Feeling Blue Today All of A Sudden

During the bank run today it was like I just crashed.  I drove through tears there and back.  I'm not sure why!   

I have a good marriage, the best parents ever, a wonderful job that couldn't have been designed any better for me, the bills are paid, the house is clean, I have awesome staff and coworkers, my cat is feeling better and playing and running all over me again, lots of FB friends that connect me to family members near and far, several FB closed groups for bariatric support, a million little frozen food containers in the freezer with all my favorite meals, freedom from food addiction, lowest weight since junior high, looking hot in clothes, 2 best girlfriends that have loved me unconditionally since prior to high school, a nice car, and I could go on and on.

But I have a deep longing that remains unfulfilled.  No one can fill it but me.  I used to try to fill it with food and alcohol.  Now that option is gone.  I have tried to fill it with shopping.  I have tried to fill it with my workouts.   And a couple other things.   It seems no matter how much a person cares for me, either deeply or superficially, that yearning for something unnamed still remains.

Maybe this is all stemming from falling asleep at 6PM last night before I had a chance to take my Klonopin / trazodone, and now I am having withdrawals.    I did take a good bit of Klonopin before I came back in to the office.

Because the bottom line is I have no time to wallow in these emotions right now.  I have a lot to do at work and I need to get focused on it.   I just can't get anything done.  I was ready to come back to work, even considered working some hours yesterday to get caught up.  Didn't do it and as promised, now regretting it.

I suppose I will put on my uniform, hide behind my smile, and just try to be what a Finance Director should be around here.  When I get home I can deal with my emotions.  After all, thats what I am always saying about my staff - why can't they leave their emotions at the door and just do their job?

Everyone has blue days...   If it is just a day, then chalk it up to a day in the life of you.  If it is happening a lot, then talk to your doc, sounds like meds might need adjusted.  Sending good thoughts your way.

I think this time of year can be difficult also.  I hope you feel better later today.  

I will be praying for you! I sounded very much like you before I surrendered to my Lord Jesus Christ.

I think the high of the holidays (stress, running, excitement) make us just stop after with exhaustion.  I'm not sure how one day of missing your meds would cause you to feel.  If this feeling continues please talk to your medical team, it may require a change in meds or an increase.

This time of year is much more difficult for me emotionally.....I always feel sorta down when the time changes and the weather is overcast and cold. 

Hope you can kick this feeling soon.

OT, I was a little puzzled because your signature says you had a lap RNY in 2012?  Mistype?

Yep.  RNY 6/5/12 and down 121 pounds including liver shrink diet.

Sometimes I think its just hormone dumping...I get like this too. Life is so much better but days of overwhelming sadness and tears will come along with no explanation. Hugs!

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