friendships?

So  I am preop (surgery 10-11) but worried about the relationships in my life....my best friend, tiny, beautiful, center of attention...hasn't talked about my surgery much and tonight she made a comment that she was surprised that they didn't cancel my surgery at work because it's elective...I  replied that it was medically necessary and completely shocked at her lack of support and cavalier attitude.  i"m so afraid that those in my life really don"t understand why I am doing what I'm doing.  how have you all handled that?

I think any major change we undertake also changes our relationships.

Do you think it would help to talk with your friend and let her know how shocked you were, and find how she is feeling about your surgery? She might be threatened or afraid for you.

I have found out who my true friends are over this past year+ since my surgery. They have been a blessing of support for me, and have cheered me on through the process, as well as pushing me when I needed it.

You've been a member since July?  Perhaps you haven't seen posts by people who lost friends.  If not I hope they respond to your post.  It is truly heartbreaking to see friendships lost because of this.  They may be afraid for you, jealous of you, or just were't real friends after all.

As callous as it may sound, I didn't care if those in my life did not understand or support my decision.  I didn't do this for them, I did it for me.  I've lost "friendships" over way less than a surgical procedure that I chose to increase my health.  Guess they weren't really friends, eh?

Sure, the hugs you get here aren't as satisfying as two real arms holding you tight.  Yet, there are a lot of good people who have experienced so many similar things that this is a very good place to get support.  It's also a good place for a swift kick in the butt when needed.  You might also want to attend any support groups that may be sponsored by your surgeon; the hugs I got at mine were the "real" kind:)

Best wishes!  (and hugs)

Yes....I have been a member sinve July and yet haven"t seen many posts about the end friendships....I am just so hurt and shocked that it hasn't even happened yet and still is already coming and yet I l have recieved more support from the least expected and from the one I most expect support and unconditional acceptance you get the least.....just wasn't prepared from this source and is most hurtful.  I know I am doing what is best for me and what comes will come but it still makes me sad....just hitting me tonight that it is not going to be just what I eat and drink but it is going to change every thing in my daily life....its scary and I guess I am already mourning the loss that I know is probably coming.

That didn't sound right...wasn"t getting defensive....and my head knew that could happen and probably would,,,,just still shocking when it comes from your supposed best friend.  Talk about cold water in your face...just very surprising and makes me sad.  You all are correct that you find out who is true and who is not...just wasn't prepared for so soon nor the source....sad.

One of the greatest things about having a best friend is the ability to talk to them about anything and everything, and I truly think before you throw in the towel (emotionally at least), that you have a real heart-to-heart talk with your best friend.

So often we make assumptions about people and events, and more often than not we are so far off base with those assumptions that we're not even in the ballpark.

So rather than assume anything, get together and have a best friend talk.  Don't accuse her of anything, simply state how you're feeling (without accusing her of making you feel this way), and that you really want her to tell you how she's feeling.

Sometimes friendships are lost because of a misunderstanding that could have been avoided if only discussed, so please don't let this happen to you.  If she truly is your best friend and you love her, than she's worth fighting for...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!

I didn't think you were getting defensive and I certainly hope I didn't come off as dismissive because of your July date.  Some times people will post about losing friends on different forums so it's possible that there is at least one a week somewhere.  But all that really doesn't matter.  It is a shock to lose a friend one thought one could confide in and rely on.

I remember as a pre-op, my SIL making fun of the Lapband ads on TV.  Well, actually she wasn't making fun of them; she called them disgusting and people were crazy to get WLS.  While I truly believe she has the right to her opinion, I held onto my right not to say anything to her about my plans.  I had fears that I would lose her from my life when I did get my surgery and that saddened me because I would miss her.  Fortunately, that did not happen.

I'm glad others have shared their experiences.  Those kind of surprises are not pleasant and would make anyone sad.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  I still miss some of the friends that were lost over silly things in the past.  Yet life tends to fill those vacuums with new friends.  I just hope I can remember that the next time I lose a friend.

                                                                            

 

 To be honest, it sucks but if they cant be happy for you making a healthy lifestyle change then they arent worth your time. I had my surgery young. I had friends who were amazingly supportive and  I have friends *****fuse to speak to me. The best way to handle it is to be up-front and honests and use your "i's" instead of your "you's" Try approching the situation with "I fell like the message came across this way and this is how it made me feel." instead of "You are doing this." I found its a much easier way to have that awkward "you're being a crummy friend" conversation. In the mean time, find other sources of support that work for you. I made AMAZING life long friends at my support group and found amazing words of encouragement and virtual hugs from doing a youtube blog. At the end of the day this process needs to be about YOU! Its a selfish surgery but it's one that will save your life. In the meantime my chat window is always open if you ever need someone :) All the best with your future surgery and cant wait to welcome you to the losers bench :)
Shelby

oh yes my relationships have changed.

the only former friends I have are ones that are planning to have WLS next year themselves.  My former "best friend" is very anti-WLS even though it saved her sister's life and she needs it badly she and I barely speak now... she bashes my surgery every chance she gets...

my husband and I both had WLS and we did not survive... i"m in the process of a divorce and have started a new life with a new man...


I spend most of my time with WLS friends now...  they get it...