bjsmumniki
Hello!
I am in the process of trying ot get my insurance company to approve me. I have already been denied once! My consult visit was in July, I was denied in September and my primary doc sent in a letter of medical necessity in November. SO hopefully I will hear soon.
I have chronic back and feet issues. As well as sleep apena controlled by CPAP since July.
I am 30 years old and feel like I am 50.
I want to be able to play...really play with my two children. My son is 7 and my daughter is 3. Already my son is hearing from friends about how his mom is fat. My heart breaks for him because he didn't notice and came to ask me if I was, poor guy!
It looks as if both children follow my husband genetic disposition to be on the thin side.
We eat relatively healthy and rarely have sweets, chips and whatnot in the house to enocourage better eating habits in the kids.
I have watched my sister go thru this surgery and recovery she had her surgery July 21, 2003 and has lost 70+ pounds I am SO proud of her!
I am looking forward to having this surgery in the SPRING 2004!~
I am trusting in the Lord that he will supply all my needs according to HIS time, but I am not sitting waiting for it I am doing all that I can, it is strange because often I feel the Lord say be still and this time it isn't happening. I think I am suppose to have to WORK to get this done. so off I go to call again!
May the Lord richly bless you and your family during this holiday season!
Merry Christmas!
~Nic
1-18-04
Hello again!
I am still hoping!
I recieved a letter in the mail carbon copied to my PCP, that the insurance company needs documentation of medically supervised weight loss. The only problem is that due to my family history my PCP will NOT give me a prescription for weight loss drugs and he hoenstly feels that at my weight, the drugs won't help much anyway. He is all for me having the surgery soI have to make an appointment and talk with him about the next letter he has to write. I am also going to have my chiropractor and my OB/GYN write letters as well. HOPEFULLY that will help!
It is slow but I feel hopeful, I am not letting myself get too hopeful though because the depression swing after being denied was HORRIBLE!
I had a massive panic attack last week and wasn't able to go to work, of course there were loads of things that triggered it but part of the problem was not being able to "find" anything to wear to school. Now I am a clothes horse, but I have very few clothes in the correct size so getting dressed is difficult. my sister keeps giving me the clothes she is growing out of and that is not helping my state of mind at this point.
I am going to have to go buy new pants and a few shirts in another LARGER size...I am so digusted!
Disgusted enough to eat almost a WHOLE bag of veggie chips in 2 days! this stinks!
On a positive note I start working on my masters degree at the end of the month. I will be done in 18 months. Hopefully by then I will be comfortable in my new body! I keep praying and all the church messages seem to be about being a witness to others and hopefully this is a way I can do that! I am trusting and working thru my negativity. I got a great devotional book from my secret pal at church that has had some TERRIFIC studies for me! It helps to read God's Promises every day!
tomorrow is a day off so the kids and i are going to play around the house since it is so cold!
I am so terrified of weighing over 300 pounds I am running out of hope on my own, so the Lord is having to fill my cup each day.
I am blessed with a husband that loves completely and regardless of my weight or mood.
OK...bed time and I have a story to read to a very sweet little girl who said "come on Momma, we need girl time" How can I resist that offer?
Blessings and peace,
~Nic
2/1/04
Happy February!
I am still waiting for a decision from my insurance company.
This past week I received a letter saying they needed copies of chart notes. I tried to call my PCP but of course they were already closed for the day. SO as I was standing there checking messages, I got a message from BTC saying they had sent me a letter about chart notes but to disregard it because my PCP had already sent them! WELL goodnes that was speedily done!
I am taking that to be a good sign!
I was surfing this site and my son was sitting with me and there was a photo of a woman who looked similar to me same hair style and color. SO my son says "oh she is pretty like you Momma!" the I hit the after picture and my SEVEN year old says "Holy crap she got skinny!" She really did! It cracked me up, I had tears running down my face. We did discuss his choice of words but still... too funny!
I was unfortunately forced to buy yet another size larger of work clothes. I will not be able to shop at Walmart anymore becasue their stuff doesn't fit me. That leaves Lane Bryant and Avenue and they never have stuff in my price range!
SO my approval has to come soon!
I am having some fights with my depression right now.I keep hearing "taste and see that the Lord is good". I am clining to that verse that the Lord will help me taste and see the difference in myself thru this surgery and counseling. I will have to start goign back to the counselor but I am thinking maybe BTC can help me find one that deals with food issues. I am sure that food is my "addiction" so I will fight with EAP to find a good doctor that deals with food addictions.
My current/old counsleor seemed to think everything was about my past, I already know THAT was messy! I need to focus on changing the habits that are affecting me now.
My sister is still doing well, I think she is in the middle of a plateau so she is feeling frusterated. (hang in there sissy!)
I am still praying for an April surgery!
Thanks for the prayers and thoughts!
I appreciate all the emails as well!
Blessings and peace are my wishes for you all,
~Nic
2-15-04
Hello!
I called my insurance company again last week and I am STILL in review! UGH!!! How long can it take them to decide???
I am still working my way thru the GRACE of God!
I am reading a really good book about dealing with anger as a Christian Mother (yes we do feel anger!)
My husband and I are going to counseling together, he was able to get a counselor thru his EAP clinic due to stress at work. Gee do they think the idea that the factory is closing would be stressful?? But what we didn't know is that it is a Christian Counseling Clinic! I believe in Divine Appointments so it is a good thing!
Due to my husband work situation and unsure of how long he will be working, I am going to change my mind on the dates I want to have surgery. I am now going to aim for the middle of May so that my pay won't be affected. (ONE HUGE benefit of being a teacher and choosing to stretch my pay is that during the summer I will get checks every other week! regardless of being on medical restrictions or not!) He was so sweet with this discussion, he didn't want me to think that he was not being suppotrive of the surgery but said he felt so much more relived about the later dates and the impact it will have on our finances. I did exlpain that if I did surgery then he would have to pick up a lot of slack with the kids since they would be home from school as well! YIKES!
Oh well, I just thought I would update this patiently now waiting, (NOW, I feel the Lord saying "be still and wait" ugh...)
Remind me NEVER to pray for patience again! LOL ;)
Blessings and peace,
~Nic
2-19-04
Happy Thursday!
I forgot to check the mail yesterday so I grabbed it this morning as I was on my way to work. Started opening letters and found one from my insurance company. I thought it was an EOB but instead it was MY APPROVAL LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SOOOO excited!
My kids were in the car and I am shouting and crying and they were both up out of their seats "whats wrong Momma???"
I didn't know what to say at that moment to them so I just said I was happy! LOL I WAS!!!!!!!
I also got in todays mail the precertification letter from my insurance and they have tentative date for surgery MARCH 1st???
uhmm...that is so not possible! LOL
I felt all the wind whoosh out of my balloon!
I teach and standardized test are the 3rd week in March and there is NO way my principal would have taken my medical leave lightly, so I spent all my free time on the phone and I am trying to set up my surgery for April 2nd!
I can not believe how peaceful I really feel. My sister kept saying aren't you nervous? I really am not! Excited?? YES!!
Nervous?? NO!!
I really feel that the timing was the Lord's and it is all according to His will for my life. Interestingly enough, this all happens AFTER my husband and I decide to start going to counseling for our marriage. our marriage is in good shape but we both are not where we want to be with our marriage and our mutal realtionship with the Lord so we are getting some help with that aspect of our lives and he, my hubby said that after the 1st appoinment we had, he felt like everything was finally clicking into place. I feel that way as well. I hope you are not thinking what a NUT! ANyway, just thought I would share my GOOD news today!!!
HOORAY!
thank you Lord for being faithful and supplying all my needs! I will be leaning even heavier on my faith during the next few months! I now that HE will meet our needs and bless us!
Nite!
~Nic
3-1-04!
I just spoke with Alma in scheduling and I HAVE A DATE FOR SURGERY!!!!!
MARCH 30th will be my "new anniversary date"!
I am very excited! Honestly not nervous...(yet)LOL!
I have to talk to my principal tomorrow about medical leave and I hope that goes smoothly!
I also have to talk to my college profesors, I am in a cohort group which meets every Tuesday for like 6 hours. I obviously will miss the 30th meeting and most likely the next one as well, I am going to ask if since this is surgery and not like vacation can they waive the each absence lowers your grade rule!
UGH...I forgot how much I really liked going to school and how important to me it is that I do very well. It isn't just me though, if I do not maintain a certain GPA I am out of the program!
Oh man! I am excited, trying to think of all that I need to get done first!
My sister is a big help as well as a friend from high school that we recently met again. They both have had the surgery and are just practically "oozing" support!
I think I am going to start going to support meetings at the hospital, my hubby can have some more "quality" time with the kids! LOL
He is seeing how hard it is sometimes to get them to bed, with my late class! Poor guy!
He is so wonderful though to me!
We were talking and his response was "what ever you need to do to be happy and healthy!" We have this deal that we should be married at least 60 years since we got married SO YOUNG! LOL so he just hugged me and said you still owe me 49 more years Nic so don't get any other ideas. I am very blessed to be married to my best friend! It truly was a miracle we met and married so why should anything else surprise me??
Gotta run and finish this reading before Cub Scouts!
Blessings,
~Nic
3-18-04
WOW! I can hardly believe I only have 12 more days until my surgery! It is becoming more and more real! I am working on getting everything ready for my sub! Which hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be. The idea of writing six weeks of lesson plans did NOT thrill me at all but I have been blessed with a calmness that can ONLY come from the LORD!
My husband had my name added to our church's prayer list. He just put my surgery date on it but not the type of surgery. I am always amazed at people reactions to Gastric Bypass. One lady who is very sweet came up and asked me what was wrong and why I had to have surgery. When I told her what I was having done you could literally see the emotions change in her face. I guess some people don't think WLS is necessary but rather think of it as cosmetic.
I am being supported by my family and co-workers as well as the March 2004 support group here.
I was saddend to hear of Jewel's passing. Please pray for her family.
I am talking to my children about going to the hospital, I don't want them to be scared but I believe in telling them the truth. My son is much more aware than my daughter obviously, they both remember seeing my sister's recovery! So hopefully they will be OK with me being gone for a few days and taking it easy on me for a week or two!
My P.A.T is next Tuesday!
WIsh me luck!
Blessings and peace,
~Nic
4-2-04
hello from the other side!
My surgery was tuesday March 30. I am home and feeling pretty good all in all. Still taking the pain medicine about every 8 hours though. Pain is very minimum.
My surgery went very well, except my gall bladder had to be removed, the surgeon found 5 gall stones and massive amounts of scar tissue in and around it. he said he was amazed I didn't have massive pain from that. hmm...THANK YOU LORD for sparing me that!
Due to my badly damaged gall bladder my surgery lasted about an hour longer than it should have which didn't bother me (I was sleeping!) but DID bother my family in the waiting room.
While in the hopsital my back decided now would be a fine time to act up, I suffered thru some very painful back spasms. The staff at the hosiptal was very nice always bringing my ice chips and ice packs for my back, then a heating pad that was really cool but it took like 2 hours to get it (my real only complaint).
I was really comforted by my husband reading to me out of a really cool devotional book my secret pal at church sent. It was all about healing! Some very beautiful things there that were just what I needed to hear!
I can't tell you how good it was to brush my teeth and take a shower!
The hospital wasn't very busy so that was nice as well. I made a new friend we did some walking together at 2am and our 2 week appointment is scheduled for the same day so that is nice!
I was very impressed with the number of BTC staff that had had the surgery. I think that added a step up to their care becasue they could really remember what it was like ya know?
God belssed me each day with phone calls from people sying they were praying for my family! What a blessing that is to hear!
Thanks Melissa for the call! Sorry I was sleeping (well, in that my eyes were open but my brain was turned off mode).
I missed my children terribly and that was the worst. Some one brought in a 2 year old girl I could hear in the hallway. I just cried an cried. My kids made me letters and cards! That were very sweet in their 7 & 3 year old writings! Of course that made me cry! LOL
talking to them on the phone ... cry... LOL
Seeing them today for the first time since Tuesday morning6:00am...BIG CRY! LOL I am not leaving my children like that again!It is to hard on this momma's heart!
I was floored by the fluid weight gain while I was in the hospital...12 pounds UGH! My feet looked like they would explode, my slippers WERE TIGHT!
Anyway I am home and drinking water, broth and more water and broth! I am going to send hubby to the store for some sugar free popsicles tomorrow.
Blessings and Peace,
~Nic
4-10-04
Hello!
I am slowly coming out of this depression that has hit me like a ton of bricks. I figured it would hit but I was hoping it wouldn't be this soon. Depression is a constant fight for me. I love my chemical makeup! A friend emailed me a nicely written article about hibernation and how our bodies think we are in a famine so they naturally depress us to conserve energy, which totally makes sense but then WHAT was my reason before (grin) oh yea...that chemical makeup!
I am moving very well these days and those steri strips are coming off slowly. I don't want the doctor to have to pull them off so I admit to helping them unstick a tad in the shower.
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday!
We did the Resurrection Eggs with the kids today! I love doing that with them! My 3 year old daughter has the story down pat...Jesus loved Isabella big much and then died but now he lives in Heaven!
It always amazes me how little children see things so clearly that we as adults often try so hard to mess up!
I am having a lovely Potato Soup that came out of my BTC cookbook.My mom is making it so I don't even have to cook! How sweet is that!
Well, just kind of checking in and trying to keep this current I know how much I read others journals ahead of me to see what to expect!
Happy Easter!
May the Lord continue to bless us!
~Nic
4-22-04
Hello again!
I am really starting to feel good! I am walking up to my daughter's school to pick her up in the afternoon. Its about 1/2 mile there and back so I walk at least a mile each day.
I have lost 33 pounds now in just over three weeks! I got my hair cut yesterday and the lady said I have some hair loss....ugh...so I have to be vigilant about the vitamins and protein! I am starting to see a differenec in how my clothes fit. The jeans that were TIGHT 26's are now very loose, not to the point they won't stay up but very loose in the butt and legs and belly! I went to school yesterday for the Laotian New Year celebration and saw all my kids, it was nice but I am not ready to go back to school. One of the kids gave me a hug and said you got skinnier Mrs.A! HOW GREAT was that to hear...they don't know what I had surgery for so that was nice! Someitmes I think other people that know about the surgery really feel the need to say how great you look all the time...
I am still LOVING the book on helaing it is an awsome 5 mintue devotinoal book I HIGHLY reccomend it!
My husband and I are feeling our way thru this time of changes. He is really leaning on the Lord now with trouble with his job (the factory is closing by fall). So we talk alot about the promises God makes in His word and how we need to believe that He will sustain us! It is a good time for all of us!
I hope you all are well!
Blessings and peace,
~Nic
5-1-04
Happy May Day!
The past month has been hard as well as good!
I have now lost 37 pounds and have gone from size 26 to size 22. But the emotional healing is slower than the physical healing.
I still miss food as my friend!
Some good news is I have joined a small gym near my house and go every day. I walk on the treadmill and ride teh recumbent bike. I am up to 10 miles on the bike and about 2 miles on the treadmill. I have found it to be a reason to get out of the house. I was struggling for about a week and half with some deep depression that is still hanging on but the exercise is helping greatly! I went to our school staff's spring fling and THAT was very difficult watching everyone else eat lasagna, steak...ugh... But I sipped away at my minestrone soup and even had a spoonful of rainbow sherbert ice cream. It was very good!
I have thrown up 3x so far. Each time it has been when I ate on bite too much and that one bite has to come back up! But after that I feel much better. I have to get better at eyeballing the food if I can't measure it out!
I hope you all are well!
Blessings!
~Nic
May 30, 2004
Hello!
It has been two months since my surgery and I am doing well!
So far I have lost 52/53 pounds.
I am down from size 26 (TIGHT) to a size 18/20 in pants and XL in shirts!
I have went back to work and that has made me EXHAUSTED! Everyone is so complimentary to me!
But sometimes the comments make me feel odd.Obviously I wanted to look better but it was not my top priority~ ya know...getting off my CPAP machine, fitting into the seats at the movies, were higher on my list. LOL that sounds horrible but it really was true!
I am eating fairly well now, I still over eat like one bite and that still causes me to throw up, evidently I am a slow learner!
This past week I had some kind of strange stomach bug thatwas causing everything I ate to become SEVERE diarrhea. I called the hopsital and they didn't seem to really believe I hadn't eaten anything high fat, tehy seemed to think it was dumping but does dumping last from tuesday thru saturday? GOSH if it does I am never eating anything high fat again, not that I did to start with but that would put me off for SURE! Anyway it helped me move off a plateau I was stuck for at for about 2 1/2 weeks!
I can't wait for school for end!
I have much more energy than I have in a very long time!
HERE is MY BRAG SECTION!
* My wedding rings FIT AGAIN!!!!!
* I have room left on the car seat belt
* I can cross my legs without one sliding off
* I can go to the movies and fit into the seat comfortably
* I can go to OLD NAVY and buy a size 18 skirt and IT FITS!
* I had to buy a smaller SHOE size cause the others were falling off my feet!
Thanks for all the supportive emails!
HUGS!
~Nic
6-20-04
Hello!
Summer has started and the 2003-2004 school year is over. I am waiting for my principal to call and tell me what grade level I am going to teach next year! It is giving me some stress.
I have found that if I have to eat and do other things during the meal, I will get sick, I am not sure if it is not chewing well enough or just the stress of it!
I am doing well on the weight loss down about 62 pounds in less than 3 months. My goal was 63 pounds by 3 months so it looks like I will make that!
I am noticing that I have to work out harder to break a sweat and keep my heart rate up now that I have lost 62 pounds. When I first started working out I would be on the treadmill about a minute before I was sweating! Last night I ran for about 5 minutes before I got my heart rate up to even 100 and was not dripping sweat! VERY NICE LOL!
I am losing inches in my legs from all the running and riding the bike so my clothes look MILES too big in the legs!
I am solidly into size 18 pants and can wear 14/16 shirts now!
I am noticing now tho that everyone's size 18 is just a tad different so some store I can wear 16's and other the 18's are TIGHT! LOL! I have a ton of 18 jeans that my mom is going ot cut off into shorts since my 20 are riding pretty low on my hips!
My husband had made some really sweet comments lately! the poor guy has been working 60+ hours a week and I have been hit with the PMS monster since my surgery! Anyone else have this kind of EVIL hormone swing with their cycles since surgery?
My rings are all getting loose and I have lost 2 inches in my neck! LOL
Life is good, my inlaws are coming into town for a few weeks!
We are all excited about their visit!
Hopefully I can continue to loose while they are here. My MIL wasn't very keen on the idea of surgery but my FIL is FULL of questions about it! I understand it is not the tool for everyone but for me it was the tool to my health!
I thank God every day that I was able to have this procedure done and have had such good results with it!
Blessings!
~nic
7/3/04
Happy July!
I am now three months post op and I can't tell you how much better I feel!
I just had my 3month visit and according to the DOC's scale I have lost 65 pounds!
Of course after my visit I ate something that didn't agree with me and spent the next three days about 10 steps from the bathroom and now have lost 69 pounds...UGH I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!
I am thrilled with the energy I have. I can actually jump on trampoline with my kids! I can ride a bike again with out PAIN in my BUTT! LOL
I can cross my legs both ways!
I sleep better, I have less back trouble, my feet don't hurt all the time.
I JUST PLAIN FEEL BETTER!
I feel more comfortable with my husband's affection as well, when I didn't like myself I couldn't understand why he did ya know??
Anyway life is going pretty good!
I am doing alot more this summer than last summer and that is good for my kids!
thanks for the prayers and blessings!
~nic
7-13-04
Hello!
We just got a new dog. A wonderfully sweet black lab who was abandonded at a local campground. Why anyone would leave this big girl I haven't a clue. She is MELLOW which is nice in this house!LOL
I have now lost 71 pounds and working out hard is a great way to relieve stress for me! I actually jogged for about 20 mintues tonight and THEN came home and mowed the yard!
Man 70 pounds ago that would NEVER have happened!
I am taking a class for my Master's degree this month that is called TeachingNatural Science in the Outdoors. It requires being outdoors two days a week for four weeks and it is REALLY cool so far!Again NOT something that would have happened 70 pounds ago!
If you are pre-op and thinking this thru and want to email feel free!
Blessings!
~Nic
8-1-04
Well, four months have come and gone.
I am down 79 pounds and 39.5 inches right on track to loose 100 pounds in 6 months. I am in 18's and 16's in clothing. Interestingly, I have not lost much in the bust so my 16 tops look TIGHT across the bust...YIKES! LOL
I have lost my desire to exercise this week. I am fighting some depression and it is teetering on maybe pretty bad right now. Not sure why tho.
I just bought a new devotional book at Sam's Club, it kind of jumped off the shelf at me so maybe that is what is worng I need to dig deeper into God's word.
Our church has hired a new Pastor, we are very excited!
Life here is busy with my Master's classes, the two kiddos and the two dogs.
We try to walk each day about 2 miles as a family and MY wonderful Hubby bought me a bike today. Our garage was broken into a year ago and they stole ONE of my bike wheels, Hubby had taken it off to replace the tire and I guess they didn't want the whole bike with the child seat and all that on the back it would have cost Over $59 to replace the tire and he found a new bike for $65 at Walmart so that was really sweet!
We now can do family bike rides! I am excited about that!
School starts in three weeks and I am nervous about switching to Kindergarten. I think actually after writing that and thinking for a moment I am not fighting depression but anxiety about the new job! hmm...need to pray harder for peace I guess.
Oh well, I am very glad that I had this surgery, the confidence I have now is much more real not the "fake it til you make it" stuff but REAL, I am a valuable person who has ideas and IDEAL that are workable and expectations that are high.
Keep hanging in there if you are fighting insurance. It IS worth it!
Blessings,
~Nic
8-31-04
Happy 5 months!
I now weigh 200 pounds! I am working like crazy to get rid of 1 stinking pound ugh...it is sticking like crazy this one!
I am now into size 16 and some 14 pants and size L and XL shirts.
I got my hair cut short right before school started adn have heard lots of compliments on the WHOLE NEW ME!
WOOHOO!
At school we are having new windows put in and I have to say I am enjoying being flirted with by a few of the window guys! LOL
I always tell my husband and he just smiles and says I always new you were beautiful, you didn't need to loose weight for me! WHICH is the best compliment ever!
Male attention is DIFFERENT!
I found a really nice thrift store sale and bought a bunch of stuff for $1 a piece!
My health is much better!
I am teaching kindergarten now and I know there is NO way I could do it at nealry 300 pounds!
THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME THIS TOOL!
I pray to use it wisely and always be thankful!
Blessings~
~Nic
9-15-04
100 pounds GONE!!!!!
I am so thrilled!
I had a goal to loose 100 pounds by my 6 month anniversary and I MADE IT!!!
I am THRILLED!
Of course all the clothing I bought in size 16 at the thrift store are now starting to be BIG! I just kind of dropped a size all the sudden!
I am smaller now size wise than I have ever been since my husband has known me...we have known each other for 17 years! LOL
Poor guy is having a really hard time with work lately and we are struggling with our relationship because of it!
I would accept all prayers for us.
Thanks!
Keep working hard everyone!
HUGS!
Blessings!
~NIC
10-4-04
6 MONTH update!
I am now six months post op and doing very well!
I started at 291 pounds
Currently ...185 pounds
I have lost 59 inches from my body.
I started at size 26
Currently... size 12/14
I am so very thankful that I was able to have this surgery. My life is very different now from where it was last year. I am a much more confident person, because people take me much more seriously now at a more normal weight. I guess I had become used to the "fat person" treatment.
Buying clothing is SOOOO much fun but I am fighting my head when I look at clothing, it goes like this... "oh this is cute...what size is this...12 NO WAY WILL THAT FIT my butt" take it inot the dressing room with a size 14 and probably if I am being honest a 16. Try the biggest on first cause the smaller ones look child sized to me. The 16 will swim, the 14 will fit but be too big in the legs and butt the 12 will be tight in the hips but still be big in the legs.
I am learning to just look at the tag and say ok...a 14 should fit so I 'll try it on! LOL :)
It is frusterating at times to hear people say WOW you aren't going to loose anymore weight are you? I think people think it is a game or somekind of compliment.
I don't understand how my body is changing, how can i possibly be 185 pounds and fit into a size 12? My measurements are crazy too.
I wore my husband's 34 waist button fly jeans yesterday They fit GREAT! LOL
I did get a new tattoo recently, I now have a butterfly on my right breast it looks GREAT!
I love body art!
OK all 6 months down the rest of my life to go!
WOOHOO!
Blessings,
~NiC
10-30-04
SEVEN MONTHS POST-OP!
I have now lost 112 pounds and weigh 179 pounds! this month most of which was spent on a plateau which STINKS!!!
My husband has been out of town training for work and I am missing him! We are really working on making our relationship a priority. We let that slide and suffered because of it. I would recommend everyone take stock in what they want and need from their spouse about every three months so you don't loose who you are and what it is that you need from your spouse to maintain your relationship. IT IS WORTH IT!
I am into a size 12 misses solidly and size 13 juniors now and that is LOADS of fun! I went shopping with a friend and went inot all those little "trendy" shops at the mall and was able to try stuff on and laugh about how ridiculous some of the styles are right now...some of that DOESN"T LOOK GOOD ON ANYONE lets be honest! :)
anyway, my head is starting to catch up with my body a bit more, I can look in the mirror and see the weight loss but of course now I see skin and major wrinkles from it!
But in my clothing I look pretty good, it has taken me a long time to say that.
I am very lucky to have some very supportive friends at school and at home that remind me to take good care of myself.
Hope you all are well and encouraged!
regardless of where you are in this journey it is so worth it and please talk to as many people you can about their experiences. Just so you know you are normal when you think you are crazy! LOL
Blesings,
NIC
12-6-04
8 months post op!
start weight 291
current weight 174
The weight loss is slowing down!
Which is frusterating to some degree. I eat very well most of the time but since my husband is out of town about 1/2 the month, I am not able to go to the gym since my kids won't stay in the babysitting room! UGH!!!
We are discussing joining the Y so I can take my kiddos into the childcare room that has staff. I think that after my husband is layed off it will be good for him to have something to go and do to get out of the house. He suffers from depresison as well so the idea of being in the house all the time being MR.Mom, isn't sitting well with him!
I know I have to get the exercise up to get the rest of this weight off.
I only have 29 more pounds til I will be at my goal weight! I am at my goal size right now!
I can wear 10's and 12's and like the way I look in my clothes. I still have MAJOR issues with FAT DAYS! Y aknow those days where you look in the mirro and canNOT see any difference at all.
On those days I try to do complete liquids and super high protein knowing that that will help with my weightloss! Rather than hiding myself in a bag of chips or cookies!
Anyway, life is going pretty good, I am working thru some stuff emotionally. I have discovered when you take away the symptom and start dealing with the actual problem it is REALLY HARD!
But, I have to figure out what it is that I need and how to make my needs/wants clear to those who love me.
Does that make any sense??
I pray alot for guidance but semm to be praying and then not liking what I see as signs and then praying some more as if God's way isn't clear! Some times I wonder why HE (the Lord) puts up with me and loves me even though HE knew the choices I would make and the mistakes as well.
Good thing for GRACE and MERCY!
I just read thru my entire journal here and was shocked to see that it has been nearly a year!
WOW! Thank God for the changes that have happened in a year!
Blessings,
Nic
12-23-04
May you have a Blessed Christmas and New year!
Hello!
My sister had her plastics surgery this past week and I finally got to see her today to celebrate her birthday!
She looks rough and feels pretty rough but she just had surgery ya know? She had her tummy tuck/hernia repair and her arms done!
I saw some of her tummy tuck incision and it looks FABULOUS!
Hang in there SISSY! You will be better than Barbie soon!
I love you!
Life here is crazy, my Husbands job is now going ot last until at least March the factory was scheduled to close last week! We are glad but not all at the same time! I guess we just trust in the Lord's provisons!
The weight loss has slowed tremendously. I have only lost 2 pounds this whole month!
I am trying to re-work some goals that are managable. I hate to not make a goal and this will be the second month I will not make my weight loss goals, so I am going to rethink them! Isn't that funny! If I don't make the goal I will change/lower the bar to meet them!
Only I don't see it as lowering anything just adujsting so that my body can keep up, obviously I know I am not going ot loose 12 pounds a month anymore!
I would realistically settle for 5 a month.
There are so many things that are a WORLD of difference this year than last year.
LAST YEAR
*I could not tie my hsoes without heavy breathing
*I could not sit in my car seat with my arms on the arm rests.
* I could not walk to my parents house without major effor they live less than a mile away.
* I could not believe anyone loved me because I honestly couldn't love myself.
* ididn't want a family photo because I didn't want to be in it!
THIS YEAR THO!!!
* I love tying my shoes and having them tied so that they actually FIT my feet!
* I have room left in my car seat around my hips!
* I believe my husband loves me and I love him.
* We have had 2 family photos taken this year and will have one of just my immediate family taken tomorrow!
* I can run/jog a mile without needing CPR or oxygen! LOL
I had my bloodwork done and found out that the doctors office didn't do the CBC so I had to go back and have blood drawn again. My FOUR YEAR OLD hates going with me, so I waited til my hubby was home and could keep her, SHE cries and carries on when I have to get a SHOT! She is so sweet! This time tho she complained cause I didn't get a "preddie ban day!" so she PULLED off the ugly one and gave me a care bears one! HOW CAN THAT NOT MAKE YA FEEL BETTER???
I had a WLS success moment!
My kids both have loft beds cause their rooms are small, anyway I would NEVER climb up into their beds because I was afraid of falling or getting stuck but the other night my daughter had a bad dream and didn't want to sleep in my bed (THANK YOU LORD!!!!)
so I climbed up in her bed without even thinking about and slept with her. My son came in and pitched a fit cause I slept with her and not with him so the next night i had to sleep in his bed with him! Moments like this were VERY MUCH WORTH ALL THE $$, all the pain, the recovery time EVERYTHING!
SLeeping with my kiddos after bad dreams without worry...PRICELESS!
May the Lord continue to bless us righcly in 2005!
Hugs,
NIC
2-18-05
WOW! It has been a ong time since I have updated this!
I am currently weighing in at 165 pounds with 20 more to my own goal weight. I am in size8-10 pants and mostly medium shirts.
I have although been stuck at this weight for about a month.
I play with the same 3-4 pounds.
I joined the gym and go 4-5 times a week so I haven't expected to loose much weight wise figuring I am gaining muscle mass but really did expect to loose inches, and I did...from my BUST and my neck???
GREAT! LOL
oh well it is something.
I am fighting depression again right now something fierce and am hoping the exercise will help that.
Life is semi-normal! LOL
I am going back to school again this smester to finish up my masters degree and working on the research part of my comps project is stressing me out BIG TIME!!!! So of course I stress eat and then feel guilty and then fell pathetic...lovely cycle.
I wonder how long that will last in my brain>
I wonder if there is ever a point that you stop feeling like everything you do wrong will be the ultimate sabotage to the weight loss?
I wonder when you stop having that fear when you open your eyes in the morning that this has all been a dream and when you step on the scale you will still weigh 300 pounds????
just a few questions I have had...If you have any nsight email me please I would to hear it!
OK...
I gotta go pick up my kids from gym class...yes I am doing this form work! (shhh...don't tell! LOL)
Blessings and Peace,
NIC
March 31,2005
Happy Anniversary to me!
Yesterday was my actually anniversary but I went for my year follow up today!
According to the doctor's scale I have lost 124 pounds which is 84% of my excess weight, but the Doctor and I talked about if I am happy at this weight then I should maintain my weight.
I am still anemic but the iron is KILLING my stomach ugh!
So I am going to try taking prenatal vitamins for the extra iron if that doesn't help then I will get a prescription for iron. I am also low on B-12 soI am getting injections for a few months until that is back where it needs to be. The low B-12 has been casuing some dizziness (no COMMENTS from the peanut gallery please :) and I am glad to have an answer for that!
I am not the best at taking the vitamins everyday so this is my own causing!
If I could give you one piece of advice it would be BE CONSISTENT with your VITAMINS!!!!
I am thrilled with my life these days.
Playing with my kids much more, feeling energy, feeling like life is fun again!
I am so very grateful that God has given me this chance to change and better myself.
It has not been an easy year but one that I would repeat to be at this point and the future is as always bright with my love and hopes for my family, I know feel like I will be around and a part of thier lives rather than watching from the sidelines!
Blessings and peace,
NIC
6/2/05
I have survived my first year of teaching Kindergarten! THAT would not have happened at 300 pounds!
I am still right around 161 pounds. Not sure if this is it for me.I am going to start a new gym routine for the summer so hopefully that will help me get rid of 10 more pounds.
I am doing better with the B-12, but still struggling with the iron@@
Those darn pills make my stomach revolt just by shaking the bottle!
I am going to try taking magnesium with the iron and see if that plus an added fiber type drink will help!
I am consistently a size 8 now. I have sizes 10 and 12 in the closet for those water retaining days tho! LOL
I am very very pleased with my results and am very blessed to have had this surgery.
I have had a few really HORRENDOUS eating days where it was all I did to not eat the kitchen sink!
TODAY was one of those days!
I ate a 6 inch sub all the meat, the veggies and MOST fo the bread...I couldn't believe it, neither could my friend! LOL Of course all the rest of the day I felt very full and disgusting.
I worked it off moving my classroom into boxes for the summer and hauling them all over!
Some people are making comments that are not so nice. I wonder if they are trying to be funny in a round about way or if they don't realize how hurtful their comments are???
The secretary at school said they were talking about how I have an eating disorder now cause no one ever sees me eat????
uhm...ok...I eat lunch at school everyday and usually a snack too! I HATE that my feelings are still so tender. I think I am afraid to be thin and letting these stupid comments bother me and send me running to my "drug" of choice ... FOOD!
The tool fixes the size of your stomach, YOU must deal with your food demons, thru prayer, a good shrink or BOTH! LOL
I hope you are all healthy and feel as blessed as I do!
May the Lord continue to richly bless us!
blessings,
Nic
6-24-05
Summer has started and its HOT!
I can not imagine doing this at 300 pounds.
My life is comfortable. I really feel comfortable in my body now.The head issues are still a pain the the REAR! ButI am comfortable with how I look and while I would love to loose 10 more pounds and be at an ideal weight, I am not going to stress about it.
I also was the person who didn't care much about the scale it was more the number on the tag in my jeans!
I kind of forgot that and became FIXATED with the darn scale.
WELL NO MORE!
I am happy at this size and no one believes I weigh as much as I do anyway they all think I am lying why would I lie????
oh well!
I am going to enjoy my summer and enjoy being able to ride my bike, hike with my kids, play in the sprinkler and not be so out of breath I can't enjoy it!
Life is good.
God is good and I am blessed!
take the time to count YOUR blessings today!
much love,
Nic
8-3-05
Happy August!
start weight 291
current weight 165 (ish)
School starts in about 3 weeks!
:::cries:::
I will have a 4th grader adn a Kindergartener!
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?????
This summer has been GREAT!!!
I finished my Master's Program and can't wait for my raise!
I am still hoovering around 165 ish pounds... give or take a couple depending on the time of the month, water and all that!
Size 6,8,10 or 12 depedning on WHAT and who made it! Mostly 8-10. THIS was really my goal when I had surgery. The scale wasn't the biggest thing the clothing size was more important. BUT...
according to my BMI I am still overweight so I am working on a monthly goal type system to loose about 15 more pounds which will give me a NORMAL BMI! If I said I have never been normal in mylife some of you wouldn't be surprised AT ALL! LOL
ANYWAY, I will be teaching Kindergarten again this fall and I am looking forward to it!
I bought/my mom bought some clothes over the summer so everything in my closet now actually fits, only a few really big t-shirts left for the gym and my BIGGEST jeans that Ioccasionally slip on are left from the "OLD ME!"
I saw some pictures from last summer's classes and we were talking about it and my girlfriend said I can't remember you THAT big...uhm...THAT was AFTER surgery, THAT was when I was LOOSING weight already!
SHE just stared at me!
It was an interesting conversation to say the least.
happy AUGUST!
blessings!
Nic
12-14-05
WOW!
It has been such a long time!
Life here is busy as usual and Kindergarten is still fun most days!
I am fighting some major depression and anxiety so I am taking medication again, which doesn't make me too happy but it iw better than feeling the way i was!
My weight went up while I ws in the PITS, and I have lost 6 pounds. So I am hovering right around 165 these days.
I have decided to really try to get to 150 before my 2 years is up so that gives me about 3 and 1/2 months to get there!
I would really like to have a normal BMI!
Plastic Surgery is harder to get than I thought, the doc's office has dropped the ball and never sent in my photos and now my insurance is changing so I am just waiting til the new insurance kicks in and will try again with them!
May your CHristmas Season be filled with the joy that the Lord sends to each of us!
Blessings and Peace,
Nic
1-4-06
WOW! Happy 2006!
I hope this year brings us all peace, happiness and fullfillment!
We got some exciting news my sister in law is getting married in the summer so we are saving up to go to England for the wedding. That will be so much fun. My children have not been and havenot met nearly 1/2 of their family so they are talking about going to England and going to Nan and Grandad's house and playing with this cousin and that cousin. If you have any extra $$ laying around we will accept any and all donations to the vacation fund! :)
I am working on loosing 10 pounds before my 2 year appointment.
I have to find a way to get to the gym but it is hard with my hubby working nights, I hate leaving the kids in the daycare room for an hour and a half each night.Maybe a Friday, Saturday, Sunday and then a Monday morning thing will work we will have to try it out! Four days aweek is better than nothing!
I FINALLY got my denial letter from my insurance for plastic surgery. I love the line that says, "while removal of excess skin would be beneficial to the patient it is not necessary"... oh well I have a new insurance company now so I will try again with them and see what happens. If I get denied again I will wait til the next year and have my arms done with my flex $$. Then I guess I will save up $$ for the tummy tuck.
My mental health is leveling out with the new medication. That is nice to not feel like I am going completely crazy! Slightly crazy is a plus but stark raving LOONY is not such a nice feeling! Do not let yourself feel this way , if you are struggling talk to your doctor!
Life is good Enjoy it!
The Lord provides everything in HIS own time and way, trust in Him!
Blessings and Peace,
Nic
7/2/06
OH my how times flies!
I am such a bad updater these days!
I will say we have been extremely busy tho!
my school year was crazy and pushed me to the limits of myself! Who would have thought 23 kindergarteners could do that to ya but is it true!!!!!
My school year ended on May 22 (which was my 13 wedding anniversary by the way!)
My family (hubby and the 2 kiddos) flew to England and spent the next 3 weeks there!! It was fabulous! I didn't worry about the plane seats, fitting thru the aisles, the bathrooms were not a problem either! We had a wonderful time. We were able to meet all of my husbands brothers and sisters and all their new spouses! Hubby hasn't been "home" since 1995, so things have defintely changed since then! the kids loved it and can't wait to go back! I did have a scare while we were there. I got very sick and ended up at the doctor's office. I will just tell you I will NEVER complain about my DOCTOR AGAIN! the doctor there was very nice and really wanted to help me but just had NO CLUE about the RNY procedure. I ended up with a diagnosis of basically"stomach flu". Which consisted of vomitting for 3 days and diarrehea for the next 3 weeks! IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!
Of course on the upside I lost back to my lowest weight ever 161 and have only gained back 3-4 pounds since we have been home. I am starting a new gym rotation for the summer now that we are home and my bowels are normal@@
My hubby has a new job that is only 3 days a week for the smae pay he was getting for 5 days a week and IT IS ON DAYS!!!!!!! woohoo!!! we have been on opposite shifts for almost 3 years so we are ready to be a same shift family!
Both kids are playing baseball this year which is lots of fun to watch but can be tough to schedule and both told me today they want to play soccer this fall...uhm can we get a driver too for mom?????
Anyway, life as a post-op is still fairly normal. I watch the isze of my portions and try to eat small meals thru the day to cut down on the grazing I would do if I allowed myself too! I am still toying with the idea of loosing 10 more pounds to have a totally normal ranged BMI. Maybe this new gym thing will help me feel better and give me a kick start who knows! I enjoy my family so much more, I am able to do sill y stuff like race my 5 year old to the car down a hill today, suggest a walk once the heat of the day was over. They enjoy having me DO things with them not just watching and cheering from the sidelines. I also have noticed looking back at vacation photos that I put myself into the pictures more now. I want to be included in the memories not just the camera holder ya know??
Life is short enjoy it!!
Many blessings to ya!
Nic
291/164/154???? maybe someday...maybe not! :)
