca.
— merri B.
May 24, 2002
I'm so sorry to hear of this. My mom died 2 yrs ago May 27. She was
packing for Vegas and planning her trip to Ireland when she got sick the
19th and was gone in a week. The docs told us right away that she only had
days. Our heads were spinning! I had just experienced some pretty awful
strains my life before that, so maybe it was a bit of a blessing that I was
so shell shocked I could barely function when she got sick. I had JUST had
my bout with Peeps, too, and gained & relost the gained wt, and was
stable again. I was afraid that the stress I was under would make me eat,
but then the overdose would make me NOT eat (feel too clamped down to take
in food). I am it, the whole show in my family, so I HAD to be able to
function, to make the arrangements, so take care of my dad who is not too
well (but she'd been hiding it, so another shock). I had to get the whole
food/eating thing totally out of the picture so I could deal with what was
in front of me. I went strictly to protein drinks & protein bars
(leap frogged all day) for the week that she was in the hospital, and a few
days after, and started takin g Stress B (vites). Stress eats up your
protein & your B-vites. No I didn't count the bars as protein, but I
did ocount them as a meal. No decisions, no chocies to make. Feel hungry,
insert bar. I just could NOT let food be an issue. If I wanted salad (they
had a nice bar in the hospital), I ate it, but more as respite from sitting
in the room. I guess I didn't want to be DISTRACTED by any food issues. I
gradually went back onto food, keeping of course, the protein drinks &
bars for bfast. I neither lost nor gained, which was correct for 5.5 yrs
post-op. It might not have been perfect behavior, but it got me through
with the elements I needed to keep going and did me no harm.
— vitalady
May 24, 2002
Hi Rebecca,
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. My mom died last year on
Aug. 29th. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer in Jan. and after going
through 6 months of chemo they said that her cancer was all gone and 2
months later it was back in her brain and she died in 2 weeks. It is very
hard to lose a loved one but especially hard to lose our mom! They are
someone that we can always count on and we know will always love us no
matter what we do. You WILL make it to goal. Maybe you can do what I did
and decide that this is something that you can do as a tribute to your mom
because you know that she would have really supported you in your efforts.
Best of luck to you during this hard time in your life. Try hard to
remember all of the good times that you shared together, let them lift you
up. Good luck on your weightloss journey.
Vicki Mize
— vmize
May 24, 2002
Thank you all for your kind, heartfelt answers to my questions/grief.
There is a lot I am grateful for, mainly that I got to hold her hand to the
end and tell her how much I love her. She was initially against WLS for
me, but by the end was my biggest supporter. I am sad that she will not
see me at goal weight, or know my children (that is, if I can ever get a
date!) but in the great scheme of things, it's okay. Anyway, I appreciated
all you had to say and will definitely do what I can to maintain my health,
in her honor. With love...
— rebeccamayhew
May 24, 2002
Rebecca, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father 6 years ago
and still find it hard to deal with occassionally. I have found something
that seems to help a great deal - there is a show on Fox here called
Crossing Over with John Edwards. Some people dont believe in this sort of
thing and that's ok, but everytime I watch his show I hear something that
makes me think of my Dad or another lost loved one. It's really very
comforting to be able to remember the good times and the little moments in
our lives that make us laugh. I firmly believe that those we love never
really leave us, they just cross over to a dimension where we can't see
them, but if we try hard enough we can feel them with us always. I'm sure
your mom is watching over you and worried about your health as always. Do
what you have to do at this time to get through it and when enough time has
passed you'll be ready to get back to the business of following the WLS
diet etc. God Bless You and remember even though the pain of loss never
goes completely away it does get easier to deal with over time. Please feel
free to email me if you need someone to talk to [email protected]
— Elva C.
May 24, 2002
Rebecca,
I'm so sorry for you loss. Death is never easy. I want you to know that
all of us are here for you. If there is anything I can do for you, please
email me.
Love,
Jen
— Jennifer G.
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