Revision to the Sleeve

Feb 18, 2013

So I am going to revise to the sleeve. I am unsure how I feel about this new step in my life. The Insurance feels like my band is a failure because I lost my original 80 pounds from day of surgery and stopped. It does not matter that I have lost 120 from my highest weight. Yes I still get sick with my band. I am still exhausted from lack of food I stay around 900 or below calories. I thought I was getting 1000 to 1200 but once I started writing it down I was getting only around 850. I have tried to increase it but it is hard to eat more and not throw up. I still get dizzy and tired. Most days I can barely keep my eyes open unless I take my Phenteramine. I am a little worried about the complications but know that I must move forward.

I swear if anyone ever tells me the WLS is the easy way out I will slap them across the face. It is far harder to take the path that we have chosen. We may lose the weight and keep it off but with that fabulous prize you must carry several bags of luggage, adding a new one from time to time. Sometimes the load gets so heavy but there is no one there to help you. We can talk it out with each other and with those who have no clue but in the end we are alone. Food may no longer but our best friend but it continues to control our lives whether we know it or not. Instead of shoveling it in we are counting it, weighing eat, trying to eat more of it, or a little less of it. We may not love it in fact I have begun to hate it. I hate that I have to eat, I hate that no matter what I do my body will not allow me to lose the last of my weight. I hate that I will now be on my FOURTH W.L.S. Really I have had to have 3 and now I will be on my fourth and I am still not where everyone wants me to be. I am okay with how little or big I am I just wanted the skin cut off.

I never wanted to be a supermodel I just wanted to be healthy and have enough energy to run after my kiddos. I love being a Mom more than anything else in the world. I love my children more than anyone in this world. As I always tell my little man the only one I love more is God and Jesus then he adds the holy spirit. He is my first miracle and his sister is my second miracle. I am so happy to be their mom I am truly blessed.

Hopefully my approval will come through soon so I can get this show on the road.

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