Changing realtionships

Has anyone here experienced issues with their siblings after their operation? My sister has become rather cold and distant to me since the surgery. Growing up I was always the heavier sister and she was the Size 5 one. Now, after 4 babies, she has a BMI of 36. She's still like 60 pounds lighter than me. I think she's worried about being the "fatter" sister. I know that this more about how she feels about herself than how she feels about me.

Has anyone been through this and do you have any strategies to cope?

Thanks!

I have a twin sister and all she did was ask for ALL my clothes.  She was the bigger one growing up then I had 2 kids back to back (same bday actually a year apart) and the first one was 13 lbs due to gestational diabetes... and never lost the weight.  She hasnt really changed outside of asking for ALL clothes

I am having the same issues with my close friends.  Many did not know I had the surgery and when they have seen me look at me funny.  As if to acknowledge the weight loss but are afraid to say anything.  When they learn I had the surgery I get brief congrats and then the looks up and down.  I went to a friend's breast cancer benefit last weekend and took off my jacket to reveal a smoother flatter tummy (not close to FLAT but not as bulbous as it had been) and the abject look of horror fell upon many of their faces.

Now I get so how much weight are you planning on losing?  Dont you think its a bit much? "You're going to be skinny.. might not look so good on you!". 

My thinking is this, I have heard them ALL complain about their weight.  Watched them do as I did with the fad diets, the promises to stick to WW or Nutri System, the half hearted attempts at excercise only to fail.  I did what I felt I needed to do for my health and SANITY!! 

She will come to terms with it, she may even in time ask you about the ins and outs.  I do not sugar coat it, they ALL know that this is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life.  Especially on the bad days, hell week, and the angry pouch days!!  If my hardships can help others then its a positive all around.  If they choose to stay "angry" because they are now the "ugly step sisters" in life, then so be it.  If they do not support you or have hate and discontent then its their own self image they are upset with and the anger they are directing outwards is because you made a decision to better your life and they have not made it to that point in their life.

Rejoice in your gorgeous-ness and be proud who you are and who you were.. without who we were we could never become the US we always wanted to be!

I had terrible issues with both of my sisters. I was the "skinny" one out of the three of us and they were mad that I had the surgery. It's hard to explain to angry people why you had the surgery. I happened to have mine for health related issues and not WL. After several weeks of them yelling, screaming, writing nasty emails, etc., stating that I needed to change my attitude and whatnot...I wrote them both an email of what I wanted. It was clear, to the point, and maybe even a little harsh. I basically told them that I was happy. I made the decision to better my own life and if they didn't like it then get out of my life. I didn't attend a few family functions because of all of this hoohah, but it's evened out now. I can honestly say that my relationship with my middle sister is better than it was even before my surgery. I think that their biggest fear was that I was going to change my personality. As I've been losing the weight, they've realized that I'm still just me...only skinnier.

My advice...

Stay away from toxic relationships in the beginning. I'd be totally honest with them in why you won't be around them, but tell them that they are welcome to be in your life when they are willing to accept you for you. Re-enforce that you love them and all of the positive things about them, but tell them what you need as well. It's an emotional battle for everyone in your life, not just you. Be compassionate, but think of you first.

Good luck! I'll be praying that evverything turns out great in the end.

I sometimes have issues with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I was always the "big friend" and some of them act differently now that I am smaller.  (I went from a 24 to a 6 and I'm still losing steadily).  My daughters (I have four.. three are grown and the "baby" is 16) seem to have more issues than anyone else.  My oldest daughter says it doesn't feel right when they hug me and my youngest has decided that since we wear the same size, she must be fat. 
 MOSTLY, though, I find that people are understanding and accepting. 


Good luck..  I am sure that with time your sister will come around.  Once she discovers that you are still the same, loving person you always were.. just now you are healthier and have more confidence. 

I have two younger sisters, a Mom, a few sister in laws, a bunch of nieces and nephews, brothers and my darling husband. All have been supportive of my decision. I think that I didn't really believe I would ever be smaller being the biggest in a large family. I think they didn't believe it either. I tried so many things in the past as everyone else did. This was just something I had to try for my health moreso then my weight.  Now that it is actually happening and I have dropped almost 60 pounds, the reality is setting in.  Everyone has been great so far. My two younger sisters are doing well and I can see the fear in their eyes as I get smaller yet my youngest sister still gives me clothes she can no longer wear. My middle sister is having a few issues but I do think it will pass.  Compassion is the key as the other member stated. WE all know that feeling of inferior self image when we compare ourselves to others. But we don't need to do that and its not practical or realistic to do such a thing. All we can do is help them understand we are still the same wonderful sister they had before and we will continue to be long after this ordeal is complete.  I am hoping I can share some of my new life change menus and ideas with them in  a positive way so that when the time comes that they to want to be healthier, they feel comfortable talking to me about their weight issues.

I have dealt with the same issue from my sister.  She was always much smaller than me.  She had quite the attitude with me when I was first smaller than her.  I just ignored her and went on with my life like always.  She is my very best friend, always has been and always will be.  We still did everything but we kinda tip toed around the weight subject.  Still to this day if anyone says anything about me losing weight I cringe... but I am more worried about her feelings.  Cause I know how it feels to be the bigger sister.  So, I guess what I am saying is she is probably sad right now about it... but she will get over it eventually.  Hope everything works out!!!