Would love feedback--previous Weightloss for the (maybe) wrong reasons
Last week, at our support group, we discussed how we each deal with disappointments. At first, I thought, I do pretty good, I don't pout, get mad I just try to deal with it. Then I thought, OK that is fine for little disappointments--what about the big ones? so I thought, my two biggest disappointments was when I realized that both my marriages were over. The first, after 21 years, he left me and our kids for another woman. the second, I knew I had to end it because he was verbally and mentally abusive, a habitual liar and , well, just plain nuts!! So, what did I do, how did I deal? and it hit me, I threw myself into Weigh****chers and lost a lot of weight. Not, 20 pounds, but 50-80 pounds, then I thought about my behavior. I was focuses to the point of being anal. My life revolved around that tracker, the scale. To put it bluntly I obsessed. Then, both times, when life got good again, when I got into another relationship, I put the weight back on! Any other times in those years, I would try to lose the weight, but I never had the "umph" to do it!
It occurred to me--could I have been using the weight loss as something I could control?? could it have been that since I could not control what was happening in my personal life, that I focused on the weight loss? that the weight loss was the one thing I could control?? Wow, I have read that people with anorexia and bulimia do that--they see losing weight as the one thing that they can control when everything else is crazy in their lives. and that scared me. This is the first time ever I am losing a significant amount of weight while in a good, healthy nourishing relationship. My life is good and I am not obsessing. yes, I pay attention to my eating but I am not anal about it. I just feel different losing with this new tool than I ever did the last two times.
Has any one else ever experienced something like this? Am I making sense?? If you have experienced this, then please let me know how you dealt with it.
Thanks, Shannon
It occurred to me--could I have been using the weight loss as something I could control?? could it have been that since I could not control what was happening in my personal life, that I focused on the weight loss? that the weight loss was the one thing I could control?? Wow, I have read that people with anorexia and bulimia do that--they see losing weight as the one thing that they can control when everything else is crazy in their lives. and that scared me. This is the first time ever I am losing a significant amount of weight while in a good, healthy nourishing relationship. My life is good and I am not obsessing. yes, I pay attention to my eating but I am not anal about it. I just feel different losing with this new tool than I ever did the last two times.
Has any one else ever experienced something like this? Am I making sense?? If you have experienced this, then please let me know how you dealt with it.
Thanks, Shannon
I'm Ready!
You know when Sigmund Freud came out with his ideas of psycho-social stages, people thought he was pretty whacky. I don't think his theories go far enough.
As humans, our relationship with food is intrinsically tied to so many things that identify us as humans. That's why it is the easiest thing to manipulate when our world seems out of control.
That being said, we all do this in some shape, form or fashion. During times in our lives where we don't feel good about something, we seek to feel good about another thing. Some folks do that in relationships (rebounding), some in alcohol, some in sex. It's almost as human as walking upright.
But here's the tricky part: the same way that is unhealthy, it is also very healthy. INSTEAD of seeking joy in things that don't matter or that are toxic, you seek joy in something that will improve yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, it sounds as if the goal was as important to you as the process. That's where you can get into big trouble. Because eventually the scale is going to stop. If you focus on the PROCESS (I like to feel good, I want to be fit, etc.) then that transition to caring for yourself "just because" is much easier than if you are focused on some sort of number.
As humans, our relationship with food is intrinsically tied to so many things that identify us as humans. That's why it is the easiest thing to manipulate when our world seems out of control.
That being said, we all do this in some shape, form or fashion. During times in our lives where we don't feel good about something, we seek to feel good about another thing. Some folks do that in relationships (rebounding), some in alcohol, some in sex. It's almost as human as walking upright.
But here's the tricky part: the same way that is unhealthy, it is also very healthy. INSTEAD of seeking joy in things that don't matter or that are toxic, you seek joy in something that will improve yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, it sounds as if the goal was as important to you as the process. That's where you can get into big trouble. Because eventually the scale is going to stop. If you focus on the PROCESS (I like to feel good, I want to be fit, etc.) then that transition to caring for yourself "just because" is much easier than if you are focused on some sort of number.
Nik,
Great insight. I losed from 270 to 135 just to gain it back again, because I was so caught in a number on the scale. Once the goal was achieved, I didn't know what to do next. I spent the next 3 or 4 years traumatized about regaining weight and not enjoying my new body or life. I also made some very bad choices, because I didn't know how to deal with all the positive attention from men and the negative attention from the women in my life. This time I have decided to be healthy mind, body and spirit and work on the things that are important to achieving the healthiest life possible.
Thank you for your great insight,,, it is very helpful!
Evelyn
Surgery Date 6/30/2011
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