Obstacles, past and present

During my WLS journey, there have been times when I've gotten stuck, or been afraid, or questioned my ability to do what was needed of me. Right now I'm feeling that way again.

My first obstacle was just making up my mind to have the surgery. I was afraid to commit to something so life altering. I've met so many people that think of their WLS as an amazing gift. To them it's the best thing that could ever happen, but it was never like that for me. To me, it was just the lesser of two evils. So the first thing I had trouble with was convincing myself that I had to do this, and deciding to stick with it. That alone almost required more resolve than I possessed.

The surgery itself went well, but then came the time right after surgery. I was sore, and scared, and kept thinking to myself, "What have I done?" I got frustrated with my inability to get enough liquids. And I was terrified of blood clots, so I would wake up every few hours to walk around and do my foot exercises. I thought I had made a terrible mistake. But then I healed, and the pounds started coming off, and I began adjusting to my new life.

Well, my body was adjusting, but my head wasn't catching up. Every now and then, I would eat something that I wasn't supposed to. Things that I knew would make me sick, and did make me sick. I would get so mad at myself. It's a little easier now, but I'm still having problems like that. In fact, in some ways, it's worse now. Now that I'm fully healed, I can eat just about anything without getting sick. My body can't stop me from cheating, so it's all up to my head now. And it was my head that got me into this mess in the first place.

Which brings me to my current problem. I've been stalled at the same weight, and I know it's entirely my fault. I've let myself fall back into some of my old ways, and that's a slippery slope indeed. I need to be harder on myself, and stick closer to my rules. Not that I haven't made any progress. I think of how I used to be with food, and I know that I'm a much better person now. But once again, I'm afraid I won't be able to do what I have to if I want to keep improving. Especially when I look at people around me who have had WLS and are doing so well. I feel like they must never have doubts or troubles like mine. Does anyone else ever feel that they're not up to the task of changing themselves? I see so many people on these forums who have had surgery and lost their weight, only to turn around and put it right back on. It would devastate me to end up like that. Any advice?

I think you've done an amazing job.....111 lbs lost!  That's wonderful. I also think it's good that you are aware of what your difficulties are - that's half the battle.  Hang in there, you've shown so much resolve and are up to the task of getting to the place you want to be.
Kathy

Insecurity about whether to have surgery, "buyer's remorse" right after surgery, self image issues about your body, stalls during wt loss, and "slips" with protocol on your journey are pretty normal.  Not every WLS patient is a "poster child" of that surgery.  I'd highly suggest you attend support groups. These issues are commonly discussed there, and you'll likely get a better perspective on these issues, and probably some tips to help you get through your issues.  I know several WLS post ops who have gotten professional counseling to deal with their self image. Most of these post ops have done very well with wt loss, but still see the "old image" in a mirror, which bothers them daily. DAVE

 Yes I do .   First of all  I REALLY commend you for daring to articulate the issues and ask for help n advice .  

In my experience the food addiction  really DOES get a lot better n easier to manage .  The power of it just ratchets down with every day you are NOT overeating .    You develop other ways to cope emotionally and other coping habits that usually dont  include putting something in Ur mouth .

Now , to me , the FASTEST way to  happy , effective recovery from years of overeating  is thru substituting  daily strenuous exercise .

 I used to get up every morning and run or get up and rollerblade an hour or swim a mile . It was my first project and the most necessary one post op - before work ,before my family , before looking good or eating well... 

The reasons for this are manyfold but particularly important in terms of healing internally and externally , in terms of your skin springing back firmly and beautifully , in terms of having a healthy and gorgeous body and reaching goal .  Also the endorphins really help break the overeating cycle by substituting happy hormones ... kinda like methadone does to heroin addiction . 

I DONT think i could have broken the excess food addictions back through diet discipline alone or  with mental therapy alone  without daily exercise .  

Coming here and posting is a great way to get thru the day coping " differently ".  Good luck !