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177 pounds, total loss of 138 pounds- holy crap I have lost a whole normal sized woman!!!

Happy Spring.
Trina

Feeling melancholy today. 

Those Levis from my last post- too big already!  Over the weekend I made another trip to the Salvation Army and picked up 5 pairs of size 18 jeans/pants...OMG...I think I even noticed a guy checking me out the other day, I must say my A** is looking a little nice ! 

Why am I feeling kinda blue...not sure...I often wondered how much I would change if I could shed the weight and I always said "change- not me, I never let my weight hinder me"  well on the flip side I do believe I did, self talk is awful scary sometimes.  I still get the jitters if we are going someplace new- will I have an issue fitting, or sitting, will people look at me different I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I don't have to think like that anymore.  I realized over the weekend that one of the reasons I wanted surgery was to be "normal"- well after a dinner at Applebee's and watching the other people eat these huge deserts, chocolate cake with ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream and watching the humongous drinks with the crushed fruits, whipped cream etc.  I think I came to the conclusion that surgery and losing weight is not going to make me "normal"- jealous of those that can eat like that yes, but normal - nope- I can't eat like that anymore.  I don't want to go back to my old life, I didn't like me very much.  I like me know and I want to stay this way (maybe lose a little more!). 

Peace and Love with yourself .
Trina

I just bought a pair of Levis...The last pair I remember buying was somewhere in my mid 20's they were 38x30 and tight as hell...that is when I gave up on Levis...I bought a pair yesterday 36x30...OMG...I was so excited!!!  Thank You Lord and Dr. Kim and Me!!!

Being overweight all of my life- yucky
Not having enough confidence to do what I would want to do- shitty
Undergoing major surgery at 40- scarey
Losing 116 pounds- glorifying
Gaining confidence- satisfying
Buying new clothes- wonderful
Having to re-size my rings priceless!!!

Love Life.
Trina

I am at...................199.4.............I honestly can not remember when I have weighed under 200 pounds, maybe in tenth or eleventh grade.  It is a very strange moment, not sure how I am feeling yet, after all it is just a number, but gosh almighty a very nice number!!!!!

To the journey...
Trina

Once again it has been too long since I have been on here.  Things are going very well, this was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I have lost 108 pounds total, 90 since surgery.  I feel great, am working out (who would ever have thought that I would be working out?).  It feels great, I am doing a body bar toning and aerobics class about 3 times per week and I can almost do a real push up.  I couldn't even do a push up when I was young. 

The skin is starting to sag, but as my support group leader says, we have hid fat for so many years, hiding skin should not be a problem.  The thinning hair is starting to get on my nerves, I knew it was going to happen but am ready for it to start growing in thicker, my hair has always been healthy so this is a definite negative!

I still haven't eaten anything over 9 grams of sugar.  I figure the longer I can go with out indulging the healthier I will be.  I also have not had any carbonation.  I have learned that you don't say "I am never going to have...", I instead say "I chose not to have (whatever it is) at this point in time".  Those negative forces in our lives like to throw it back at you that you once said I am never...

I have learned that people will say to you a thousand times...."Wow you look great, BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Shopping is fun, I have only been doing it a thrift stores, it seems silly to spend the bucks on clothes I may only be able to wear once or twice.   If you have the time to dig through the racks you can get some amazing deals.

I don't notice that people are treating me any different but I was never one to hang in the background ...I have always enjoyed life.  There were definitely things I wouldn't do because of my size, the possibility of being embarrassed totally freaked me out.  I don't think it has sunk in that I am that much different, there are times that I hear a group of people laugh and think "Gosh are they making a fat joke..."  I just am not sure the head will ever wrap around the fact that I am not fat enough anymore for people to joke about.  Maybe now it will be my hair???

I am happy that I did some extra counseling, not sure I had the best counselor in the world, I don't feel as if we ever quite clicked, but I definitely do think it helped. 

I still feel guilty if I eat something that is not quite up to healthy standards, maybe an extra couple of almonds or an extra bite of my protein bar, it is also hard to fathom that an extra bite or a couple of almonds inspire guilt...it used to be an extra meal or a whole dessert...

Life is good, I am happy, I wish you all success in your journey.

Peace to you and yours.
Trina

It has been so long since I have written.  Life just gets busy and after the surgery (and you survive) it just seems that I don't make the time to get on and blog / research.  I am doing great, down a total of 89 pounds total, 72 since surgery.  I am going through clothes very quickly.  Shopping is almost FUN...who would of thought it???

Till next time.

Well it has been 8 weeks I am down a total of 53 pounds (17 before surgery and 36 after) it has been a great ride so far.  No regrets. 
With surgery and or my 53 pounds lost I have gotten:
- Control - of the head and the hunger
- Less aches and pains
- More energy
- Bigger clothes (they are getting too big but I don't want to buy summer clothes, won't be wearing the same size next year)
- Awareness of what is healthy and what is not
- Stronger nails and fuller hair (I think this goes against everthing I have studied so it must be the vitamins)
- An attitude that for once in my life I CAN lose this weight and keep it off
- The ability to walk, fast, for 45 minutes or more and not feel exhausted, horrible, or desperate

I am sure the list will change with the more weight I lose....

Here is to the journey.
Till next time.

Well at 4 weeks I have lost a total of 30 pounds.  I always said I would never be one of those people that complain about a stall, but goodness this seems ridiculous.  I lost so much the first 2 weeks that I am annoyed that I haven't lost that much since.  I know what I am eating and I just don't get it.  We are measuring tonight because I do believe I have lost inches.   I am feeling GREAT, energy level is mostly back to normal, no regrets at all. 

We went out to dinner tonight, second time since surgery and the boys had ice cream, I got to hear how wonderful it was and guess what it really didn't bother me to watch them eat it.  They were a little vocal about how good it actually was so we made a joke out of it...it helps to laugh...

Life is good, still waiting on summer to arrive, the chilly weather sure does put a damper on the pool use!

Till next time.

What to say...I thought I was prepared...but until you actually do something I think we can fool ourselves into thinking we know all!  Don't get me wrong, not once in the last two weeks have I said to myself "gosh I wish I didn't do this".  Felt yucky, tired, weak but never horrible so it is definitely NOT something I am regretting.  I have the good days and the bad days.  Yesterday was a bad day...I didn't get enough water in so became slightly dehydrated, I had drank a 16 ounce glass of iced tea during the day and I think that helped to deplete the water in my system.  Once we called the Doc and he told me to drink I did start to feel better.  

For the head, I dream...about eating more than stage 2 foods, I can't believe I still have 2 weeks of this, how many damn ways can I cook a chicken breast for goodness sake... I get scared thinking about all my favorites and wondering if I will be able to control the portions / choices.  I haven't cheated on the 5 minutes between bites, not once, and am really going to work on continuing that once I am on real food...

The good news is that I have LOST 24 pounds in 14 days, never before in my life have I ever been able to do that, some of my clothes are getting a little baggy...

Blessings and Hugs,
Trina