Rianne D.

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Well, they are posted for better or for worse....they are really scary and it was REALLY hard for me to post them...but I did it so there!!

Still waiting for insurance to contact me....*sigh*  I hate waiting....

I posted this in response to someone elses post but I copied and am going to paste it here b/c it is how I'm feeling lately...

I, as a preop, am so scared and excited and nervous about the mysterious post-op world...and there are so many emotions that are running wild in my head when I'm only 5 weeks away from making the biggest decision in my life.  I mean, true, I've already made the decision but until I actually get into surgery under the knife it still doesn't feel real.

I am terrified, I mean, you hear all these success stories of people who totally changed their lives and have lost all this weight. I'm afraid that I'll be that one in a million that didn't succeed. I'm scared, b/c I know that after the surgery...there's really gonna be no way to hide the fact that I had surgery (muchos weight loss isn't easy to hide), and I'm scared that people are going to look down on me b/c I had it.

I'm petrified that even after I lose weight, and I look great, and I'm healthier that all I'm gonna see is "fat me"...and I don't want that. I want to be able to reveal in my glory and my healthiness.

I've always been overweight for as long as I can remember, and at this point in time, I just can't imagine being skinny. I can't imagine not going to the "plus size" side of the store. I can't imagine my fiance being able to pick me up and carry me across the threshold when we get married.

And, after all of this, I am SO excited.  I am excited to be healthy.  I am excited that while I'll probably still be taking the same number of pills each day, the ones I'll be taking will be vitamins and things like that instead of cholesterol medicines and blood pressure medicines and etc.  And, I'm definitely excited to be able to shop on the "other" side of the store for once...

Wow!  I can't believe how much has happened since I found out in April I needed to have bariatric surgery...

But, I have my date now 7-16-07 and I am excited, nervous, scared...you know, all of the above.  But it's going to be good, and I can't wait to accomplish my goals!

Today I was online looking for support groups and I called the leader of the one here in Springfield, Missouri and she told me about the website...so here I am :-)

Anyways, just wanted to leave a quick blog...I'm sure I'll be adding to my page in the days to come.

ME