Marriage Following Apart After 5 yrs from wls

I am sorry for your sitaution.  I have been married 10 years and about to have surgery.  I see a therapist and he really thinks my husband will have issues like that after.  I hope he is wrong.  My Husband and I are both bipolar and I take my meds religiously and he doesnt.  It can get bad when he is off his meds.  He has been taking his meds for the pass few mths and it has been wonderful.  I am hoping it lasts.

Jenny

 I think the most important thing is for you to feel safe, comfortable, and to be happy!!!! Being happy is sooo important. We only have this one life to live. I know that 43 yrs is a long time, and you should be proud of that, but you should not have to feel badly if you do not want to stay in a situation that has turned bad.

Thank you Lorraine for your supportive message.  Thank God I have supportive sisters who are willing to help me through this crisis.  It's so hard thinking that I will be leaving my husband after 45 yrs of marriage.  But as many of you out there have related to me, it's more important to feel safe rather than living with someone who constantly berates you and makes you feel as though everything that goes wrong in his life is your fault.  I am determined to find my way to a happier, more fulfilling life.  Thank you again Lorraine for your comment.Jan in TX 

I am sorry for what you're having to deal with these days.....

My guess is that these issues did not start because/since your weigth loss surgery....they were happening all 46 years of your marriage.

I'm glad you removed yourself to a safe place and are getting a clear picture on the situation.  Continue working on yourself with your therapist.  Don't settle for anything less than the very best for yourself.

I am the child of a man who was verbally and physically abusive to my mother.
I cannot tell you how terrified I was as a child.  The best thing she ever did was
to get away from him, although he didn't make it easy.

Sadly, some men (and women) are unable to have a healthy relationship with
others.They are so afraid of loss that they drive others away by their possess-
iveness.

If he has begun to manhandle you, after years of derogatory and insulting remarks,
it is a major sign of an abusive relationship.

For your own peace of mind, as well as your safety, please don't let yourself
get within reach of this man again.

I promise, the peace of mind you will gain in NOT having to deal with an abuser
is absolutely PRICELESS.

Let him stew in his own hatefullness and not take it out on you anymore.

Best wishes, 

Sorry that you are having marital troubles.  Many men become
insecure after watching the attention being focused in a
postive way toward their wives as many years of not having
to be concerned.  Now they are afraid and act out.  He
probably thought you would gain the weight back and then the
security he had would come back.  My husband became very
insecure and acted out for a while.  He even said he did not
think I would keep it off.  We talked about it and he is
getting more secure.  I've been married almost 40 years and
would not let go easily.  I understand your fears but after
43 years if he's never been violent do you think he would
really hurt you?  Only you know.  I pray that you do what
is best for you and your family.
Take care,
Z

 I am so sorry.

I am also in the process of divorce -- for much different reasons -- but I feel for you.