My husband says I've changed

I am not sure how to handle this...my surgery was 11.2008, I have lost over 120lbs...I look good with clothes on :)  My husband is the love of my life.  I married him when I was ...let's say...not so heavey...He loved me thick and thin.....we believe in the vows that we said before god...we believe our children are so much better off raised in a home where there is both a mom and a dad...he still loves me...I still love him...things change, people change...he sees the way men look at me...I see the way look at me..he feels like he is not living up to what I need as a women.. how do I help him though this.  I also feel very good..Iike the attention..but I would like it from my husband..I would like him to notice how I look.....

Have him read your post....or tell him. No matter how many years you have been married he can not know what your thinking all the time. Good luck!!...and congratulations on your weight loss...that's awesome!

I have the same problem. I feel like you can try as much as you want, however if you are totally different people who no longer share the same things in life, there are areas to be looked at. My husband and I are in the same situation, and I think it boils down to if you want to live for your "family" or live for "you". I am in this internal battle right now myself. Let me know what you think!
Jena

I'm in the same spot as you also.  It's  like do I try to make my family happy or myself. It's driving me nuts..

Being happily married for 30 years took work. One of the things I learned early into my marriage is that men are essentially clueless about many things associated with a woman, so they must be trained.

They do not respond to nagging and negative reinforcement, but they do GREAT with positive reinforcement. They like it when they can be your hero. So... teach your husband to notice you.

You can start by simply asking, "honey, do these jeans look okay"? When he says "yes," give him a big bright smile and TELL him how much you trust his opinion and how good it makes you feel when he tells you that you look nice. Give him a quick hug, or a sweet little kiss. And drop it. You don't want to be too obvious...

Anyhow, do this a few times and see what begins to happen.

If a man really does love you, he wants to be your hero. He wants to make you happy, but oftentimes he is just not familiar enough with the female psyche to understand what it is we crave; however, they are teachable.

Have to run because I have taught my husband that I just love it when he accompanies me on Saturday garage sales, so now he's up and running before me. Anxious to make my day.

Thanks so much Deb.  I am going to do that!!!  I appreciate your time .... Good luck Garage saling..I love that too :)

 Where's the like button when you need it?
I married two years ago for the second time, and I've found the same to be true.    I try every day to make my DH feel like he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and that just makes him work even harder to prove it.   We have been restoring his almost 100-year-old house.   It was his grandparents, and was in dire need of renovation before I came into his life.  I think he just felt overwhelmed by it all, and his carpentry skills were limited.    As I praised each small task he accomplished, he became more and more empowered, and began to take on larger projects.  He has done an amazing job, and just completed his first ceramic tile job.   He fully admits that he'd never have been able to do this without my encouragement, and it's been a wonderful, positive way for us to start our lives together.

 One day my husband said that I was no longer the woman he had married.  

I said, "Sometimes I feel like that same person, but thank you for saying that".

He said, "I did not mean that as a compliment".

I replied, "I know, but  all the years of education and hard work were because I wanted to be different from the person I was at 18".

During a marriage,  we grow and change and we become different people.  It does not mean that we can't still love and be loved by the person that we married.  It just means that things are different.  

All you can do is make sure you are still lavishing him with all of the love, affection, and appreciation that he needs and deserves.  Be happy yourself and do everything you can to make him happy and proud to be your husband.  It never hurts to spice things up a little.  I have a drawer full of things from Fredricks of Hollywood.  I flirt, tease, and show interest in sex. I also show lots of love.

To the men out there who are looking you over, you are just an interesting object.  There is no history together, no guarantee that they will help you when things go wrong, and not worth jeopardizing your marriage over.

Mary..thank you so much for your post...I needed to hear that :)

 I can understand where you are coming from and have been in exactly the same boat. My life did change dramatically when I lost weight, I was a different person and my (ex) husband did not handle that well. I got an education...2 degrees, lost a lot of weight and wanted to actually, well live. All he wanted to do was work , come home and sit on the couch. I on the other hand went to the gym every day, wanted to hike, bicycle, be active, be around people and generally enjoy life now that I looked and felt wonderful. So I did. I made sure my family was never neglected but I stayed true to myself. He simply chose not to come along. I have never regretted a minute. I have since remarried a wonderful, funloving, outdoors, good guy and am loving life!

Good luck and stay true to you.Only you know what you need and what is good for you.

Dottie