8 months out and still not liking my new life

I am 8 months out of surgery. I am becoming depressed and don't know what to do anymore.   I hate my new life after surgery.  I thought I would be enjoying my new life as a thinner me with loosing over 100 pounds but I'm not.  8 months out and I am still regretting this since the day I had the surgery.  I've not been happy since the night before my surgery.  I am loosing my hair in handfulls, I can't brush my hair or put my fingers through my hair without all of it falling out. I can't go to the salon for my hair cause i really don't have hair. My hair that once use to go down my butt is now below my ears and keeps getting shorter. I have had tests done and everything is fine. Nothing wrong.  My levels are fine.  I am getting enough vitamins and protein but I am still loosing my hair. I have had some many complications since I had surgery 8 months ago. Never once had problems with my gallbladder but since the surgery a month out I had my gallbladder taken out. 2 months after surgery up until now I have had back to back kidney stones that hurt like a which. Then I had to have surgery for my hernia last week.  I almost had a blood clot in my lung. Too much has happened in a short amount of time.  Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I look like a sick person with a pale face and it looks pressed in and I look old.  I am starting to hate to eat food because its the same thing over and over again cause I can't tolerate any kind of meat without throwing up cause it gets stuck no matter how well I chew. I can chew for 15 minutes on one small piece and it still comes back and i take 30-45 minutes to eat one piece of meat....   Still comes back up. I miss my old life-style where I was happy, yes I was fat, but at least I was happy.   Whats gonna happen to me next? A heart attack? Just my luck. I hate my life and to be honest I have been coating the pain with Percocet ( i know its wrong but I dont know what else to do anything to take the pain away) I give up.

I think it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist.Depression is a horrible thing.And we can't always fix it by ourselves.I go to therapy two times a month and I am on meds for depression.I do feel like the sun is shinning again.Please trust me on this.It will help.

It sounds like you've hada tough time of it, and I am sorry to hear that. Here comes the tough love part, so if you wanted handpatting stop reading. What's done is done. You had surgery-now it is time to adapt. Get someone to talk go and and antidepressant if necessary. No shame in needing help. Food issues? Keep at it. Maybe meat isn't working. Try other food. Looks not what you thought? Well, I would like to look like a 22 year old Marilyn Monroe but alas it did not happen. You are eighy months out. Time to dtop wallowing and start living. You csn do it.needing help

Typing on this phone blows but I think you get the gist of what I am saying.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so many complications and it is certainly understandable that you would regret your decision. I don't think its normal that you are throwing everything up. Can you keep pushing your surgeon to have and endoscopy to see if you have a stricture, and run blood over again to see if there is anything that might be causing your severe hair loss. I take 5000 mg biotin a day and maybe this might help you. I'm too new to really help but wanted to send you good wishes in the hope that you find answers.

You've had several surgeries and lots of anesthesia. The multiple surgeries has put your body through more than normal trauma. 

It also appears you are having some depression issues which is absolutely understandable. Are you on any meds?  If not you may want to make an appt and consider taking something at least for a while so you can get over this hump.

WLS doesn't necessarily mean happiness as you can see with what you are experiencing. Sure you'll lose weight but happiness has to come from within. You will have to dig deep and find it within yourself to get through this. Again if you need medical help please seek it. 

I'm sorry you are struggling and wish you the best of luck. 

If you are fat and ...  unhappy, in a bad marriage, in a bad job, have a bad relationship with your mother-in-law, have no friends ...

WLS will just make you thin and ... unhappy, in a bad marriage, in a bad job, have a bad relationship with your mother-in-law, have no friends ...

It really sounds like you are depressed and so that is your no 1 priority at this point - go see a doctor and talk about some meds to help you out of this funk!  The hair thing is Telogen Effluvium - you have had multiple problems/surgeries and your hair is paying the price - it will get better!

Momma depression is a Witch with a capital B! Mine got much worse the year after surgery, I went to a therapist and to a doctor to get on meds to help control it. I'd suggest the same for you. The psych explained to me that the hormonal rollercoaster that came with losing weight only added to my already diagnosed mental disorder, it wasn't my fault and after some time she thought I would be able to go back off the meds as I have been living for the past 13 years. Once you work on your mental health other things may become better.

I also can't imagine not being able to eat any meat, that in itself would make me depressed and I'd have to live on protein shakes as there isn't many other sources of protein I like. If your bariatric surgeon won't go in and check to make sure you don't have a stricture or some other issue preventing you from eating meat I'd go to a Gastro doctor and ask him to go in and check. I had issues with pain at 9 months out that my surgeon sort of foo fooed and I went to a gastro who went in and looked as well as ran some other tests. My insides looked good but I did have gall bladder issues and he told the surgeon it needed to come out, the surgeon also found scar tissue that he had to clean out resulting in an additional hour and a half in my gall bladder surgery to get it fixed up. If one doctor can't find the answer get a second opinion!

I too had 3 surgeries in the first year, RNY in June, hernia in Dec, gall bladder/scar tissue removal in April. It wasn't easy and my hair took a hit big time. I figured I had two choices, get mad or go to a fantastic hair dresser pay more money than I typically would have and ask them to make me beautiful! I came out with an adorable short cut that I ended up loving. I dyed it and felt fabulous about myself. Sometimes it's our approach to things that make them good or bad. I had a friend explain to me that every thing in life is neutral it's how we react to it that makes it good or bad. Death was his example, you go to a typical Norwegian Lutheran funeral and you come out feeling depressed and crying most of the time, death is the same for everyone, however if you attend another religions "homecoming" celebration after the death you come out feeling okay if not good and uplifted. Death is the same for both, it's how they react to it that makes it good or bad. That made sense to me and I try to remind myself of that daily. It's made my life far less stressful. What you've altered in your body is done, they won't reverse it unless it's life or death typically so now you need to learn to react in a positive way. You can sit daily and lament about the things that are wrong with it OR you can journal 5 things you are grateful for since surgery every day. With time and practice your mind can change it's perception.

Now as for the percocet, we both know why you have turned to them, I turned to hydrocordone about the time of my 3rd surgery  I took it as prescribed for 4 weeks and it was a Witch to get off of. It took away the pain, physical and emotional.  Get off it asap. It will also add to the depression. Go. Now. Pick up the phone. call a psych or a therapist and make an appointment today!

I have not had the physical complications that you have experienced (except the constant throwing up and hair loss- that was very hard for me) but I have had the mental ones.  I understand the depression that can come with this surgery and I drank my pain away.  I am almost 7 years out from surgery and 3.5 years sober and I can tell you it gets better.  We have surgery on our bellies- not our brain and I believe that is where we run into most of the problems.  Just know- you are not alone and I am praying like crazy for you!!!!