cynsirk
Where has the time gone!! Today is July 11, 2007. I celebrated my 37th birthday last week on the 6th. I feel great and am maintaining a 120 pound weight loss. My goal and biggest struggle is to exercise. The desire to do so simply does not exist!! I am motivated though because I know I am capable of doing the right thing for my health. Surviving this surgery and making it a lifestyle change proved that to me!! Good luck to all those new patients who are just embarking on this amazing journey.
This is my one piece of advice...WLS is not brain surgery...whatever you are eating over still remains after you have your stomach size reduced. While you may not want food for quite a while post surgery, the appetite does return and so do habits. Celebrate the time that WLS gives you to withdraw from those toxins and habits...and work hard to live a changed lifestyle, one that includes moderate eating with protein first and exercise. God bless you all.
It's been a long while since I posted. Today is Dec 27, 2006. Christmas was ok. It's so nice to enjoy a wonderful meal with family and not feel sick afterwards because I ate so much. I felt great after dinner while everyone else felt sick and bloated. I'm down to 247 slowly still losing. I could be losing more, but I lack the motivation to exercise. My food intake is still normal, I am very pleased with the surgery. I'm wearing 18 pants and XL or 16 tops. My goal is to wear a size 16 pants.
Today is September 27, 2006. Life is still pretty good, enough energy to do great things with family and friends! I find myself frustrated that I still am in a plateau at around 250. But I remind myself that I have lost 110 pounds. I pay close attention to what I eat and try to exercise regularly. I want to lost another 50 pounds.
Today is Saturday August 5th. AAAHHHH, there's my century club card, something I never thought I'd see before having this surgery. Losing 100 pounds seemed like an insurmountable task, but it can happen! I'm so happy and thankful for this website also!
My Century Club card should be up any day now.....I want that card!!!
Today is August 1, 2006. I weigh 254 pounds and wear a size 18/20. Life is good. I am participating in so many activities that I used to avoid due to my weight. My weight loss definitely has slowed down and I must exercise to tone up my muscles. This surgery is a tool, like any tool it just lays there until someone picks it up and uses it with their own will and effort. I want to continue to get the most out of my life and live the life that God planned for me. I learned a lot about myself at 360 pounds and I had to go through the valley before I reached the mountain top. I have a personal goal to fit into a size 14. I may never reach "onederland" because I am a large person to start with. But I do have a dream of one day reaching 200 pounds.
Today is July 17th and I have lost 100 pounds. Life is great, I am enjoying my summer and all the new fashions that I can wear at a size 18 (from a 28). Just booked a 9 day cruise to the Carribean in October...I am very excited about that!!
Today is June 27th and I just returned from a week in Los Angeles. This work trip met a huge personal goal for me...air travel. I had stopped flying on planes due to my weight about 5 years ago after a traumatic and shameful experience on Southwest. I had purchased two seats so as not to cause other passengers any discomfort but since the flight was 100% booked, the flight attendants made a big deal about the empty seat and I was forced to explain that both seats were mine due to my weight. I decided at that point to never fly again. This past week, I flew very comfortably on the long flight from DC to LA. I'm so grateful for this surgery, it has given me back the life I so longed for, freedom from the bondage of shame and guilt over my food intake. I have lost 105 pounds so far and am very happy and healthy as a result.
Today is May 3rd and I find myself posting fewer and fewer comments. Life is going very well...because I am out there living it. I'm hovering at almost 100 pounds lost, my scales keep floating up and down 4 or 5 pounds during the week. I really want to break 100 pounds. I love going out now and feeling comfortable and 'normal' in my clothes. I finally started taking the commuter bus now that I don't feel awkward about taking up more than 1 seat. I don't miss that shame at all.
Today is April 18, 2006 and I have just hit the 95 pound loss mark. I'm excited and happy. Easter was wonderful, new dress, new shoes, new life!! Size 20/22 jeans, 18 shirt.
Today is April 4, 2006. Spring is here and I feel great. I am working hard to maintain a consistent diet plan of protein, fruits, and veggies. I have a hard time taking calcium because it causes quite painful constipation. I now weigh 270, down 90 pounds from my top weight at time of surgery on October 18th. I am very grateful for this surgery and can easily say that it has changed my life and enabled me to start doing everything I put on hold because of my weight.
Today is March 8, 2006. I'm writing new entries from the top down so you don't have to scroll so much. Life is good. I weight 279 which is 81 pounds lost since Oct 18th. I feel good when I go out now because I know that whatever clothes I put on will not be too tight. About once a month I fill a bag with clothes that no longer fit and give them away. I am starting to put more effort in my appearance and wear more professional clothing to work now that I will wear stockings and dress shoes again. It's a very wonderful feeling and I'm so glad I had the surgery.
7/7/05 Age 35, 5'6", 350 lbs. My first step into the world of WLS surgery was my seminar and consultation with Dr. Afram in Washington, DC on 7/7/05, one day after my 35th birthday. I considered it my present to myself. Three days later I was approved, which scared me a bit...how did that happen so fast? I have spent several weeks attending support groups and reading emails on message boards.
7/27/05 Went to primary care provider, had a physical, and EKG, and a consult with a pulminologist. While it doesn't appear that I have sleep apnea from the interview, I will have a sleep test overnight at a local sleep lab. I am scared to have an upper GI. I have an appointment next week on 8/3/05 for sonogram, upper GI and chest xray. Except for blood work, that is everything the nurse told me to have as pre-operative testing.
7/28/05 Discussed surgery with my boss. Thankfully, Fred is a kind soul, one who believes that the best employee is one who takes care of their health first. He never complains or hesitates to allow staff sick leave. We discussed options for long term leave. I have 3 weeks of leave saved up and will work at home on medical flexiplace for 3 to 4 weeks, as allowed by the doctor.
7/30/05 While I have continued to keep my weekly personal trainer appointments at World Gym, something is happening to my food intake. I have been bingeing out of control. It started slowly at first, thinking about all the foods I could not have after surgery. I was obsessing on liquid diets and pureed foods. The stress of deciding whether I should have the surgery was leading me to binge more. Things really got out of control this weekend and I felt last night a pain in my abdomen near my belly button. My worst fear...I feel like I have a hernia. I started crying, once again trying to understand why I abuse my body like this. Now I am convinced that I will have the surgery. I am trying to figure out when to tell my family. We are very close knit...too close, we all live on a family farm each within walking distance of each other. I love being near my nieces and nephews and siblings, but we all know each other's business too. I am the heaviest person in my family, with brothers and in laws close to my weight but not quite.
8/1/05 Trying to cleanse my system with fruit, vegetables, and lower fat proteins, still have slight pain in abdomen, hope that it is from overload of cheese products and not hernia. Maybe will find out Wednesday during the sonogram or upper GI? I'm scared. I'm reading Susan Maria Leach's book Before and After WLS. Not everyone has the money to have her extravagant lifestyle post op, but I am happy that she wrote the book to show how life can improve, and I know it will. I want to wear a size 12 and feel energetic and not ashamed of my body.
8/3/05 Completed final round of pre-op tests. Upper GI was a struggle. I found it quite ironic that with my ability to eat most anything, I had such a hard time with drinking some barium. I did not enjoy that test but it is means to an end and I plan on seeing this through to the end. Considering waiting until 10/15/05 to have surgery due to work commitments. Still reading member bios everyday-thanks for your candor and honesty. What a journey.
8/4/05 Decided to take the plunge and set a date, called Dr. Afram's office and penciled in October 18, 2005. I scheduled my sleep test at St. Mary's Hospital for this Sunday night. Trying to wean myself off carbs, cut out caffeine, and watch sugar. Switched to green tea with no caffeine, rough morning!
8/5/05 Woke up feeling great about setting my surgery date. Went to my weekly personal trainer appt and feel good. Picked up my registration paperwork for sleep study at St. Mary's Hospital. Very glad I attended Afram's support group yesterday, though parking is a bear in his new location. It's metro from now on.
8/6/05 Told my sister in law Renee about my surgery. She is the family member that joined WW with me 2 years ago and she lost 90 lbs while I hovered at 18. I quit, she soared. Today, when I told her, she was excited for me. She asked me to wait till next summer so we could do it together, she has gained some of her weight back. I said I have to do it now or never, God willing. I tried the chat room on this website for the first time today. Actually, it's my first chat EVER! Just got DSL and now the world of web activity is growing! I was overwhelmed by the acceptance, help, support! It brought me to tears how something so personally painful (our obesity) can bring strangers together to heal, inside and out. I feel blessed to be part of this group.
8/7/05 Went to church today and was a bit stressed because the chair I sat in was so tight. I can't wait for chairs to fit my hips without pain and bruising. I was stressed today because I have decided that today is the day I tell my father about the decision to have WLS. So much of my life has been overshadowed by my father's inability to accept me and love my unconditionally at my weight. Weight has been the one area of my life that has not ended in success and that is what he has always focused on. We've come a long way in the last few years as I have started to change my reaction to his comments and concerns. Things also started to change when I started exercising regularly and losing some weight, but it was very slowly. So today, I invited him for dinner and right in the middle of his commentary on the Nascar race we were watching after dinner, I blurted out--I'm having gastric bypass surgery in October, just thought I'd let you know. Whew! It's out there in the open now. Well, I was amazed by his response. He asked if I had researched it thoroughly. He said that if this surgery is what I want and there's no fear or apprehension, then go for it. He was very interested in the actual surgery and wanted to know exactly what my new digestive system will be. I gave him some literature and we talked about the support group and the listserve and this website. He didn't realize it but he knows one of Afram's clients so that was a positive for Afram! His one word of advice was..know your anesthesiologist because he controls it all! We laughed a bit about making sure he's sober at the time of surgery. I thought the whole exchange went well. I'm sure it will take a few days to sink in then after some of his own research he will provide his own lecture and dissertation on the surgery (that's his style, with the best of intentions). But all in all, I think he is proud of the fact that I made a proactive decision to tackle my weight problem. I feel good today. Tonight I will go to the hospital for the sleep study for apnea. I never, never, ever sleep on my back so this will be a challenge. Whatever it takes...
8/8/05 Yawn. That sleep study was rough last night. How can anyone truly analyze your sleep pattern with glue on your scalp and tape on your face with wires going in all directions? And lest we forget the nose tubes. Uh, how can I get all the O2 I need if I have a plastic tube stuck up each nostril. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did, but I laughed at each stage of attaching wires to my head and face. I giggled and told the technician that the last entry on my profile entry said "whatever it takes" and that phrase truly applied to this situation. I slept for 2 hours, and had a back ache since I always sleep on my stomach with hands near my head. Wish I had taken a picture. Pulminologist will read results on Wednesday. Tech said that I did have a few stops in breathing but nothing even remotely worth worrying about especially with respect to the surgery. He was very interested in the surgery and thinks its a great solution for obesity. He does alot of sleep tests for WLS pre-op and knows several patients. He said not one of them ever told him they regret having the surgery. By the way, I just found out that another I know who had WLS had Afram as her surgeon. I did have one somber moment today, on my way back home from the hospital I started thinking about the letter I should write to my parents in case I don't make it through the surgery. My first sentence made me start crying so I had to stop thinking about it. Will work on that someday when I am more rested. I need a nap.
8/10/05 Trying to eat fruit everyday. Mega busy at work, I have a whole new attitude about meeting deadlines because now I am trying to work around this surgery date. The incentives are great. I will miss the support group this week because I am attending a Joyce Meyer Ministry Seminar in Fairfax, VA. I really need that support group, but will have to wait till next week. I discovered new message boards on this website and enjoying the communication about crafts and Christianity, as well as the WLS. My father still has not brought up the surgery and it has been 3 days since I told him...hmmm, not sure what that means. He usually takes a few days to digest what I've told him (no pun intended) then he responds. We'll see. I started the process of planning for my leave. Unlike some speedy recovery patients, I like to give myself a nice long slow time to recover and adjust. I plan on taking 3 weeks of sick leave and 4 weeks of working at home on a flexiplace schedule. I plan to work in DC one day per week so that I can attend the support group. I'm finding myself ordering dessert quite often, since I know that sugar will be removed from my diet after surgery. Back in 1997 I participated in a strict program within Overeaters Anonymous called HOW (acronym for honesty, openness, and willingness). Basically, you weighed and measured everything you ate according to a meal plan prescribed by a nutritionist and only ate what you "committed" to your sponsor on your morning phone call. That is how you maintained your abstinence from overeating. For a perfectionist like me, it was a failure waiting to happen. It was a way too rigid program with no room for slips. You were required to give up all sugar and alcohol so I did for 2 years. Living without sugar is very exhilarating and after a while I did loose the craving for it, so I know I can do it again. Right now though, the cravings are very powerful and I keep giving in to them. Each time I overeat sugar, I resign myself to the truth that I do need this surgery to teach me how to stop using food to cope with life.
8/17/05 Starting to tell more people closer in my circle of friends, mostly getting surprised and mixed reactions. Many are happy and scared for me, which is ok, because that's where I am too. I had dinner with my friend Bunny who had WLS 2 years ago (minus 112lbs). We talked about post-op diet quite a bit and I watched her eat a very small amount, but a bit of everything on her plate. She talked quite a bit so that is a key to her success in taking her time to eat. I on the other hand woofed down my dinner while intently listening. I have a subtle but sharp pain under my left rib cage which is annoying when I cough or sneeze. Not sure what that is. My sleep study results came back and I have mild apnea. The prognosis is good because weight loss will cause it to go away. I had a wonderful time at the Joyce Meyer conference in Fairfax VA even though my hotel room was filled with the stench of smoke which gave me migraines in the mornings. My 13 year old nephew Eric lacerated his spleen trying to do an aerial jump on his BMX bike and he has been hospitalized for 7 days now. I am praying for his recovery, he is a wonderful young man. I have been eating too much lately but am aware that I need to watch my sugar intake so I am trying to taper off. I made my final appointments for the nutritionist, surgeon, and psychiatrist in the coming weeks. I will have to pay a total cost of $1800 out of pocket for this surgery. God provision and timing is, as usual, impeccable because I have a settlement from a robbery that occured 3 years ago finally coming to me in the last week of October. Ironically, the full amount of restitution is $1800. Sigh of relief.
8/18/05 It's Thursday night and I just spent my entire day sleeping, bingeing, then sleeping some more. I called into work and said I needed to stay home. I did manage to drag myself out to a church meeting I needed to attend for our upcoming Women's conference but I felt very disconnected from the group. I am slowing creeping into a depression and I have to get myself out of it. I'm finding myself going from one fast food joint to the next, eating in my car where no one can see me and there's no evidence left behind. After all my progress with the gym and watching my food intake, it's like I've slowly drifted back into overeating. My goal right now is to just make it past tomorrow without cancelling my personal training appointment at the gym. I haven't been able to attend Afram's support group for a few weeks and I do feel disconnected even though I read all the emails from list serve members. I attended a local support group in Charles County last night. I was shocked when the leader went on and on about how hungry she is all the time and now, after loosing 150 pounds five years ago, has all the same struggles to not overeat. That discourages me because with my mindset the way it is right now, I am scared that I will do the same thing. I want this surgery to jumpstart my new lifestyle, but I haven't followed through with any other new "thing" in my life, so why this? I have to get a grip...no more sinking deeper into depression. On one hand I end every night thinking, yes, I am a candidate for this surgery because of my behavior with food these past few weeks. On the other hand I wonder if it's all worth it. But I'm not turning back, I am going to have the surgery and work hard and pray that I don't lose hope.
8/22/05 Today was my eye-opener for sure. My nephew Eric, 13 years old and knows everything about cell phones, was checking my new one out. I don't use half of what it can do, so he was showing me some of the features. It has a camera in it and I was able to take a pic of my cat Lucia and make it the wallpaper. He showed me that it can also take short videos. I didn't even realize that he was taking a video while we were sitting on the couch wathcing TV. There I was, lying back in my comfortable recliner couch and he was taping. When he played it back for me, I was mortified. After he left, I watched it again...and again...and again. I had no idea that I looked like this. I felt so bad today, but it still didn't motivate me to make wise choices with dinner. I know I am the world's number one candidate for WLS. It was a rough evening but I am glad I am documenting this because someday I want to look back and see what once was...but will never be again. I've tried a few chat rooms and they are interesting. I read the Afram list serve exchanges but feel like there's nothing more I can ask of these people that they haven't probably answered a hundred times. I have learned so much from this website. I posted a TLC needed message on the Christianity messageboard hoping for some responses.
8/23/05 Visited Dr. Afram's office today for my psychological evaluation, which went very smoothly for me. I never seem to have had the problem of holding back either with therapists one-on-one or in support groups. I am thankful for that because there is so much healing in getting all that "stuff" out from inside you. Dr. Cohn conducted the evaluation after I completed the 150 question examination. I was glad to see a familiar face since she facilitates the weekly support group. Just inside of one hour I spilled out my whole life related to food, family, relationships, self esteem, etc. I'm not suffering from severe depression but I can dip down into periods of depression if I am not careful with bingeing and sleeping and hiding in my house for isolation. Right now I am doing well and forging ahead with my pre-op preparation. I scheduled my consult with Dr. Buras and the nutritionist for October 6th. The only remaining appointments to make are to complete the blood work closer to the surgery date.
8/29/05 I'm grateful for the few responses I got back from the message boards, they definitely spoke truth to me. My diet has still been very erratic. I know that I am stressing because each step of this pre-operative process triggers emotions in me that inevitably are dealt with via food. I look forward to experiencing life without that habit. I scheduled my pre-admission consult with George Washington University Hospital for Oct 6th. They have to do a blood test to know what blood type to have on hand in case of emergency. I also filled out pre-admission forms online with GW but need to followup with that because I haven't received an email confirmation. I want to feel more connected to the group. I don't know what to ask the messageboards...but some part of me wants to stay connected everyday. Today my feet and ankles were swollen and I am not sure why. Last year I suffered from this symptom almost monthly; however, since I started exercising and losing some weight, it went away. I guess my eating this month has put weight back on and part of it is hormonal too. Just trying to stay positive and be open and willing to pursue whatever God's will is for me!
8/30/05 Some things I look forward to: fitting comfortably in theatres (movie and concert halls) and stadium seating, being able to fly on an airplane without buying two seats, riding the commuter bus with enough room for someone to use the seat next to me, fitting in a chair with arm rests, not sweating on short walks in the spring/summer, wearing stylish clothing, wearing attractive and feminine sandals, wearing boots in the winter that fit my calf, wearing stockings again without rubbing inner thighs, going swimming without shame, buying a piece of clothing without an X on the tag, maybe, just maybe be asked out on a date. I want to go dancing with a group of friends. I want to be normal. When you are obese, you think you would stand out...it's just the opposite in many cases...you are treated like you are not even there. I just want to blend in with the crowd and not feel like a freak who only surrounds herself with that safe group that she's created, like my mother and family members and a few close friends. I am blessed to have friends like Grace, Amy Jo, Kandi, Jon, and Chris who show me what it is to love unconditionally.
9/2/05 OK, August is finished, one more month to go, plus two weeks. All my activities that break for the summer are gearing up now and I will be super busy now. I volunteer with a girl's youth group called Job's Daughters and I am a member of Eastern Star in Julia Halla Chapter 107 in Hollywood, MD. Each meets twice a month, so my calendar is filling up. I'm starting to compile the paperwork needed to request medical flexiplace. My boss is ok with me working at home as long as the surgeon thinks I should. It was recommended I ask for more than less, so I requested 6 weeks. Right now I am grieving for the victims suffering from the hurricane in New Orleans, Gulf Port, and Mobile. So much devastation and suffering. I wish there was more I could do but giving financially is my best course of action and I encourage everyone to give to the American Red Cross. God please protect those still stranded and strengthen those who are on the front lines rescueing people.
9/10/05 Work has been quite busy as I prepare for upcoming time off. Dr. Buras has written me a letter to work at home for 8 weeks. Thank God DOE has a medical flexiplace program in place, this will give me all the time I need to recuperate and learn how to eat post surgery. I have to make the effort to keep food in the house and not rely on something on the road. I have a feeling that the local Chinese restaurant will be selling a lot of wonton soup and egg drop soup. Well, I guess I sound like a broken record when I say that my eating has still been somewhat out of control. When I get deep into poor eating, I actually move towards malnutrition because I start to eat poorly balanced meals such as chocolate chip cookie dough. Why does a single woman with no kids need a BJ's and Sam's club wholesale warehouse card? Well, it's got to change. My sister asked me if I was counting the days, but I'm not. I don't think I realize just what I am in for. I read the newly posted century club members' profiles everyday (on the before/after photo page of this site) for inspiration and information. I cringe when I hit one that experienced complications after surgery. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I probably have gained back the 15 or so pounds I lost recently on Weight Watchers due to me lack of caring about my food intake. Trying to get back on track. Everyday is new opportunity to get on track!!
9/14/05 I wish my surgery was today! I think of WLS everyday. I read new century club member profiles everyday. I obsess over food that I won't be able to eat post of everyday. I usually end up eating those foods everyday too. The novelty of pre-op planning is wearing off. I am in the process of writing a will. Since I am not married and have no kids, I have my nieces and nephews to consider. Since we all live on a family farm, I want to make sure my house is paid off so I am looking into life insurance. I have to consider the fact that I could possibly not make it through WLS, though my health has been very good up to this point (aside from the weight). I have so many activities I've volunteered for recently, so I am mega busy. And that is good because it makes the time go by faster.
9/29/05 Whew! I made it through the county fair--an exhausting 4 days of working the arts & crafts building and selling funnel cakes in 90 degree heat. I am so glad that next year this time I will not feel like this--totally fatigued and exhausted. Some 65 year olds out worked me! I have 19 days to go. Still writing a will. I'm not as worried that I might die during the surgery now. But I still want to get my affairs in order so that no one in my family is burdened. I'm going to a support group meeting today, which I really need. I enjoy more and more communicating through the Christianity messageboard, which I check and try to post on daily. Hopefully my leave and medical flexiplace application will be approved so that I can work at home for 8 weeks. As of today, I've completed all my annual reports for work!! Yahoo!
10/4/05 It's now October and I am getting a bit nervous about the surgery. Still waiting for management to approve my medical flexiplace work status, but it will all work out I'm sure. What am I doing? I can do this!! I finished my will and living will. It was very hard because you really write it from the perspective that Oct 18 is possibly the last day of your life. I tried to get a little more life insurance to cover my house mortgage so that my family would not have to absorb that debt, but after about 50 questions, I had to answer yes to future surgery in the next 2 months. I couldn't lie, they always find out stuff. So you can't get insurance usually until 6 months after gastric bypass surgery. Bummer. But all is in God's hands and I know whatever His will is for me will be the right thing. 14 days to go.
10/11/05 One week to go. I am stressed because I have too many commitments this week and no time to just wind down and focus on preparing for my stay in the hospital and afterward at home. My church is having a women's conference this weekend and I volunteer to do some of the prep work. I also have a friend coming from VA to stay at my house and go to the conference. My home group is meeting Monday night to pray for me, that I am happy about. Had my surgical consult with Dr Buras and feel a bit more at ease. I have 4 prescriptions to fill and not sure what to do about vitamins. I have my nutritionist consult on Thursday and hope to be much more at ease after that appointment. I'm nervous and wondering what I've gotten myself into.
10/13/05 Today is my last day commuting to Washington DC until the end of the year. My office director finally approved 2 weeks sick leave and 8 weeks medical flexiplace (work at home). Yahoo! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I can really start preparing for this surgery, just 5 days away. Sometimes I think to myself that I must be crazy, but I want to be happy and healthy and I can't do that at 350 pounds. The friends I meet on the Christianity messageboard are fabulous. Also, a fellow patient of Dr. Afram's has created a wonderful resource website about her weight loss surgery called www.theroadtothin.com. Check it out, it covers everything!
10/17/05 Night before my surgery. Today I had my favorite meal, my mother's old time breakfast. I had some lightly fried potatoes wht onions, easy over eggs, gravy and a nice piece of homemade sausage. For dinner I had some light tomato soup and a nice dessert of chocolate creme pie. My church home group and some friends got together at a friend's house and prayed over me. It was very calming and wonderful experience. And I felt so ready. I was ready for the shame and burden of my obesity to be lifted once and for all the next morning. On my way home from this meeting, I hit a deer on a back road. Sadly, a state trooper had to put the deer down with a rifle. That sent me into a whole new anxiety experience. Here I was all ready to go into surgery and bang, something tragic happens. But I calmed down and got home and cried for awhile. My family comforted me.
10/18/05 Heading off to surgery with my mom and best friend Jon. I could not do this without them by my side.
10/21/05 Thank God this is over. Whew! I'm in pain but glad it's over. ICU was rough, I could not my oxygen numbers to stay up and started having anxiety attacks over my breathing, which hurt alot. I'm home now and glad to be, getting better by the hour. Pain meds are helpful and juice and water are getting in ok. Will check in again soon. It's so nice to be on this side of the surgery for a change.
11/7/05 Almost 3 weeks out from surgery and all is not well. I am nauseous and have no appetite. I have a hard time getting enough fluids in and even harder time with the protein shakes. I have some anxiety over malnutrition and dehydration but I just keep plugging along. Yesterday a friend doctored up a protein shake for me which I did not think to do. I was able to drink most of it. Thank God. I've lost about 30 pounds so far and feel weak and tired most of the time. I know this will pass. Someone asked me if this surgery was worth it. I told them to ask me again in about 2 months.
11/08/05 Last night I watched a TLC show on the Obesity epidemic in the US. I feel so sad for those that struggle with obesity, while we need to exercise and eat less, there is research on genetics and depression that lead to obesity. One man described the vicious cycle of depression and overeating that just feed each other until he was bed-ridden and over 1,000 pounds. I know without this surgery I would probably hit 500 pounds within the next 5 to 10 years. The show did talk about gastric bypass and showed the surgery, the open RNY, not the laparascopic. I had no idea how invasive it was with this little 4 inch incision. WOW. I feel a bit better today having taken my trinsicon and part of a protein shake in the morning. I could not do this without my supportive Mom and family, friends, and OH friends to be there when I need a pick me up or prayer. I pray everyday for health and vitality and am eternally grateful for every day that I have!
11/10/05 I think I am starting to feel human again. Yesterday and today I have been able to drink about 1 cup of protein drink. I mix Lactaid with vanilla Designer Whey and 5 blueberries and 2 t of Splenda and crushed ice. It stays down!!! Thank God. I had chicken noodle soup (minus the noodle) last night and felt great. I also was able to drink 3 cups of water. Well below recommended but it's an improvement for me. I'm handling the Trinsicon well and found a vitamin from CVS that is very very small and digestable. THanks for friends who've gone before us and share their experiences!! I think it is safe to say that I feel more well today than I do nauseous. I go for my 4 week check up tomorrow. Yahoo. Can't wait to be weighed, I can tell my shoes fit better now.
11/15/05 Feeling better everyday. I have very little nausea and wa able to eat chicken salad or tuna salad on crackers and very thinly sliced bread. I am looking forward to more food choices. I tried a cheese omelet last night but unfortunately it came back up. The dumping happens within 10 minutes and lasts only a few minutes then I vomit. Yuk. I hate that feeling. I find that I am scared to try new foods because it is so discouraging to dump. I'm not trying things that would cause dumping (like chocolate or high fat food) just regular new items. But it's ok, time will heal.
11/16/05 Hallelujah!! I have lost 40 pounds. Last night I went to my nephew's choral concert and usually I barely fit into the auditorium seats and there's always pain in my hips because they press against the seats. Last night I fit!!! I was in no pain. I was so happy, my family thought I was crazy, but my mom understood. She's been with me so many times in theatres or events like this where I share with her how much pain I am in and how much I hate myself for being that way. Now, things are changing. I also wore a pair of sandals that I have not worn in 4 years because my feet no longer swell!
11/20/05 I go back for my 2 week check up on Dec 2nd so I don't know my exact weight loss. My home scale just started working (it only went up to 325). Today it said 315!!!!! Amazing. I really need to get to my support group and now that I am starting to feel a lot better with my appetite and able to make more food choices, I will try to get to a group this week. I find something new in my closet daily that I haven't worn in years and now it fits. It's like going shopping in my closets!
People at church are starting to notice a difference in my face and body. It is very exciting. I am so happy and grateful for this surgery. And everytime I think about where I am now, I know that it won't stop there...like all my diets did after a brief weight loss. There's not quitting now. And I am finding myself very content with my chicken salad and crackers, which has become my mainstay right now. . I went to Ruby Tuesday's after church today and has the chicken chili, a delicious thick soup with chicken, white navy beans, and a bit of spice. I ate it very slowly because I haven't had too much luck with new food items. But it worked. It was not easy watching my nephew eat a nice juicy burger and fries. But I was ok.
11/29/05 Thanksgiving was great, I helped with dinner and just didn't have the same cravings and desires I used to have with food. I did have a little potatoes, ham and turkey. I was very content.
Since Friday after Thanksgiving, I have not felt well. I feel like I need to vomit all the time. I wake up in the morning and gag. I dry heave. I vomit most of my meals. My surgeon said that I might have some gastritis since I just started introducing new foods and my have aggravated the pouch. It is discouraging because I hate to vomit. I want this phase to pass, but I know it will. Nausea is not fun. But losing 45 pounds is and being able to walk up and down my stairs without getting short of breath is fun! Being able to put my shoes and socks on without pain in the hips is fun too. I am happy I made the decision to have this surgery. When all else fails, this option is wise.
12/6/05 I have made it past my gastritic stage, I think I just added a few things that had too much fat...like turkey gravy and some french fries from Lonestar restaurant. I have to be careful! On Dec 2, I had my 6 week check up and have lost 52 pounds. That is amazing to me. I feel good and can really see the difference and feel the difference in my clothes. It's just so nice to wake up every morning and put on clothes that I know will fit, not be tight because I've binged the night before. Shoes will fit, even my underwear fit better---I think we all have a few pairs that fit, a few that are a bit too snug, you know how that happens. Well they all fit now! I'm excited for the future. I know this time the changes are going to happen! Life is good and I'm excited about Christmas coming. God bless all.
12/26/05 Christmas came and now it's back to work for me. After 8 weeks of working at home, tomorrow I will start back commuting to DC. I will have to start getting up at 4 and working 6 to 3:30. I am up for the challenge, but I have to start packing snacks becuase I get very hungry every two hours. Fortunately it does not take much, a piece of cheese and cracker or slice of turkey. Prep work will be an adjustment for me. According to my home scale, which I tried to calibrate to my doctor's one, I have lost 60 pounds. Astonishing. I had a good Christmas with family and friends. It was nice to go to several parties and functions and not once feel self conscious about my weight because of how I felt because of binging.
12/28/05 First day back in DC and getting up at 4:15 was not fun. I was so worried I would not wake up that I woke up 3 times during the night. I have started to revisit the before/after photo page. This helps me read profiles, which I find very educational. I read tons of them before the surgery and it is so wierd to be on the other side now reading them like kindred spirits. I have so much to be thankful for. I brought snacks to work in case I get hungry (shaved turkey on toast). Thanks to CSnyder I found www.fitday.com where I am tracking my daily food intake to make sure I get enough protein. I'm excited because I will be attending two different women's conferences this year, one in Jan and one in March. I have several local churches in MD-VA-DC area that have conferences and they are such a nice weekend away from it all, and a great spiritual refresher. It helps me socialize too and its a safe place to be. I have several friends at work who really make me feel great about my progress though no one so far that did not know about the surgery has approached me. I still am 300 pounds after all, but I have lost 60 pounds and for that I am very excited about. I have gathered about 6 trash bags of clothes that don't fit anymore. I purchased a few new pieces for work and got a few shirts for Christmas. I was astonished to buy a 18/20 jacket. I was in a 26/28. I would like to find a charity that provides clothes to women in need of work clothes because I have lots of very nice work outfits, dresses, skirts, pants, and blouses in 26/28 or 3X. My goal is to wear clothes that have no X in the size label. When that happens I will cry like a baby but be happy!!!
1/2/06 I'm recovering from New Year's Eve. My best friend and I decided to go to a night club in DC that is being demolished to build the new baseball stadium. He took me there 17 years ago when I was 18 for the first time and we haven't been back since. So we thought it would be interesting and I have not been out for New Year's Eve in probably 17 years. Well, I totally forgot that the club would be full of smokers. Three hours of smoke filled room and I was a mess. It was fun to go to the club and dance and watch the show; however, I had a migraine for 7 hours the day after. I was miserable. I drank water while my friends had their nice sugary drinks and that was ok. Though I do remember enjoying the show more the first time...and I was probably a bit tipsy so the smoke didn't bother me. It was very hard not to take ibuprophen for my headache. I just suffered through it and tried to sleep. So now that it's the Monday after New Year's I am almost back to feeling normal. I am going to the gym today. No more playing around with my exercise. I have to make this a priority. I'm wondering if I am eating too many carbs. I am in a bit of a plateau right now, hovering at 297 for a couple of weeks. I do eat white bread with turkey. It was suggested that I try wrapping turkey in lettuce leaves instead. My brain is telling me that if I am eating less in quantity, why should it matter? I will try the lettuce.
1/4/06 Wednesday. Midweek and I am bored at work. It is a slow time of year and keeping busy would make the time go by faster. I am back to reading the profiles of new century club members on a daily basis. It is very inspirational. Today I wore a new outfit, size 18/20 blazer and size 22 jeans. I was wearing size 28 jeans, if I was lucky to find a pair that fit my hips. I feel very good. Co-workers are commenting and it feels surreal. But I still find myself obsessing over my hips and big rear end. I need to focus on progress and not become so vain. Last night when I went to bed, I just noticed how much easier I maneuver getting into bed. I used to have a hard time swinging my legs up on the bed because of the huge layers of fat around my stomach. I'm noticing the difference now, especially since the exercise is making me more limber. I am so grateful for this surgery. Last night I touched base with a friend who hasn't called since before the surgery. She is overweight and had a dozen questions. I found myself very excited to relate all my experiences thus far. The more I talk about this surgery, the more I realize that it truly saved my life. I'm happy to be alive today.
1/5/06 Thursday. I have two pieces of good news to share. To celebrate progress, I checked out my Body Mass Index. When I started this process, it was 58. Now that I have lost approximately 60 pounds, it is down to 47.4. I am celebrating a 10 point drop!!! The second piece of good news is that I need to buy new bras. I'm noticing that I'm looking a bit droopy in my new shirts. It occurs to me that at 350, I was wearing such big oversized shirts to cover my hips and apparently that roll of fat under my breasts was holding up my boobs. Now that abdominal area is smaller and gravity is working. I'm also noticing that my choices in shirts are different and tend to be more form fitting; therefore, wearing a bra that fits properly is more important now than before. My gift to myself is to shop for a bra in a shop that actually knows how to properly measure for proper bra fittings. I'm excited about the progress.
1/10/06 Tuesday. This past weekend was a bit challenging. I started having a migraine Saturday and by Sunday was completely out of commission. I didn't sleep well at all Saturday night so Sunday I was very cranky and tired. I also noticed a lot of muscle pain. I had quite a work out on Monday, but to have achy joints 6 days later? That seems odd to me. I slept most of Sunday evening and Monday. I did go to the gym on Monday and stretching out helped. I think I might be getting a bit dehydrated and that concerns me. I've noticed that while I tend to always have a bottle of water with me, I don't ever quite finish it. I've gotten used to not drinking with meals or soon thereafter, and that's when I used to down several cups at a time pre-surgery. So maybe that is where the headaches are coming from. I just have an all over feeling of imbalance--so I am going to be more diligent with my protein and water intake. I am still stuck on a plateau between 294 and 295 pounds. It's driving me crazy. Tomorrow is my 3 month check up and I am excited to check in, post my new weight loss total, and get some questions answered about my headaches.
1/11/06 Wednesday. Almost 3 months out and I have officially lost 65 pounds exactly. Dr Afram scolded me for using a scale at home. I am to only weigh at his office!! He's right, because I started obsessing over a plateau. But as put it, 13 pounds since the previous appointment is nothing to complain about. He said that I am right on track. Attended the support group today and was glad to be able to share with pre-op patients. This was my first group since the surgery! I have on pants today that actually I should not be wearing because they are literally falling off me. These pants used to be too tight, but I held on to them anyway. Now I have to toss them too. I am excited to share my clothes with a friend in VA who is interested in taking some. I've never given away clothes because they were too big. Another first!!
1/17/06 Just got back from a retreat with a friend in Massanetta Springs in Harrisonburg VA. The retreat center caters each meal. While I am doing well with restaurants, I found eating here very difficult. For example, breakfast was pancakes, bacon, or cereals and whole milk. I had a slice of bacon and felt very sick. Another day the only protein choice for dinner was roast beef. I am not eating red meat for an entire year because I do not want to go through the pain of trying to digest it. I also found myself nibbling on chocolate this past weekend. I realized that after all I've gone through with major abdominal surgery, I still fight the process of loosing weight. I'm sure most overweight people will admit that though we want to be thin and healthy, there are psychological reasons why we self sabotage the process and keep the weight on. I am afraid of success. Maybe because I've always thought that I could not succeed. Maybe I'm afraid of what lies ahead so I eat to avoid it. I have started journaling about this and will attend support groups to get feedback, because I know this is not an isolated problem. Today I feel great in a new outfit. Yesterday I bought clothes from Old Navy. I've always been too large for their clothes but today I am wearing a little tank top and courdoroy blazer with jeans. The jeans are size 22 that I got from Avenue.
1/18/06 Three month anniversary, down 70 pounds. This is miraculous in my opinion. But I am working hard too, now exercising more at the gym. I am happy.
1/19/06 Thurs. I am working with a woman who is a professional trainer but also works with clients on other aspects of recovery from WLS such as diet and mental health. I call her my 'wellness coach' and it is really helping. I keep a daily food journal that includes time of day, food, qty, where I am eating, who I am eating with, and my mood or feelings about the meal/situation. It's quite a job but I do it at the end of every night and it is really showing me some trends. While I avoid sugar, I do have a little bit of chocolate every day. Like 6 M&Ms or one Ferrer Rocher candy, so the quantities are great improvements over pre-surgery consumption, but the fact is that I am still eating chocolate and I need to figure out why I am playing around with snacking. Meals are still healthy and small but this chocolate things is getting out of hand. I journal weekly about 'issues' which simply do not go away just because you have gastric bypass. After all, this is not brain surgery!
Monday 1/23/06 Well, I am having a bad day! I went to the gym this morning for an aerobics class and while doing lunges, my left leg muscles simply gave out. I fell on the floor and landed on my right knee which now hurts like hell. The only time it does not hurt is when my knee is completely straight. I can't bear weight on it at all when it is bent. I aced bandaged it and iced and hope that tomorrow it will not hurt as bad. I talked to a trainer and she is concerned that I damaged the miniscus muscle. I was so humiliated when I fell, I cried. This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I was doing so well with my exercise, walking a lot on the treadmill and attending this class on Mondays. But I won't give up. I may have to see my doctor tomorrow. I am continuing to keep my food journal and am ok with the chocolate issue. I am not overeating at all and I feel great. My energy levels are high and I am excited about the future.
Wednesday 2/1/06 I can't believe it's February already. I have been losing weight slowing. Have my 4 month follow up on the 15th. I had to buy some pants last night, I am running out of clothes that fit. I bought a pair of size 24 pants, which is quite an improvement considering that I was wearing 26/28 pants that were stretch only. I stopped shopping at Lane Bryant altogether because 28 jeans didn't even fit. Unless it was polyester/cotton knit, I didn't wear them so I am not even sure what size I was on the bottom. I was wearing a 3X or 26 shirt, now I can usually fit into an 18/20. I did buy myself some new jewelry, I love silver and I never used to own bracelets because they so rarely fit my wrist. Now I have a new bracelet and ring and it makes me happy. I'm worth it! I went this past weekend to see Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman and Louie Giglio in concert. They are Christian worship leaders and the concert was outstanding. I had a blast and realized that I enjoyed it much more since I was not as self conscious about my body. I am definitely getting out more and doing more things socially with friends. I have a friend at church who is helping me weekly via emails on issues that come up regarding weight loss, changes in emotions, accountability for exercise! Though I am definitely more motivated to exercise, it is still a challenge for me. But I am determined to stay on track and make this lifestyle change last.
2/7/06 Yesterday was my father's 66th birthday. He asked me how my recovery is going with the weight loss surgery. I said things were going very well. He said that my weight loss and subsequent happiness is the best birthday gift he could recieve. That made me very happy. I continue to walk for exercise and my knee is improving.
2/14/06 Happy Valentine's Day. I feel great, I have lost a few more pounds and have been exercising regularly. I have made some adjustments to my diet, taking white bread out! I started noticing that I was eating 1 to 2 slices per day on sandwiches. I also started noticing strong cravings for sugar. Go figure. I eliminated for the most part the sandwiches and went back to eating my protein plain or with some cheese. I noticed that my sugar cravings lessened too. I still enjoy a good piece of high quality chocolate, usually dark.
I hope my new pictures show up soon, I put the link to the pictures at the top of the page.
2/16/06 Thursday. Doing well, still keeping a good watch on my diet tracking my meals in a journal everyday. Last night I celebrated with a friend at a Lebanese restaurant. I was worried about menu choices but the reality is that most WLS patients can enjoy restaurants with no worry. Most of the food was grilled or rotisserie and salads and spreads like hummus are very good for us. I notice the there's more room for conversation when I eat with friends now because I eat slowly and nibble here and there. Eating now is such a carefree enjoyable experience now because I now fit into a booth comfortably so I am not feeling bad about that. And I don't feel that self consciousness that I used to feel all the time when in public. Freedom to be who I was made to be!! I've lost 80 pounds so far and I am excited about the future.
2/21/06 Tuesday. Yesterday I shopped till I dropped! I went to a local outlet mall with my Mom and sis-in-law and didn't plan on buying much. I tried on so many new clothes!! It's been so many years since shopping was enjoyable. So long since clothes that are trendy even fit! I bought a new dress, skirt, jacket, and a spring coat. Everything is full of color too! I was one of those 'wear black all the time' people, but no longer. It was a happy day.
3/1/06 Wearing another new outfit today and feeling great. Had my surgical consult today and the scale shows 279, that's 81 pounds lost since Oct 18th. What a miracle. I feel fantastic. Yesterday I bought a spring dress in size 20. I was wearing a 28! Feeling better physically is the best motivation to continue to stick to a program of diet and exercise. I stay away from high fat foods with ease because I know they give me a stomach ache. My belief is that as long as I continue to avoid the high fat high sugar items, my body will always reject them if I go over too much. Too much playing around with bad foods and I will become accustomed to them and tolerant. That's when the weight comes back on. Oddly enough I have been able to treat myself to small pieces of chocolate in moderation without discomfort. And I am glad because it is so delicious--in small quantities. It's my special treat--but because I don't eat a lot of carbs, I don't crave chocolate much.
About Me
Mechanicsville, MD
Location
43.1
BMI
Surgery
10/18/2005
Surgery Date
Jul 24, 2005
Member Since
