One year!

Jun 19, 2009

So much has changed in one year.  I feel like a new person, kinda.  I am able to do so much more than I use to.  I am walking/jogging 2 miles a day and biking 3 miles a day.  I lift weights 5 days a week and I love it!  I just love it! 

When I think back to why I had this surgery I think of what a difference I wanted to make in my daughters life.  It has really become so much more than that.  I have learned how to take care of me and in the process I think I am learning and beginning to like me.  That sounds so insane to say, but I don't think it is.  I have learned to listen to what my body is telling me and I have learned what makes me feel better. 

I struggle still with wanting to eat things that I know I should not have, but over all I am doing great.  I have lost so much weight that I can't believe it is me when I look in the mirror.  Literally.  I am seeking counceling for that issue.  I have a hard time seeing myself or even looking at myself for that matter.  I cannot explain it really because I know in my head that I have lost 147 pounds but in my heart I still see that fat girl looking back at myself.  My brain often tells me that I am still that fat girl that people stare at and my brain tells me that I am going to gain it all back.

When I struggle with those thoughts I remind myself of how far I can walk and how far I can bike and that I don't fall asleep in my chair at 8 every night.  I love the new me.  I am working on that part of me that still does not accept me, but over all I absolutely love the new me.

Having weight loss surgery saved my life.  I have gone from 341 pounds to 194 pounds.  WOW.  Under 200!  Not since middle school, maybe even 5th grade!  AMAZING!

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